Zuma's Gift
Note: Zuma and all characters are property of Pop Cap Games, as is Zuma's incredibly poor syntax.
This story is not safe for children, and is not particularly recommended for adults either. The author apologizes in advance for any unsavory mental images brought on by reading this fanfic. She is probably a horrible person for even thinking of the ideas contained herein.
Frog was tired. He had braved the temples of the Aztecs, broken the curse on the god Zuma, and it had taken a lot out of him.
"You are succeeding. I am freed of evil possessor thing. Special reward have I for you." A special reward? This could be interesting.
Then, Zuma's hand reached down toawards his loincloth.
Frog immediately mustered his remaining strength and darted away as quickly as he was able.
"Where you go?" cried Zuma. "Come back!"
Flattering as the god's advances may be, Frog was male, and heterosexual. And the logistics of a frog doing that with a 100-foot humanoid god weren't even worth contemplating.
And if the readers thought Frog was going to put up with cursed skulls, spitting stone balls out of his mouth, and the threat of death in four different temples, only to appear in an X-rated fanfic, well, they had another thing coming.
Zuma pulled a small vial full of oddly-colored, glowing liquid out of the special pocket in his loincloth. He looked up to realize Frog had gone. "Where you go?" cried Zuma. "Come back!"
"Why he run away?" the god asked himself. "Zuma only going to give him elixir of living always. Only wanted friend." A tear dripped from an enormous eye. "Zuma so lonely…"
Sighing, Zuma got out a deck of cards and dealt a round of solitaire. It was going to be a looooong millennium.