"It's a tough building. It can stand on its own for now."
They had been standing there, amidst the fire and the bodies and the foul stench of the darkspawn for what seemed like an entire age. Faced with saving either the city or the keep, the Commander had frozen; her skin had paled several shades, and she simply stood there, rigid. A light sickly breeze lifted the escaped strands from everyone's filthy hair, and the silence was broken only by the crackling of burning houses, the sound of heavy breathing, and the disturbingly loud cracking of leather and scraping of metal as someone shifted uncomfortably. It was an understandably hard choice, but time was against them on either path, and their Commander couldn't stand there forever. Nathaniel had been about to point out as much to her, when Katherine announced her decision.
And then came the by-now predictable volley of opinions. Nathaniel offered his as well and was promptly, and viciously, shot down. Keeping his expression neutral and sighing resignedly that he would follow his Commander's lead, Nathaniel stepped back and observed as Katherine took care of matters – namely, killing the darkspawn messenger and attempting to coordinate an attack with what was left of the city's garrison.
He had honestly expected her to march straight for the Vigil. It was what any commander with sense would do. Wasn't it only a few months ago – when he had found her alone, late at night, in the darkness of the throne room agonizing over the situation in the arling – that she told him she missed having someone to share the burden of command with? Someone who understood that leading wasn't all roses and spotless honor; that there wouldn't always be sacred ashes to be found, or Circles to turn to.
Nathaniel suspected that there were plenty of stories behind her words, but he had refrained from asking. Instead, he had promised Katherine to do his best to fill Loghain's shoes. And now, when he did just that, she turned around and snapped at him. Did she really believe that they stood a chance at saving Amaranthine? The taint had firmly ensconced itself in the city for days, he could feel it even from out here – Amaranthine would have to be razed to the ground regardless of their success or not, in order to stop the corruption from spreading; and the diseased, no doubt the majority of those still alive, would have to be killed. Did she really prefer to go up to each man, woman, and child, individually, and sink her sword into them, instead of giving them up to the fire? Though she hid it carefully, Nathaniel knew what a toll each mercy killing took on her.
The Commander concluded her business with the constable, and turned towards the city gates, with an all-too-cheerful dwarf and a mage struggling with his wriggling pack in tow. A few drops fell from the sky, one of them splattering on the archer's nose. With a sigh, Nathaniel fell into line.
The woman confounded him to no end.
Billions of Andraste's frilly pink polka-dotted knickerweasels, it was raining. Not only did he have to contend with the all the ash in the air that was making his eyes sting and the high temperature from all the fires – not to mention the darkspawn bands that kept swarming them and a very annoyed Pounce in his pack – but now he was wet. And it was humid and damp and it smelled worse and everything was sticky. Well, stickier. He shuddered at the squelching sounds his steps made. It always rained in the stories, too, whenever there was a big battle or a siege. Was there a rule or something? Combatants must be in most uncomfortable condition possible, or something along those lines. It had rained that night at the Vigil when the darkspawn had attacked. He wondered if it had rained at Ostagar … perhaps he'd ask the Commander when he got a –
A wet thud and clashing of steel near his head jolted Anders out of his thoughts. As he turned around, he saw a darkspawn collapse to its knees, Sigrun appearing behind it.
"Anders! Pay attention! You're harder to keep alive than Oghren," the dwarf reprimanded him in her usual bright tones, but her eyes betrayed her nervousness. "That's just wrong."
With that, Sigrun lunged down the stairs next to the Crown & Lion, chasing a genlock that had fled in that direction. Anders froze it for her and, as he prepared to run after her, two arrows whistled by his head, landing in a childer that had materialized out of nowhere. It seemed that Howe had found his high perch after all.
Anders hurried down the stairs before something else decided to jump out at him. Sigrun had already taken care of the remaining darkspawn and was busy patching up the wounded guards. He had barely finished healing everyone when a new wave of these blighted creatures approached them.
A stream of cursing suddenly exploded behind him.
"Anders! You're in charge down here until I get back!"
Turning his head, Anders only saw a swish of hair as the Commander disappeared up the staircase to the battlements. Where in Thedas is she going? He didn't have time to contemplate much beyond that as an emissary targeted him. It took a few moments and several fireballs before it registered. She had left him in charge?
Katherine ran frantically up the stairs, taking two at a time. How in the Fade had he let himself become cornered by darkspawn? Emerging at the top, she spotted Nathaniel off to one end, still with his bow in hand and trying to fight off the group of genlocks.
