I swear to you all…if you try this fic, you will like it. If you're the humorous type, anyway. I've had this idea rolling around in my head for a while now, and I just had to put it down and see if it works. It's essentially Laura (X-23) running around with Deadpool as a voice in her head. I figured it wouldn't work with just anyone; it had to be an odd couple sort of pairing. Hence the use of Laura Kinney. Hopefully, I'll still be true to her character and I won't break the fourth wall as often as you'd think. The key is the timing and subtlety. Also, it may be a Helix story. Or not. Ask nicely and I may consider it. Let's start this show!

Chapter One: What the…Fudge!

Laura snarled as she leapt at a man pointing a gun at her, slicing the gun into pieces as well as slashing the man's midsection in rapid succession. Completing the action by executing a perfect tuck and roll, she came to a crouching position a few feet away from man, who was now lying on the floor, screaming and clutching his bloody stomach. People seemed to be running past quite slowly toward the exit behind her, but she knew it was due to the adrenaline pumping through her blood at the moment. She took a quick assessment of her surroundings before attempting anything further. There were six men in total—not counting the one she had just put down—who all held automatic weapons, and their assumed leader had forcedly taken the bank manager into the safe approximately 10.6 seconds ago. Three of the men were at the moment, unsuccessfully trying to get the people under control again, whilst trying to get a clearer shot at her. Laura shook her head inwardly—she had eliminated targets at further distances under even more unsuitable conditions.

The other three men were rushing at a man who was costumed in red garb, with black designs all over it, a man she recognized as the mercenary known as Deadpool. He had drawn twin Katana's and was saying something that she didn't pay attention too, as she turned back to her assailants. She had to focus.

"Y'know, if you guys happen to be cashiers at this bank, then I am so complaining to the manager" Deadpool said, as he leapt above one goon, slicing off the arm that held his gun, then kicking his face in. "Right after I finish dismembering you" He had landed several feet in front of another incoming goon, swiftly throwing one of the blades for his head, hitting him in between the eyes with deadly accuracy. "Eat your heart out, Bullseye".

Suddenly he felt himself lift of the floor, and then fall to it as the last thug that was focused on him, emptied half a clip into him from a distance. He had already started bleeding profusely from countless bullet wounds, seeing as he was hit in a few vital organs and his vision of the bank's ceiling was suddenly obscured by the image of his assaulter. He was, however, not what Deadpool expected. His mask was off and he looked like he was barely passed the legal R-rated movie watching age. Plus he was sniveling, barely able to keep himself from shaking as he pointed the gun at Deadpool's head.

"I-I-I'm-I'm s-sorry, Mr. Deadpool. I only did that so you wouldn't, like, y'know, kill me"

"You know who I am?"

"Su-sure I do. You're kinda famous. For, y'know, killing people. P-p-please d-don't be mad that I shot you"

"Are you kidding? This is your big chance kid. You're about to waste Deadpool! There's probably chics watching! Stand up straight!"

The boy appeared to stop shaking and his face seemed to lighten up a bit. "Really?" he asked as he sniffed a bit

"Would I lie to you, kid? You're gonna be on Ricki Lake!...wait, that is where the famous people get interviewed, right?"

The boy shook his head in confusion, just as they both heard a sickening piercing sound. The boy looked down at his stomach, following Deadpool's gaze—and was stunned to see two claws protruding out of his gut. He looked at Deadpool, his mouth agape, about to say something when he promptly crumpled to the floor unconscious.

"Sorry kid. That's what happens when you get into showbiz" Deadpool said as he gingerly got up, standing in a huge pool of his own blood, completely healed. He looked over at Laura, unsure of what she would do. "Don't worry—I'm sure he knew the risks that Hollywood posed"

She stared at him unflinchingly, claws unsheathed, impossibly calm in the now empty bank. She was covered in almost as much blood as he was, oblivious to just how ruined her combat pants and tight tank top were.

"You are Deadpool" she said, as-a-matter-of-factly

"Wow. Someone else who knows me…wait, you're not gonna try and kill me, are you?"

She'd better. You've never even been attempted to be whacked by a chic this hot, one of the voices in his head said.

Not true, dude, we were almost taken out by She-Hulk!, the other voice said, indignantly.

No, that was a dream. And thank God you replaced that naughty word with the phrase "taken out", the first voice replied.

"Deadpool" Laura said, snapping Deadpool out of his musings, her face still more or less expressionless. "Why have you killed your combatants?"

"What? Like you just didn't waste the robber wanna-be about 10 seconds ago!"

"No, I did not. I pierced areas that were in range from a few to several inches away from the liver and the left kidney. Taking into consideration the assumed response time of the paramedics, he should have suffered only minimal blood loss at their arrival"

"Yeah, well…what about the guy whose stomach you minced?"

