Chapter 1
Ed looked at the folder in his hand with a look of disgust on his face. "...No," he said. "I'm NOT going on this mission. That's final."
"You don't really have a choice, Fullmetal. You have to obey any and all orders from your superior officer. Meaning, you HAVE to go on this mission," Mustang replied with a smirk plastered on his face.
Ed glared at him. "But seriously...Inspecting the library of a boarding school? Why do I have to pose as a student for that?"
"We inspected it the usual way some time ago, and came up with no results. We suspect that they aren't telling us something," Mustang stated simply, examining his nails.
"Yeah, but couldn't you have picked someone else?" Ed complained.
"You're the only person who's the right height to pass off as a student."
"WHAT?!"
"By the way, have you read the whole report? You might find one part slightly appealing."
Ed glared at him, then scanned through the thick folder of information with narrowed eyes that widened once he got to the third page.
"The philosophers stone?" he said, his interest immediately sparked by the phrase. "Why didn't you say so? I'll go." He smiled widely, which only caused Roy's smirk to grow.
"Good. So, now that you've agreed, I can tell you the catch."
Ed's smile wavered. "Catch?" he asked uncertainly.
"Pinefax Academy is exclusively a girl's school," said Roy, unable to hide his amusement as Ed's eyes got even bigger.
"G-girl's school...?" Ed said in a controlled, yet icy, voice. "So, you're saying...That you're sending me...A boy...To a boarding school for...Girls?"
Roy had to stop himself from bursting out in laughter at Ed's reaction. "Yes, that's what I'm saying, Fullmetal. It wouldn't be very hard for you to pass off as a girl, if you wore your hair down, anyways. Although, you are a bit flat-chested..."
"THAT'S A GOOD THING, BASTARD!" Ed shouted. "WHY ME?!"
Roy rolled his eyes. "I already told you, you're the only one who's the right height. Honestly, don't you ever listen? Anyways, I've got your uniform right here. You'll need to try it on."
"HELL NO!"
One Half Hour of Yelling Later
Ed stared in disgust at himself in the bathroom mirror. That bastard...
He was wearing a low-necked light blue sweater with a yellow and red badge on it over a white shirt and a tie.
As for the lower half, he was wearing a skirt. A red and yellow plaid skirt.
You know the world is coming to an end when you see Edward Elric wearing a skirt.
He wore new brown shoes that would be close to useless for running; they hurt like hell, too. At least he could be sure no one would see his automail. His pristine white socks went up to his knees, covering all of his steel leg.
The thing that angered Ed the most of all was what was under the clothes.
Yes, that's right. He was wearing a bra.
Attached to that bra had been a note from Colonel Bastard himself telling him to 'stuff the bra' which Ed would rather not do. He'd rather not go on this mission at all, to tell the truth. But, they were 'orders from his superior officer' so he had to.
He had also had to do the bra-stuffing thing.
Still grumbling, Ed made his way back to Mustang's office, getting a few looks from people in the halls along the way.
Roy looked up as Ed stepped back inside, wearing the uniform. He raised an eyebrow. "You look very...Convincing." He said, the smirk reappearing on his face. Ed's only reply was to give him the finger, which, luckily for Ed, went ignored.
"Just one more thing..." Roy said, standing up. He walked over to Ed and put a finger under his chin so that they were looking straight into each others eyes. Ed looked like he wanted to strangle someone.
Roy reached behind Ed's head and pulled out the hair band that held his braid in place. Ed flinched as his hair fell to a more relaxed position flowing down his back. Roy's smirk turned to a surprised grin as he saw just how long the kid's hair really was.
"Oh, you'll DEFINITELY pass as a girl..." he muttered devilishly. Ed continued giving him the silent treatment. "The only thing you need now is a girl name. What are you thinking?"
Ed sighed. "I don't know. Can I leave?" Roy shook his head. Ed sighed again. "Um...Can my name still start with the letter E?"
Roy looked at him weirdly. "Why?"
"I like that letter..." Ed muttered. Roy held back a laugh.
"Let's see..." He tapped his chin. "Edith?"
"Hell no," Ed said stiffly.