As she slashed her way through the darkspawn, her braids fell in her face. The thought that perhaps Oghren was right about the functionality of her chosen hairstyle briefly flashed through her mind. Trying to shake them out of her eyes while still fighting, Katherine slipped on the footstones, which were covered with blood and rain. She quickly regained balance, but not before bumping into Nathaniel and almost sending him toppling over the battlements.
"Watch it!" Nathaniel shouted.
"I'm watching them!" Katherine shouted back.
"You made me miss my shot!"
"Oh, shut up and try to get at least one of them, Howe!"
A few short moments later saw the genlocks dispatched, the Commander of the Grey looting their bodies for anything to replenish the wardens' lyrium and healing supplies, and the man who was her effective second turn on her in disbelief.
"What in blazes are you doing, woman?" Nathaniel demanded. "Trying to make me fall off the wall?"
Katherine stood and narrowed her green eyes at him. "Well, guess who's not getting rescued next time!"
Nathaniel scoffed. "I didn't need rescuing," he stated, as he went to retrieve what arrows he could. He was running dangerously low. They had been down to seven when Katherine had arrived, including the one she had sent spinning somewhere over the rooftops of Amaranthine. No hopes of recovering that one.
"Really?" she raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest. "It sure looked like it from where I was standing."
"Then stand somewhere else," Nathaniel shot back, getting to his feet. "Preferably a good distance away from anyone fighting on battlements."
"Maker's blood, you try aiming when evading five darkspawn at once!" Katherine said, exasperated, punching his breastplate for emphasis.
"Well, if that is the case, you might try cutting down on the amount of food you consume," he retaliated smoothly.
Katherine only had time for an outraged expression to settle on her face, when a voice from below called out to them.
"Oy! Remember us?" It was Anders, flailing his arms about in order to, presumably, catch their attention. Sigrun stood next to him, clearly amused.
Throwing a dark look at Nathaniel, Katherine turned and proceeded to make her way back down the stairs.
By the time the city was cleared of darkspawn, the sun had almost set over Amaranthine. A last few rays touched the steepled top of the Chantry and made their way through the stained glass windows, leaving fading colors on the floor.
As eager as Katherine was to go after the Mother, it would be foolish to start off now – soon, the only lights outside would be those of the embers still flaring up in a number of buildings and whatever moonlight managed to break though the smoke lying over the city; and they were all exhausted, anyway. She settled for a bowl of steaming stew and an unoccupied stretch of wall in the Chantry. Nathaniel, holding his own small serving of food, walked over from where he had been talking with his sister, and sat down next to her purposefully. Katherine quickly looked around for Anders and Sigrun, but they were buried somewhere in the mass of people that had taken refuge here. She took a bite of stew.
"Care to explain your decision now?"
Eyebrow raised, Katherine briefly swept her arm before her. "The people around here aren't explanation enough for you?"
"I'd just like to know why you would choose to attempt to save a city that was clearly beyond salvation, rather than make the tactical choice of keeping our base secure. It's not like you," Nathaniel argued.
Katherine hesitated for a moment, as though she was considering evading the question entirely. "It was parting wisdom given by an experienced leader and general," she said quietly. "I wasn't about to ignore it."
"It's hard to believe Loghain would impart something like that," Nathaniel said skeptically. "He didn't follow his own advice, then?"
"Do you follow the advice you give others?" she inquired.
Nathaniel snorted. "True."
There was a moment of silence between them, filled in by the scraping of spoons and the confused thrum of many conversations occurring simultaneously.
"Still," Nathaniel resumed, "returning to Vigil's Keep would have been the smart thing to do."
"Yes, well, pulling out at Ostagar was the smart thing to do, and we all know how well that went over," Katherine said bitterly.
Nathaniel looked at her, brow furrowed. "You think people would react the same way?"
"Yes," she answered immediately, nodding her head. "Ever since Sophia Dryden, the Grey Wardens have been on shaky ground in Ferelden. Who knows what an act like burning Amaranthine to the ground would have been interpreted as. A bid for more power for the order? An attempt for me to gain more influence at court?"
"How would that even work?" Nathaniel asked, puzzled.
Katherine laughed. "No idea, but I'm sure someone would make that claim. In any case, destroying the city certainly wouldn't endear us to the local population. And the nobles still loyal to your father would have a feastday. Who knows, the Grey Wardens might even have ended up exiled from Ferelden again."
"But the king is a grey warden," Nathaniel insisted, "surely he would understand."
Katherine stirred her stew violently. "The king and I have very different opinions on this issue," she said, watching the stew she had spooned up slowly drip back into the bowl. "He has no concept of the necessity of making sacrifices, trust me."
Nathaniel resumed eating his food. "I owe you an apology, then," he said after a few minutes had passed. "You clearly thought this out carefully. I should not have questioned you in front of everyone."
