It's been 9 days. Driving time and Sam being Sam and Cas… They're fine. He'll be home by tomorrow. He has to be.
It's so boring when the boys leave. Cas takes off with them and the bunker is so quiet. The place is spotless and I don't want to read any more of the "research" books. Ugh. Movie night it is, again.
The microwave dings and the popping ends. I plop on the couch with my bowl of buttery bliss and start 27 Dresses.
"I hate this movie."
His gruff voice startled me.
"DEAN!"
"Hi honey. I'm home."
I jump off the couch, popcorn spilling all over the floor. I don't care about the mess. I just want to bury my face in his neck.
I jump into his arms as he stumbles back to catch his balance.
"Babe, slow down. Let me put my bag down."
I untangle my legs from him to touch the ground. I hear his bag flump to the floor.
"I missed you too." He needs to shave, desperately, but I still love the feel of his scruff on my face. His lips are so sweet as he pulls me in for a kiss. I never tire of the way he kisses me. Never greedy, never too much. Just enough of everything.
"Ahem." Sam clears his throat to remind us that we're not alone.
"Oh. Hey Sam. Cas."
"Y/N."
Dean slips his arm around my waste and moves me to his side.
"Sammy. Can you-uh-give us some time?"
"Dean, we need to te-"
"No Sam. Not now. Please. We'll talk in the morning. Right now, I just want to spend some time with Y/N and sleep."
"Fine. Whatever. But you have to tell her."
I know asking what's up is the wrong thing to do. I try to break the silence.
"Are you boys hungry? I think there are some leftovers we can-"
"No." Sam says gruffly. He pushes past Dean and I towards his room. I hear the door shut with an unnecessarily loud bang.
"I don't think I need to be here anymore." and Cas poofs away.
Post hunting trips are always rough. Everybody is tired and grumpy. But something else is amiss.
I just stare at Dean. His jaw is set and his head is hung low. I know he's upset about something but I don't want to bring it up.
I intertwine our fingers and pull him to the couch. All I want to do is kiss him and be close to him but now is clearly not the time for sex. His mind is elsewhere.
He sits down on one end and I on the other of the couch. I put a pillow in my lap so he can lie down. He does so instinctively. I start running my fingers through his hair.
This is a part of out "thing" and, normally, he falls asleep within minutes, but tonight he just lays there. His eyes staring out at something dark.
"So, do I get to hear about the trip? Or is this another one I don't need to know about?"
He sighs and rolls over to face me.
"Babe, some stuff happened. Dark stuff. And I don't know what to do. I want to tell you; I have to tell you but I'm not sure how." His green eyes are so tired and concerned. I know, whatever it is, he's scared that it will hurt me.
I stop playing with his hair.
We stare at each other for what seems like hours. Eventually he sits up and leans over; his elbows on his knees and head hung low. He's got his serious face on and I know this can't be good.
"Babe, I did something stupid." He looks up to see my reaction. He's always doing stupid things so there's no shock or surprise on my face. He continues, "You know we were hunting Abaddon. You know Crowley promised us a weapon. We found it."
"That's-that's great, right?" I'm hesitant because there's still something he's not telling me. He rolls up his sleeve.
"We found the weapon. Cain gave it me actually."
"Cain like Biblical Cain?" He nods. "So what's the catch? And what is that?"
"This is The Mark of Cain. I need it to wield the weapon. Babe, there's something…powerful about this thing. And not a good power. I killed someone tonight with it. I wanted to kill Crowley too. I felt like needed to."
"Okay…." I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's being so serious, hidden. There is something he's hiding from me.
"Crowley took the weapon and disappeared. It's gone. Our one chance, our one thing that could end all of this- gone." He puts his face in his hands and lets out a sigh.
I wrap my arms over his shoulders.
"You'll find something else. You always do."
"I hope so." He looks up at me and smirks. "You're always so cheerful and positive. That's why I love you."
"I'm also a great cook, house keeper and girlfriend!"
"House keeper?" He chuckles as he looks at the popcorn all over the floor, "You sure about that one?"
"Oh hush!" I playfully push him "You did this! You startled me."
He chuckles and tips my chin in for a kiss. I can feel him relax a bit now.
How can I tell him this now? I don't think he can take this. I should wait. I can tell him after he's had some rest. He'll be more open.
"Hey Y/N!" Sam calls as he rounds the corner.
I see him holding the pink box. Shit.
Dean's eyes widen as he looks from Sam to me and back to Sam.
He turns to me, eyes wide and panic stricken. "Babe… something you need to tell me?"
"Uhum…" this was so not going according to plan. Freaking Sam and his stupid face. Finding things I thought I hid.
Shit.
Dean is pale.
Oh gosh this silence has lasted too long.
"I'm pregnant."
"Dean. Dean, sweetheart. Holy shit Sam! What the hell? Could you have been more classless? Like what were you thinking?!"
Dean was unconscious. He had passed out within seconds of me dropping the news.
