A/N: Unfinished, unpolished, not even properly beta'd. I will finish this… I'm just not exactly sure when.
WIP name: [What it's like to be one of the murdered]
"You two will be working with the latest addition to Second Division."
"Hey hey, wait," that seemed to bother Renji, "why do we need a newbie from the Covert Ops on this mission?"
"Because she has prior knowledge of the area and has specifically requested to be allowed part in this." That sounded fishy. If every last Shinigami were to request missions, they'd never get anything done, but Hitsugaya chose not to question the order. Sasakibe was just a fukutaichou, but the orders themselves were from Yamamoto-soutaichou. Not that he wasn't curious about why they'd send a newbie on a mission to the Real World, but the old geezer would have his reasons. Especially if he was wrenching both Hitsugaya himself and Abarai away from the office to put out fires in the World of the Living. Sometimes, he almost wondered if the man sent them out on these things just to take them away from the everyday grind.
"She should already be waiting for you at the gate. Those were all your orders." The two nodded and headed out.
"That's strange, why would we need a newbie? Whoever it is, I'm pretty sure they'll just get in the way when the fighting starts."
"We'll see once we get there. There might be no resistance; our mission is investigative, after all." Hitsugaya saw no point in worrying, even though it was strange. The mission to examine a disturbance in a small, spirit-particle-rich area of the World of the Living should have been given to someone of lower rank already, in his opinion, but if the sou-taichou thought it was necessary to send two captain-class fighters, then he had to assume that it was. At least he had managed to get Matsumoto to stay and take care of the Division while he was gone. Couldn't have them both gone for long, no matter what she said.
"Oh great," said an eerily familiar voice, "here I am trying to escape my past and the first mission I get back to that place is with you?" The cheeky, dark-haired woman had an aura about her. He knew her from somewhere, he was sure, but…
"Who're you?" Abarai-fukutaichou asked the question that Hitsugaya himself was too deep in thought formulate.
"Your new travel companion," the cocky girl answered. "Second Division, Eighth Seat. Maybe you've heard of me?"
"Without a name, that seems pretty…"
"No, I've heard of you," Hitsugaya interrupted. There were rumors she had never even gone to the Academy. Maybe that was why he thought he'd seen her before. Mysterious, unknown backgrounds weren't at all unusual in the Covert Ops, but this girl had almost been flaunting hers, something that would usually have resulted in someone digging it up and putting her in her place, but apparently no such thing had happened yet. Maybe it was just a question of time. What little he had heard, she was a rough upstart with the strength, skill and willpower to pull through just about anything. Maybe the sou-taichou had been right in sending this girl along, after all. "Just don't make a fuss."
"I won't, taichou."
"So," Abarai said sceptically, "you're our tour guide, Eighth Seat?" She smirked.
"I'm more of a trailblazer, really. The name's Karin, by the way." Then, just as the Senkai gate was opening, she turned to them and said warningly: "I'll admit that I have authority issues, but let's try to cooperate anyway." Right, that sounded like a great start to the mission, Hitsugaya thought irritably. It made Abarai perk up a bit though, the whole rebellious teenager thing probably felt familiar to him.
"Abarai," Hitsugaya said as they started walking through the space between the worlds, "I'm trusting you to watch our backs. Karin…" Didn't the damn woman even have a last name? "…if you prefer to be called that, you'll be scouting. I'll be setting up the communications station, if we can find a suitable spot." The two nodded. So far so good, he had been fairly sure the sou-taichou wouldn't load them with someone who couldn't even follow orders, but her comment earlier had been troubling. The exit point was in a secluded little grove and the two captain-class Shinigami looked guarded, while Karin simply paraded in confidently.
"Karin, Abarai, explore the area. According to our information there should be a smaller village to the southeast and a larger town to the north, but little else in the way of civilisation. Report back if you find anything out of the ordinary." He watched the two head out into the woodland before contacting Twelfth Division. They had made the equipment; they should be able to help him start this operation up.
*
A few hours later the three were gathered again. Hitsugaya was watching the devices for any updates while Renji paced irritably and Karin was slouching with her back against a tree.
"I've been thinking," she said to nobody in particular, "that we might want to set up camp before dark. It looks like it might rain, tonight."
"What do you mean, 'set up camp'?" Renji asked, obviously perplexed. That made Karin's jaw drop.
"You mean we have no place to stay? And no camping gear?" There was a momentary silence. "You two weren't planning on sleeping at all while we're here?" The three looked at each other with very differing facial expressions between them. Hitsugaya looked unmoved, as usual, while Renji looked confused and Karin completely taken aback.
"It's not unusual," Hitsugaya explained. "It won't make a difference."
