Castiel looked at the circle of fire around his vessel. He couldn't believe Dean would do this, not again, not now. Last time he had understood why Dean had done this to him but now… he couldn't understand what was happening.
"Dean!" He demanded.
He wanted answers. He wanted his freedom.
"What's all this?"
Dean looked down, like he couldn't face him. That sent a shiver down Castiel's spine. He was hoping, praying to his long gone father that Dean had a good reason. But this…
"Dean?"
Castiel hated how weak he sounded.
"I'm sorry Cas… I had to… you wouldn't let me…"
Dean trailed off and turned round to let Crowley in the dungeon, where they were keeping Sam and Gadreel.
"Dean what have you done?"
Castiel was angry. He couldn't understand, what stupid thing Dean was about to do that he knew Castiel wouldn't let him? How stupid it was that Dean would put him inside this stupid circle. Castiel inwardly cursed himself for ever teaching that to Dean.
"Hello partner, well, ex-partner I guess. Been too long, don't you think?"
Crowley's voice still made Castiel sick to his stomach. He turned to Dean again.
"What is this abomination doing here? Why have you freed him?"
"Cas.."
Dean sounded pleading. His father have mercy why was Dean pleading?
"Dean. Tell me what is going on?"
"I told him I could give him what he wanted Cas, unlike you."
Crowley answered instead and Castiel looked at Sam. He should have guessed.
"Dean please don't do this. We will find another way."
Dean gave him a bitter smile.
"Cas you listening to yourself? You sound like me… any other time I'd laugh at you. I'm sorry Cas… but Sam needs me…I can't let him die Cas… not again."
Castiel hated how those beautiful green eyes were shining with tears. He blamed himself for telling Dean he could trust Ezekiel. He blamed himself of letting this get too far. He should have known something was really off when Dean had told him to leave, not once but twice. Dean didn't tell him to leave even when he had screwed up big time.
"Dean there has to be another way. I WILL find another way."
"Cas… we don't have the time… I'm sorry buddy…"
He turned to Crowley.
"You sure this is gonna work?"
He asked with a low voice. This was getting more uncomfortable for Castiel every second that passed.
"Dean…"
Castiel pleaded. He hated Crowley's smile. That son of a bitch was really enjoying this. Dean gave Castiel a quick glance before facing Crowley again.
"Yes squirrel. It's gonna work. Damn with soul like yours I can do much more than fishing an angel out of your moose's ass."
He winked.
"Thanks, it really helps to know how much power I'm giving you with this…"
Dean looked at Sam unsure. He couldn't give Crowley that much power and it was wrong. He knew better than any other human being. He didn't want to leave Castiel and Sam alone in this world, not again. With Kevin dead… good God what would Sam do if he found out he had killed Kevin?
He kinda felt happy he didn't have to be there to get Sam through this. He wasn't sure if he could do it. Not again. He was done. He couldn't go on anymore.
He knew how screwed up he was. He knew how worthless he had become. Sam was gonna be ok without Dean. Had been for a year last time Dean was downside, right? Sam didn't need him anymore. He hadn't even tried to get Dean back last time and that was when it had hit Dean…
Whatever he and Sam had before it was gone now… Dean would rather die like this and save Sam than to live and know not even Sam cared anymore.
And Cas? Who was Dean kidding? Cas would never feel the same way Dean did. He was a freaking angel again. And Dean had pushed him away when he was a human and needed him around. Dean was shocked even for this much of him being around. He had given his everything up for Sam, he always had, and most probably always will.
And Sam… he stopped himself there. No point dreading something he couldn't possibly change.
He looked at Castiel and hated how pleading he must be looking right now. He had promised himself he'd tell Cas how he felt this time on earth but he knew he couldn't. Not now. Not when he had Cas in that stupid circle and was about to rip his own soul apart.
He looked at Sam again and knew a soulless Dean would be more of a help when Sam got back. He'd do what's logically right.
He turned to Crowley but kept his eyes on his brother.
"Cas please make sure he's ok… and tell him I'm sorry I tricked him into letting that thing into him… tell him I'm sorry for everything… and forgive me Cas… for everything you lost because of me… I know I always asked you for too much and I made your life a living hell…"
Castiel felt like he was on fire. A few moments ago he would say Dean was about to do the stupidest thing he's done in his life but now having heard what Dean was thinking… He wished he could pin Dean on the wall and hit him again. Beat the shit out of his stupid sorry ass. He couldn't believe Dean was so…
"How could you possibly be so stupid Dean? You think I wouldn't do all of it again? Dean I…"
Dean never got to hear the next words when Crowley interrupted Castiel.
"Come on now you two. Let's skip the 'I love you's and get down to business. Ready Winchester?"
Dean looked at Crowley and honestly he didn't know if he was happy that he had cut Cas short or angry.
He didn't know if he could handle knowing how Castiel's sentence was gonna end.
He simply nodded at Crowley and sit on the chair beside Sam and took his belt and put it between his teeth. Dean's shouts got muffled by the belt as Crowley pushed his right hand in his guts and a familiar white light was stuck in his fist to Castiel's horror.