"Elicia?"
"That's Hughes's daughter's name! He'll never leave me alone if we choose that!"
"True, true...Havoc, could you come here for a minute?" Roy waved the smoker over from the other side of the room.
"Yes, sir?" he asked, clearly confused. He looked at Ed curiously. "Is this your newest girlfriend?" Ed tensed. "Hmm, she's cute, but a bit short compared to you."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE HAS TO-"
"EDWARD?!" Havoc exclaimed, his eyes bugging out of his skull. "Why are you wearing a skirt?!"
Ed gave him a death glare. He opened his mouth to say something before Roy cut him off.
"It's for his latest mission. That's the reason I called you over here. I'll explain it all in detail later."
"Uh...Okay..." said Havoc, clearly finding it hard to ignore the sight of Edward wearing a bra. "What do you need?"
"Well, you've been dumped by a lot of woman." Ed couldn't help but smile at the look that came over Havoc's face as Roy spoke. "Surely they all had names, right?" Havoc nodded, speechless. "Can you think of any names that would suit girl-Ed?"
Ed stared evenly at the taller blond man as he examined him.
"Hmm...Any specifications?"
"It should start with E," said Mustang mockingly. "Because Ed likes that letter." Ed sighed in exasperation.
"Eden? No, never mind. I dated an Eden once. She was a jerk."
"That goes great with Fullmetal, then. Hello Eden!" Mustang greeted cheerily.
"Go to hell," Ed said without even looking away from Havoc. "Any other names?"
"Edna?" Havoc suggested. Ed gave him a look. "Okay, not Edna. Eva? Elizabeth? Never mind, neither of those suit you at all...Um...Edolie?"
Ed blinked. "That one's...Okay, I guess. It has Ed in it..." (1)
"Edolie it is, then," said Roy. "Although I can't exactly say I agree with your taste. Well, that's beside the point. Leave. I'm sick of looking at you."
Ed rolled his eyes. "You don't have to tell me twice...Bye."
He closed the door with a click- or, more accurately, an angry slam- and began the long walk back to his and Al's room in the living quarters, which were on the other end of the building.
He had completely forgotten about what he was wearing, so it came as a complete surprise to him when his brother didn't recognize him.
"Hey Al! What's the big deal?! It's me! What's with the 'hello, um, who are you?' shit?!"
"Who ARE you?!" Al asked again, still confused. Ed let out a scream of annoyance.
"ED! I'M ED AND I'M TIRED SO LET ME IN!" He pushed his way through the door, grumbling.
"...Ed, why are you wearing that?" Al asked, not bothering to hide the amusement in his voice. Ed snorted.
"Read this." He tossed the file to his brother and began changing back into his usual apparel.
"'...Pinefax Academy's extensive library was inspected months ago, but the inspectors had various reasons to believe that the headmaster was hiding something, reasons being bla bla bla...Pinefax Academy is located in the countryside four miles away from Central City and is one of the highest-rated boarding schools in Amestris...'" Al flipped the page. "'Edward Elric's mission is to investigate the school while playing the part of a student.' So?"
"You missed a few details." Said Ed as he slipped his usual black shirt on for the second time; the first time he had had to take it off again because he had forgotten to remove the bra first. "For one thing, the school's library is supposed to contain information on the philosopher's stone. For another thing, Pinefax Academy is an all girl's school." He ended bitterly. "Meaning, I have to be a girl. Or at least look like one."
Al was silent for a moment before he burst out laughing. Ed glared at him.
"It wouldn't kill you to be a little more sympathetic..." He muttered.
"S-sorry but...Ah...HAHAHAHAHA!!" Al ignored his brother and continued laughing, the sound echoing inside his empty armor.
"It's not funny!" Ed shouted indignantly.
"Yes, it is!"
Ed crossed his arms and pouted. "It's not MY fault I have to go on this stupid mission. It was that bastard Colonel Mustang who assigned it to me..." he grumbled.
"Yeah, yeah," said Al, still chuckling. "Your train leaves tomorrow. Get some sleep."
Ed was happy to oblige.
(1) Good ol' Ed and his bad taste!