"Of course… taichou," Karin said with a fake smile that was just a bit too strained, "but if the equipment gets soaked in a spring shower, Twelfth might not be so happy. Damnit," she growled. "What is it with Soul Society and completely ignoring material issues?"
"The equipment is made up of spirit particles," Hitsugaya reminded her coldly, "it won't fail."
"Right. Are you also suggesting that since we're all technically dead we can sleep anyway?" Her comment was acid. So that was what she'd meant by issues. She didn't have to be docile, but she did have to be respectful.
"That's enough!" He considered their status for a moment. "If you want an encampment proper, then since you are supposed to be the most familiar with the surroundings here, I suggest you figure something out." He turned back to tuning the apparatus and left her staring at his back, surprised.
"Why, thank you, Hitsugaya-taichou." She sounded serious! He had just dumped extra workload on her and she didn't seem the type to take work too seriously.
"This is on top of your original duties, I won't let you neglect our mission because of this," he warned her.
"Of course, but I'll need to scout those towns a bit closer anyway, before investigating the rest of the woodland. We shouldn't be too far from Karakura, either, so I probably have time to get our Gigai from Urahara in case we need them later." Hitsugaya heard Renji draw breath, clearly to protest that course of action, but she was gone before he had said a word. The taichou couldn't help but smirk a little to himself, knowing that no one was watching. Maybe this would be more interesting than it had seemed at first.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Using her shunpo to get through the woods was a wonderfully liberating feeling. Maybe it was a waste of reiatsu, but Karin usually had more than she needed, or wanted, anyway. It was as if the world stood still in the short moment spent taking a step, and in that instant she could see, hear and feel everything much clearer. As if it was somehow more real. Karakura would be her first stop. She knew from the maps the sou-taichou had shown her approximately how far and what direction she would have to go.
Why had that sneaky bastard sent Toushiro on this mission? He knew very well of her past encounters with the young taichou. It had been three years since she'd become a seated officer in the Covert Ops; she'd held back as much as she could and gotten herself an inconspicuous seat, but of course the old fart had known she was capable of more. She had only been a Shinigami for seven months then and her past was still weighing heavily on her, but he knew all about that. All about the years she'd spent trailing along behind Ichi-nii after meeting Toushiro and Rangiku that first time, all about the accident. He had offered her a kind of shelter from all that, but apparently he had something else in mind now.
"Interfering old goat that he is," she growled to herself. In the company of others she would never disrespect him. He would always be sou-taichou Yamamoto-Genryuusai-sama when she spoke to or of him with others around, but she wondered sometimes if he viewed her as some sort of pet project.
*
It was a bit late to be knocking on the door to the Urahara Shop, but the look on Jinta's face as he opened the door and saw her face was priceless.
"K- Karin!"
"Long time no see, Jinta-kun. I need to talk to the man." As if it was an automatic reaction, the boy-become-young-man turned around and took a full two steps into the store before swinging around to face her again, angry as a bee.
"Hell no! How can you be here? What are you doing in those clothes?" She just sighed and side-stepped the furious redhead. He looked more like Renji every day, for some reason. Then Urahara was there, as if out of nowhere.
"My, my, if it isn't the lovely Kurosaki-san. What can I do for you?" Ignoring Jinta's rants in the background, she straightened. At least he wouldn't make a fuss about her. He'd helped her once already, after all.
"Three Gigai. For myself, Abarai and Hitsugaya."
"Pineapple-head is here? That's impressive, he hasn't come to mooch off of us, this time, how come?" Jinta sounded a bit disappointed, though he was obviously trying to sound happy about it.
"We're a long way from here, really," Karin indulged his questions, though it felt kind of pointless. "It would be useless to travel like that."
"Oh, you've grown cold since you've gone away," the shopkeeper worried. "Are things bad on the other side?"
"Nah," she said, ignoring his comment. "Things don't really seem to change in Soul Society." That much, she had figured out even though she didn't involve herself in the politics of her new world. The stupid shopkeeper thought she'd cracked a joke and laughed about it as he neatly put the three Gigai in a bag for her so it would be relatively easy to handle. It was still sizeable and troublesome, but she could deal with that.
"Well then, I suppose…"
"Send the bill to the old geezer," she interrupted him. Having been there from the beginning, Urahara knew about her relation to the sou-taichou and she didn't feel the need to beat around the bush. "He deserves it for choosing Toushiro for this mission and he knows as much. I need to go, before anyone notices that I'm here." She was fairly good at hiding her reiatsu. Her brother was crap at sensing such things, but Dad would be another matter entirely.
"Oh, right, right. Come again whenever it's convenient!" Urahara smiled way too much, but she gave him a grateful nod before disappearing into the evening shadows.
