I dreamt of Caleb that night, as I had every night since he'd left. Remembered the way he turned to me, his hazel eyes alive, sparkling on the side of mischief as he gripped my hand in his. Heard the roar of the ocean, screaming above the blare of the radio. Felt the wind whipping my hair across my face, wild and free. I remembered the way he sultrily whispered, "I love you" barely audible over the chaos of sounds washing over me as he pressed his lips lightly to the back of my hand, his eyes locked on mine.

I jumped forward as my alarm clock blared, both welcomed and despised. I was grateful that it had woken me just before the tragedy that I knew all too well would follow those words and was furious that it had taken Caleb from me-stolen the only time I had with him. My dreams were the only thing that reminded me that he was real, the only thing that kept me from believing that the three years we'd spent together weren't a figment of my imagination.

I slapped the snooze button with one hand as I drug the other through my hair. I exhaled deeply and pressed my face into both of my hands, my eyes still fighting to stay closed. I sat in silence a moment, trying vigorously to hold onto the image of Caleb that lingered from my dream, but it became smoky, barely identifiable behind my lids. I reluctantly raised my head, opening my eyes as I accepted the fact that it would leave me again. I glanced slowly around my room, processing each inch of it as realized this would be the last morning I would awaken here.

Tomorrow I would open my eyes to a completely foreign guest bedroom, a room that held no significance, no memories. I was on my way to starting over, completely out of my element in a place totally different then the only home I knew. I involuntarily smiled eager to have a clean slate. I needed that, I couldn't stay here anymore, didn't have the strength, needed to begin a new life.

I threw the covers from me and swung my feet towards the floor, excited to get started. I slipped into my comfy cotton shorts and threw on my teal zip up as I slid on my trusty black flip flops. I crossed towards my mirror, pausing before it to run a comb through my hair. I brushed my hair in long, even strokes, taking my time as I studied my reflection.

The image I saw was not the same girl who sat in the passenger seat of her boyfriend's vintage hotrod on the night that I dreamed of constantly. My hair was darker now, a rich and deep mahogany, no longer a bleached out version of its natural hue. It had grown out some as well; it fell down over my chest, completely covering my breasts. Its new length allowed it to have a springier wave to it then it did when it fell to my collarbone.

My complexion was noticeably lighter, didn't have the same vibrant bronzing it did from spending ever waking movement in the sunlight back then. Yet my tan was still dark enough to make my cobalt blue eyes blaze against the deep olive of my skin tone.

My figure was slimmer as well, I had become more conscience of my eating habits when Caleb left me, knew there was no longer the excuse of 'I have a boyfriend, why should I be obsessive about my weight, he loves me as is.' Yet it was definitely plumper then it had been in the several months following his leaving, which was largely in part due to the fact that I had begun eating again. I had healthy and attractive curves back, yet without all the jiggle and dimples that I had acquired out of comfort.

The woman who stood before me, her expression willful and strong was a far cry from the dependent and naïve child who snuck out to go for a midnight ride on the Pacific Highway. I emanated a sense of confidence that I had lost sight of for quite some time; it had taken me nearly a year and a half of time on my own to regain it. My eyes were alive again, were no longer coated with a layer of haze and blankness, it was obvious that somewhere deep inside of me my fire had sparked again. I had become a very weak and defenseless version of myself when he left, felt no real desire to continue without him but that too had passed. I had learned to live for others, including myself, had found my spunk again.

Yet, all these changes I seen in myself still went unnoticed by those who had known me when I was Caleb's girlfriend. They all still had this nagging habit of tip toeing around me, watching and waiting for me to slip right back into the depression I had lived following his departure. They believed I was merely faking, that I secretly still contemplated suicide and that I would surely be breaking down here shortly and would add another devastating chapter to the epic novel that was my pitiful life. Which was why I was on my way out of this town, I needed to be allowed to continue my life, to start my life as Paige Monroe, no longer linked in every content to a man who I was no longer with.

I grabbed my large black sunglasses, slipping them on as I lowered to pick up my duffle bag, my eyes still locked on my image. I studied myself for a several more moments before finally turning away from it and starting towards my door. My exhale staggered, a little hesitant when my hand reached the door knob and as I pulled it open I turned looking over my shoulder one last time at the room I had grown in before closing the door on it completely.

