How To Save A Life
A/N I don't own Pretty Little Liars, as much as I wish I did. I apologise for advance for any errors! I came up with the idea for this this morning and it only tok me about an hour and a half to write. I hope you like it! I will probably make this a two-shot, but I would love to hear what you think. Enjoy! (I hope!)
Warning: There is death by suicide in this story, so please do not continue if this could trigger anything. (No pun intended.)
"I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear from you! Ever!"
Aria's words echoed in his mind, taunting him. He did not feel upset or even angry at her. He felt completely numb. She was completely justified in what she had done. Had he been in her position, he would have done exactly the same thing. He had used her - for a time - before he fell in love with her. He had used her for research for a crime novel, but now he could not care less about the book. She was the most important thing in his life. She was his main reason for living, but now that was gone. She was never going to forgive him. She had trusted him with her life, as much as she trusted her friends, if not more. However he had completely betrayed that trust, and was never going to get it back.
He had no idea what to feel. Of course he and Aria had had their fair share of disagreements and breakups, but this felt more final. It felt permanent. There was nothing he could do about that. The whole debacle was his fault in the first place. Had he not met Alison at that frat party in college then he would not have felt compelled to write a book about her. However, if he had not met Alison then he would have never met Aria. That, he did not regret one bit. She probably regretted meeting him, trusting him, dating him and telling him everything, but he did not. He knew that it was selfish; their relationship had caused her many more problems than it had caused him. He remembered the problems with her parents, her classmates at Rosewood High, other teachers. The whispers, snide comments and the gossip. Rosewood was a small town; gossip spread like wildfire. Plenty of people had called him a pedophile and a pervert, but he never let that get to him. It was much worse for Aria. He recalled some of things that people had called her.
Slut.
Hooker.
The girl who slept with her teacher for a better grade.
Slag.
Anger coursed through his veins as he thought about it.
He strode over to the kitchen and instinctively took a bottle of Scotch and a tumbler. That was what he usually did when he was having problems. Then he sat on the couch and drank. Aria was all he could think about. After a few glasses his mind snapped back out of its daze into reality. He was disgusted with himself. Alcohol could not solve his problems. They were far too great. He got up and walked over to the sink slowly, then poured the Scotch down the sink. He was not even drunk. His judgment was not clouded at all.
Without thinking, he put on his black jacket and grabbed his keys before heading out of the door. He drove to the Brew and bought a coffee; then he went to another shop and bought a few more things. Next he drove to one of his favourite places. He had found it one day while running and went there at least once a week. It was at the edge of the forest on the outskirts of Rosewood. He got out of his car and sat on the ground. He could see most of the town. The dark sky perfectly illuminated the buildings and the roads. It was beautiful. From here, no one could tell that the small, pretty town in Pennsylvania was in fact a haven of secrets and lies. Rosewood had a population of less than four thousand people, yet there were more murders and criminal activity going on than in many places five times its size. He simply sat there, almost in a daze, looking out at the lights. He did not hear someone behind him.
That person did not know that it was him who was there either, until she sat down next to him.
"Ezra?" Spencer asked harshly. "What the hell are you doing here?"
He nearly jumped up in surprise. "Spencer." He replied nervously. "I'm just...looking at the town. I love the peace and quiet."
"Are you sure you're not stalking me and my friends for that crime novel of yours?" She challenged, in the same harsh tone.
So Aria had told her. He had suspected as much. "I-no. Look -"
"No." She interrupted. "You listen. Aria trusted you. The rest of us trusted you. You used her and us too. You betrayed her. She told you everything about her, us, A and you told her nothing. She only discovered your secrets when they were forced out, like Jackie, Maggie, your family, your book and Alison! Do you love Aria at all?" She demanded. "Because she hates you right now."
Those words stung. "I know. I deserve it. I'm a jerk."
"You are." Spencer agreed.
"But I do love her."
"It sure doesn't seem like it, after everything you've done."
"Will you let me explain?" He implored her. "Aria didn't."
"No. You don't deserve that. You don't deserve anything."
As much as Spencer's words hurt him, he knew that they were one hundred per cent truth. "I know that too." He sighed. Then he stood up. "Goodbye Spencer." He said simply. He did not bother to wait for reply that he would not receive so he went to his car and drove back to his apartment. He let himself in and looked around. Everything reminded him of her. The photographs of the two of them, back when times were happier, on his desk and coffee table. One of them was almost completely destroyed. Some of her clothes were still in his drawers. He could almost smell the scent of her intoxicating perfume and the Thai takeout they always used to order.
He reached into his bag and withdrew his purchases before going to his desk and grabbing a pen, four pieces of paper and a box that he almost never touched. He brought the things over, put them on his coffee table and sat down almost reluctantly. He opened the box and took out his gun, which he rarely used. To his surprise, his hands were steady as he loaded the black pistol with the ammunition he had bought earlier. One bullet was all he needed if he got it right. If not...he would have to think about that possibility later.
He put the gun on the table and held his pen in his hand, thinking about what to write. He addressed the first note to his mother and his brother.
Mom and Wes,
First, Mom. I know that we haven't gotten along at all during the last few years. If I could take it back now, I would. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for this too, but I know you'll move on eventually. I hope so, anyway. I want you to know that I'll always be your son. Always. I love you Mom.
