Disclaimer: I own no characters that occur within the Stephanie Plum series. Nor do I own anything that comes from the brilliance of JR Ward. pouting Though I wish I could claim the BDB.
No spoilers really.
Dedicated to Kym—for you babe! Got a few more to come!
Care To Explain
By: BurumaBabe
Steph had left Joe in her apartment shortly after eight and drove around aimlessly. It was some time later when she realized with a start that she had turned onto Haywood Street. She was going to keep driving past the RangeMan gate but was sure she'd get a phone call or a late night visitor if she didn't stop.
Sure enough, when she turned her car into the drive, the gate opened without her needing to use her FOB. Pulling into her spot, Steph parked and got out, heading for the elevator. It didn't surprise her in the least when the elevator automatically began climbing to the seventh floor. She stared up at the camera mounted in the corner as she waited. She let her eyes linger on the camera for a few seconds after the elevator had stopped and the doors had opened on seven before heading for Ranger's apartment.
The door was ajar when she got there. Rolling her shoulders, Steph pushed the door open and stepped through. Setting her purse and keys down on the sideboard, she felt the familiar tingle that always accompanied Ranger whenever he was near.
Steph headed into the kitchen and helped herself to a bottle of water from the fridge. As she straightened, she felt Ranger at her back, his body so close that a deep breath would have them touching.
"Babe," he murmured as he gently brushed her hair back over her shoulder, leaning in close to her ear. Steph's eyes drifted shut and she instinctively tilted her head slightly, losing herself in the feel and smell of Ranger.
When his hand cupped her shoulder, his breath warm on her ear, she pulled herself from the fog. Letting go of the fridge door, it swung closed and Steph stepped away from him, moving across the kitchen and around the breakfast bar.
Ranger tracked her movements silently, raising his eyebrow when she put the breakfast bar between them.
She uncapped the bottle and took a long drink, deciding to wait Ranger out for once. As it turned out, she didn't have long to wait.
"Want to tell me what's going on, Babe?" he asked, leaning against the fridge, crossing his arms over his bare chest.
Steph let her eyes trail over him. God, he looked as good as he always did, she thought. Wearing black sweats, with his chest and feet bare, his silky black hair loose, it was difficult to keep her head clear. Seeing Ranger's lips curve into a hint of a smile at her perusal, she set her bottle down on the bar, focusing her thoughts. "I have no idea what you're talking about Ranger."
His eyebrow quirked up again. "Really? That's why you've been driving around Trenton with no destination for the past two hours? And don't tell me you've been looking for skips. You picked up your last skip yesterday morning."
That was a hell of a lot of vocabulary for Ranger to have spoken in one sitting. Not like she could ever hide anything from him. He always knew when something was up. Damn ESP.
He pushed off the fridge, and took a step towards her and she stepped back, edging further around the bar. Ranger froze at her actions. His eyes bored into hers for a long moment before he resumed his position leaning negligently against the fridge, arms crossed, one foot braced against the door. He looked completely relaxed and casual but Steph knew better. They were attuned to each other and Steph could feel the invisible tension caused by her moving away thrumming through him.
The silence stretched between them until Ranger finally broke it. "I know Morelli was at your apartment, Babe. I know you got home and he was there and that you left within in fifteen minutes of getting home. You left and he stayed and you've been driving around Trenton aimlessly since. Care to explain?"
His attitude made her angry. After her mother and Joe, she was hanging onto her temper by a thread. "Excuse me? 'Care to explain'? Since when do I owe you an explanation? And where the hell do you get off keeping an eye on my apartment and who comes and goes?"
Ranger said nothing, just stared at her, his face inscrutable.
"Did you bug my apartment again?" No answer. "Or did you never take the bugs out in the first place?" she bit out. Still no reaction. "If not, then why the question? You already know the answer Ranger. You know what happened, what was said, why ask me to repeat it?"
When he simply stood there, neither confirming or denying her accusation, Steph had decided she'd had enough. She pushed away from the breakfast bar and headed for the door.
She didn't make it. Ranger moved quickly, grabbing her and spinning her around, moving her up against the wall beside the sideboard, his body coming up against hers to hold her in place. His hand reached up and brushed her hair away from her ear and he leaned in, his lips brushing her ear as he spoke.
"Don't take it out on me Babe. I'm not the one you're angry with. I never said I'd take the bugs out of your apartment if you think back. You never pushed about it either. So don't act like you didn't have some idea they were still there. That they've been there for the last three months or that I didn't have access to them before now."
His insinuation was crystal clear and had her anger boiling over. Bringing her hands up, she shoved at his chest ineffectively. Ranger wasn't going to budge unless he was good and ready.
"Did you like that Ranger? How many times did you tune in? Don't you dare be angry with me about what you may have heard."
When he looked at her, his eyes burning with anger, she realized she was wrong. Oh so wrong.