"Please track the location of those Gigai using the equipment I set up last week, Jinta-kun, but don't interfere," the shopkeeper said calmly as she had gone. "I do believe I'm going to bed."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Coming back to camp was both good and bad. Karin couldn't resist unpacking her Gigai and slipping into it, smiling for the first time in forever. Only…
"What the hell has the man dressed me in?!" She was gritting her teeth over the flimsy, white dress, but with the feel of wind against her skin and grass under her feet, she couldn't stay angry. "This feels so good! Seriously, I haven't been here in the World of the Living since I was alive!" That made the two men stare at her.
"You remember when you were alive?" Renji asked suspiciously, making her stiffen noticeably. It took her several moments before she swirled around to face them with an unnatural smile on her face.
"Silly. Nobody remembers that." There wasn't any conviction in her words, but Renji seemed to believe them despite the obvious gaping holes in the logic. To Hitsugaya, it was just too obvious that they had just tripped over the part of her past she wanted to keep hidden. He wasn't sure whether to go poking there or not, but as their eyes locked they both knew that the other was aware of the slip.
"Renji," he said quietly, "go secure the perimeter."
"All right!" The man obviously wanted to get away from the primitive encampment; in Karin's mind she could only barely bring herself to call it even that, when they didn't even have a shelter of some sort. She watched the redhead run off, thinking of Jinta's disappointment earlier.
"Now, maybe it's time you tell me what's going on." She turned to face Toushiro. He had saved her life once, but…
"I'm not here to share my life's story, taichou," she reminded him, but he just frowned.
"Spill it."
"I'd really rather you left it all alone," she insisted.
"I won't make you tell me anything, but don't try to lie to me again."
"Oh look, it's raining." That much was true, but he snarled nonetheless.
"That's enough." He was cold as ice and they were about the same height. He had to have grown since they first met, same as she. She knew she should be afraid, but most things didn't really frighten her anymore. Not since…
"I'm sure you'll go into detail about my insubordination in your report, Hitsugaya-taichou. It's nothing Soi Fon-taichou hasn't heard before, trust me." As if the sky itself wanted to come down and wrap her in a blanket, the heavy, intense rain that fell covered everything and soaked her to her artificial skin. "And one day, it will be over the top. She will get me suspended or whatever, but until then…"
"Why do you do it, then?"
"Because I can?" There was a challenge in that, but a question too. "It's the only way. I won't be protected anymore." That was the truth. She turned away, unsure if she'd said too much. The white-haired taichou was bright enough that he might figure things out, but she trusted his discretion actually, something she didn't do with anyone else. There was a surge of Hollow reiatsu and they both automatically turned to face it.
"There's many of them," he stated.
"Doesn't matter." Her reply was as icy as his comment had been. "We'll just kill them anyway."
As they arrived, Renji was already busy cutting though group after group of Hollows with Zabimaru, but he was having trouble with the sheer number of them. Karin wasn't much help; her strange zanpaktou was no larger than a dagger and though it was very effective at exterminating single targets, it did little against so many Hollows in its base form. But with both captain-class fighting though, the number of enemies were diminishing quickly anyway. So maybe she could have seemed more careful as she rushed into the midst of the horde appearing out of nowhere, but her zanpaktou had been thirsty for a long time. She smiled as the long dagger split another Hollow mask.
"Watch out!" She had been ready to dodge the Hollow, really, but she wasn't ready to dodge the man that threw himself in harm's way to protect her. She tried to react, but her eyes only saw his hand shoving her shoulder and her body froze as the memories flooded her brain.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Something was terribly wrong. Abarai had pushed the girl out of danger, she hadn't been harmed in any way, but he had still been forced to stay with her and protect her as she went into some sort of shock while they were fighting. They were lucky that there weren't many Hollows left to cleanse. When he touched back down, Renji was shaking the poor girl.
"Hey, you, wake up, wake up!"
"What's the matter?"
"I don't know!" Renji sounded worried. "I mean, look at her!" He had a solid grip around her shoulders, but she was hardly trying to escape. The stories Hitsugaya had heard over the last few years named the mysterious Second Division Eighth Seat as fairly strong, barking mad, but most of all, completely fearless. The woman shaking in spasms in Renji's hands wasn't fearless. Her eyes were wide open in terror, her mouth was muttering wordless pleas between quiet moans, and her body was tense as a bowstring at the ready.
"Put her down, Abarai. Careful. Good. Now go get someone from Fourth Division."
