Chapter 1
"Sherra. Wake up!" my mom yelled.
With those three words, I woke up. I woke up from my dream.
I can't quit remember what my dream was, but it was a nightmare. All I remember is that I was running. Running away from something.
Well, it doesn't matter anyway. It was just a dream. Or at least I thought it was. I hoped it was.
...
Walking down a hallway of lockers and crowd of students made me realize the fact that I was back at school again, and another school year has begun. Ugh, I can't even describe how much I wanted to go home.
It's been a month since I turned 17, and I'm current in end of my 3rd year in high school.
What I do when I get to school is what I do every morning when I get there; walk to my locker, and when I finally do reach my locker, I do the most stupid thing on Earth; stand there. Standing in front of my locker, pretending like I'm organizing my stuff while hoping for one of my friends to show up. Which does kind of make me sound like a loser.
Ah well, I don't even care. All I wanted to do right now was to go home and sleep.
If you're wondering why I'm so attached to my home and sleeping is because lately, my body's been in the worst condition. Ever since my birthday, I've frequently had a headache, sudden exhaustion, and every part of my body ached, but I know that it'll be gone soon because I've never really been seriously sick in my life. So there is nothing to worry about. Well, that's what I keep telling myself at least every time.
As I was saying, this is middle of my 3rd year of high school at Arizona Secondary School, and so far, nothing has been going as I planned.
Actually, never mind, things are going just as I planned. Here comes Claire and Emelia.
"Hey," said Claire with a smile.
"Hey," I said back.
"It's been a while since I last saw you" said Emelia, then gave me a warm hug.
"Yeah I know" I replied while hugging her back.
"Yeah, it has been a while," said Claire, and gave me a pat on the back.
"Oww" I yelled. Then Claire and Lily gave me an odd expression.
I just stared back at them. I didn't know how to react, because I knew that Claire just lightly patted my back and I yelled in response.
Thankfully, no one except Claire and Emelia heard me. The hallway was too loud with too many students chatting throughout it.
"Geez, I didn't even hit you that hard. What were you hospitalized over the summer?" Claire asked while giving me an odd expression.
"No.. Sorry, I've been a bit tired lately," I said, without knowing the reason behind my own reaction.
Then we all walked to our morning classes and decided to meet at lunch.
The school bell for announcing the beginning of first class began ringing. For me it was English, which was taught by a senior teacher with monotone voice named Mrs. Banes. I quickly got into the class and took a seat. I've actually had Mrs. Banes in my previous year classes in Arizona S.S. She wasn't the happiest teacher, but not the angriest one either. She just made most of her students fall asleep in her class.
As Mrs. Banes began taking the attendance as students slowly rolled into the class and took their seats one by one, I was thinking about what had happened this morning. Claire was telling the truth when she said she didn't pat me hard. It was just me who felt it like a hammer. The truth is, when I said my body was aching everywhere, I might have over generalized where I actually felt the pain; which was just my back. I guess I was a bit over exaggerating things before. The pain began not too long ago. To be more specific, it started hurting near the shoulder blades of my back, and it wasn't like I got a bruise or got hurt by anything. The pain just began without a reason. So I decided to pay more close attention to it, tried not to make it worse, but I clearly wasn't paying any attention to it this morning.
When I finally started paying attention to what Mrs. Banes was saying, half the class was asleep and the class soon ended.
As soon as the class ended, I headed towards the cafeteria. Then I got myself into a line up to buy lunch. I was looking around to find Claire and Emelia, who I decided to meet at lunch, but I somehow ended up bumping into the last person I wanted to bump into, Jae. Without making any eye contact, I apologized immediately and walked away.
Jae. Jae Degray, to be exact, was my best friend and my first crush. It happened before we entered high school. It was when we were in eighth grade, I believe. I don't really know how it happened, but I kind of just started liking him. I knew Jae for a long time, and to be honest, Jae wasn't really my type; appearance wise at least. It wasn't that he wasn't really attractive, he was. His green eyes were always so intimidating, they always drew me in with its brightness and I couldn't keep my eyes off them. But there was always something dark about him that attracted me in too. He was a bit full of himself in a way that he thought he was always so funny. He never seemed to take anything seriously. He still isn't my ideal type, but he made me laugh and comfortable, and that seemed to be all that I needed for a guy back then. We were neighbors for as long as I could remember and hung out all the time with our friends, but I didn't really get to know him until we were in eighth grade. We always hung out in groups of 6, including ourselves. The group included our closest friends since we were probably born, but I'll get to them later. As I was saying, I didn't really get to know him better until grade eight. Back then, we were assigned to sit beside each other for months which forced us get to know each other better, and got along quit well in some ways. Actually, no, we didn't. All we used to do was argue. If I think about it now, it was a childish way of getting to know each other, but we didn't always argue, we had some nice moments too.