Wes - I know about you and Aria. I'm not mad about it, and I understand. I have to do this; it's best for me, and for everyone else. Move on, please. Stay on good terms with Mom. Focus on school, go off to a good college. Have a good time and go to all the parties you want, but study too. That's what I did. But don't date your teacher. Seriously. No matter how pretty she is. When the time is right, I hope you meet a nice girl. Make sure that you treat her right and that she does the same. Tell her everything. Talk to her. Don't keep secrets from her. Don't screw everything up like I did. I trust that you won't. Goodbye, little brother.
Ezra Michael Fitzgerald
He addressed the second note to Hardy, his best friend.
Hardy,
I know that you will probably be really pissed off at me when you get this, if you do. I'm hoping that somehow you'll get this note. I want to tell you that you're not the reason why I'm doing this. Please don't blame Aria for this either; I'm doing this because of myself. You're the best friend a guy like me could ask for. I know I'm being incredibly cheesy right now, but still. I remember the day we met - the first day of college - as if it were yesterday. I went into my dorm room and saw that you were my roommate and I thought, "What the hell am I going to do For the next few years? This guy is going to annoy the shit out of me." I was right, of course. I remember the times you got me to do your essays by paying me with frozen burritos, the crazy parties we went to and the great times we had. I want you to remember the good times, Hardy, those times that I've mentioned. I don't want you to remember me by this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you everything. I'm sorry for keeping big secrets from you, and I hope you never find out what they are because I know that you'll look at me in a completely different light. Goodbye Hardy. Take care of yourself.
Ezra ("Z")
His eyes began to fill with tears. He wrote his third note, which he addressed to Spencer, Emily, Hanna and Alison. Then he wrote the last, longest and most important one. To Aria.
When he had finished them he put them on his desk where he was sure that someone would find them. He was not an alcoholic by any means, but wanted his last drink to be something good so he delved into the cupboard and got out a bottle of his favourite Scotch and a tumbler. He only poured himself one glass; he did not want to do this while drunk. He sat down and drank it, savouring each drop. He relished the burn in his throat.
Next he got up and put a record into his record player: B26 on vinyl.
Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing eighty miles an hour?
He picked up his gun and walked over to the cabinet by the record player. Inside it was a picture of himself and Aria during much happier times. It had been taken in the park by Spencer. Aria was sitting in his lap and they were lounging on the grass. Toby, Hanna, Caleb and Emily had been there too. Both of them wore large grins on their faces. A tear rolled down his cheek.
Or is happiness is a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?
Everyone hated him. They would be much better off without him. He was on bad terms with his family and Spencer, Hanna and Emily hated him. Aria hated him too. He looked at the photograph intently. Hands shaking, he held the gun to the side of his head.
Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can't make it come or go
They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you are about to die. Whoever said that was right. His whole life flashed before him.
But you are gone - not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good
His earliest memories with his family. His first day of kindergarten. His first day of elementary school. His brother being born. Wesley as a young child. His first day of middle school. Playing with his friends. When his parents cheated on each other. When his parents divorced. His first kiss. His first day of high school. His first girlfriend. His time on his high school athletics team. His time as class president. His arguments with his mother. When he lost his virginity. Maggie. Graduating high school.
Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Leaving home. Changing his surname to get away from his family. His first day of college. Meeting Hardy. Parties. Flings. Drunken hookups. His first serious girlfriend - Jackie. When he proposed to her in Italy. When she said no and broke up with him. When Hardy took him to a frat party to get over her and he met Alison. The three months he spent with Alison. When he found out she was actually in high school and broke up with her. Graduating from college.
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
'Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks
Finding out that Alison had disappeared. Getting his first proper job as an English teacher at Rosewood High. Meeting Aria in Snookers. Their make out session in the bathroom at Snookers. The first day of his job at Rosewood High. Alison's funeral. When he used her for information. When he fell in love with her. His and Aria's many break ups and arguments. When she found out about Jackie. When he got a job at Hollis. When they told her parents about their relationship. When they were not allowed to see each other. When Byron got him fired from Hollis. Their first time. Their first anniversary. When Aria met his family. When Wesley accidentally told her about Maggie. When he found out about Malcolm. When they broke up because he needed a job in order to support Malcolm. The first day that he was her teacher again. When he found out that Alison was alive. When he started writing his book again and stalked Aria and her friends to do it. When that jerk Connor called Aria a slut. When he destroyed Connor's car. When he prevented Mike from getting expelled. When he employed Mona and CeCe to help him with his book. When he found out that Aria was seeing Jake. When he found out that Malcolm was not his son. When he and Aria kissed in The Brew. When the girls found his "lair". When he followed them to Ravenswood. Both times when he and Aria had had sex at his friend's cabin. When he found that that Spencer knew about him and Alison. When Aria found out about his book and his relationship with Alison. When she came to his apartment to said to him, "I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear from you, ever!"
Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
This was his penance, of sorts. It was the best thing he could do. His hands shook even more. Now he allowed the tears to freely stream down his face, doing nothing to stop them. He wanted to cry.
So you tell yourself that's enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar
He stood up straight and kept his eyes on the photograph. He was not a coward. He could do this. He had to.
Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you'll never find it all
"I'm sorry, Aria." He whispered. "I love you."
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she'll be home
Home, home, home
Then he pulled the trigger.