He knew it was Dean's soul, felt the familiar burn against his grace even with so much distance.
It was the most beautiful and powerful thing Castiel had ever touched, even laid eyes on. It hurt Castiel to see Crowley's hands on it. And even worse the pain on Dean's face, it could kill him. He wished Dean had given him time to talk him out of this. He could feel his own grace shattering from the sight. This was Dean, the man he had died to protect more than once, and he was in pain and Castiel couldn't do anything about it.
Dean's voice got louder and then after one final scream he was quiet. Castiel watched with pain and hatred as Crowley stepped closer to Sam and pushed his hand inside the younger Winchester's body this time. Castiel knew better than to keep his eyes open as Crowley took out the graceful presence and destroyed it in his hands and then used the grace to heal Sam.
He had no idea how Crowley did it. Demons weren't supposed to be able to touch angel grace.
Was Dean's soul really that powerful?
He was meant for Michael though, it must have been that powerful, Castiel thought to himself. As Sam showed signs of life and consciousness Crowley took off.
Clearly he knew Sam would defeat him to death. Something Dean should have done.
Sam opened his eyes to a broken Castiel, as if he didn't belong in his vessel anymore. He looked wrecked and then there was Dean.
He wasn't moving and the belt was still in his mouth. Sam worked his hands free pretty soon, too shocked to even ask what was going on. He took a deep breath and brushed his hair off his face.
"Cas?"
He sounded as horrified as Cas felt.
"What is going on?"
Castiel looked away. He hated Dean for making him handle this on his own.
"Cas?"
Sam was getting out of shock and into panic mode. He got to his knees beside Dean and aimed for his pulse.
"Cas did you do this to Dean? Why was I tied up? Why are you in that circle? Cas talk to me what the hell happened here?"
"Sam. Please try to calm down. How much do you remember?"
Castiel looked frustrated.
"Can you please get me out of this stupid thing so I can check up on him?"
He demanded and Sam hurried to out down the fire. Once out Cas ran to Dean's side and reached for his soul hating the pain he caused Dean and using his power to keep Sam away.
"Cas what the hell?"
Castiel sighed and then stood up, kicking the chairs and anything within his reach showing his anger and frustration.
"It's gone. Dean's soul. It's gone Sam."
Sam startled. His eyes were wide and Castiel could tell he wasn't breathing. He looked at Dean and remembered his words. So he hurried to Sam's side and helped him sit on the last chair standing.
"Sam, how much do you remember?"
Sam brushed his hands on his face and took another deep breath looking towards his brother's lifeless body.
"Oh God… Dean… Cas what happened here? I don't remember much after our last job with Dean… Cas how long was I out?"
"Three days Sam…"
Castiel looked around. It looked like he had to tell Sam. So he told him everything as short as he could possibly do.
"So Dean, stupid mindless idiot Dean, gave Crowley his soul to give him the power to take out that Gadreel and heal you. He trapped me in the holy fire to keep me from interrupting."
He looked at Dean's beautiful face and felt a punch at his ribs, like someone had taken the air out of his lungs. Which was funny because Cas didn't breathe.
Sam couldn't talk. He was too caught up with everything. Then he finally could think.
"We have to find Crowley. We have to get his soul back. Cas..."
Any answer Castiel meant to give got lost in the sound of Dean's struggling to get up. He opened his eyes and immediately Sam knew something was missing. Something big.
It felt like a knife to his heart. He had lost Dean again. What was it with Dean and sacrificing himself for Sam?
The soulless Dean looked at Sam and smiled, his smile not getting anywhere near his eyes.
"Sam,Cas."
He said with a cold tone. A tone Dean had never used to call any of the guys.
"I don't think I will be needing that anymore. I understand now Sam. I get what you meant by being so strong. I can see all he ever thought of here, that pathetic brother of yours."
He flashed his teeth bare in an attempt for a smirk. "You know why he did it? He knew not even you cared anymore if he was around. He knew how worthless he was. And Castiel, I don't believe he ever told you how he really felt for you did he?"
Castiel looked like he was in some physical pain and Sam felt the need to knock this asshole wearing his brother out.
He would find a way to get Dean back.
"Shut up."
Sam heard Castiel say.
"Don't say another word. I don't want to know…"
The soulless Dean grinned, and it made Sam feel sick.
He needed Dean back.
It seemed like this new Dean could read minds because as soon as Sam wanted to act on his thoughts he took Sam by hands and kept him in his hold.
"Don't do anything stupid little brother. We wouldn't wanna harm that pretty face. Oh if you knew all the feelings he had for you Sam… and you always seemed to be running away from him… this time he made sure none of you could bring him back. He was too tired Sam, he didn't wanna fight anymore… he used a spell and now nothing Can get his soul back in this beautiful attractive body. This is mine from now on. And I suggest the two of you leave before I change my mind about not wanting to harm you."
He flashed a grin again and then let go of Sam.
"Leave. Now."