"Merely a flesh wound. He was…very dramatic"

"Well, at least I wasn't the one who started trying to take out the goons once their leader took the manager into the Safe, Ms. X-23!" he said defiantly.

"Yes, you were" Laura insisted, slightly confused and a bit annoyed.

"…Oh…right. Where are the manager and the boss guy anyway?"

"How do you know who I am?"

"Are you kidding? You're X-23! I've done my homework on you too, kid. A kill count that might even rival mine, horrific, tortuous training at a Weapon-X knock off called the Facility, the fact that you got taken in by the X-Men quite some time ago—I know an amount of stuff about you. Was I the only one who read your 'Innocence Lost' and 'Target X' miniseries?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Speaking of killing, however—why have you suddenly decided to go cold turkey?"

At this, Laura's gaze went down and she looked away. "I…I have recently been instructed not to kill. I was also taken off the X-Men team because of readiness to do so"

"Even after all that X-Force stuff that went down, they don't want you to kill?"

Laura turned her focus to him once again, about to answer when she was swiftly picked up and slammed into the bank wall by a purple energy. Deadpool turned to see what had caused it, and saw the mastermind behind the bank robbery floating towards them, wearing a black gown.

Deadpool bent to pick his Katana on the floor, and remained in that stance, ready for the next attack. "Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to show up? What took you so long, sunshine?"

"If you must know, simple one, I was magically transferring the currency to a secret location. I see that you and the young girl have dispatched all of my men?"

"Magically transferring the cash before you get out? That's…genius. I don't suppose you share your secrets being a magician and all?"

"I am no magician who resorts parlor trickery. I am a sorcerer"

"Still…you can't tell me every now and then, you don't get the urge to saw a pretty girl in half"

"I tire of your banter. I will destroy you now" The sorcerer proceeded to throw similar energy blasts towards the shocked merc.

"Hey! Magic guy against failed genetic experiment! We're clearly breaking some sort of superhero law here!" he said, as he dodged the energy blasts, running all over the bank.

You're technically not a superhero, one of his voices said.

Thank God!, the other said. How would we afford their taxes?

Superheroes don't pay taxes, the first said.

…I am just hearing of this, right now.

The sorcerer's teeth were clenched as Deadpool managed to evade his blasts time and again. "How have I not destroyed you yet" he growled.

Deadpool ran past his previously discarded Katana, lodged in the head of a goon and pulled it out without stopping. "I don't know, Sorcerer guy. Maybe I'm Domino in disguise?" He cart wheeled in the air over a blast and threw one of his Katana's in mid air, hurtling straight for the Sorcerer's arm. "Aaaaagh! Nooooooo!" the Sorcerer shouted. The blade had caught him in his shoulder and he began to glow with an unearthly energy.

"Yeah, you're right. That joke doesn't really work since you don't know about Domino's luck powers…oh, wait, now you do!" Deadpool stood and watched him as he tended to his impaled shoulder, and was oblivious to the fact that Laura was now standing beside him.

"You have incapacitated him" she pointed out.

"Hey, you! When did you get back in the game?"

"16 seconds ago"

"Wow. I thought your healing factor was almost as good as mine"

Laura observed the Sorcerer as he struggled to pull the sword out of his arm without causing more damage. "It seems that it is more difficult to regenerate from his magic based blasts than I would from a physically inflicted wound" she replied, without looking at Deadpool.

"Hmmm. Bad news for us both then. What say you we take this guy out before he recovers from his current predicament?"

"We may have to severely injure him"

"You up for it?"

"Yes"

The Sorcerers teeth gritted in agony as he managed to pull the weapon from his shoulder, subsequently disintegrating it into nothing. "That will not be forgiven, whelp", he raged, turning to regard his opponent but shocked to see both him and Laura coming at him from different directions. Her claws were drawn and Deadpool wielded a single Katana; their advancement rapid enough for him to have cause for alarm.

Instead, he smiled a wicked grin and his eyes began to glow with power. "No, children. You will not win without a price. And I will return" They both leapt at him fiercely, arms pulled back to strike devastating blows, designed mutilate him in the process. Just before they did, the energy about him reached its zenith and the whole bank was flooded with a blinding light.

X23 X23 X23 X23 X23

Laura woke up in the bank, her ears simultaneously assaulted by loud talking above her, siren sounds and the noise of human activity in the bank. She was lying on her back with arms at her side, and slowly attempted to sit up, astounded at the severity of the migraine she had.

Suddenly, there was a massive symphony of cocking guns, pointed to her at close range. Laura isolated every single one of them as they loaded and counted eight firearms. "Freeze" was all she heard repeatedly as she looked about for Deadpool. He was nowhere to be found.

"There is no need to read me my Miranda rights—" she started, only to have every single one of them tell her to be silent or have her spoken information used against her in court. She reluctantly agreed and continued to look around for Deadpool.

Holy crap…where am I?