"Of course Hitsugaya-taichou, but…"
"Now, Abarai!" As the fukutaichou rushed to get a senkai gate open, the girl seemed to relax just a tiny bit, but she tensed again as Hitsugaya approached. She was muttering a bit more coherently now, but her eyes were still staring blindly, dashing around nervously as if something played out in her head.
"No, no, please, don't hurt her… it's all my fault, I promise I'll do anything you say, just don't hurt my sister, she has no part in this… no… no, no, no! Yuzu, no, god, not Yuzu! What did she ever do to you?" Curling herself into a ball, she just cried at first, but when he reached out to touch her, she let out an ear-splitting wail.
"Wake up," he said, shaking her carefully. He wanted to say that it wasn't real, but… if it had been, then such a statement would only make things worse.
"Don't touch me, you creep!" Her voice was pitched higher, and there was some bravery mixed in along with the panic and fear. "I said don't… no, no, stop, what are you doing to her?! Not Yuzu, please no! Me, Ichigo, daddy, anyone, just not my sister…"
Her body was convulsing and he had to hold her tightly to keep her from injuring herself. Silently, he watched her tears flow unhindered from blankly staring eyes. He was an idiot for not seeing it earlier, but he hadn't been looking for her in a place like this. It wasn't until she mentioned Ichigo that the last pieces fell into place. They hadn't heard from him for years, Hitsugaya realised.
"Karin, wake up. It's over." He held her for a little while longer while the convulsions subsided and her tears ran out. When she finally opened her eyes, they looked dead.
"It will never be over. I've been searching Rukongai for three years and I still haven't found her." After having had to struggle to hold her, the way she pressed herself against him, with her fists closed in a cramped grip around his haori… it was unsettling.
"Would it really make a difference to find her?" He felt her nod and heard her muffled sobbing. "Right. I'll see what I can do."
"What?" She looked up at him, bewildered.
"I said 'I'll see what I can do'. Now, on your feet." She allowed him to help her up, standing frozen like that while she collected herself. As she looked back up at him, it wasn't the cheeky girl from this morning or even the vulnerable woman from a second ago. She looked cold and completely distant. It was disturbing that there could be such a change in such a short time.
"Thank you, taichou," she said with an elegant, but strict nod. He opened his mouth to ask her not to do that, but he closed it again without having said a word as he noticed the gate opening behind him.
"Karin!" The Fourth Division representative and Kurosaki seemed to know each other.
"I'm fine now, Hanatarou, it was just a flashback." That made the kind-hearted Shinigami frown in worry.
"But you haven't had those in ages! You know I'm supposed to…"
"No," she cut in icily. "I won't let you lace me with Kurotsuchi's sleeping draught. You know it gives me headaches."
"But Karin-san," he was trying to make her see reason, but after what she'd just gone through Hitsugaya wasn't sure that was a good idea.
"Leave her be, for now."
"Y-yes of course, Hitsugaya-taichou." That boy was afraid of anything and everything. Really.
Now, what to do about Abarai? This problem was about deeper things than authority and if she had any other lapses like this one, it could endanger the entire mission. He would have to keep the fukutaichou occupied long enough to talk to her about it. That shouldn't be too hard; the disturbance in the area had caused a rise in the influx of Hollows. He'd just have the man do patrol rounds. He was sure Abarai wouldn't mind and it needed doing.
Wait. What was he thinking? She should see someone, someone who would be better at stabilizing her than he was, Soul Society had councillors… but her being here on the other hand, still like this, meant that either she wouldn't accept such help, or it hadn't made any difference. How could he send her back then? How could he explain what he knew without divulging the things she had tried so hard to conceal? He couldn't break her trust like that. Maybe it would have been possible while she was still merely the rebellious Eighth Seat of another Division, but he couldn't do such a thing to Kurosaki Karin.
"Hey, Hanatarou!" He would have expected her to sound weak after such a shock, but she didn't seem fazed at all. "Could I have a phys-check while you're here?" Hitsugaya had never heard of the thing she was asking for, but the meek, dark-haired boy didn't seem confused at all.
"Of course, Karin, I was hoping you'd ask. Your last one was a week ago, right?" Her sudden scowl made him jump back a few steps.
"Am I being monitored by your entire fucking division, now? What's next, my life on file in Fourth's archives?"
"Well, you do have a permanent medical record…" Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Hitsugaya noted absently that Hanatarou was rather good at running. But Kurosaki was better at chasing him. Honestly, they had work to do.
"Stop that! Do whatever you need to do, but get it done!" Hanatarou was in luck; just a moment later he tripped over a rock and fell face-first in the Real World dirt. Karin sighed and pulled him up by the shoulder and then sat down cross-legged, closing her eyes.