Without conscious thought, her hand came up and slapped across his face, hard. "You bastard," she snarled. Ranger turned his face back to her, his eyes black and glittering with fury. Steph stared back at him, refusing to back down. "Did just you watch or did the guys in the control room get to see too when they checked in on me from time to time? Huh, Ranger? Did you enjoy invading my privacy, my life, my bedroom, whenever you felt like it? Did it make you hard, get you off, to watch? Was that it? Because I can't think of any other reason why you would. Why you'd betray me like that."
He didn't say anything, just stared at her, his obsidian eyes fierce with barely checked anger. When she pushed at him this time, he went with it, stepping back and letting her slip away, but his eyes tracked her every movement. She paced into the living room, stopping at the window, looking out at Trenton.
"Do you think I like seeing you with him? That I don't hate seeing him hold your hand, touch you, kiss you, like he has the right to? Like he's good enough to? That I like the fact that all I have is stolen kisses, touches, moments in time, before you go back to him?"
She turned to look at him when he growled his questions at her. He was standing on the other side of the living room; his feet braced apart, his fists clenched at his sides. She could feel the force of his anger as if he was standing right in front of her.
"Why do you play these games with me, Ranger?" she asked quietly after a long silence. "This push and pull, the innuendo, the stolen kisses, the alley, pretending to care, when all you do is push me back to him?" She laughed softly. "And then you act like it's my fault, like you're disappointed in me when I go back. What do you expect me to do, to say? Half the time I can't tell if you really want me or if you just like seeing how far you can push me, how much it would take to get me to give in when we both know what happens in the morning."
By the time she finished speaking, there was a distinct bitter taste to her words and she hated herself for it. She faced the window, wrapping her arms around herself and stared outside, not seeing the skyline, wishing she was anywhere but where she was, that she had said anything but what she had. There was no point to saying it. It wouldn't change anything—feelings or not, Ranger wouldn't let her in.
The air was thick with tension and she could see Ranger reflected in the window, standing there silent, his face giving away nothing. Finally, she couldn't bear the silence anymore.
"Why do you even bother Ranger? I don't get it. Sure, you say I'm entertainment, but that's not it. If it was, you wouldn't dangle little bits about you and your life in front of me, daring me to try and get underneath that hard shell you've built around yourself. But you do and I try and all you do is push me away."
"Don't do this, Stephanie. We've been through this."
She turned at his low words. "Right. We have been through this. Only it's just like when you dangle bits of who you are—you dance around it and never actually say why. And don't give me the excuses about enemies and the things you've done making it too dangerous." She laughed a little bitterly. "I mean, come on Ranger. How many times since we've met have I been stalked, kidnapped, come to bodily harm? And your life is too dangerous?"
"Stephanie," he ground out, his jaw clenched.
Shaking her head, she held up her hand. "Don't. Just don't. The truth is Ranger, that you're never going to let me in, are you? No matter what I do, what happens, you never will. Whether it's because you like playing these games, you like the control, you can't give up the control, or you're just plain scared. It doesn't matter because in the long run, you'll never let me in. You don't want to let anyone in."
And as usual, Ranger remained silent, his face blank. His eyes were dark and Stephanie could see a range of emotions in them until they slowly closed off, the only emotion left showing anger. They stood, facing each other, neither saying anything, both stiff from anger. Stephanie waited for him to say something but knew he wouldn't.
She shook her head again, her eyes tearing despite her best effort at not crying. "I don't know why I bothered. There's no point. You won't even talk to me about this let alone let me know who you really are."
There was another long beat of silence before Ranger spoke. "Stephanie, my reasons are valid ones. It's best that you don't know. Don't do this. Please."
His last word was the final straw. Ranger rarely used the word please, and knew that in using that word she wouldn't be able to say no.
She closed her eyes and taking a deep breath, her jaw clenching as she held it, trying to reign in her emotions. Letting the breath go, her eyes, no longer tear filled, opened and she met his gaze head on. "Fine, Ranger. We won't do this. But you being so insistent on not doing this makes me wonder why. And you know what? I think, underneath that bad-ass, tough, mercenary veneer I've got you running scared. I think that you're so afraid of what you really feel, this connection we have, that you can't handle it. But you can't handle me not being here either. And that's why you play the games."
He folded his arms across his chest and stared back at her, his eyes still angry, glittering black and intense. A muscle in his cheek jumped, his jaw flexing. His anger was palpable, she could feel it blast across the room.
Squaring her shoulders, lifting her chin, she crossed the living room, stopping in front of him. She was close enough that she could feel the heat his body radiated. "That's what I think. You're afraid to let me in but don't want to really let me go and that's why you dangle bits and pieces about yourself in front of me, only to yank them away when I ask."
The muscle twitched again and she smiled wryly. "So we won't do this Ranger. I can see the topic offends you."
She stepped around him and headed for the door. She paused at the sideboard, calmly picking up her purse and keys. Ranger hadn't turned, hadn't moved. Opening the door, she paused and turned to him.
"I'm sorry I offended you. I can imagine it's a big goddamned burden to have someone want to get to know you."
She didn't miss his back stiffening, his shoulders tensing at her words before she slipped out the door, letting it close softly behind her.
From the fabulous JR Ward, author of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Lover Eternal, page 108