As much as I'm against this, my friends and family- both acquaintance and intimates, biological and adopted, living next door and as far as the map shows- have convinced me to publish this memoir.

Having said that, there are a few things I should clarify for the reader, so as not to disappoint them or their expectations.

This is not a book that goes into detail about the race of Mankind or of the world I used to live in. The substantial amount of writing on that subject, both donated from my library and co-written by me and the Sparkle family, is at this moment completely saturating the market.

This is not an in-depth study of the comparisons between the human mind and that of other Equestrian races. While the subject may end up being touched upon at certain points in this narrative, it is most certainly not the main focus.

Quite simply, this is simply the telling of the events surrounding me, Robert Connery, and my family. Through the miracle of modern-day arcano-technology and memory sharing spells, this book will show things in a form of 3rd-person, as each participant witnessed it. This is done in the hopes of achieving an all-around understanding of my life and times here in the magical land of Equestria.

Now, with all that said and done, let us begin with the greatest thing to happen in my life: how my family and I ended up in Equestria...

January 5th, 2013

Somewhere in the Sacramento area, CA

Before we had the honor of living among the fair inhabitants of Equestria, we used to live in a decent suburban community in California. It wasn't the high life, but at least we weren't on the streets. On this particular night, the night that would become our last night on Earth, my family was having a relaxing evening in the house. One more movie night before we get back to the daily routine of school, college and work.

That last night, we watched The Dark Knight Rises, wrapping up a day's worth of housework and shopping. While we say we're "watching" TV or a movie, we are actually doing a bunch of different things. My mother, Denise, sat behind her laptop, editing various pictures for my brother's high school sports teams. My father, Mark, was napping after doing lots of rather unnecessary yardwork. My brother, Carl, was texting his friends (or girlfriends, you couldn't tell half the time), bitching about how going back to school was gay.

As for me, I alternated between watching the movie and writing on what I had hoped to be my big début fantasy novel. This story, which I had been crafting for over a year, was the successful integration of many of the themes and worlds from all my favorite works of fiction: Dark Tower, the 1630s series, Dresden Files, How to Train your Dragon- and as of late, the latest generation of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It may've been eclectic, but it was gold.

Now, many a pony, griffon and dragon have asked me if it was true that I watched this world, if I were this magical being known as a "brony". In the most basic sense of the word, you could say I was. I watched the show, I liked it, and I liked what the fandom accomplished in its short existence. But I've been interested in many fandoms and many fictional works, and this was the latest in a long line of popular cartoons.

But what sets it apart from all other shows was its preconceived notion of it- and by extension, this world- being a show for little girls. While this is far from the truth, it does affect how people understand it, and how they react to it. For example, when I told my family I liked the show, I got very different opinions.

My mother, bless her heart, just thought it was funny, and was actually kind of joined in on the fun. My father, with his many years of wisdom, was okay with my choice, and was accepting yet indifferent to it. My brother, on the other hand- a boy of 14, full of puberty and hyped-up machismo - thought I was going all girly and gay, thinking I was loosing my manhood. How he came to the conclusion, when it's a show about females, is beyond me.

All the same, we kept to our own things until the movie was over. When that happened, Dad and Carl went to bed immediately, as one had to work at school tomorrow, and the other had to go to school. Mom changed the TV over to some nighttime show we used to watch- some weight-loss reality show, I think- and after finishing up one more pic went back upstairs. She had work to go to as well.

Me; college was still a week away, and I was done with my seasonal job. I had no reason to go to bed, outside of getting an early start to another day with the house to myself. So, after another few hours, I wrapped my work, and went up to bed. That night was unbelievably clear, with the moon and all the stars shining brightly- brighter and clearer than I had ever seen it before, considering the amount of light and air pollution we lived under.

Outside, I could see a shooting star, racing to the horizon. Seeing it, I made the same wish I make every time I saw such a star; I wished that I could go to another world. It wasn't for Equestria specifically- rather, it was simply to go to a place beyond Earth, a place akin to the stories I would read about.

Now, I wasn't wishing this because my life was bad, far from it. It was just that all my life, I had desired to go on a grand adventure, to see exotic locales. To have a life of significance, of value. I believed at the time that these wishes were rather pointless, and that in the morning I would wake up, alone and disappointed.

Little did I know how wrong I would be; how such a simple wish became real in more ways than I could realize.

That night, I had a rather bizarre, almost drug-induced like dream. I found myself sitting in an office, and in front of me was a dragon behind a desk. Under normal circumstances, I would've been like, "OMG! Its a dragon! They're real!", and would've had a mental breakdown. Then, my only thought was, "Huh, its a dragon. Ain't that something?"

When the dragon finally spoke, it held a rather melodious tune, like I was listening to Queen for the first time. "Well, Mr. Connery, I must say that you've just hit the jackpot."

"How so?" I asked.

"You, sir, wished upon a shooting star, which automatically entered you in a certain, unknown-to-mortals sweepstakes. And, by the luck of the Eternal Lottery, you won."

"Really? Wow, I hardly win anything."

"And being a chronic loser is what probably tipped the odds in your favor. Now, you see, you have won the grand prize of Universal Transcendence. Basically, without dying, you can go to the realms of Heaven, Hell, or one of the many worlds of the multiverse."

