Maybe I'm Amazed, a grey's anatomy fanfic

A/N: Another cute one-shot, mainly mer's thoughts about her relationship.

Song: Maybe I'm Amazed by Jem

Disclaimer: I own nothing

The snow fell gently on her house, and the aroma of pancakes filled the chilly air. She pulled her robe closer to her as she watched him sleep. She focused on the rising and falling of his chest and how his hair curled all over the place. She listened to his soft breathe against the sheets. She loved how he always slept with his hand under her pillow. It was comforting, as if he needed to feel close to her. She loved how when he kissed her, his hands wrapped around her back. She loved when he whispered her name in the darkness, knowing she was awake. She loved how he knew her, how he loved her.

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Love Me All The Time
Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Love You

She didn't know why, but she started crying. She had no control over her tears and let them fall off her cheeks. He loved her. He really loved her, more than anyone. It scared the hell out of her, but she couldn't believe it. No one had ever loved her that much, not even her parents. Before meeting him, she was tough. She didn't believe in love or happiness. She really believed in nothing. But he gave her something to believe in. He helped her believe in love. Even though it wasn't easy, he was the reason she believed in love.

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Pulled Me Out Of Time
And Hung Me On A Line
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You

All her life she had been alone. She never really had a boyfriend or a family. She never knew how to act in relationships. She never knew anyone could really love her…until Derek. And she wanted to let him in. She wanted to, but she couldn't. She didn't understand. He loved her. She loved him. Why couldn't that be enough?

Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe I'm A Lonely Girl
Who's In The Middle Of Something
That She Doesn't Really Understand

But despite all their setbacks, they made it out alive. They were together and madly in love. And he did help her. He helped her realize she had someone. He helped her understand that people love her. He helped her help herself.

Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe You're The Only Man
Who Could Ever Help Me
Baby Won't You Help Me Understand

But still, she was scared. She hated the way she walked away from him, how she left him. She hated not being able to let him in. But, he never left. When she turned around, he was always there. When he turned around, there was no telling whether she would still be there…and she hated that. He was always there for her, helping her understand that it's a big world and sometimes you need help. He was not afraid to tell her when she was wrong and that was one of the qualities she admired about him. When she was wrong, he told her. She thought back to when Mark used her to win points with the chief. She thought it was nothing. But, Derek knew. He told her to be careful, but she didn't listen. In the end he was right, and he forgave her. He never left.

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You're With Me All The Time
Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Leave You
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Help Me Sing My Song
Right Me When I'm Wrong
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You

She needed him; she needed him in her life. If he was gone, she'd be broken. She didn't want to lose him, she couldn't lose him. Yet, time and time again she pushed him away. Why? She was scared. But fear means you have something to lose and I don't want to lose you.

He stirred, wiping a hand down his tired face. Looking up he smiled. "Hey," he whispered his voice soft and delicate.

She grinned then slowly walked up to him. Sitting on the edge of the bed she said, "I really do love you, you know that?"

He reached for her hand and turned it around, kissing her palm. "I know."

She grazed the side of his face with her thumb and kissed him hard and long.

"I'm not going to leave you again," she slowly whispered…

…and she meant it.