"There's no need," Katherine quickly interjected. "I asked all of you to always share your thoughts and opinions. I have no right to snap at you when you do just that. And I am sorry I shouted at you earlier … and nearly pushed you off the battlements."
Nathaniel chuckled. "Well, everyone is in a bad mood today; understandably so."
"You'd think I'd be over it by now," Katherine sighed as she rested her head against the wall.
"Over what?" he prompted.
"Oh, nothing, just having the keep you're left in charge of besieged; leaving everyone in there to their fates." Katherine's face became guarded. "First Highever, now this … it feels like I've abandoned everyone again."
"You haven't," Nathaniel argued. "The keep is as sturdy as she has ever been, what with the repairs and everything. And there's only four of us here – and as brilliant as we are, if I say so myself, there's not much difference we would make."
"That's quite a switch from your earlier point of view," she smirked half-heartedly.
Nathaniel smiled. "Anything to please my Commander. And, regardless of my earlier opinion, everything I said is true. They're hardly helpless, or unprepared," he continued, seeing as she was still glum.
Katherine closed her eyes. "They were at Highever. And I just left them."
"What could you have done? Not to mention who knows what would have happened to Ferelden if you hadn't been recruited. Perhaps the wardens would never have been based in Amaranthine." He paused, switching tactics in an attempt to cheer her up. "But one thing is for certain – no other commander would have ever recruited Anders. You did that just to spite me."
"Nathaniel, I didn't even know you were at the keep when that happened!" Katherine laughed.
"Also, there certainly would never have been a still in the basement or large kegs in the throne room, since Oghren never would have joined. And then where would the ale supply be?"
"So you ended up liking him, after all?"
Nathaniel shrugged. "He's proven to be an extremely capable warrior and a loyal companion. Although he hides it well."
"I never thought I'd be close to him either, at least not at first," Katherine chuckled. "I was irritated beyond belief with him when he joined us … but that changed."
"Did you find out why his beard has been in a twist lately?" he asked.
"Oh, that," Katherine quickly sobered. "Yes. He's having problems with Felsi. I talked to him about it. I hope they can sort it out. But even so, he's still a warden – thirty years give or take; grey warden secrets that he can't tell her; nightmares. The damage is done. And I didn't even bother to find out his reasons for joining before he drank the damn blood!"
Nathaniel frowned and cocked his head to the side. "Why did he join?"
Katherine groaned and held her head in her hands. "Oghren thinks that he's no good at anything but killing; that he's not cut out for the army and for family life. So he ran to the wardens, leaving Felsi behind."
"There's no reason Felsi and their son can't move to the Vigil. It's probably the best protected place in Ferelden, in any case," Nathaniel reasoned.
"I don't really know what Weisshaupt's policy is on things like this is, but I know that they do discourage ties with family," Katherine said.
"And when have you ever listened to the orders of your superiors?" he grinned.
"Point," she conceded.
"And besides, we're all family already, aren't we? Felsi and the 'nugget' are a part of that already."
Well before any awkwardness could set in, Nathaniel quickly collected the bowls and stood up. "Here, I'll take these back. We should get some rest while we can."
Katherine reached for her pack and, after a bit of rummaging around, managed to pull out a blanket. There was still no sign of Anders or Sigrun. They had probably already found a spot to rest and were sleeping; or playing with Pounce, which was more than likely.
"You don't have to sleep uncomfortably out here, you know," Nathaniel said, as he returned. "The Revered Mother offered the wardens the use of her bedchamber."
"No!" Katherine exclaimed. "The bed might still have the itching powder. The last thing I want is to get an itching fit when we're fighting this Mother creature."
"Oh, right," said Nathaniel, shaking his head. "Because you just had to do that."
"Yes, I did," Katherine said defensively. "I've already donated I don't know how much money, supplies and potions to the Chantry, while we're almost completely out of resources at the Vigil. And instead of helping with the refugees and the situation in the arling, the first thing the Revered Mother asks me is if I have paid my annual tithe to the Chantry," Katherine continued, pitching her voice a little higher, "'because I'm slightly overdue.' Serves her right."
"Well then, Commander, you'll have to sleep on the floor," said Nathaniel, settling down next to her.
He reached for his pack, using it as a pillow, as Katherine did the same. Several minutes of almost-silence passed by – voices spoke in hushed tones, clothes rustled, and the candles flickered. A soft meowing somewhere on the other side of the hall was undoubtedly Ser Pounce.
"Nate?" Katherine ventured, still fully awake.
"Hmm?" Nathaniel mumbled sleepily.
"Do you really think I'm fat?"
Nathaniel cracked an eye open. "Shut up and go to sleep."