This is one of my oldest things I've written and have finally decided to put this up. Bascially I decided to write something in first person where no one is actually ever mentioned by name. I can't remember why, maybe because I'm crazy but it sure entertained me for the small amount of time it actually took to write.

I'm sorry if this doesn't match up with the anime but I hadn't seen it for so long I was mostly writing this from memory, and the KaiXRay stuff doesn't match up with it anyway XD

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Still do not own Beyblade

Do you know the feeling when contradicting emotions are fighting within you? When you are no longer sure what to do? I've always been seen as someone strong and open, not afraid of the many feelings others wish never to encounter. Always there to guide them if they need it, I've never worked out why it's not like I have any more experience than the rest of them. Kind hearted for the most part but willing to fight fiercely for my friends.

Even our team leader views me this way and I can tell he respects me more than the others, actually listening to me. Do I view myself this way? I guess I kind of do, everyone has weaknesses though and mine happen to be my strengths. For this reason I think of myself as the weakest of the team, easily manipulated by others emotions and my own guilt. I rarely have contradicting feelings like these though, normally if I do someone else's feelings are clashing with my own but this time they were both mine.

I will always remember the betrayal I had felt when our team captain had left us for that evil team, deserting his bit beast in the process. I had respected him and he walks out without a second thought as if we had been nothing. He had chosen power over happiness and my first reaction was disappointment in him which soon turned to dislike and eventually hate as I watched him abuse the power he had been given to destroy the lives of others.

I never showed it though even as he took the beasts of the people I had grown up with. I almost laughed with the strange irony of the situation the more I thought about it. I had betrayed those I'd grown up with, leaving the village to seek a different life. Life had been good there, I'd been happy somewhat but it wasn't the life for me. I'd had the chance to go back, to turn my back on my new team and rejoin the village. I fought hard to prove my loyalty then, especially to the captain who had been unsure if I could fight against them.

He had done the opposite; though I didn't know much of his upbringing I knew it wasn't pleasant. From how the others of the other team were I knew it hadn't been. He had appeared to be more content with us, I'm not sure if he could ever truly be happy even if I do believe it could happen and that he just hid his feelings even from himself. Still he betrayed us without even a note. At least that's what I let the others believed. He'd left a note for me telling me I was in charge for a while but that was it nothing else.

My hatred had built the more I thought about it and watching as the others reacted as well. Soon after he requested our audience with him out in the middle of a frozen lake. This was the stage when everything changed.

The main talking part of the encounter went past in a blur, my anger for him billowing off me it was a wonder no one else had noticed it. I can't remember what was said or even if I had said anything, I was in auto pilot mode. I knew I should have been paying attention, that is what is expected of me but I couldn't do it. It was the sudden crack that I heard that snapped me back into reality and he started to sink. Not even trying to save himself and for the first time I wondered what he thought of himself and what he'd done.

I had looked at him, frozen, torn. I hardly registered the other hands reaching for him. He still had the support of the others after everything, or at least they didn't want him to die. I wanted to hate him for ditching us but desperation took over. I reached out my hand with the others, meeting his eyes for the first and he reached towards it, taking hold and pulling him back with the others help.

Soon after that he had returned to the team, I hadn't spoken to him much. I was still resentful for what he had done but I knew I had never really hated him, I don't think I ever could. As I watched him going down on that ice something had clicked inside of me and it confused me.

Now I'm lying on my bed in the hotel room I was sharing with him looking up at the ceiling, having finally worked out why his betrayal had hurt me the most and why I resented him for it but at the same time felt something completely different. It was all very confusing. Tomorrow was the tournament finals and he was up first, replacing our original lead after he had lost his bit beast previously.

Remembering how lively the younger person had been before hurt, the crazy sugar addict that he had been and despite myself I hoped he would be like that again one day. I was glad he was still determined though; still ready to fight no matter what.

The door opened to reveal the team captain, at least that's who I assumed it was as I refused to look at him. He had managed to get the others back behind him but I wasn't going to make it that easy even as much as I wanted to. He moved over to his bed and I heard the springs move as he sat there. I knew he was looking at me wanting to talk but not wanting to be the first to speak. If it was possible for him to hurt I was hurting him now, he had been closest to me before but now we were the furthest apart. He didn't know it hurt me too.

Finally, after a further 30minutes, he turns the lights off and goes to bed but it is a long time before his breathing becomes that of a sleeper. I couldn't sleep, I tried but my mind wouldn't calm down. Later I would blame it on nerves if anyone noticed but that wasn't the reason. I looked at the sleeping figure in the bed beside mine, his furrowed face suggesting a bad dream of some sort. I wanted to resent him, hate him but as I watched I knew my real feelings were so far from that.

Sighing I turned to face the other way and finally fell asleep. The confusion followed me into my dreams, melting into good and bad ones, one in particularly bad one my loathing of him was so strong that I could watch him sink below the ice to die. This one woke me to see a pair of crimson eyes regarding me slowly, accusingly, as if they had been in my dream.

The sun had started to rise, the open window revealing the dazzling colours of the dawn. We got ready in silence, avoiding each other as much as the small room would allow. He was ready first and had started to leave when he turned back to look at me.

He had taken down the barriers that normally shroud his eyes so no emotion could penetrate through. "I'm sorry," was all he said before he left, his eyes had lit up with regret and his voice had been sincere.