I walked quickly, practically running down the stairs towards the kitchen, with my back turned on every memory I had created here. My mother sat just outside the French doors on the far end of the kitchen, in her favorite chair, trailing the brim of her oversized coffee cup with her finger, holding a cigarette in her other hand as she gazed out at the ocean. I pushed my sunglasses into my hair, pulling it out of my face as I lowered my bag to the floor before crossing towards her. I slipped out quietly and sat across the table from her as she drew her eyes slowly from the water towards us, dragging at her cigarette.

"Morning Mama," I said quietly as her sullen eyes studied my face. "Morning Baby," she said pulling another drag from her cigarette before extinguishing it in the ashtray. She picked up her coffee cup and turned her eyes back to the water, unable to look at me and unwilling to say much more. I assume she figured if she could just sit in silence a while I'd be forced to join her and as a result, stay with her longer.

I regretted having to do this to her, but I knew she'd be okay without me, she had so much fight in her it was inconceivable to imagine her sulking for long. "So Mama, I am all packed and ready to go, just wanted to say bye before I did," I said very softly hoping that my tone would help ease the blow of the statement. She drew a staggered breath and spoke without looking at me, "I can't believe you are leaving…it seemed like just yesterday you were telling me you'd never leave… 'All I need is you Mommy'…" She paused turning her teary eyes towards me, "God where does the time go Baby?"

I felt chocked up and I swallowed coarsely against it, "Mama…I have to go." I said my voice weak.

"I know baby…I just wish things were different you know?" she said as she put her coffee cup down and drew her hands quickly under her eyes to wipe the tears away.

"Trust me Mama I do too," I said very softly.

She stared at me a moment, her lips pulled down and her brow contoured as she struggled against her sorrow and just when I thought she would snap she threw her both her hands up shaking them frantically and said, "Oh I need to stop it… look at me crying like a damn fool…you are nearly twenty years old, you don't need your Mom keeping you from doing what you have to… you've always made such good choices Paige I need to trust you on this, need to let you go even if I don't want to."

I smiled in a sort of grateful yet heartbroken way as she reached for my hands and held them in hers as she spoke, "I just need you to let me say a few motherly things before I let you go…one you are an amazingly beautiful and intelligent young woman Paige don't you forget that. Two you can do absolutely anything you set your mind to, don't doubt your strength. Three be safe, don't go doing anything I would have to kill you for and four be true to yourself no matter what anyone else says…okay?"

"Okay," I said as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I had always been so close to my mother, ever since my Dad left us when I was little, she'd been my rock. She'd always found a way to make things work, always been there for everything that I went through. She'd always been so patient with me, even though I know at time she probably wanted to strangle me. And no matter what choice I made, she stood behind me even if she didn't agree with it. She was the strongest and most amazing person I had ever met, not only my mother but also my very best friend and I couldn't imagine my daily life without her in it. But I also knew I needed to learn to live my life less dependent on other people, needed to make my life for me and I couldn't do that under her wing. It was just my time to leave and she accepted that, she may not like it but she was accepting.

"Oh and I almost forgot the most very important thing of all," she said her eyes wide, "do not forget to call your damn mother and let her know you are okay every single day. She still wants all the juicy details, you hear me?"

I laughed and nodded my head. She smiled through the tears that were seeping from her eyes as well, "Okay, good. Now lets get on with this before I make an even bigger ass of myself," she said squeezing my hands before releasing them and rising to go inside. I followed her in, drying my eyes before pulling my sunglasses down. I didn't want her to see me so distraught, knew it wouldn't make things any easier. She practically floated across the kitchen with her long silk bathrobe streaming out behind her, her movements were soft and very deceiving of her dismay as she lightly kissing Casey on his lips and swept around him.

He smiled at me as he sipped from his travel mug in his elegantly cut business suit, "Well are you ready Paige?"

"Yeah I am," I said smiling back as I nodded.

"Well good, don't let her ridiculous motherly behavior scare you," he said as he threw his thumb towards my mother who delivered a swift flick to his the back of his ear. He laughed, pulling away from her as he spoke, "Hey! I was just gonna say that she it ready and it's a Mom thing. My mom did the same thing."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought," she said smiling as she continued to make another travel mug of coffee.

I smiled at the two of them, so playful and in love with each other it made me confident that she'd make it through this. He turned back to me, making a mimicking face at my mother's response before winking.

My mother turned carrying the completed mug and crossed towards my duffle bag, picking it up in her other hand. As she approached me she spoke very calmly, "Now listen, I put some money in the ashtray just in case…" "Mom" I started before I she cut me off. "Don't Mom me, it can get really expensive driving up the coast and there is a present for you in your car, kind of a very helpful parting gift from me and Casey. Do you remember where to stop for the night?" "Comfort Inn in Salem." "Yes, the room is already booked and they are expecting you at tenish. Is your cell charged?" "Yes Mom, full battery." "Good. Don't hesitate to call if you get lost, scared or just want to talk. But not while you're driving! Pull off or something. And if you get a couple miles away and decide you want to come back, don't fight it, just turn around and come home to your Mama." I smiled and shook my head lightly from side to side.

