Hey guys. This is my first fanfic ever so I'm probably just going to make this a one shot. It might be bad, because I really have no experience in writing, but after I found this site and saw that girls my age were writing these amazing stories, I just knew I had to be a part of it. So I hope you all enjoy this little one shot and if you like it enough (I'll know if you review please), I might write a couple more chapters. Enjoy! Hasta Luego!

Gold Medal Ribbon

Marissa,

By the time you get this I'll already be gone. I'm so sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, but I knew you'd try to stop me if you found out I was leaving. I just had to get out of this place. I don't think I can handle everything that's going on right now. The stress from school, constantly worrying about colleges to go to, the whole thing with Johnny, and especially, you. I just can't handle you being angry with me Marissa. It hurts too bad because I love you so, so much. You will never believe how much. I can't tell you where I'm going, because knowing you, you'll try to follow me. I'll be fine though, I promise. I am truly sorry for everything that's happened, and I hope that one day you'll find it in you're heart to forgive me. I don't know when I'm coming back; it could be in three days, in three months, or maybe even three years, but I know I can only come back when I'm truly ready, so please Marissa, please don't hate me and try to understand why I'm doing this. Right now, I think it's for the best. And Marissa, don't wait for me. Move on with your life. You could do so much better than me.

Love, always and forever,

Ryan

P.S. Seth doesn't know I left, so when he asks where I went please try to break it to him gently. And tell him not to worry about bullies, Summer will protect him.

Marissa looked down at the little piece of paper in her hands. She had read the note many times and still couldn't believe he was really gone. Ryan had felt so guilty after Johnny's death, and Marissa hadn't helped him any by practically shoving it in his face. As she skimmed through the note once more, her eyes started to water. How could she have said those things to him? How could she hurt the one boy she loved the most? How could she have ever doubted him? She had been so caught up with Johnny that she'd driven him away. And what's worse, was that she led herself to believe that she and Ryan were never meant to be, and now that everything was completely screwed up she realized that they were always meant to be together. She knew it, as did Ryan. The timing couldn't have been perfect. She looked down at the bracelet on her wrist. It was absolutely beautiful. Johnny had asked his cousin to make it just for her. It had her and Johnny's birth stones on it, and in the middle was a golden angel. When Marissa had received it from Johnny's cousin, she asked why an angel. The girl said that Johnny knew she would think it'd be cheesy, but that's what she was to him. It was the sweetest thing she had ever heard. But Johnny was wrong, very wrong. She wasn't an angel. She was far from it. Johnny was her angel. Johnny. She missed him so much. It seemed that no matter what she did she just couldn't take her mind off of him. She sighed and set the note down on her vanity and laid down on her bed. She took off her bracelet and held it tightly in her hand and closed her eyes, as if she was about ready to be swept away. She couldn't take it anymore, and the tears came. There was just so much weight on her shoulders, and it felt like all of the emotional weight she was carrying was going to smoosh her into a pancake. She picked up on of her pillows and threw it at the wall. It felt good, to release some of the anger and frustration that just kept building and building, so she picked up ones of her stuffed animals, and threw it as well. Again, it felt amazing, just to get it all out, so she picked up one of her books that she never read, and threw it, then she picked up another one and threw it, and another, and another, and as she did this, she let out little yelps, which turned into laughs of anger. To be honest, she looked like a psycho. Anyone who would have walked in on her and seen her like that would have thought so. She just kept picking things up and throwing them at the wall. Her makeup kit got slammed up against the wall, and pretty soon her boom box shared the same fate. Anything she laid eyes on got thrown against the wall. She went over to her closet and opened it up. She took out all of her clothes and ripped them off the hangers. She tore the sleeves off with all her might and pulled out the buttons. After she was done with the clothes she started on her shoes. She yanked off the heels and chucked what was left of the shoe against the wall. When she was done with the shoes all that was left was the her vanity. She went over and, with all the power she had, shoved the thing against the wall. When she was done, she looked around the room. It was a complete and udder mess. She needed to get out of there. She needed to get out of this hellhole.

Weakly, she let her feet guide her out of her bedroom door and out the front door of their disgusting and shabby trailer. She climbed into her car, turned the key and drove. She had no idea where she was going, and she didn't care. She just needed to escape from the one thing that she called her life. But it wasn't life, it was torture. Soon she found herself standing on the very cliff that Johnny had fallen from to his death. It scared her a little just standing on it. She looked out across the ocean. 'Beautiful', she thought to herself. It was almost like a second heaven here on this very spot. Carefully, she edged her way over to the edge of the cliff and looked down. Johnny had fallen here. She kept reminding herself over and over. "All because of me", she sighed. Then, without warning, she screamed,

"ALL BECAUSE OF ME!" WHAT DID I DO WRONG? TELL ME! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG? IS THIS A PUNISHMENT? SERIOUSLY, AM I BEING PUNISHED? IS IT BECAUSE I DROVE HIM AWAY? BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S MY FAULT! YEAH, IT'S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT!"

She screamed at the top of her lungs. My God, it felt so good to her. She just kept standing there and screaming with all she had in her. It was a good five minutes before she stopped. She decided to because her throat was starting to hurt and she was running out of energy. She plopped down to the ground not shedding a tear. She had been crying so much lately that she just didn't have anymore more tears to shed.

"Johnny, I'm so sorry", she sighed.

She then remembered Ryan, who was now gone from her life, possibly forever. She had lost him. And of course, it was her fault. She remembered the day of Johnny's accident when Kaitlin had talked to her about the time when their father Jimmy, would take them to get ice cream. That was the day that Marissa had to choose between Ryan and Johnny. Kaitlin said that Marissa would never be satisfied with which ice cream flavor she got, so her father would always have to drag her back in and get another one. Kaitlin on the other hand, would always get one certain kind: Gold Medal Ribbon. That day when Marissa had to choose, Kaitlin said she figured she had always loved Gold Medal Ribbon, so why question it? Kaitlin had been referring to Ryan all along. So Marissa chose Ryan. Johnny had lost his life because of it. And because of Johnny's death, Marissa drove Ryan away, which caused him to leave. It was like one big chain reaction, and nothing good came out of it. In the end, she had lost everything. Ryan had been her Gold Medal Ribbon all along, but she was too stupid to realize it. And now, it was too late, and she was all alone. She started to cry harder than she'd ever done before. Finally the sun was had disappeared, and night took over Newport. Up on the cliff, she cried herself to sleep.

Fin?

It's up to you guys. ;)

Please R&R