Back then, I never got to tell him how I felt for him. I never had the courage to ask him how he felt either. I guess neither of us were ready or had the guts to just say it. Time passed by and we all graduated from elementary school, and moved on. Well, at least that's what I wanted; to move on. However, I realized that feelings don't work that way. Especially when the person you liked or like (I don't even know) is your neighbor, and yours and his parents are BFFs, and so you just can't seem to avoid meeting every often.
When I entered high school, Arizona Secondary School, my feelings for him started to fade away. Little at a time. Arizona Secondary School wasn't my home zone school. Meaning, the high school was not the closest high school from my house, but I decided to apply for it anyway, because I wanted to get away from my old life, and start knew. Well, maybe I just wanted to get away from Jae. Because getting away from my old life also meant getting away from Jae. I just wasn't honest enough to admit it to my mom when I told her I wanted to apply for a school outside the home zone.
Only a few students from my elementary school applied and got accepted to Arizona S.S, only 6 to be exact including myself. Yes, those 6 happened to be my friends that I basically grew up with. I have been told by them that they would apply, but I wasn't told anything about Jae's application. However, I think a part of me knew that he would apply, and I applied anyway. On the day I got my acceptance letter, I received text messages from 4 of my friends who applied to the school also. The five others who got accepted included Elijah Kanes, Haley Darnell, Maya Delevingne, Luke Ashenden, and Jae. Most of them I was happy with since they were my best friends, except one, Jae. But I kind of knew this would happen so I couldn't complain and had to accept the fact. A part of me knew it was better to get away from him and start new, but a part of me had hopes that maybe we could avoid each other and start over at a new school. Maybe I wanted too much. Maybe I was being selfish for wanting all my old friends, while also wanting to move on and away from Jae. But no one can blame me for wanting everything. But I also can't blame others for not moving the way I wanted them to; including Jae.
When I first came to Arizona S.S. as a 1st year high school student, I had no friends. I only knew the five other people; Haley, Maya, Elijah, Luke, and Jae. Thankfully, we had each other, and even though I was trying to get over Jae, I still hung out with them with confidence that Jae and I would be able to just stay friends. Well, also because I couldn't give up 4 friends over a guy.
I soon realized that I made a good choice of not telling Jae how I felt, because it would have been a lot more awkward if I did. We were happy back then, we were all so happy. However, all the good times that we had, also had a side effect on me as well. Hanging out with everyone made me realize my feelings were coming back. Which wasn't a good sign for me.
As I said, Maya, Haley, Elijah, Luke, Jae and I were all best friends. But it didn't last forever. Because nothing really lasts forever.
It all started falling apart in the month of October. We all had just entered our 3nd year of high school, and still didn't have that many real close friends, because we were too tight with each other. Jae, Elijah, and Luke seemed to be getting along with everyone, especially girls. I wasn't jealous or anything though, because I knew they were just being themselves. I guess guys just get along with everyone easier and quicker. Us girls, on the other hand, needed more time. Girls normally did tend to take a longer time when it came to making friends; not to be stereotypical or offend any girls out there. We were good at getting along with a lot of people, but not as good as Elijah, Luke, or Jae.
Anyway, as I said, it began in the month of October of our second year of high school. Haley started dating Elijah, Maya started dating Luke, and I began to feel a bit awkward hanging out with them, because I felt like an annoying bothersome third wheel. But also, their relationships made me realize that I still haven't forgotten Jae. I knew I had a bit of feeling left for him and knew this seemed like a perfect timing, but my gut was telling me differently.
I didn't know what was holding me back, but I knew it wasn't my time.
I never got to tell Jae about my feelings, and I regretted.
And I knew, sooner or later, the only feeling that I will have left of Jae is regret, and that was not how I wanted to remember or think of Jae. So I decided to let myself go. Let my feelings for him go completely and give up.
I told both Elijah and Haley that I let my feelings for Jae go. They were both surprised, but not too surprised and understanding. They probably thought we were going to be a thing too, but surprised to find out that we aren't.
Ever since that day, I never talked to Jae again, and eventually, Haley and Elijah broke up, and so did Maya and Luke. Ever since this whole thing happened, we all fell apart. We no longer got together to hang out or anything, and I knew we could never go back to the old days, and we would eventually move on.
...
Time passed as we all eventually moved on.
I now talked to everyone except Jae, but I knew eventually we would and have to talk to each other.
Now, I hang out with my two other best friends, Claire and Emelia. We laugh, hang, and talk. It's been really fun hanging out with them and they were the ones who made me forget. I still missed the old times, but I believed that everything happens and happened for a reason and we could be back together someday.
...
I suddenly hear someone yelling my name out. It was Claire and Emelia walking down the hall way with their lunch bags and waving their hands at me, and I give them a big smile.
Then suddenly, I felt dizzy. Like a spark of electricity flowing through my brain. I felt the smile on my face disappear. I felt myself falling down. I heard Claire and Emelia yelling my name again, but this time it was full of fear. They sounded terrified. Then they started yelling for help. Then my eyes closed and I fainted.