Disclamer: The characters of Santana and Brittany are the property of FOX and Glee. This story is written for entertainment purposely only.

The Urban Dictionary defines a soulmate as "A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet - a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful."

I'm not sure if I can define what a soulmate is any better than that but I can tell you what it's like to find your soulmate and then lose her. We met when we were twelve years old and in middle school. The minute our eyes met my body went into emotional overload which was a lot for a twelve year old. After that day we were connected forever and became best friends. When we turned fourteen is when the whole dynamic of relationship changed forever.

Fourteen is when we became aware of not only our emotional connection but our physical connection. It started with a simple kiss, then some simple making out, then some intense making out, and then finally our first sexual experience for both of us. I can still remember that time as clearly as it happened just an hour ago which is incredible since it happened twenty six years ago. I am now forty years old and without my soulmate.

Our relationship was amazing and scary at the same time. You would've thought our love as strong as it was it could've fought and beaten any battle or demon. The truth was it was strong enough when the threat came from outside our relationship but when the threat came from within our relationship the love wasn't strong enough. You see that's the thing about soulmates, they only work when both people are totaled committed to the relationship with no fear or no insecurities.

When we graduated from high school we thought we were set for life. We were ready to start our adult lives together. We had it all planned out. The careers, the wedding, and the family. Our families had always supported our relationship from the time we told them about us. It didn't matter to them that we were two girls. All that mattered was that we were happy. And we were happy until one day when everything changed.

We had both just started our third years at university. I was studying to be a music teacher and she was studying to be a preschool teacher. It was part of our life plan to have stable jobs. We were three months into our third year when I started not feeling so well. I was tired all of the time, my body ached so badly, and I started losing weight. I also had a bruise that just wouldn't go away. Now my father was a pediatric oncologist so I almost immediately knew what could be the cause of my symptoms.

I hid my not feeling well and suspicion about what might be wrong with me from her. I had even thought about hiding it from my parents and going to a doctor here in NYC but I knew deep down I couldn't hide it from them. So when we went home to Lima for Thanksgiving break my father and I went to see one of his colleagues. By the end of the break it was confirmed I had leukemia and it was a rare type so it would be difficult to get into remission.

Before we went back to NYC my parents and I met privately while she was spending time with her parents. I had already made up my mind to not tell her about the leukemia. I had already decided when we went back to the city I would drop out of school and then just leave. Leave my soulmate. I know it sounds cruel but my love for her was so strong all I wanted for her was to be happy and watching me fight for my life for God knows how long wouldn't be fair to her. I know you shouldn't make decisions for other people but I felt strong about this.

My parents tried to get me to change my mind but once I made my decision that was final. My parents were devastated but respected my decision. I told them I knew I was hurting my soulmate something I never thought I would do but I had to do it for her. For her happiness.

So we had been back in the city for three days when I packed up my clothes and some personal items from our apartment and left. I left a note telling her how much I loved her and she hadn't done anything wrong to make me leave. I told her I was doing it for her own happiness.

I stopped counting the number of calls and text messages she sent. I finally got a new number. My parents received just as many calls and text messages so they changed their numbers too. They still thought I was making a huge mistake not telling her about the leukemia and not letting her be there for me. I went to LA for treatment and my parents knew they needed to be with me so they left Lima. My father of course had not trouble finding a job at a hospital. My mom decided her main job was going to be taking care of me.

Well after a five long years of chemotherapy treatment and a bone marrow transplant I have been in remission for the past fourteen years. After I was completely recuperated from years of treatment I went back to college here in LA. My parents stayed here as well. I haven't heard anything about her in all of these years. If my parents know anything about her they don't tell me. I know they still have friends they talk to in Lima.

My decision not to tell her about the leukemia and leave her affected more than just her and me. My parents gave up their careers in Lima and their friends for me. Now that I'm older I can see how selfish I really was back then. I should've told her about the leukemia. When I think about how I would've reacted if I came home one day to find a note and all of her stuff gone I feel ashamed of what I did to her and to us. It's my biggest regret. I wonder what our life would be like now if I hadn't left. How many kids we would've had by now?

I have been without my soulmate for almost twenty years now. I've dated a few women and even had a three year long term relationship but every woman pales in her comparison. So I've decided to be married to work the one thing that makes me feel fulfilled.

I'm sitting at my desk listening to one of my colleagues fill me on case that will be transferred to me. It's a 5 year old girl named Emilia who was diagnosed with the most common type of childhood leukemia just two days ago. Yes, after my own battle with the cancer I went back to school to become a pediatric oncologist like my dad.

My colleague and I are on the way to the little girl's hospital room when he gets a page for an emergency. I tell that I'll go talk to the parents of the little girl. He hands me girl's file and leaves for his emergency.

I knock lightly on the door before entering. My eyes immediately see a little girl sitting up in bed holding tightly to a little stuffed panda bear. I can tell she is at least partly of Hispanic descent by her slightly dark skin color and deep brown eyes.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Lopez sweetie but you can call me Santana. Where are your mommy and daddy?"

The little girl looked up at me with her deep brown eyes that are full of fear. I'm sure the fear is from all of the hospital tests and because she's not feeling well. "My mommy went to the bafroom. I don't have a daddy just my mommy."

I sat down on the edge of the bed. "Ok, I'll wait for your mommy to come back. What is your panda's name?"

"Sad Little Panda."

Santana felt a twinge in her heart. "Your panda's name is Sad Little Panda?"

"Yeah cause when my mommy gave it to me yesterday she said I looked like a sad little panda so she got him to make me smile. So I called him Sad Little Panda."

Santana just nodded her head and smiled because she didn't know what to say. Just then the door opened and Emilia shouted mommy. Santana stood up and was ready to put her best doctor face on and talk to the mother when she suddenly came face to face with her soulmate once again. Her body went into an emotional overload just like it did when those eyes first met when they were twelve years old.

"Santana?" Brittany said as her eyes filled with tears.

"Britt?" Santana tried to hold the tears back too but it was no use she couldn't go it. Standing front of her after twenty years was her Brittany. She noticed the dark circles under Brittany's eyes which Santana knew meant Brittany hadn't been sleeping from the worry over her daughter having leukemia.

As they stood there a few moments looking into each other eyes so much emotion passed between them. No matter how many years had passed and no matter how much hurt Santana had caused Brittany they were soulmates because nothing can destroy that special connection not even one of them making the biggest mistake of her life.