"I don't know what you wanted me to do! I found the box and it was clear you were so not going to tell him so I decided that now was a good a time as any! My bad!" Sam was pacing by the table. Why was he acting all flustered? I am the pregnant one with my boyfriend passed out on the ground!
"Just help me move him onto the couch you insolent moose!"
Sam scooped Dean up with no struggle and plopped him on the couch. I put a pillow under his head and wrapped him in a blanket. I know he's breathing so I'll just let him sleep.
"Ok, Sam, let's talk about this."
"Why do we need to talk about this? You're not- you're not thinking about asking him to stop hunting, are you?"
'I don't know!" I pull Sam out of the room. The last thing we need is Dean waking up to us yelling. "I don't know what I'm thinking. I thought that this conversation could wait until you boys had been home for at least 24 hours."
Sam walked into his room and sat on the edge of his bed, his fingers were running through his hair, a stress habit. I grabbed his desk chair and turned it around to face him.
"So, what do we do now?" He looked up at me. Is that concern in his eyes?
"We just carry on. You boys keep hunting Abaddon. I stay here as home base. There's not a lot you can do for now."
"You know Dean won't like that. He won't like being away from you. He'll be-"
"Worried and pissed off that you left me passed out alone while you two talked about my future." Dean was standing in the doorway rubbing his temples.
"Hey. You're up! Are you feeling ok?" I jumped up and ran over to him. "Dean. Please, talk to me." I reach for one of his hands. He pulls back.
"Can we talk?" His voice is growly and serious. I can't tell is he's upset or what.
I follow him to his room and shut the door behind me.
"How long" he paused to sit on his bed before he looked up at me, "How long have you known?"
"I have an appointment Thursday to find out exact sates and stuff but, somewhere around a month." My voice grew quieter towards the end. He is going to be so upset.
"A MONTH?! Geez Y/N! Are you kidding me? What if you had gone on the last trip with us and gotten hurt? What if this bunker isn't as safe and something happened to you? To both of you?"
"Are you mad?" I feel so mousey now. My head is low and I can't bear to make eye contact with him.
"Mad?" I hear his footsteps coming towards me and then his arms wrap around me. He kisses the top of my head. "I'm just in shock, that's all. I never saw this coming."
"I didn't plan for this. I didn't try to make this happen." I begin to cry into his chest.
"Shh shh, baby please. I know." He tightens his arms around me.
We stood there for what seemed like hours in silence. Finally I looked up at him and him down to me. He leans in and gently presses his lips to mine. I stretch up to develop the kiss. I just want to be close to him.
He pulls back and walks towards his bed. I smirk at him because he's all I want right now.
I straddle him and pull his face towards mine. He kisses me back with such ferocity; gosh I love this man.
"Hang on babe." He pulls back, pushing a loose tendril of hair behind my ear.
"What's wrong?" I can tell that he wants to, severely, so why is he stopping?
"Can we not tonight? I just don't think I can."
"Yeah ok. What's wrong though?" I move so that I'm sitting next to him.
"I love you- so much. You know this, right?" I nod. "And I want to do this right now but I can't."
"It's the baby thing right?"
He chuckles uncomfortably "Yeah. I just don't know babe!" He stands up and starts pacing.
Moment over. I pull my knees up to my chest. He continues, "I am a hunter! I hunt the monsters that children have nightmares about! I have this-this-", he rolls up his sleeve to reveal the mark, "this thing! I don't know if I'm going to make it out alive from this! And now, now there is a baby to worry about."
I take a deep breath in. "I'll take care of it." I stare down at the comforter.
"What?" he almost growled.
"I said," looking up at him with tears starting to fall down my face, "I'll take care of it." I tried to look strong and brave but, inside, I am dead. He doesn't want this baby. Or me. Or a family. I should just leave. If I leave, I can keep the baby and it will never have to know anything about the father and we can be happy.
"Take care of what? The- the baby?" Realization covered his face. "You will not. You can't!"
"Oh! So now you're controlling me?!"
"That's my baby too!"
"My body! My choice!"
"My baby! My family! I have a say in this, dammit!" He shoved a lamp off the desk and it shattered to the floor.
We glared at each other, both breathing heavily.
"If you want to 'take care of it', fine. But I want to take care of it too; as a dad."
"What? Dean, you becoming a father ruins everything. I know you don't want you kids growing up like you and Sam."
"Are you asking me to choose?"
"Yes."
"You."
"Wrong."
"Wrong? How can that be wrong?"
"Remember when Sam died and you went to live with Lisa and Ben?" he nods, "Remember how you kept holy water and a shot gun under the bed and a devil's trap under the welcome mat?"
"That was different. Sammy had just-"
"No, it wasn't. You tried the normal life and the hunter in you couldn't do it."
"Things change."
"Not really. You were raised as a hunter and you will always be a hunter. Period. End of story. I know you want to be a dad. I know that you can be a dad. Just not right now."
"So, what? When the kid is 16 and doesn't need me, then I can come around?"
