Tenth Walker Meets the Tenth Rider
Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR or Monty Python, but I do own my plans to take over the world.
I apologize in advance, but there is OOCness, and an author insert. Most misspellings are intentional.
Begin story
Annetsaluebock, or Anne as she was called by her friends, was the living embodiment of perfection. She was nice, funny, had the laugh of tinkling bells, long blond hair that never got tangled, deep blue eyes that glittered with intelligence, (author grabs trash can and starts to vomit) but of course was NOT a Mary Sue. Anne loved the Lord of the Rings movies. When asked who her favorite was she would answer, "Ohhhh! Leggy is so HOT, but Aragon is a hunk too." (Author vomits some more)
One bright sunny day Anne was walking on the sidewalk next to a person who could only be described as a geek (author waves at readers), when out of nowhere a car ran both of them over and they sadly died.
IN RIVENDALE
The council post-council hula was in full swing, and Lord Elrond was having a drinking contest with Gandalf. Both were fairing badly. All of the sudden a girl fell out of nowhere and landed in Gimli's lap. Everyone stared at her.
"What are you all staring at? Haven't you ever seen a living embodiment of perfection before? As I am assuming I am in Middle Earth I demand to be in the Fellowship so ALL the hot guys can fall in love with me!"
All the men kept staring in wonder, while Arwen's stare became a glare of murderous rage. Unfortunately for the fellowship Gandalf and Elrond were tipsy (coughdrunkcough) and almost immediately agreed. The rest of the fellowship went to pack extra barf bags.
IN MORDOR
Sauron was having a bad day, he was STILL a big flaming eye and he'd just gotten word that Elrond had ten walkers.
"Stupid Elrond always trying to out do me, I'll show him. Ten walkers Hmpf!"
Suddenly the author dropped from the sky and landed in front of him.
"What," exclaimed Sauron, "how did you get here?"
"Um, I fell from the sky."
"That's impossible, people just don't fall from the sky."
"Fine then, I was carried, by a Swallow."
This launched the two into a debate about whether or not a swallow could carry a person, what type of swallow it would have to be, and how Monty Python was the funniest movie ever.
"I like you author, how would you like to be the tenth Ringwraith?"
"No, I'd rather go home."
"Wait how about this, you terrorize the tenth walker and make her quit the fellowship, and I promise to send you home."
"Do I get my own fell beast?"
IN HOLLIN
Anne was prancing along wondering why the hot attractive men of the fellowship weren't falling madly in love with her yet, when she heard what sounded like a geek doing an impression of the Nazgul scream.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Someone help me. I don't know how to fly this thing!"
After a few minutes, in which every member of the fellowship save Anne took cover, a fell beast landed. There was something strange about the fell beast and its rider. They were both amazingly technocolored.
"Fell things of evil, I am Annetsaluebock. I swear on my sword of pure gold that I will vanquish you."
The author, hereafter called theamazingtecnocolorringwraith, started laughing as Anne failed to even lift the sword a foot off the ground.
"You're an idiot." Exclaimed theamazingtecnocolorringwraith. "Gold is too heavy and too malleable to be used as a sword. Now let's see how fast you can run."
With that the tenth rider astride theamazingtecnocolorfellbeast began to chase Anne who was on foot. Anne of course was aided by her amazing speed and endurance. The chase lasted until they reached the borders of Mirkwood, where theamazingtecnocolorringwraith left Anne to the spiders.
IN MORDOR
Theamazingtecnocolorringwraith landed in front of Sauron and dismounted.
"OK, tenth walker eliminated. Can I go home now?"
Sauron just laughed, and a portal opened up behind him.
"To get past me you must answer these questions three ere the other side you see."
"Ask away."
"What is your name?"
"Theamazingtecnocolorringwraith."
"What is your quest?"
"I want to go home."
"What is your favorite color?"
"Technicolor."
"OK you can go."
So theamazingtecnocolorringwraith went into the portal, taking theamazingtecnocolorfellbeast as well. The fellowship destroyed the ring, Sauron was no more, and everyone else lived happily ever after, well almost . . .
IN MIRKWOOD
(Shows spiders crewing contentedly on Anne's bones.)
. . .but that's the price of being a Mary Sue.
THE END
Thank you for reading, not I ask that you review. Flames will be fed to theamazingtecnocolorfellbeast.