A Strange Turn of Emotions
Chapter one: Thinking Back
(A/N: For those who are die-hard CC/G and/or V/B fans, you may not want to read this. So don't flame...hang on…flame if you want, it just proves you took the time to read my fic ^_^ I do not own anything to do with DBZ, nor do I own 'Dan Dan Kokoro Hikareteku' by 'Field Of View'. Hope you enjoy!)
I don't know how long I've felt this way…I only know that it won't go away, it won't stop. Not for my marriage, not for my husband, my children, nothing. It frustrates me so much. I wish I could control my feelings, but in my heart I know I don't want to feel any other way. I'm happy…but at the same time, I'm not. Each time I see this…person…my heart leaps with joy and I feel butterflies in my stomach…but then I feel a great sadness over the fact I can't be with this person, not without hurting other people I care about. I mean I love Goku…well I think I still do, I know I used to love him, but now…what we have doesn't seem enough, I want more, only one person can give me what I want, but I can't hurt Goku in that way…not after all he's done for me and our children. He's a good father, an amazing guy and a wonderful husband, but my heart wants different…and what my heart wants…my heart gets.
Chi-Chi sighed and shifted in her spot on the windowsill in her bedroom. She stared out at the forests of Mt Poatzu and pondered her emotions; she had gotten a separate room from Goku now. She blamed the move on Goku's incessant snoring but that was just a cover, a poorly thought out cover, she added. She knew full well she couldn't sleep in the same bed; even have sex with her husband, while her mind was thinking about someone else, it was just wrong to do that. She knew Goku loved her and if she told him how she felt he wouldn't react on the surface, but he would be tearing himself apart inside, in that intricate web of himself that nobody could figure out. The wife of the strongest man in existence sighed again and looked around her room. She had painted her room yellow, it was Gohan's old room, but since he moved out to live with Videl, he didn't need it any more. Photos of all her friends stood atop her chest of drawers, there were single ones, ones of Gohan and Goten together with Pan, ones of her, Bulma and Trunks, ones of Krillin, 18 and Marron, and a group picture taken after the whole ordeal with Buu. Chi-chi noticed that the only one she had of Vegeta or Goku was the group picture, she walked over to it, picked it up and smiled. Vegeta had his usual pose and that signature frown he always had. She scanned her eyes over to the other side of the group, to Goku. He had that grin on his face, the one that made him look so damn cute. And what made it more adorable was that he had Goten on his shoulders, he had the exact same grin, it was like looking at the same person, but from two different timelines.
Chi-Chi turned her attention to Krillin and his family, she hadn't seen too much of them lately. She still thought Krillin looked weird with a full head of hair, it just wasn't right to her. 18 was the lucky one, she thought, not because of the man she had chosen. But because she'd never age in looks, she would always look like a nineteen year old. She laughed to herself as she changed her mind; if 18 would always look young then Krillin would be the lucky one, not her. The thought of youthful looks turned her attention back to Vegeta and Goku. They never seemed to age, especially Goku. Vegeta's age seemed to be undeterminable, who knows how old he was? Goku was roughly forty years old, the same as herself, but damn he looked so young. She was lucky to catch him in the first place. Most girls would call her crazy for wanting someone else; she knew Bulma would have a few things to say about that.
"Bulma…" Chi-Chi sighed as she traced her fingertips over the outline of Bulma's visage, she stood next to Vegeta, her smile and a sharp wink forever caught in a glossy framed photograph. Again, the thought of youthful looks took her away, to Bulma this time. She was at least ten years older than Goku and Chi-Chi but she looked even younger than the both of them. The most beautiful woman on the planet; an opinion shared by Capsule Corporation's critics as well as Chi-Chi herself. Yes, this was the person of Chi-Chi's affection, Bulma Briefs. Now you see why she dared not tell Goku, or anyone else for that matter. It wasn't unusual for Chi-Chi to find herself sexually attracted to some men even though she was married to Goku…but a woman? Goku's best friend and one of the richest people on Earth she might add, this was very unorthodox for Chi-Chi and it wasn't just sexual attraction either, it was on an intellectual basis as well. Bulma had a glowing personality, and there were only three men within Bulma's league that Chi-Chi knew of that have managed to resist her charms and good-looks, and that was Goku, Tien and Krillin.
