I walked out of my tiny, one room apartment into the cold, crisp air for a cigarette. I don't know when I made the decision to start smoking, but I did. I wrapped my knee-length sweater around me, and exhaled a cloud of smoke. Every time I exhaled I imagined a pain filled thought go up in smoke. Disappearing forever. But no matter how many clouds of smoke I blew, there was still never ending pain.
After he left me nothing mattered… Not even Charlie. I moved out, and quit school, spending most of my time doing dangerous, and adrenaline pumping things, because when I did this, I saw him. His voice would whisper to be careful… to not be stupid. But I couldn't stop whatever it took to see him I would do. I didn't realize I had smoked the cigarette down to the filter until it burned my lips, I put it out and walked back inside. The warmth of my apartment hit me the moment I stepped inside, and reminded me of Jake. I sighed mentally and realized I had been so depressed the past week I haven't even called him. I knew I had to see him, and if I didn't soon he would come looking for me, but I just didn't have the energy. Somewhere along the lines, I decided to go pay him a surprise visit… even if he was out with the wolves.
"BELLA!" Jake yelled, hopping down the stairs towards my truck. I got out of my truck and ran to him, "Oh Jake, I missed you so much! I'm sorry I didn't call," I held on to him, pulling him closer and soaking in his warmth. "I swear one day Bells, I'm going to lose it if you keep showing up half dressed." I frowned, and realized I only had on a mid-thigh length sweater, black tights, and combat boots. He smiled and pulled me closer to him, before releasing me. "Loose it? I can't imagine that, I'm not the same anymore…" I trailed off, before I could let myself bring him up again, but Jake noticed. A low, deep growl bubbled up from his Chest and he yelled at me, catching me off guard, "Not every ounce of you left with him Bella!" I flinched at his words, at the fact that he even mentioned him. I stared at Jacob in shock, I was so still at the moment that if I hadn't felt my heart beating wildly, I might of believe I was a vampire.
"Jake, i…"
"Save it, Bells," he said, pain and rage clearly displayed on face. I sighed and took his hand, "Im sorry, I didn't mean to… to... to mention him" I stuttered out, breathing unevenly.
Jake cupped my face in his hands, and looked into my eyes like he could see right through me. Like he used.
"Bella, I could give you so much more… I could give you life. But yet I still sit here and try to be your friend, to be your best friend, hoping one day you'll notice that I… that I… that I LOVE you Bella! I love you." And with that, he kissed me.