Laura heard Deadpool's unmistakable voice but once again checked about her to no avail. Plus, she could not pick up his scent.

Uh oh. I can't seem to feel my torso. Am I a disembodied voice? That would explain the void.

Laura heard the voice again as it boomed almost as if it was within her, and then she realized—that's exactly where it was coming from. From inside her head. "But how—" she began, interrupted by the shouts of another police officer moving toward the human barricade around her.

"Stand down, stand down! I said stand down, people!" he yelled, as they all grudgingly obliged and put their guns away. He stood near Laura now and offered her his hand, which after a moment's hesitation, she took, standing to her feet.

Hey wait! I can see! But it…it's not through my eyes. I don't remember being this short.

"Sorry about that kid. Glen Joleson, San Fran PD. We can never be too sure. Eye witnesses confirm that it was you and some other guy who took the thugs on. They seem to be in pretty bad shape though"

Laura's face was as impassive as ever. "I did not kill the men whom I engaged in combat" she said, guessing he may need assurance.

Oh God, girlie…am I a voice in your mind? Cuz I can…feel, I guess—all your thoughts. I'm with them. They're all around me.

"Yeah, okay. Except for the one guy who took the sword to the face, the rest are gonna be alright. The sword we found isn't yours, is it?"

"No" she said, trying to ignore the question tugging at her brain: how is Deadpool's voice inside my mind?

Hey, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Oh God, see, I just heard what you were thinking!

"Sure it isn't. Eye witnesses also say a man we believe to be known as Deadpool was here fighting alongside you. Unfortunately he's very wanted man and we have to bring him in. Do you know where he went?"

I'm right here! In front of you! In her head, goddammit!

"No. We both attacked the leader of the men who attempted to rob this institution, and as we were about to strike him, we were enveloped in an energy wave of unknown origin. Since then, which is approximately 25 minutes and 20 seconds ago, I have been unconscious for more than two-thirds of that time and awoke, also wondering where he had gone"

The policeman looked at Laura, as if she was on drugs or something. He had never seen anyone speak as clean and as concise as her. "People also say" he continued, "that you were using some sort of power or ability to thwart the robbery. Are you with the X-Men?"

"Yes" she replied.

Wait, that means that—I'm in the X-Men! Yippee, I'm an X-Man!...uh, I mean, X-Woman.

"Well, they're okay in my book. Thanks to you guys, we were saved from that giant red sphere from God knows where" the officer told her.

Giant red sphere? And I wasn't here? Damn! It would've looked awesome with two giant black eye slits drawn on it.

Aww, dude, you know that Spider-Man would just tell people that it was meant for him.

Oh great! You mean I'm stuck in your mind with MY own voices? Quick Laura, stab yourself in your left hemisphere!

No, don't! That's where all your memories of Megan are!

Don't worry, we'll go to the store and get you some brand new memories. Some of a person with the name Jeff or Brian or Susan…All particularly nice names…Except for Jeff.

Laura's face that was usually so blank now began to show frustration, anger and annoyance all at once. She detested incessant talking of any kind. The officer noticed this and regarded her cautiously. "Are you all right miss?"

"…Yes" she uttered, lying to him. She did not feel 'alright'. Not in the least.

"What's your name kid?"

"Laura Kinney. I am 17 years, 8 months, 20 days, and 17 hours old, approximately if minutes and seconds are not considered. I am 5 feet 5 inches and weighed 120.6 pounds as of two weeks ago. My hair color is black and my eye color is green"

"Riiiiight. I didn't really ask you all that"

Laura's brow furrowed in bewilderment. "You do not wish to retrieve such information from me?"

"Actually I do, not just right now" Laura nodded in understanding. "Although we have finished, so if you want someone here will take your statement" Laura nodded again as he motioned to a policewoman, who walked up to her and began asking her questions while writing on a notepad.

Wait, is she writing a mad lib of what happened in the bank? 'Cuz that would be amazingly sweet.

Shush, voices! We're going to meet the limber and very blonde Stepford cuckoos in due time. I don't want you ruining it by being obnoxious!

Your face is obnoxious.

…To be fair, you walked right into that one.

Laura groaned inwardly, as she answered several questions. She had to get back to Utopia and get Deadpool out of her head. As soon as mutantly possible.

X23 X23 X23 X23 X23

Huh? Huh? What do you think? There was a lot of Deadpool in this chapter and in the next, which has a lot of Laura—we see how the X-Men take all this! The explanation of what Laura and Deadpool have become! Also, she—or they—might have new powers! And finally, Deadpool figures out how to take verbal control of Laura's body—and has a "heart to heart" with your favorite Canucklehead and mine—that's right—Wolverine! All in 30 days! Just kidding! Much, much shorter than that.

Also, Deadpool's original voice is in the bold, his other two voices are in the italics and the bold italics, and Laura's thoughts or anyone else's for future reference are written normally but with single quotation marks.