The aging housewife set the picture down and inhaled deeply before letting out slowly, sunlight poured in through the bedroom window, casting her shadow over the wall and her bedroom door. She was alone in the house; Goku had gone out to train with Krillin, Goten and Gohan. Chi-Chi sighed and turned the doorknob on her door; she slowly opened it and walked down the hallway to the stairs. Suddenly, life just didn't seem as exciting as it once did. A few years ago, the house would have been spotless and she would already be cooking food for her husband, sons and whoever else came with them, but now she hardly bothered to clean and it looked like food was to be ordered out again. Goku never complained about having to order from a Chinese restaurant or something, after all Chi-Chi couldn't be expected to cook ALL of the time, no matter how much they all liked the food she produced. Slowly, Chi-Chi descended the staircase and walked into the kitchen. She took a wine glass from the sink and set it on the table. With her newfound feelings for Bulma she often took solace in a bottle or two of wine, it was her way of getting through the days that she wasn't with Bulma. She took out the bottle of red wine she kept hidden in a cupboard above the oven; the boys rarely went near that area of the kitchen so it was pretty easy to hide things there, it was the fridge they were interested in. Sitting down by the table, Chi-Chi took the cork out of the neck and poured herself half a glass. She put the cork back in the bottle and set it next to the glass.
Dan Dan Kokoro Hikareteku
Jibun demo fushigi nan' da kedo
Nani ka aru to sugu ni kimi ni denwa shitaku naru
Zen Zen ki no nai furi shite mo
Kekkyoku kimi no koto dake mite ita
Umi no kanata e tobidasou yo hold my hand.
The words she sang softly reminded her so much of the cerulean-eyed woman she was besotted with. Chi-Chi swirled the red liquid around in the glass she held between her ring and middle fingers. She let her thoughts trail off; she remembered the days when Bulma helped her with the constant loss of Goku. She remembered just after The Cell Games, Bulma dropped by to see how things were going, Chi-Chi couldn't have been happier to see her. Though she didn't know it then, it was to be the start of a complicated string of emotions that would just get stronger and stronger, no matter what.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey mom! I'm home!" Gohan called through the house as he closed the front door behind him. Chi-Chi walked into the living room, carrying a three year old Goten, a smile etched on both their faces. Gohan slumped on the couch and sighed heavily before smiling up at his mother.
"Hey hon, have fun with your new girlfriend?" She asked as she sat on the armchair opposite her son. Gohan blushed and put his hands behind his head.
"Mom, she's not my girlfriend. She's just a friend, that's all." He said. Chi-Chi smiled and shook her head. Goten just laughed happily and looked over at his older brother. Chi-Chi set him down on the floor and he ran over to Gohan, who knelt on the floor and started playing with him. Chi-Chi watched her sons play; just looking at Goten pained her, for he was the spitting image of Goku in every way. The boys laughed as they rolled around on the floor, pretending to fight. Chi-Chi stood up and was about to go into the kitchen before she heard a knock on the door and a familiar voice.
"Chi-Chi, you home?" Bulma called from outside. Chi-Chi's face lit up instantly, she skipped across the living room floor and opened the front door. Bulma stood in the doorstep, holding the son she had with Vegeta; Trunks.
"Hey Bulma, come on in." Chi-Chi said, stepping aside. Bulma smiled and walked into the living room, where the boys were still roughhousing. "Gohan, be careful with your brother, he's not as strong as you." Chi-Chi warned as she closed the door and entered the living room just behind Bulma. The eldest child of the Son family nodded and sat up.
"Ok mom, but just wait 'till dad gets back! He'll train Goten up then." He said as he ruffled Goten's hair. He nodded and grinned the exact same way his father did.
"Yeah! But mommy…" He said. Chi-Chi looked at her son and nodded for him to carry on. "When is daddy coming back?" He asked. Chi-Chi, feeling tears well up in her eyes, closed them and gripped her purple kimono tightly, in a way she had expected that question, but it still hurt her, not knowing when or even if her husband will return to her. Bulma set Trunks on the floor and looked at her friend, and then she glanced at the boys, who were awaiting Chi-Chi's answer.
"Boys…go play outside, me and you're mom need to talk for a while." She said. Goten nodded and stood up and looked at Gohan and Trunks.
"Last one out is a rotten dragon egg!" He yelled before running out the door.
"Hey! Wait for me!" Trunks yelled as he ran after him. Gohan just laughed and disappeared.
"Hey Gohan! No fair!" Trunks yelled as Gohan reappeared outside, in front of the two youngsters. Inside the house, Bulma turned to Chi-Chi, who had remained in the same position from when Goten had posed the question of Goku's return from The Other World.
