Hey guys!
I had this little thing in my head and needed to write it down. English is not my first language, so pls don't be so rude :)
I hope you enjoy! (I was inspired by this post post/127801510631/debnamcare-y-nothing-lasts-forever-to-the )
I don't like to look over the beach or staring in the sunset, because then I start to remind me about everything I try to forget about. But always at the hottest summer evenings, I'm overtaken by this feeling. This feeling I have to come here. Then I can see you. Then I can see, how happy you danced over the beach, as like nothing could steal your freedom. I can see your green eyes, with their bright smile and how they pulled me in your spell. I can feel the wind in my hair when we sat us in the sand and watched the sun goes down. And I rested my head down on your shoulder, when you pulled me closer to you.
So many times I had tried to capture this magic in my drawings, but no brush stroke was beautiful as you were. So many times I had tried to crowd the feelings out, to drown them in alcohol, but when I woke up in the next morning, the room is white and empty and you're not here.
With every step I take, I see you. I can still see how your hand grips my and you brought me to a gallery of artists that I liked. How proud you were to me when I got the confirmation that I was allowed to show something at the next exhibition. The smile on your face has never been as beautiful as in this moment.
When I walk through this gallery today, lonely among all these people, I feel sick. What are my works worth, if my inspiration is no longer with me? Damn it, I cann't understand why I had to lose you!
But the worst of all the places is our apartment. I can not clean up the rooms, everything is still like when you were with me. I moved out, without moving out.
I know we have done so much here, had a fight until the objects flew through the apartment. Pressed each other against the cold wall and kissed with desire.
So many evenings we spent on the couch and watched one movie after another movie.
I was so in love with your gentle kisses, in the taste of your lower lip between my teeth, in the perfume you wore every day.
Years have passed, since I get the call in which a man told me you died in a car accident. The voice at the other end so cold, which cut my world into thousand little pieces. No glue in the world could stick it together again.
You were my everything, my sunshine and shadow.
Even now when I try to lead a relationship with Finn and I moved to him, you're the reason why I can not sleep at night. In my dreams I can still feel the soft kisses on my skin, I caress brown curls behind your ear while you whisper softly sweet phrases in my ear.
And then I wake up, my blanket bathed in cold sweat, my eyes filled with tears. Everything I want is to touch you and feel your skin on mine again. Even if it's just for one time.
Just for one time, I want to hear your "I love you, Clarke" with you soft voice.
But all that remains, is this spark of you that never burns out in me.