"She's not going to Bridget," Casey said in a laugh. My mom spun her face to him, "Well she might! And if that happens I want her to know she doesn't have to go through with this." We both laughed but quickly ceased and pressed our lips firmly as she glowered at the both of us.

She held my gaze a moment before speaking, "I mean it Paige if you change your mind it's alright. That doesn't mean you failed."

"Okay Mama," I said tilting my head and smiling.

"Okay," she said as she extended each hand offering the items in them, "now get the hell on the road before I start crying again." I took both things and pulled her into a tight hug, "I love you Mama."

"And I you butterfly," she said her voice chocked up as she stroked my hair momentarily before releasing me to dry her eyes. She leaned in and kissed my forehead before allowing me to embrace Casey, who now stood behind her.

As I hugged him he spoke very softly, "Knock 'em dead beautiful."

I nodded lightly against his shoulder, not wanting to speak because I wasn't sure if I'd start crying if I did. When he released me I started out of the kitchen, my mom and Casey close behind. They followed me as far as the front porch, paused there holding on to each other as I threw my duffle bag in the front seat of my packed Chevy Cobalt SS. I walked around the car, opened the door and turned to look back at my mother. She waved me on, "Go before I change my mind and chain you up in the basement." Casey and I laughed in sync as I climbed in. I started the engine and noticed the new GPS that was stuck to my windshield; I smiled as it flashed on, and instantly displayed my Uncle Jackson's address.

I rolled all four windows down, put the car is drive and headed down the driveway. I stuck my hand out the window, waving goodbye as I yelled, "Thank You! Goodbye! I love you!" I glanced in the rearview mirror, saw the way my mom clung to Casey, her hand over her face as she cried into his chest. I couldn't stand the sight of it, felt it tug at my heart so I looked away, locking my eyes on the road ahead as I turned out of the drive.

I rolled slowly down the main strip of our community, watching daily life continuing despite me. Saw Mrs. Meyers sitting on her porch sipping her coffee and waved as Mr. Conklin jogged by with his dog on his heels. It was a normal Monday afternoon in Seascape; everyone was collecting their daily paper, enjoying their caffeine or departing for work, just as they did every other day. It was both comforting and depressing to accept that all of this would run its course without me. Made me slightly sad to leave, to finally come to terms with the fact that this was no longer my home but I had always known this day would come, just didn't think I'd be alone.

As I approached Donovan, the gatekeeper, I pulled my sunglass up on to my head. I smiled at him and rolled to a stop at his booth. "Today's the day huh?" he asked his sandy hair blowing lightly in the breeze as he leaned out to have our final conversation.

"Yep it would seem that way," I said resting my arm on the window sill and tilting my face towards him.

"Well best of luck Paige. It's not going to be the same around here without you," he responded his brown eyes showing signs of sorrow. Donovan had had a thing for me for two summers, had tried relentlessly to catch my attention every chance he'd gotten. But I had never seen him as more than a friend, could imagine our relationship as anything else.

"I'll miss you too Van," I said reaching out to touch his hand squeezing it softly. He motioned with his head towards the main road, "Get the hell outta here will ya?" I smiled at him, pulled my hand back in and brought it to my sunglasses, where it paused momentarily as I responded, "I'm already gone." I threw him a wink, pulled my glasses down and pulled out onto Main Street.

As I traveled towards the freeway, I glanced down at my gas gauge to decide whether I should fill up now or later, and realized that my tank was full. I thought of Casey and smiled, he had a knack for being completely fatherly without being over the top and I couldn't help but love him for it. He had no children of his own, had actually never wanted children, but he took me in as if I were his blood. As far as I was concerned he was my Dad, my father on the other hand was simply a sperm donor. A complete waste of air that sent me the occasional birthday card, usually with the wrong age and always without filling it out. Yep he was stellar.

I merged onto the freeway and once I was cruising in fifth gear in the fast lane I reached for the knob and finally cranked up the music because I was free. No more goodbye, no more California, just me on the open road, very distant from the life I was leaving behind as the wind ripping through my hair causing to flow sporadically across my face, my car humming at eighty-five, my music loud and nothing holding me back. Goodbye Aptos, Hello Forks.