"That's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean, Y/N? 'Cause I'm not sure we're seeing eye to eye here." He marches over to the desk and pulls a bottle of whiskey from one of the drawers. Alcohol is always a good idea apparently.
"I just mean," I walk over to him, take the bottle on the desk, and grab his hands, "when Abaddon is dead, then we can see where we are; if that's tomorrow, next year, or even a decade from now."
"Babe, what are you saying?"
"I'll disappear, just until the baby is born. I'll move around and- and stay a secret. I can't be used as a weapon against you if they can't find me. Us." I move my hand over my stomach. Gosh, there really is a baby in there. His hand covers mine.
"What am I supposed to do? Sit at home, worrying if they found you or if you're dead? Not gonna happen."
"No. You find that bitch and you kill her. You stop this evil for good. I know you can." I rest my hand on his cheek and he leans into me. "Trust me. You don't have another choice."
A single tear drops from his eye as he takes a deep breath in.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay. Leave. Stay hidden and a secret. Only call from pay phones. See a doctor regularly to make sure everything is ok with my- our baby."
"Dean." I barely whisper his name. I broke him. My hunter, my fighter, is broken. I'm so going to hell for his. How am I going to raise this baby alone? All of these what ifs flood my mind. I begin to panic. Holy shit I can't breathe! "I'm having a panic attack." I choke out. Dean grabs me so I don't fall. He walks me to the bed and I lay down.
"Hey hey hey. Just take a deep breath, Y/N. You can't pass out, that's my thing." He chuckles and kisses me. I begin to relax. "You know you have to leave tomorrow, right?" I nod. "Last night on earth, you know. I may not be around tomorrow. We should make the most of tonight." He smirks at me.
"Did you just use a line to try and bed your pregnant girlfriend?"
"Yup!" He pulls me into his arms and single-mindedly kisses me.
One year later
"Hey." His voice is coarse and tired. "How's the baby?"
"Fine. Sleeping for an hour or so. How are you?"
"We did it."
"What."
"We killed Abaddon last night. It's over."
Oh my gosh. Over? Everything that has been happening over that past 3 years, over? "Really?" is all I can manage to get out before I collapse in tears. I'm so tired.
"Yes. Over. She's gone. Babe? Are you ok?"
"I'm fine I'm fine. I'm here." I wipe the tears from my face. "Just excited, that's all. When can I come home?"
Oddly, I missed the bunker, the safety and sounds of it. Mainly, I missed my Dean.
"How's tomorrow?" I can hear his smile.
"Dean, I'm three states away."
"I'm not." His voice is right behind me.
"DEAN!" I shriek and jump into his arms. I kiss all of his face.
"Babe, slow down. Sammy can see us." I notice the sound of the Impala's engine. Gosh I missed the car too! I wave at Sam for him to come over.
"I need to introduce you two to the newest Winchester, Markus John Winchester." I reveal the babe in the car seat behind me. His hands are curled up under his chin, fast asleep. "Do you want to meet your son?" I never told Dean the sex of the baby. He didn't want me to. All he cared about was that he, or she, was healthy and safe. "Sweetie, you ok?"
"Dean, don't forget to breathe." Sam chuckles as he smiles at me. He pulled me in for a hug. "Does he have a moose on his shirt?"
"Ha yeah. You're Uncle Moose."
Dean crouched down to peer at his son. "I'm scared I'll wake him up."
As if on cue, MJ opened his eyes and began to squirm. "He knows the sound of your voice. He's listened to us on the phone." I pull him from the seat and cradle him against me. "Dean, you ready?" I could see the panic all over his face.
"What if- what if I drop him?"
"You won't. Trust me." I hand our son over to meet his father for the first time. Tear fill up my eyes, while Sam pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head.
"He's a natural! We should leave them alone."
Sam and I walked back a few paces; Dean never broke eye contact with his son.
"How did you boys make it here so fast? How did you find me?"
"Dean killed Abaddon last night and then we drove here. We didn't ever worry about the body. Dean called a friend as we were driving to ask him to clean up. He remembered you said something about the hotel, 'not being the skeeziest one in town but it was no Motel 8'. Apparently that was a perfect description because we found you. I think he just knew where you'd be. Some sort of sixth sense."
"Honey, one of my original senses is telling me he pooped."
Sam and I chuckled. "You can change him. His diaper bag is behind you."
Dean looked so lost. "Well, someone has to teach him to do this eventually. Sammy, you up for the challenge?" I looked up at Sam as he laughed.
"Oh, you're serious. Uhum, is that a good idea? I mean…"
"Dean, bring him over here with the bag."
I pulled a blanket and fresh diaper out and laid them on the hood of the Impala. Dean didn't even notice that he was changing his son's diaper on the hood of his car.
"I knew you'd be a great dad." He kissed me.
"Ok, it's Uncle Moose's turn."
"Sam always spoils the moment." Dean laughed as he gingerly passed his son off to Sam. When his hands were free, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close for a kiss. I never tire of the way he kisses me. Never greedy, never too much. Just enough of everything.