Hey there guys. So, I was writing up part three of Practical Jokes, and I thought that I should take my mind off of it.

Practical Jokes has been quite a headache lately.

I'm sorry for the wait. :(

But I hope that you will enjoy this, as a sorry for my slow writing.

A/N= The title relates to the female character, who is indeed, a Cougar in her own right. ;)

-Jay

Cougar

"Done." Whined Shikamaru as he gathered the random pieces of paper sprawled out on the desk in front of him. There were a total of forty pages, handwritten; both sided, now folded into a neat little pile. He eyed them with discontent and leaned back into his chair. The male had finally finished his forty page long report, and was now ready to hand it in to Lady Tsunade. His eyes carried his trademark 'lazy' glare, and his mouth was slightly curved into a smirk that spelt: 'accomplishment'. Shikamaru pulled his left hand to his chest, and then wrapped his right hand over the knuckles. He cracked them loudly, and then flexed his left hand. It ached from writing so much.

He stood and clasped the paper in his hand, before proceeding to walk away from his desk. Once he had finally reached the door, he threw a glare back towards the desk. Man was he glad to be free of its murderous clutches. With report in hand, the shinobi trudged down the halls of the hokage's mansion. The floor was a dark brown colour, wooden, and he walked in the direction of the grain; Shikamaru watched it as he walked; a quiet sigh escaped his lips. 'Finally… free of that desk, free of paper work, free of Tsunade.' He thought, reaching the hokage's door. He lifted his hand and balled it into a tight fist, and then bashed his knuckles on the door. A few moments later, a voice emerged from inside. It was an icy cold, harsh voice. One that he knew all too well. "Enter." Was all that she said. And reluctantly, Shikamaru did.

The room was well lit, and there were stacks of books around the room. Papers filled her desk, but she pushed them aside, creating a 'window' for her to peer through. "Ah, Nara. I trust you have done your report?" Her eyes were fixated on the ninja as he approached her desk.

"Yep. Done and done." He just wanted to be in and out as fast as possible. Being in the presence of that woman made him uneasy, like he had his guard on high alert constantly; and for no reason. Their eyes met. Warm, chocolate brown clashed with faded angry yellow in a lockdown of annoyed staring. Shikamaru frowned, caving first. "Anything else, m'lady?" 'Heh, m'lady… my ass. She's a bitch' he thought, setting the papers down on her desk without a moment's hesitation. Then, she stood, standing equally as tall as the male. He took a step back.

"Actually, there is something I need to talk to you about." She spoke slowly, rolling each word off of her snake-like tongue. Shikamaru sighed.

"Oh lord, what now?" he whispered to himself, so that she couldn't hear. He wouldn't say something so rude directly to her face. No way. He'd get a chakra-enhanced slap around the moosh if he did. With incredible observance, he watched as she sidestepped her desk and proceeded to the door.

Shikamaru blinked as the sound of the lock snapped loudly in his ears. The woman turned to face him, her eyes piercing and intense. He had to look away first. This was getting weird.

"Nara." She began, stepping forwards. Her heels clacked on the wooden floor, making Shikamaru more aware of her where-abouts without physically looking. In a moment he was clouded by her looming shadow. He took a miniscule step back. "I've noticed something wrong with you lately." Her voice was less cold. 'Okay then… since when did she care?' he thought to himself, bringing his eyes to look up at her. Her face might, just might have been deemed 'cute' if she wasn't so freaking boisterous. For an aging woman, she kept herself looking good.

"What would that be?" he replied, taking another tiny step back. He was being forced closer to her desk now. For some reason, he felt the need to be hostile towards her. 'This is getting a little too weird for me.'

"You've been very, very tense. I don't expect my ninja to be this up tight," she folded her arms over her chest; her slightly large chest. Her pale skin on her arms pushed against her breasts, making them perkier. He could see it out of his peripheral vision. Shikamaru furrowed his brow. 'Tense? Okay, freak…' he thought as he pushed his hands into his pockets. She threw him a stare that said 'Yeah I'm pissed off, what of it?'.

"…Tense?" he repeated hesitantly. What exactly did she mean?

"Yes. Tense. You need to blow off your steam. I can't have you all annoyed and such on missions." She pulled one hand from her arm, and poked at her temples with two fingers. She gently massaged the skin on her head, and let out a tedious sigh. "Do you understand what I'm getting at?"

