Disclaimer: I do not own LoK . All the characters and places mentioned in this story are NOT mine.

Hair-care Products!

Chapter 1: The day it arrived

A small bright orange wooden box with a big sign on it fell out of thin air and landed with a –PLONK!- on the pretty white front porch of the Sanctuary of the Clans. Two passing Dumahim vampires caught sight of it and sneaked over to it.

"Dude.. What do you make of it?" one of them asked the other vampire.

"Hey.. Looks like a weird bright pink box Rob." Dude replied.

"Uhh… Dude, you SURE it's pink? Looks like dark orange to me." Said Rob.

"I wonder what it is?"

"Hey look there's a sign on it. What does it say?"

"Uhh… okay let me read it."

'To Kain, Ruler of Nosgoth, and his six lieutenants. The package ordered from Middle Earth, given for free by the elves from Middle Earth as a gift. May you find it useful.' Rob read aloud.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dude asked hesitantly.

"I think it means we leave it."

"Okay."

So the two vampires left.

Much much MUCH later… A more intelligent vampire was on his way to a council in the Sanctuary of the Clans. Raziel saw the box and read the sign on it.

'WEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLL…. It IS partly for me…' he thought, and proceeded to step on the box to open it. When he couldn't open it, he thought 'Jeez… I guess I better bring it inside then.'

Raziel proceeded to carry the box until he reached the council room, where his father and brothers were currently conferencing about whether to allow or ban bunny slippers from the face of Nosgoth (bunny slippers aren't made for cloven feet…But Dumah loves wearing them though.)

"Hey daaaaddd…bros… I got something for us…"

Kain sat up immediately from his throne.. seat.. thing and said "It's here it's here it's herrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" and jumped up and down.

Rahab yawned and scratched his fishy-sandaled feet. "What is it, dad?"

Grinning crazily, Kain lifted up the lid of the box ("Why didn't I think of that?" Raziel thought) and took out a bow and a quiver full of arrows.

"Weapons? How boring." Zephon said, and proceeded on chewing his anti-pregnancy pills.

"Yes, Zephon. Weapons. And all of you will come with me to the practice field to test out these arrows." Kain commanded.

Groaning, the brethren stood up and followed Kain to the archery practice field. As only one quiver and one bow were in the box they watched Kain as he took the bow and, placing the quiver string on his shoulder, took one arrow. As it was, the bottom fell off and out came a bottle and a piece of green leafy elven stationary. Surprised, Kain picked up the note and read aloud.

'Kain,

I know that you ordered a quiver with and endless supply of arrows, but I wanted to torment you, so I sent you a quiver with an infinite amount of hair care products. ' (At this Kain looked at the brethren horrified) 'Mind you, these are the best hair care products in Middle Earth and you should be thankful, as they will make your unruly gray hair beautiful. These are endorsed by yours truly, and I believe they would be of use to you.

Signed,

The prettiest elf ever

P.S. Don't expect a favor like this again."

Kain, with wide eyes, looked at the bottle that fell on the ground and picked it up. It was bright yellow, with a very familiar elf smiling in the label. In the middle, emblazoned in blood red letters, were the words "Legolas' One-application-only, Ultra-soft, Waterproof, Leave-on Conditioner" and below it in tiny red letters, "guarantees your hair waterproof and manageable for 700 years."

Kain fainted.

A/N: My first LoK fic. It sucks now, but I believe it gets better later. Trust me. Anyway, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! And some of the ideas here are not mine but made by me and my friend Kildiazar the Unwanted Ghost while we were playing SR2. SO yeah. PLEASE REVIEW I BEG YOU...