Prologue
Beautiful Disaster
Written: September 15, 2007

There was once a time in my life when I had been so torn and so unaware of my own emotions; when I had been so unconsciously willing to risk a lot just to give in to what my subconscious screams. But, I suppose, I would never regret being ignorant through those times, for it had been the reason why I now knew every depth of a certain someone, someone by the name of Li Syaoran.

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know

Who was he, by the way? He, from what I could tell in the background, was a great dreamer, with no any imaginable limitations at all. I have heard him say once his motto – I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul – and was very moved at how his stoic face expressed his determination, the portrait of his dormant action.

But, when you're that much of a dreamer, there can be more situations that would more affect you. Since your standards tend to be as high as your dream, your performance and everything else, too, shall be as high as both of them or even higher. For, if not, then for sure, you can almost feel a part of your dream crumbling down. In simpler terms you become more sensitive and more aware of every uphill and especially the downhill climb.

In that area, he seemed to be like some other humans, wavering at one speculating look. But what makes him uniquely him was when he gets over it, he gets over it well; he first finds out how to correct the error and bare it in mind. Never in the ten years I've been with him did I notice any two same mistakes.

He's as damned as he seems
More heaven than a heart could hold

And through those ten years together, I have been a witness of almost all the chapters in his life. I have seen him laugh like the cold Li never did and I have seen him cry like the emotionless Li never did; for I didn't know him as either the cold or emotionless Li heir, but as the simple Syaoran who was heavily molded into one.

It actually made me sympathetic the first time I saw him, since I could see his awkwardness to the point of pity, rather than his sure upright posture. I had only imagined what it would be like, sitting in front of deceitful stock holders, discussing serious problems, as well as detecting who's behind his back.

But, I guess, I had been so used to the image of him with a very neat suite that I had become shocked when I saw him in solitude. Somehow, he never ceased to amaze me, especially in this memory, when I had seen him taking in all the beauty of a paradise that only he could see. Since then, I never wondered why he insisted on taking fine arts; he just had a special eye to see heaven on earth.

And not only that, for I have also delved upon the inner childlike Syaoran to bet with all my life that if ever he wasn't raised as he was, then he could have been even more carefree than I am. And that's a lot.

But if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in

So since I was gifted with the knowledge of his inner suffering, I was also cursed with a great inner turmoil: to risk or to let him be. For once in my life, I was offered to risk it all just to be given a chance to save him.

I had known from the start that he was going to use me; it was an unsaid understanding between the two of us, but I couldn't help myself from wondering, would it really turn out okay? … would I be able to save him from his great responsibility? … or would I risk my life for nothing?

It just ain't right
But it just ain't right

Was it really not right that I had taken a risk? And to what extent did it really turn out?

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658 words (lyrics and title excluded)