Dean Winchester would never in a million years admit this to anyone, but it all started with Colbie Caillat, and honestly maybe it wasn't such a bad song.
Dean woke up to strange noises attacking his ears. Some sort of indie pop bullshit, he was going to kill his little brother, well when he found him. When he made it to the kitchen, which apparently, was the epicenter of the stupid music. He found a note from Sam, saying he'd went for a run, and he'd be back soon. He did his best not to punch something, he'd spent years training his body to be awake at the smallest sound, but he'd finally found a home in the bunker and his bed was missed when he was divested of it too early.
It did not take him long to figure out that Sam had accidentally left his ipod behind, bluetoothed to the speakers, and Dean had no idea how to turn the fucking thing off. So here he was being assaulted by one singer/songwriter artist after another. He shook his head before walking over to grab what was hopefully still a hot cup of coffee from the pot. He sat down at the table because, well hell basically just because he could now. Dean didn't hate life on the road necessarily, it had kept them alive most of the time, but he had a kitchen now dammit and he wanted to enjoy it.
He mixed up a quick bowl of instant oatmeal, and even sliced a little fruit in it, Sam was definitely having a bad influence on him. He warmed quickly as he chewed the apple flavored lumps against his cheek. Okay so maybe this girls voice wasn't the most awful thing he could listen to, hell he was pretty sure Sam had some damn Miley Cyrus or some shit on there probably, it could certainly get worse. It wasn't long before he started absentmindedly humming along as he washed the dishes he'd used, and put them back in place.
That's when it came on, the first line got his attention quickly as he pulled the towel around the inside of the bowl.
"I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night, I miss the way we sleep. Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile, I miss the way we breathe..."
He laughs a little because Cas doesn't sleep, and he's never tasted the kiss of his lips at any point in the day, certainly not at night, and wait when did he start thinking about Cas?
"But I never told you, what I should have said, no I never told you, I just held it in..."
Something in that line struck a little deeper than he'd found comfortable...air was slowly evaporating from his lungs and his chest was tight with the weight of something unknown pushing against him. He stumbled to the kitchen chair and took a seat as he listened to the heartbreaking chorus.
"And now, I miss everything about you, can't believe that I still want you, after all the things we've been through, I miss everything about you, without you."
No, this.. This wasn't right.. I mean... Cas was still around, it wasn't like he was going anywhere right? Deans mind quickly offered a torturous wheel of imagery, flashing back through all the times he'd lost Cas, whether the cause was Death, Power, or Insanity...there were plenty of memories. Through all of it he felt like he was dying, this ..this was worse than the rack, worse than Alastair's knife cutting into his skin, he felt the world was going to swallow him whole.
His brain skipped over the rest of the song as it plagued him, and he..well he wanted to hear the end, so he picked up Sam's iPod intent on figuring out enough to skip backward, and it honestly was fairly easy, he turned the screen on and slid the button as labeled and it didn't take long to guess the password. He smiled crookedly at that, it was the first pleasant thought he'd had since the mind fuck this song had caused for him.
He navigated his way through to a square labeled music, and pushed it. Sure enough the song that was playing title was on the screen so he knew it was right and hit the skip back button. Afterall, he wasn't a complete moron, sometimes he just didn't like putting his mind to work so early. He hears the now familiar sound coming through the speakers and mentally congratulates himself.
He anticipates the chorus this time and does his best to keep his mind clear wanting to hear the second verse, maybe it's a happy ending.
"I see your blue eyes, every time I close mine. You make it hard to see, where I belong to when I'm not around you, it's like I'm not with me.."
This time Dean finds himself mouthing the words to the repeated chorus like he's finally understanding it, and well he guesses he really is just now getting it. After everything they've been through how could he not have seen this, how had he chosen to hide it and bury it for so long, knowing it was only a matter time before he'd lose Cas again, or end up getting himself killed, which at that moment would have been preferable to think about.
He turned the light on the screen off as he heard the door shutting, thinking Sam must have given up early, but when he checked the time he quickly realized that wasn't the case. He needed to tell someone, and he was pretty sure Sam would be cool about it, I mean he'd always been more open love and all that jazz...it would be fine. He just needed to get it out, he hadn't thought about how he'd handle telling Cas, or what the angel would say, but the knowledge of his own feelings was enough to deal with at the moment.
Sam Winchester had set through many awkward situations in his life, although he'd tell anyone who would listen that the most uncomfortable of these predicaments he managed to get himself wrapped up in, was undoubtedly the staring matches between his brother and, Angel of the Lord Castiel. It was monotonous, unending, and quite frankly made him want to take a shower just to scrub off the secondhand eye sex.
He wasn't one to judge people in general, being the literal incarnation of Lucifer for quite some time made judging nearly anyone, not only hypocritical, but very, very, ironic. Honestly he wasn't leader of the lebanon LGBT community or anything but he was more than supportive of anyone in love, even if it wasn't "socially acceptable." Falling for a demon was certainly not his shining moment, however it did happen and it wasn't in his nature to forget his transgressions, not even if convenient.
He tried hinting, the occasional mention of Cas before saying something similar to how cool it was that lesbian and gay couples could get married in California, or making an Ellen or Neil Patrick Harris reference. Sam understood that talking about other gay people probably wasn't the most feasible way to approach the situation but he couldn't just sit around anymore, and if he tried to go at it head on, Dean would freak out. He was like a baby deer when it came to his beloved Angel, skittish, emotionally raw, and sadly fumbling around trying to find out how to work his newly formed legs.
He'd almost given up when it happened, Dean actually brought it up himself…
"Sammy, I uh.. sit down for a minute we need to have a pow wow."
Sam had just gotten back from his run, and felt the crisp cool air of the bunker flowing around him. The sweat on his torso was acting as a sort of conductor to cold, making the chill cause goosebumps to form in his skin.
"You want me to grab a shower first or.. now?" he asked physically drawing himself in.
"Nah, won't take long but if I don't get it out now, I might not."
"Okay, what's up?" He said as he took a seat across from his brother, doing his best to stay calm.
"Uhh..okay there's not many ways for me to say this so I'm just gonna be blunt, rip the bandaid off so to speak."
Sam nodded to signal that he was still there, still listening.
"I uh, I think, well I think I'm in love with Cas."
Sam couldn't help the smile that crawled up his face, it wasn't a smirk no it was a genuine smile. He was so freaking happy he couldn't stand it.
"Okay." He knew not elaborating could piss Dean off but he wasn't exactly sure what to say anymore. He'd never thought of what would happen if his brother actually admitted having a big gay crush on his best friend. He was obviously over the moon that Dean was ready to deal with everything, it's just the words weren't coming out of his mouth so he sat there with a giant smile on his face unable to speak.
"Okay? That's it?"
Sam took a moment to gather himself, there was no point in freaking out about this, it was only going to make Dean more nervous.
"Yeah, Dean. I mean.. that's cool, Cas is a pretty nice guy, and as long as you're safe and happy it doesn't really make a difference to me who's making you that way." Sam said doing his best to not get too deep into supportive mode, because Dean would more often panic than deal with a situation with feelings, it was delicate territory.
"Well. uhm that's... that's good thanks Sammy."
"Sure no problem man, you need to say anything else before I jump in the shower?"
Dean shook his head negatively, so Sam continued on with his day doing everything he could to act like it was a normal day. If there was a little spring in his step no one noticed. He knew Dean, and once he'd realized that what he had for Cas was more than just a passing glance, he'd grab the bull by the horns, which would hopefully lead to more sex that he didn't have to watch and less of the eye kind that he did!