Something about that statement troubled me. "Why are you offering a ticket to Hell?" I asked. "Who would want to go there?"

"More than you would think." The dragon replied. "Many mortals believe Heaven is a place where you lose free will, and everyone is 'made' to be happy. Others consider Hell to be a place that's simply empty, where they can make the world according to their design."

"Well, is it?"

"I wouldn't know. I've never been there."

"What about Heaven? Is that nice?"

"Haven't been there either. Honestly, if I had been to either one of those places, why would I be here, working behind a desk?"

"...Point taken."

Since Heaven didn't sound particularly appealing right then, and Hell was a certain no-go, I told him, "I guess I'll explore the multiverse, then. There are dozens of places I'd like to visit."

"Excellent. Let's look for available spots." He then began tapping away at a computer that had just approached my notice. "I'll read aloud each available world, and you just tell me which one speaks to you."

Taptaptap

"Warhammer 40k?"

"Too grimdark."

"Code Geass?"

"Too British."

"Halo?"

"Too much violence. Seriously, do I look like the soldier type?"

"Alright, that simplifies things. Are you okay with non-humans?"

"I've never met one, but I'd certainly like to."

"Hmm. So a peaceful world with non-humans, preferably tolerant of humans?"

Taptaptap

"Ah, here's one. Are you familiar with the world of Equestria?"

"Yeah. It's the land of ponies and stuff, right? That'd be awesome, so long as I don't get turned into a pony."

"Hah, that's stupid. Why would we do something ridiculous like that? Your going as a human, just as you are now."

I sighed, somewhat relieved. As awesome as it may be to do magic or fly, I still liked having hands. "Great. When do I leave?"

"Right now. Just remember that you can't go back to Earth, dying there means dying for real, and your family is coming along with you."

"Well, that sounds reasonable. Thanks for the... Wait, what was the last part?"

"See ya."

With that, the dragon flipped the desk onto me, and I fell into darkness...

Mid-Winter, 1003

Ponyville, Equestria

The sun had yet to rise on that fateful day in Ponyville, but already some ponies were up and about. One such ponu was the town mailmare, Ditzy "Derpy" Doo. Although not normally a morning pony, her current job required her to get up early, dropping off envelopes and packages for the various townsfolk. As a single parent with two fillies, she needed every source of income possible to keep food on the table.

This morning felt different somehow. The air just felt more energized, tingling the pegasus' wings as she flew. It made her feel on edge, but not so much as to make her turn back. Besides, the sun was almost up, and she had to hurry through her route if she wanted to view the dawn from Lyra's house (her house had the best view in town).

She stopped by all the well-known homes in Ponyville. The Apple family received a hoof-full of letters from Manehattan and Appleoosa. Fluttershy got an artesian bird-feeder from the Crystal Empire. Her friend Rainbow Dash won two tickets to the next Wonderbolts show (seeing who gets the ticket would certainly be interesting). Rarity got a few fashion magazines, and Pinkie got a new joke book. She even went to Twilight's library for the first time in weeks, when Derpy stopped by to drop off a box of gems and various ritual tools for magic.

With most of her route done, she had just enough time to head to Lyra's house. She was flying, almost at the house when two things happened.

1) A big house instantly appeared in front of her.

And 2) She flew right into a window, just large enough for her to fly through...

You ever wake up to a flying miniature horse crashing through your window, spraying glass everywhere, bouncing off your closet door and crash landing into your crotch?

I didn't until my first morning in Equestria... It was not pleasant.

"Gah! Dammit, Sunny!" I swore, thinking it was one of the cats jumping on me. When I opened my eyes, instead of seeing a small but obese cat, I saw a gray pony with wings, half as big as me, with blonde hair and derped eyes. It looked familiar, but my mind was still trying to process what it was seeing. I looked at it, and she looked right back. We held that gaze between us before I finally asked, "What the fuck're you?"

"Uh, I'm a pony." The intruder said with caution. "What are you supposed to be?"

Holy shit I wasn't hallucinating! This thing looked like a cross between an InuHoshi drawing and one of those Gary's Mod ponies, which was hella surreal. But it had weight to it as it rested on my legs, which meant it was real. And that voice! It sounded familiar, almost like it was...

I cocked my head, and said, "...Damn, girl. Are you Derpy Whooves?"

She gasped. "How do you know that nickname? And how did your house pop out of nowhere?" She leaned forward and gasped again, and looked down at herself. We both saw she had got cut up from the broken glass, which had covered my bed and the floor. Blood was starting to run from her legs, and she winced at the sight. I was about to grab a blanket for the wounds when we hear-

"The hell was that?! Robert, are you okay?!"

Oh great. My parents were up, and sound just peachy. Did I mention that no one in my family are morning people, and are as friendly as a hibernating bear?

We heard rapid footsteps, and the injured pegasus leapt up into my arms, practically knocking the wind out of me. When my father opened the door, he found a broken window, a floor covered in glass, and me holding a cut up, bloody pegasus.

All I could think of to say was, "Uh... Its kinda what it looks like?"

Thank god I wore pajamas that night.