Nothing Better Than a Broken Heart
Disclaimer: I own nothing, though I wish I did.
A/N: This may be a bit different from my other pieces, but I hope you enjoy.
Morgana first noticed that Merlin acted weird around her when she had walked in on him reading a book in the library. Geoffrey was at the front of the library watching his surroundings like a hawk. That didn't stop him from giving her a smile as a greeting.
She had walked into the small space between shelves and sneaked up on him. Merlin had been reading a thick, old, dusty book that read Ancient Herbs of Healing.
"Hello, Merlin." Morgana greeted brightly, but frowned and jumped herself when he jumped at her greeting.
Merlin turned to her with wide, panicked eyes. "H-hello, milady."
Geoffrey stood up at the sudden noise, but Morgana's smile placated him and he sat back down.
"Are you alright, Merlin?" Morgana had asked, worry in her brow.
Merlin nodded, giving her a tight smile. He sighed and sat back down. "I'm searching some herbs for Gaius."
"Isn't that something new?" Morgana joked lightly. Merlin chuckled quietly.
A comfortable silence filled them and Morgana resumed her search of whatever book she had come here for.
It was when she had paced around the same area a dozen times did she realize she just wanted a distraction.
Merlin looked up when she sat down across from him. Noticing her weary state he placed a hand on the book and looked at her with concern. "Are you alright?"
"Perfect." Morgana answered in instinct, pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. She sighed quietly.
"You don't seem perfect." Merlin said lamely. He looked down when Morgana looked up at him. And only looked back up when she chuckled.
"I'm fine." Morgana sighed again as she traced a hand over the hard wood of the table. "I've got nothing to do. Coming here I expected to find a good book, but...nothing."
Merlin frowned. He looked down at the herb book and closed it. "I'll help you find something."
Morgana looked at Merlin surprised. "You don't need to-"
"I want to." Merlin said with a determined voice. He stood up and smiled at Morgana. "We should find your book before Geoffrey closes the library for the day."
Morgana looked at Merlin amazed before standing up herself and nodding at his enthusiasm for the simple task.
Hours later Merlin and Morgana walked out of the library, laughing quietly. Merlin had the herbs book in his hand while Morgana had nothing.
"Geoffrey needs to relax!" Morgana exclaimed as she was hit with another fit of laughter.
If she was around any other she would be poised and controlled, but with Merlin. Morgana knew well enough that he, like Gwen, would not judge her. He, in fact, saw her as an equal. Morgana welcomed that.
"I believe all he needs to do is have fun." Merlin said, laughing as well.
Morgana's cheeks burned. "I didn't mean for the row of perfect books to fall." She stopped and hid her face behind her hands. "Oh, Uther's going to kill me!"
"It seems you also need to learn to relax." Merlin teased slightly, moving his head in a peculiar manner. Morgana stared at him before bursting in a fit of giggles.
When her laughter had been controlled she looked at Merlin with a big smile.
Merlin stared back. They shared a prolonged look, until Merlin lost his smile and looked at Morgana in confusion.
Morgana looked back at him confused. Did she have something in her face? Oh Gods, had she been staring for too long?
Before she could voice her thoughts, Gwen came running with Arthur.
"There you two are." Arthur said, breathlessly.
Morgana and Merlin both welcomed the distraction, feeling a bit nervous for some unknown reason.
"Morgana, you forgot, didn't you?" Arthur remarked, unimpressed.
"Forget what?" Morgana asked, genuinely confused.
Arthur rolled his eyes. "The royal banquet." He said, frustrated. "Honestly Morgana, where's your head half the time? Father asked both of us to be ready. And what do you do? Hide in the library. I know you hate these sort of things, but Father expects this from you. Poor Guinevere had to look around for you. She was almost frantic when I found her."
Morgana was ready to tell Arthur off, but the mention of Gwen's worry made Morgana quell down her argument and look at her friend worried.
"Is this true, Gwen?"
Gwen looked at Morgana, sheepishly. Playing with the skirt of her gown.
"Yes!" Arthur all but whispered. The three jumped and looked at the prince. "Have you not been listening to a word I've said?"
"Honestly?" Morgana looked at Arthur with a blank face. "No." She turned to Gwen. "Come on Gwen, I better get dressed quickly." Morgana turned to Merlin and waved her goodbyes.