I was stunned, I didn't even know he knew those words and even if he did I never thought he would use them, at least not to me. It took a few minutes before I was able to shake it off and get back to work. I wanted to forgive him but how could I be sure he wouldn't do it again.

It took a while for me to finish getting ready, the fight inside me getting to its peak. Sometimes what you want and what you feel are two completely different things. When I finally arrived none of them commented on me being late instead we left without a word said. Maybe this was because our leader was late as well even though he left before me. I couldn't help but be instantly suspicious as he refused to look at me.

For most of the bus ride I kept glancing back at him, at his usual place as far from the rest of us that he could get. His face was an icy calm but then again someone's expression isn't always what they are really feeling and this was the case here. His shoulders were more tensed than normal and every so often his mask would slip for a mere second. He was worried and uncertain, I could tell and a flicker of what he looked like during his power came across a few times too.

Mistrust flooded me whenever I saw that, making me forget his other emotions, the all too recent memories almost making tears came to my eyes. Before I lost myself completely I turned my attention back to the others, unusually serious as they spoke of strategy that could possible beat our opponents without losing our bit beasts in the process. I didn't really contribute much, just enough so no questions were asked.

Flashes of cameras met us as we got off the bus but we paid no attention to them and went straight through to where we needed to wait before the match. There we sat mostly in silence before we were told we could go into the stadium, during this time I realised why he was being so secretive. The power still flowed in his veins and he had the option to use it now, to become the monster it made him.

I wasn't the only one to work this out, just before he walked to the side of the dish a voice beside me yelled for him not to do it. I knew the voice so I didn't turn to look, my eyes firmly on him as he took a swift glance at the entire team, the others were staring at him in disbelief as if they couldn't believe it. He rested on my mistrusting glare the longest, taking in everything he could.

The match began soon after but he didn't use his evil power but he was thoroughly disadvantaged through the playing field itself, favouring the opponent heavily. It didn't help that his motions were slightly off, so slightly that only I noticed but even this for him was big who always gave it his best no matter the opponent. This often made him look mean and unforgiving, and I guess it was really but I had always been able to forgive for it. Now maybe that he had walked past the power and corruption it was time to forgive him again, one last time.

The team watched in dismay as our leader lost the battle and his own bit beast, who had fought loyally to the end. He stood there staring at where his beast had last been for a few moments longer before turning away from the dish. Maybe he finally realised what it was like when he had stolen others bit beasts, how they had felt and the emptiest that it left behind. I had lost my own a few months ago but managed to get him back so I knew the feeling all too well.

He walked back to use with barely a word, a scarily blank look on his face. His eyes met mine for a moment, once again unveiling them for me to see. I would never be able to describe what I saw, but I knew that I would avenge him, more than any of the others. I could hear the others giving me advice and encouraging me but I could only hear his voice spoken through his eyes.

When my match finally started I was determined to do my best. No one expected the weapon my opponent would use, air. It was created from his blade and directed at me, ripping into me full force. For a while all I could feel was the pain and I lost the first round without even a fully formed thought, making my own blade not respond correctly. I needed something to focus on, something that could block out the pain.

My team were telling me I should pull out before I got hurt, but too much was reliant on this match being won and I ignored them. Only my team leader didn't tell me I should run away scared, he had faith in me I could feel it and this strengthened me more than I had ever thought it could.

The next round was tough but I pulled through, barely. My thoughts had never strayed from him and my beast drew strength from this new bond I had discovered, enough to win but it took a toll. I could barely stand, let alone blade but I wouldn't listen to the others and returned to the dish once more.

The wind this time was more intense, attempting to break down my mental barrier. It managed to get part way around it and pain ripped through me making me stagger. I could feel myself giving into it, ready to lay down and admit defeat. My body nor my mind could take much more of this. When I was about to do what my body screamed at me, I felt a warm presence against my mind, urging me on knowing I could win. It was my bit beat that worked out what it was and I almost lost concentration in astonishment but I stood straighter and kept going. The determination that radiated from me would not save me, even if I won the match but I would try until my dying breath.

I didn't die, my bit beast shielded me at the last moment, assuring me this wasn't my place to leave this earth and that one day we would meet again. We won, my beast and I but the blade's bit was now clear and I fell into unconsciousness, silently thanking both bit beasts that had saved my life.

I don't remember much after that, I had watched the finals but I can only recall them when I watch a replay. Soon after it had finished my captain had come to see me alone, I'm guessing he hadn't told anyone he was coming and they just assumed he was out training. He just sat there for awhile, unsure of what to do, what to say to recreate our old bond.

In the end I was the one to speak up; the surprise on his face amused me being one of the first times I had spoken to him since that fateful day. "I forgive you," I murmured softly.

His crimson eyes gazed at me, still uncertain as if he wished to say something that could potentially drive me away again. "You did well," he replied. "No one else would have been able to do what you did."

This was a large compliment coming from him, and I could feel the strange affection flood through me. "I didn't do it alone, you helped too," I let the affection come out in my voice, looking at him with purely honest eyes.

He picked up my hidden message almost instantly. For one of the first times ever I saw a small smile form on his face and I could read him well enough to know that he felt the same way.

Why did I call it Harsh Water? Because I didn't like its other name and this is the first thing I thought of XD If anyone has any requests for any type of one-shot let me know and I'll give it a try!