"You heard the taichou. Get it over with. I'll take care of it myself when I get back. Permanent file, seriously!" Smiling gently, Hanatarou settled in front of her and did something that looked like a regular examination to Hitsugaya. Most Seated Shinigami had them done every now and then; but he had never heard of anyone who got them so frequently as several times a month. That would explain the file with Fourth; otherwise they mostly kept files on those who had a bad habit of getting injured a lot. Then again, maybe it was for that reason too; she seemed to be reckless enough for it.
"It seems stable and it's getting better. Another few years and you should be fully recovered." Another few years? What was this she was getting scanned for? Her answer surprised him even more.
"I don't need to recover. As long as I'm well enough to fight I'll be fine. If it's stable I shouldn't need any more check-ups?"
"But Karin-san! If you don't recover completely, then neither will your reiatsu. You'd be stuck with a stumped…"
"I don't need more to deal with than I've already got. My current reiatsu levels are more than enough. Now get back to Seireitei before you say anything else you shouldn't. Don't go acting like a blabbermouth about this, Hanatarou, or I swear I'll rip your head off." That seemed to be a rather common threat, since the usually so jumpy Shinigami just smiled.
"Yes Karin, but please call for me next time you want…"
"Yeah, yeah, you don't need to play doctor with me. Don't worry, I told you I'd be fine from the moment we met, didn't I?" She looked away, as if she'd known that a shadow would pass over Hanatarou's face at the mention of that. Along with the fact that Abarai was present, a new, albeit smaller, wave of Hollow energy appearing nearby stopped Hitsugaya from asking about the obvious.
"Go back to Soul Society," he ordered Hanatarou. "There aren't too many Hollows this time, so we should still be fine without medical attention." The man practically jumped to attention as the three fighters unsheathed their zanpaktou. "Of course Hitsugaya-taichou, I'll… eh, I'll be leaving now then…" But the three were already heading in the direction of the attack.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
"You should be more careful, Kurosaki," Hitsugaya said calmly as the two returned to camp, Abarai having happily volunteered to clean up the remaining few. She stared at him in shock.
"You… who…"
"Hm? Ah. You mentioned your brother while you were delirious." He had no reason to beat around the bush. Though she seemed to appreciate his honesty, her annoyance was still there for all to see.
"Great, now I need to worry about that getting out as well. I seriously need to figure out a way to stop those seizures."
"I suppose."
"Don't get cocky with me, Toushiro, you may be a taichou, but we both know you'll always be the guy who saved my ass in soccer."
"That's a strange way of looking at it."
"Hardly. Anyone else would have kept his distance from the delinquent officer. Those that wouldn't are the type I would rather not associate with… but somehow you had to stay around just long enough to figure it out, so I'm still not getting rid of the past."
"The past isn't exactly something you can get rid of." He rubbed absently at his shoulder, a wound he had received for his troubles once. It had healed long ago, but even after Unohana's expert care there was still a faint scar all the way down his front. That, however, wasn't the point.
"I can try."
"You won't succeed."
"Hmf." It was a noise of righteous indignation, somehow and it made the corner of his mouth twitch for just a moment.
"Why will you not tell me?" It was a straightforward and completely honest question and though she opened her mouth instantly to retort, apparently she thought it worth it to answer in kind, for she opened and closed her mouth several more times before actually saying anything.
"It's too close," she whispered, almost inaudibly. "I probably should. If…" she had to pause and draw breath, her stony gaze still on the sky, the veil of rain falling on her upturned face. "If I could ever tell anyone, maybe it would be you. Maybe that's why ojii-sama sent you here." That made him frown again.
"Who?"
"Sou-taichou Yamamoto-Genryuusai-sama." It was a simple enough answer, but not even Ukitake and Kyoraku, who had known the old man for two millennia, took themselves the freedom of calling him such a thing. Kyoraku's 'Yama-jii' did come close, admittedly, but…
"I see." Not really. It didn't make much sense at all, but at least he had one more answer, no matter how many questions it raised.
"Well, I suppose I can tell you that part of the story." At any other time he would have reacted to the fact that as a subordinate officer, she was getting way too comfortable treating him like just a friend. Now… now, he couldn't really complain, if it would make her talk to him. He had already become too deeply involved; hell, maybe he had been too deeply involved since he first accepted helping her ten years ago, with that soccer game. She had been hurt then, too, but this was deeper and would obviously not just go away as easily.
Abarai would be gone for quite a while, if his history was anything to go by, so Hitsugaya lay down on his back and let the rain caress his face. Then he fixed her gaze with his own, nodding ever so minutely to encourage her to continue.