"Chi…" She said softly, resting her hand on her friend's shoulder. Chi-Chi slowly opened her eyes, which was like opening the flood gates to a reservoir. Tears streamed down her face and her shoulders convulsed as she sobbed. Bulma quickly put her arms around Chi-Chi's shoulders, desperately trying to console her. Chi-Chi turned and wrapped her arms around Bulma in a tight hug; she buried her face into her friend's shoulder. It wasn't just the pain of not having Goku around that got to her, it was also their bond. The second Goku left this world, Chi-Chi felt an excruciating pain in her heart, her soul; her very being was riddled with the pain of Goku's death. For months she was a zombie, wandering around the house as if she was lost. But then Goten came along and she had to get over Goku's departure. Even after just over three years, Chi-Chi could still feel the pain in her heart whenever she thought of her husband. The lingering twinge that surfaced every so often, sometimes it wouldn't be so bad, but other times it would be just as bad as it was when he passed away. She had lost a part of herself, a part she'd never get back until Goku returned to this world.
Bulma rocked her weeping friend gently; she hated seeing Chi-Chi this way, although she was crying almost every other week. She was getting better, it used to be that Bulma had to stay all night due to Chi-Chi's depression; she feared she would have hurt herself or worse over Goku.
"Chi-Chi, it's alright, everything will be ok." Bulma said as she slowly rocked Chi-Chi in her arms who by now, was leaning against her chest, wiping away her tears with her kimono sleeve.
"G-Goku?" Chi-Chi whispered. Though the voice she heard was clearly female, the words Bulma spoke were exact to what Goku would have said if he was in her place. Bulma shook her head and smiled softly as Chi-Chi looked up at her.
"No Chi. It's me, Bulma." She said. Chi-Chi smiled and saw something she had never really noticed before. Beauty, radiance, a glowing air of something that had her eyes fixated on Bulma's face. Her smile, it seemed to light up the whole room, nothing could escape it. Chi-Chi stared into her cerulean eyes, they seemed to bury deep inside her mind and stay there, refusing to move. Maybe that's why she couldn't look away, or was it that Bulma had her under some sort of spell? Whatever the case, Chi-Chi didn't care for some reason. The pain she felt through her bond with Goku was gone, this was like a drug to Chi-Chi, and like a drug-addict; she wanted more. "Chi? You ok?" Bulma asked, breaking Chi-Chi's trance.
"Yeah, I'm fine. You just sounded like Goku, that's all. You spend too much time with him." Chi-Chi joked as she sat up with a smile on her face. Bulma sat back and raised one eyebrow.
"If I'm starting to sound like him, then I have been around Goku way too long." She said with a laugh. Chi-Chi laughed and sat back next to Bulma, who turned her head to look at her friend. It seemed strange to her how she could be crying her heart out one moment, and then be joking and perfectly fine the next. In a way she had envied Chi-Chi, for the same reason pretty much every woman envied her, her husband. He was the perfect man in more ways than one. He was kind, gentle, while he didn't always think about anything else other than fighting and food, he cared deeply for his family and friends. That was rare to find in a guy, but what was even rarer was the fact he had good looks too, and in Bulma's opinion, they were a little more than good. But she never thought of Goku as anything more than a friend, she just wished Vegeta could be more like him, though there was the chasm of doubt a few hundred miles wide that he wouldn't do more than shrug off that comment. She stared at Chi-Chi, who was watching the boys play through the window in the living room.
"She really is the strongest woman alive, and I mean emotionally and mentally. Look at her smile…if I were her I would never smile again." Bulma thought. She admired Chi-Chi's resilience; she was so much like Goku in that respect, never letting anything get to her, and even if anything did get to her, it would either be for a small while or she wouldn't show it at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chi-Chi finished her wine and set the glass down. The boy would be home soon, she had better get rid of any evidence showing that she had been drinking. She quickly got up and put the bottle back in the cupboard above the oven and washed the glass. After drying the glass, she put it back in the cupboard and ran upstairs to the bathroom. Chi-Chi quickly brushed her teeth, to get rid of any small of alcohol. Spitting into the sink she looked at herself in the mirror and thought back once more to that day, where she took a very strange turn of emotions.
"Chi-Chi! We're home!" She heard Goku's call followed by Gohan, Goten and Krillin's laughter and put her toothbrush back in its place before running down the stairs.
(A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Now you see why die-hard CC/G and V/B fans shouldn't read this ^_^; But I hope you liked it all the same. All forms of feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks, ja'ne!)