Once Morgana and Gwen made it to the young Ward's chambers, Morgana felt the need to talk to someone about...Merlin. She looked at Gwen, who was busy looking through Morgana's wardrobe, and shook her head. Gwen was too busy to listen to her rant about something that had no matter at all. Morgana smiled at Gwen when she turned with a gentle green dress and tried to push away her curiosity of Merlin.
The royal banquet went quite quickly. Morgana had smiled and engaged in small talk with Arthur and Uther. The other royal families basically ignored her unless Uther made it clear that she was part of the conversation as well. And with that, Morgana had no qualms in shameless talk about swords and fighting with the men whilst ignoring the women.
It was only fair, they had ignored her first.
With a goblet in her hand, she rose to her feet and bid Arthur and Uther goodnight.
Gwen helped her drunk mistress to her chambers where she helped Morgana off her shoes. She carefully helped Morgana into her nightgown and once Morgana was all tucked in, Gwen bid the lady Morgana good night.
The next morning it came as no surprise that Morgana had a big headache.
"You shouldn't have drank as much as you did." Arthur chastised her. He sat on the table, picking on Morgana's breakfast plate.
"You're one to talk." Morgana groaned when she stood up and the room began to spin. "You've had worst cases than me. Just last New Years eve you drank in celebration of your birthday AND New Years. Not to mention Christmas." Morgana soothed her head, but the pain and spinning would not go away.
There was a soft knock by the door; which increased Morgana's moaning.
Arthur looked at Morgana wishing he could roll his eyes before walking to the door.
Out there, Merlin stood with a warm goblet of green liquid.
Arthur moved out of the way, back to the table. "About time, Merlin. She was just ready to kill my ears with her constant whining."
Morgana glared through the throbbing pain before swallowing the last of her moans and remaining quiet.
Merlin shook his head at Arthur with a small glare. He walked into the room, closed the door, and gave the goblet to Morgana. "It'll make you feel better."
Morgana received it and gave Merlin a small smile. "Thank you, Merlin."
Merlin nodded his acceptance and backed away from Morgana.
As soon as the liquid touched her lips, Morgana knew the headache would be gone in no time. So she drank every bit of the content in one, greedy gulp.
Gwen came in just in time to see Morgana put the goblet down. She smiled at her charge and began rummaging the room for a gown Morgana would wear for the day.
Arthur and Merlin tried to initiate small talk with Morgana.
"Do you feel better now?" Arthur asked in a serious voice.
Morgana looked at him, eyes narrowed, waiting for him to make fun of her. When he only stared back she gave in and said, "I'm feeling much better."
Arthur nodded. "Doesn't this make you wish you were as responsible as me?"
Morgana looked at Arthur blankly. There it was, the teasing.
"Or at least able to hold your liquor?" Arthur said, aiming to hit all of Morgana's weak points.
"Arthur." Morgana began; Arthur looked at her expectantly, but Morgana only smiled. "Yes, I do."
Arthur looked momentarily confused before he smirked. "You agree with me? To which question?"
"Well, isn't that something you'd like to know?" Morgana teased with a pout on her face.
Arthur smiled at her. "Not when I already know the answer."
"How can you possibly know the answer?" Morgana retorted, voice light and fun. "You're not me to know everything."
"I may surprise you." Arthur said, leaning back on his hands; a look of complete honesty on his face.
Morgana resisted the urge to tell Arthur off and sighed in relief when Gwen came with her gown.
"You boys better leave." Morgana said, even though it was unnecessary.
"Wouldn't want to stay even if I could." Arthur said as he walked out, Merlin followed him. He closed the door behind him not before he looked back at Morgana. When their eyes met, he blushed and quickly looked away.
Once again, for the second day in a row, Morgana was left confused by this boy.
It was only when Morgana came running to the library three days later, with a piece of parchment on her hands and a feather did everything turn stranger.
Merlin sat in the same table of four days ago. His back to her, like the other time. Only this time he didn't jump when she greeted him.
"Hello, Merlin." Morgana greeted and sat down opposite of him.
Merlin smiled slowly at Morgana. "Hello, Morgana." Merlin said with a smile. "What brings you to the library today?"
Once the question was asked, Morgana looked down at her piece of parchment and frowned. Deep in thought as she stared at it. She looked up at him with a frown still on her pretty face.