"It's four or five years since now," she noted thoughtfully. He was glad to have settled more comfortably; she deserved his full attention, now that she finally seemed momentarily calm…
Four or five years ago, just after the… "accident". Urahara and Tessai were keeping me hidden in their basement, secret even from Jinta-kun and Ururu-chan. Even my… even… hrm. My family. Hhn. Daddy. And Ichigo.
For a while maybe I thought that I could stay like that forever. I didn't want to consider anything else. Urahara received people from Soul Society; Hanatarou at first, to heal what little physical injuries I had. I'm sure you noticed we've seen a lot of each other. He couldn't convince me of anything, of course; he's too nice for that kind of thing; but he did the best he could. Next was Rukia. I recognised her, of course, but I just… wasn't ready. I swore her to secrecy. Ichigo mustn't be told. It would be easier for him to accept that I was dead than what I'd become.
So a while later; I didn't exactly keep track of time down there… they sent Komamura-taichou. I'm not sure why they were so persistent, I can't tell you why they didn't just perform konso on me. I'm not even sure it would have worked, since I was in my Shinigami form. It's not as if I had a body to return to, since it died after I left it. We discussed… a lot of things. Not what had happened, but other important things... but I couldn't bring myself to leave the hideout. I hated myself, back then. I was so weak it was pathetic. My zanpaktou, too, I didn't even need to call her to know that she wasn't the same anymore.
Komamura didn't stay long, but he had hardly left before someone else came. I think I was too dizzy to really understand it, but my senses were sharp enough. Komamura's reiatsu… it was powerful, but comforting. Kind of like yours. Ojii-sama's reiatsu was nothing like that. He just walked in and demanded that I release my shikai. I would have refused if I could; I think I told him to go to hell at some point; but he's just… you know what he's like. You can't not obey him.
I had been right. Zuuki was such a brilliant zanpaktou before that… and afterwards she's hardly even been alive. I don't know how he knew. There seem to be a lot of things I don't know. So he told me to follow him. I'm still not exactly sure why he wanted me to summon her, but it worked. I didn't have anything left to stay for, so I followed him to Soul Society. The only reason I hadn't already followed the other three… well, I guess the easy answer is that I wasn't ready. Ojii-sama wouldn't wait for me to be ready; he made sure I was.
At first, I was… He… uhm. I went through some tests and stuff, before I came back to First division. I spent weeks with ojii-sama, just… not talking. Then he told me that I could join the Second Division and the Covert Ops, that the captain there would make sure I got enough training to keep me busy. That sounded like the only option, really. If I could work so hard that I didn't dream any, I wouldn't have nightmares. I could already handle a sword, so I picked up on kidou and shunpo and hakuda pretty quickly. It wasn't as if I had anything else to do, except look for Yuzu. I would go to visit the old man, as well. He didn't seem to mind and… I didn't exactly want to make any friends. I just wanted to fight. No, I needed to fight.
It didn't take long for Soi Fon to figure out that as long as I had something to do, something to fight, I was nice and easy, but as soon as I got restless… wow, those first few months before we understood each other must've been hell. She couldn't just throw out the recruit that the sou-taichou himself had asked her to help, but I was such a bitch the first month I was sure she'd do it anyway. Then someone got the idea to try and keep me too busy to be trouble. I haven't had too much trouble with the taichou since then. When the Seventh Seat was vacated, she promoted Eighth Seat and I got his position. I've been keeping to myself pretty much. Ojii-sama wants me to check in with him every now and then… but to be honest I want to see him and I think that's why he asks that I keep him updated. He isn't comforting, like you or Komamura, but he is strong… so very strong. I don't need to be so strong myself when he already is.
There were too many strange things going on in that tale for Hitsugaya to really comprehend it all. Sou-tacihou Yamamoto-Genryuusai Shigekuni, who rarely even interacted with his own taichou, had supposedly gone to the World of the Living. That was ridiculous. He would never do such a thing. It would have been so easy to accuse her of lying, to tell her that such a man would never do such a thing. The sou-taichou had enough on his hands without running around after little lost humans. But he couldn't honestly say that and be sure that he was right, so he just stayed silent, watching her out of the corner of his eye. As he felt Abarai's reiatsu closing in, he nodded thoughtfully and got to his feet.
"Later." She raised an eyebrow ironically, but nodded back wordlessly. She got to her feet and sighed, looking around the little glade apprehensively before slipping back into her Gigai just as Abarai returned.
"The rain doesn't look like it will be letting up," Karin said sourly as she pushed a wet lock of black hair out of her face. "At least the equipment is made out of spirit particles." This time, Hitsugaya found the corner of his mouth twitching upward at her annoyance. It even took him some effort to control his amusement. Abarai let out a strangled sound from where he had landed and Hitsugaya turned just in time to see him swirl around to face the forest, a deep shade of red making its way onto his face. It was confusing, until he heard Karin curse. The woman had language like a fishmonger on market day. Only when he turned to her and cocked an eyebrow in a silent question did her words become more intelligible.