Shikamaru nodded slightly. "…Kinda." He agreed. 'Uh, no, you crazy, troublesome woman. Get on with it.' He shuffled his weight from one leg to the other, and then looked away from her. Looking at her for too long would give him a headache…

"Good. Then you'll understand this;"

Shikamaru frowned, and then looked back at her. To his astonishment, she had quickly pushed herself up to the younger Chuunin, and had forced him to retreat away from her. He felt the wood hit the back of his thighs as he reached the desk. He could back away no longer.

Tsunade placed her hands on his shoulders, and dug her thumbs into his skin, through the flak jacket. Shikamaru's eyes widened. "U-Uh? Lady Tsunade?" He stammered as his heart raced up to double its previous pace. He tried to pull his hands out of his pockets, but was then pushed violently down onto her desk. Papers flew left and right, and he only felt his heart screaming in terror, and his face burning up with a hot pink blush.

Tsunade clambered on the top of him, and parted her legs over his waist. He swallowed the panic rising in his chest at a terribly fast rate. "Loosen up, Nara!" She ordered, straddling him. He had a look of horror on his face. 'What the fuck? TSUNADE? REALLY? Does she do this shit to every one of her ninja?' he thought as he slammed his eyes shut. He couldn't bring himself to speak, to look, or even push her off of him.

Her hot breath brushed against his neck, causing him to tense. He heard her beginning to pop the buttons on his flak jacket. "Nara, please understand. I need my ninja at their very best," she began, tugging at his jacket. All he could manage was a pitiful whimper as a response to her talk. Then the sound of his zipper caused him to open his watering, blurry eyes. He spoke in a shaky, but forceful whisper. "What are you doing?"

"Helping," she responded, peeling his vest apart. He struggled to pull his arms out from their restricted position, but she had her legs wrapped over his waist, keeping his arms firmly locked to his sides. He threw her a worried glance, hearing footsteps go past her door.

Okay, so she was 'helping'. That was… rather unexpected, but he would be more frightened of someone walking in on them. But she had locked the door… but someone could still knock the door, right! Shikamaru felt his throat tighten painfully into a large knot. He opened his mouth to help him breath, but he was cut off of his air supply. He saw Tsunade's eyes in front of his, closed, her lashes touching his cheeks. Her tongue snaked into his mouth, reaching every nook and cranny of his jaws. He felt his heart explode, his blood begin to boil, his skin crawl with horror. This was Tsunade! THE HOKAGE? What was she, like, thirty? He whimpered, but it came out as a muffled whine from beneath her lips.

After a minute of violent, uvula – jabbing kissing, she pulled away, letting him breath. He banged his head back on the desk, unable to speak. Tsunade resumed pulling up his black shirt. Her hands explored his body, while she sensually rolled her hips on his waist. "Hnn~" she moaned every now and then. All the while, she bit at his neck, leaving large, dark purple love bites in place.

'Happy place, Nara, happy place!' he kept telling himself, in between whimpers and whines. This was so wrong. The age gap between them was immense. Her fingers pulled at his mesh underlay, and she scratched at his skin. He shuddered, feeling himself lose all sense of moral goodness.

"Grandma Tsunade!" called a voice from the other side of the door. The woman jumped off of the male, seemingly unaffected by the experience. The same could not be said for Shikamaru, however. He struggled to his feet, and pulled down his black shirt. His cheeks were burning a violent red, and his eyes were large, shocked. There was sweat lining his brow as he zipped up his jacket with shaky hands.

The woman wrapped her hands around his collar and dragged him close to her face. "Strictly between us, Nara." She growled lowly, her eyes burning with an angry, intense fire that could only be responded to with a whimper. He nodded, feeling like a child who had been yelled at for drawing over the newly painted walls with a Sharpie marker pen. Tsunade's face curled into a devilish grin. "Good." She let go of his collar, forcing him to stumble. He hurried towards the door, and then unlocked it. He quickly escaped the room, breathing heavily, his vision blurred by frightened tears that had begun to swell.

He was now face to face with Naruto. "Hey, Shikamaru." He said happily. "You okay?" He asked, his smile turning into a concerned frown. He went to place his hand reassuringly on Shikamaru's shoulder, but was summoned forth by Tsunade, who was sat back at her desk. She had a stern look on her face. "Come on in, Naruto."

Naruto did as she said, and entered the room. Shikamaru breathed heavily, barely able to keep himself on his own two feet. Just as the door creaked to a close behind him, he heard that same icy voice call out.

"Remember what I said, Nara!"

Hope you enjoyed that.

I loved that idea of Tsunade hunting down her little male ninja and preying on them~

^^ Love you guys loads.

Drop a review, if you want. Let me know what you think. :D

-Jay