"My writing's bad." Was all she said.
Merlin looked at her piece of parchment when she showed it to him and shook his head.
"It's better than mine."
Morgana looked down at her writing, willing herself to see how Merlin's writing could be worse than her's. When she looked up, mouth open to speak, she looked up and saw Merlin jerk his head away. Morgana stared at him for a minute confused.
Was it in her mind or had he been staring at her? Morgana shook her head.
"I better go ask, Gwen." Morgana lied. "I haven't found her, but thank you, Merlin."
Merlin nodded his head, not looking up at her.
Morgana walked stiffly to the library door, once she was out of view she broke into a run until she reached her chambers. She slammed the door open and slammed it closed once she was inside.
Gwen looked at Morgana like a deer caught in the headlights.
"I'm sorry, Gwen." Morgana said when she could form speech. If only her heart would stop beating so fast.
Gwen shook her head. "Is something wrong, Morgana?" Gwen asked, walking over with a worried expression on her face.
"Fine." Morgana smiled at Gwen. "Everything's fine."
But everything was not fine. She spent the whole day thinking of Merlin and the piece of parchment. If he had been looking at it, it wasn't bad. It only contained mere prose. Nothing that worried Morgana.
But if Merlin took the words of love and the blue sky, she might be in some trouble.
However, who was to say that he was looking at her writings? Maybe he was looking at her as she focused intently on the paper.
Her heart started beating fast once more when Morgana was in bed.
Her thoughts moved from Merlin looking at her to him only looking at the parchment. No amount of tossing and turning could calm her nerves.
She shook her head. There was nothing to calm. Morgana was just worrying too much.
But no, it wasn't worry. It was frustration that she didn't know what Merlin had looked at. But deep inside the frustration, she had enjoyed the fact that he had been looking at her.
Right there, at night, in bed, all alone, her cheeks turned bright red as her heart began to beat fast.
A smile spread across her face as memories of Merlin looking at her came to mind. Maybe it was all in her head.
Maybe he hadn't even looked at her, but no matter what lies she told herself, she was happy that Merlin had looked at her. Unsure of the reason why she catching his attention was a good thing, she fell into a dreamless sleep.
Everything from then onwards turned down hill.
Morgana watched helpless as Merlin ignored her more and more. Her heart for some reason began to wish that he looked at her or talked to her, but no. Merlin instead decided to talk to all the other servant girls.
Whenever Arthur went on his daily hunt, women and girls would pile up food for the day and Merlin would happily chat with them. There came a point where he would hug them all. Merlin was friendly and well liked, but the way the girls hugged back with such ease and enthusiasm. It made Morgana feel jealous, though she was too proud to admit that.
With everything in her being, she waved at Arthur and Merlin when they looked up at her window.
The day went by, Morgana waited the hours until Arthur and Merlin returned.
Unbeknown to her, Gwen watched her quietly the whole day. Initiating conversation here and there and noticing how Morgana only talked when Merlin was somewhat involved in the topic. As soon as Gwen saw Morgana smile, she reached the window and saw that she was looking at the arriving party.
Gwen looked at Morgana testing to see in her theory was right and was shocked to see a small smile on Morgana's face.
"Morgana..." Gwen cleared her throat. Morgana looked up at her wearily; it was obvious she wanted to look back down, but was forcing herself to not spike any suspicion from Gwen. "Do you like Merlin?"
"What?" Morgana blurted out, her cheeks reddening in an accelerated pace.
Gwen didn't need any more confirmation. She sighed and sat down next to Morgana.
"You like Merlin." Gwen watched as Morgana began to shake her head; Gwen stopped her with a soft smile. "It's okay Morgana. You can like him.
"I don't." Morgana argued, her cheeks redder than before.
"Morgana..." Gwen sighed, not wanting to fight.
"He's so clumsy and funny. His smile is like a small child's and he knows how to play." Morgana sighed, not sure where she was going with this. "He's so serious now. I'm not sure why. I think he's even avoiding me."
Gwen looked at Morgana confused. "I'm sorry...I don't understand. Can you start from the beginning?"
And Morgana did, she explained everything from Merlin acting normal in the library to him avoiding her after the parchment accident.
"He likes you." Gwen said, sure of herself.
"What?" Morgana's cheeks had never been as red as they were now. "That's not possible..." She laughed without humor. "I mean, it makes no sense. Why would he..."