"When I get that Urahara I'll personally strangle him! This dress is the stupidest idea since… argh!" It wasn't very hard to see what she was referring to. Sending her along with a loose, white dress in the rain. That sandal-hat really deserved whatever he had coming. Hitsugaya sighed.
"Isn't there anything else?" She shook her head in dismay.
"Only that the man's sense of humour is going to get him messily killed one day."
"I'm fairly sure he hadn't counted on a spring shower. Why don't you just leave it?" That earned him a glare, but he met it with a cold, searching one of his own. In the end, she turned her gaze away first and shrugged.
"I've been waiting more than three years to be allowed on a Real World mission. I can wait another day for the weather to let up." Stubborn as a mule, but then that seemed to run in her family. With a sigh, Hitsugaya removed his haori and held it out to her, something that caused her to stare blankly at him.
"It's not much, but for the moment it will have to do. You can't go around looking like that."
"Hitsugaya-taichou!" Renji seemed generally offended.
"Pineapple's right," Karin agreed, almost looking a bit disgusted herself, "that's your symbol of office, not just any old… Put it back on, you look like an idiot without it." Renji made a noise that sounded suspiciously like he was attempting to swallow his own tongue, while Hitsugaya merely looked at her coldly for a moment, shrugged and did as she suggested.
*
For a few days, all was slow. The upstart rebelliousness that had appealed to Renji in theory didn't work as well in practice, as he and Karin were constantly snapping at each other. Karin's knack for brutal honesty might have gone down better with the fukutaichou if she didn't pair it up with a general disregard for procedure and a tendency to use her sarcastic wit with the worst possible timing.
Hitsugaya noted with some hesitation that she was going marginally easier on him than on the redhead. If he had been absolutely sure that she was doing it consciously, he would have berated her worse; now, he would merely tell her off when she crossed the line of what was acceptable. Surprisingly, though she occasionally retorted, she would always back down soon after he did that… something that didn't quite fit in with what she herself had said about her behaviour toward Soi Fon-taichou. Then again, perhaps he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth just yet.
*
Nearly a week after their arrival, Hitsugaya was finishing up a discussion with Research and Development, trying to tweak the equipment to figure out what was happening in the area. The part that was really spiritually enriched ground was merely three or four hundred metres in diameter, but it seemed all but impossible to stop the constant influx of Hollows, or find the source of whatever was pulling them toward this place for that matter. There had been a few small waves every day and they had to sleep in shifts in the little tent Karin had bought in a nearby town. Just as he said the last words in yet another fruitless search for different solutions, things practically exploded behind him.
"You don't touch my things, you imbecile, were you deaf or just daft when I told you last time?!" Karin's voice turned raw halfway through her enraged outburst, actually making Renji shy away a step.
"Don't get so upset, Eighth, I was just trying to…"
"I'll do whatever I please," she hissed. Of course, the redhead wasn't about to back down against a little Eighth Seat newbie.
"Hey, watch that attitude!"
"I already friggin' told you to keep your filthy hands off my stuff," she retorted with an icy cold sneer, "if you're too stupid to understand as much, I don't see why I should care what you think of my attitude."
"You care because a fukutaichou is…"
"Throw your bloody title to the four winds, fukutaichou."
"You two be silent," Hitsugaya said harshly, making both Shinigami stare at him; Renji in surprise at the interruption, Karin's eyes still laced with a cold hatred that she had never aimed at him before, even though she quickly replaced it with faked indifference and turned away, huffing irritably. Only Hitsugaya's order to cool off kept the fukutaichou silent, but the thing that distracted the taichou instantly was a sudden Hollow surge.
"This wave seems bigger than all the others so far." He frowned, wondering how much longer they could keep this constant struggle up. What could attract such a mass of Hollows over such a long time? Oh well, they'd just have to get rid of these bugs, no matter how many there were. As they reached the crack in the sky, he called forth Hyorinmaru watching out of the corner of his eye as Abarai summoned Zabimaru, but he quickly came to the conclusion that even their combined shikai would only take care of parts of the stupid swarm. There were simply too many, this time. He didn't really want to go to bankai, but if it was necessary…
He glanced Karin's way and noticed that she was being overpowered, no matter how wildly she swung her little blade. Not good. Then, just as he was about to rush her way, she swore loudly and turned the zanpaktou on herself. The last thing he saw was her slashing a deep gash in her left arm as the Hollows ran her over. What had that been? It was pointless to wonder. He couldn't use Hyorinmaru freely while she was in the middle of that crowd, but…
"Assault, Zuuki!"
There was a moment's pause before something dark, furry and gigantic swirled out of the midst of the pile, killing the surrounding Hollows with a few swipes of its huge paws, freeing Karin in the process. A grotesquely large wolf? A bear? A lion? Whatever it was, that monster was taller than a human and growing with every passing kill. It seemed completely out of control as it tore through one Hollow after another. Was that her… shikai? He didn't have time to contemplate it.
With the added power he wouldn't have to go into bankai, but the whole thing felt fishy. Why? He knew that his problem wasn't just with the fact that she had intentionally harmed herself just a moment earlier or that her shikai seemed to be stuck in an uncontrollable fury, even if both things were disconcerting enough. No, it was something more… he kept thinking of it while they fought, but it wouldn't come until he came side-by-side with Abarai for a moment.
"Eighth's fighting well once she got her shikai going, don't you think?" He nodded absently. Abarai was really only inflaming their relation by calling her Eighth Seat instead of…! That was it. Her reiatsu was at least that of a Third Seat, definitely nothing so low as Eighth. And according to Hanatarou she would easily have more to give in the space of a few years, not to mention the regular growth if she trained properly. How had that come to be? Soul Society occasionally made mistakes and sometimes there just weren't enough free spots, but with a couple of thousand years' experience of appointing Seats and a sizeable lack of appropriate candidates for many high Seats still after the war, such a thing shouldn't have been an issue.
At least the Hollows were thinning out. Karin was standing completely still, holding her bleeding arm, but her eyes were darting one way and the other, following the swirling monster… no, not following, she was directing the monster. It had to be her zanpaktou; even though it was hard to imagine that the beastly creature was anyone's soul reflection.
As they finished off the last Hollows and regrouped at base camp, she sighed, the aggression from earlier gone. The monster was nowhere to be seen and the wound on her left arm had stopped bleeding. She turned to look them seriously in the eye.
"I'd appreciate if you two kept the existence of my shikai a secret."
"Say what?" Despite his occasional lapses in judgement, Abarai had become rather good at wording Hitsugaya's own feelings on some matters.
"You see, I don't really need the added attention of being a higher Seat than I already am. I keep claiming that I don't know the name of my zanpaktou and if someone thinks that's silly, I usually ask them to go tell that to Zaraki-taichou. He likes me, but he hardly ever fights me. I don't fight for the fun of it." So that had been why.
"But your shikai… that beast…" Renji still didn't seem to understand, but a picture was starting to form in Hitsugaya's mind.
"He did seem bloodthirsty."
"Well, she" Karin said pointedly, "loves to feast on bad guys, but not because it's fun. Zuuki is really rather timid, let me show you." Unsheathing her dagger-like zanpaktou again, she nicked her left arm just enough to reopen the wound. There was silence for a few moments.
"And…?" Renji wondered, making Karin frown.
"I told you, she's timid. Here, Zuuki, come on out girl. Where are you hiding?" There was an incredibly tiny sound from somewhere on the ground. Karin pulled up one leg of her shihakushou and scooped up the tiny furball that was hiding under it.
It was the tiniest little kitten, barely big enough to fill even one of her hands. It looked starved and beaten, trembling in Karin's careful grip. That was when Hitsugaya realised that she was smiling at the little creature. Not her usual maleficent or sarcastic grin, but a caring, almost motherly smile as she patted the little creature protectively. Then she held it up to the wound on her arm and its tiny tongue lapped up the blood. It seemed to grow just a little in front of their eyes, gain enough strength and confidence to willingly look up at its mistress and meow.
This was disturbing. There was no precedent where a zanpaktou fed off the lifeforce of its master. Such a thing was a huge risk. He needed to get more information on this without alerting anyone. He needed Matsumoto's help.
"K-… Karin, keep an eye on the equipment. Abarai, I need to prepare a message for you to take back to Soul Society." He had almost called her Kurosaki there; he had to stop thinking of her as that. "It's also better if someone speaks directly to the Research department; maybe that will yield better results."
It only took Hitsugaya a few minutes to figure out what to say to his fukutaichou. Matsumoto would understand, however he phrased it. It was hard to believe that about such a silly person, but she always did. She wasn't exactly an airhead, but when she was drunk it wasn't always so easy to tell. Leaving the hell butterfly in Abarai's care, he went over a few things he wanted arranged in Soul Society, suggesting rather sternly that he should get a good night's sleep while he was there. As the Senkai Gate closed behind the redhead, he turned to Karin, who was lounging in the grass studying the fresh wound on her arm indifferently.
"Do you want me to take a look at that?"