Gwen stopped her from babbling with a sharp stare. "He likes you, Morgana. And better yet, you like him." Gwen smiled and figured everything was okay.
But it wasn't.
As soon as Merlin and Morgana crossed paths the next couple of days, they would avoid each other like the plague.
Arthur was beginning to get suspicious, but neither of them backed down. Gwen watched helplessly as Morgana went to breakfast and walked right back to her chambers when she was done with breakfast.
Morgana was having a hard time following her own advice on ignoring Merlin. It turned out to be harder than she had thought. For he was all she could think about.
It was one day that she had been having a midnight hunger. Morgana walked to the kitchens and finding no one there she prepared herself some noddles. She had just finished serving herself when she heard a faint, "Morgana?"
She turned, eyes wide, to see Merlin in the doorway. Morgana relaxed and smiled at him. "Hello, Merlin."
"What are you doing up so late?" Merlin asked and walked into the kitchen, their week-long silence forgotten when he caught smell of the noddles.
"I go hungry and decided to have a midnight snack." Morgana answered. She turned to him and to her surprise, he was looking at the noodles in longing. Morgana chuckled under her breath. "Here you go."
"Oh, no. I-I couldn't." Merlin blushed slightly in emberrasment.
"Merlin, I've just spend 20 minutes of my life brewing enough noodles for two people." Morgana put her hands on her thighs. "The least I can do is share it with some one so it doesn't go to waste."
Merlin looked uncomfortable, but received the already served plate. "Are you sure?"
Morgana nodded, and turned to serve the rest of the noddles on another bowl.
They ate in comfortable silence, enjoying the sweet taste of the spicy noodles. Morgana finished her spoonful and looked at Merlin. "How is it?"
Merlin pretended to think. "It's edible." He pushed down a smile. "It's okay."
Morgana laughed. "Yes, I guess it is." She put on one of her own thoughtful looks. "But yes it is edible, people have ate berries and grass." She shrugged showing her modesty in her cooking.
"You're edible, too." Merlin blurted out and quickly looked away. Morgana lost her smile and stared at Merlin, not sure of what he meant.
Her heart wished it meant that he wanted her, but she mentally shook her head and forced a laugh out. "Yes."
The uncomfortable silence did not end then. Merlin finished the noodles washed his plate. "I better go to sleep."
Morgana didn't even get to say goodnight, because Merlin had almost ran out of the room.
She sighed and looked at her still-full bowl.
Not hungry and feeling very dejected, she threw the noodles into the left over dish for the dogs and left the kitchens after washing her plate.
That night, she cried herself to sleep.
The weeks passed and Morgana didn't see Merlin again.
Only by luck did she pass an empty hallway almost two weeks after the whole kitchen fiasco.
In her stealthiness, she was able to keep the sound of her footsteps at bay. Gods did she wish she hadn't.
When she reached a small alcove, she looked into it for no reason at all, only to find Merlin gazing down at a beautiful servant girl with brown hair and lovely, chocolate brown eyes. To Morgana, the servant could have been in rags -and she was-, but she still looked beautiful.
Morgana arrived just in time to see Merlin push some hair behind the girl's ear and that was enough for her to break.
Both Merlin and the girl looked up. Morgana stared back.
Then she looked away, blinking quickly and held her head high as she walked away.
Later that day, Gwen arrived to Morgana's chambers and her heart broke when she found Morgana crying on the pillow.
Where was that strong, spirited, fiery girl Gwen used to know?
Where ever she was, Merlin had done a good job in making her disappear.
"Morgana." Gwen said quietly, sitting on the bed, next to Morgana. "What happened?"
Morgana looked up at Gwen, tears rolled down her cheeks, and she hiccuped every once in a while. "H-he..." Morgana shook her head and jumped on Gwen, wrapping her hands around her dear friend.
Gwen panicked at how vulnerable and out of character Morgana was acting.
Morgana cried into Gwen's chest and only thought of one thing: revenge.
With her eyes closed, and hugging Gwen close to her, Morgana planned a way to make Merlin pay for what he had done.
Even if he had done nothing at all...
~* Please Review *~
Please tell me if I should do a sequel. I probably won't if no one wants one. I'd like to, but if no one likes it, then it'd just be a waste of time. :) Feel free to review!