Somnia Memorias

PHASE ONE: 'Memoir' V E R G I L

Am I evil for believing what I do?

Am I evil for not agreeing with you?

Can't I be right and you wrong?

Maybe you are weak and I am strong.

Am I evil for my sins?

Or am I evil because I am your twin?

Maybe your the evil one and I, the good.

And you, the one who is misunderstood.

How can you hate when you have only begun? What do you hate? How do you hate? Do you hate yourself, for being unable to stop the death of your mother? Do you hate yourself for being unable to stay with your brother? Do you hate yourself for not being strong enough? Do you hate the father that you try so hard to surpass? Yes. I hate. I hate because, I know of nothing else. Hatred is all I know. Therefore, I hate eternally. I am a cruel device. My blood is cold as Ice. I hate the family that never was. I hate my mother for dying. I hate my father for not stopping the conflict. I hate myself for the selfishness that will not allow me to accept others. I hate myself for the arrogance that makes me look down on those weaker than I. And..I hate myself for the death of my mother, brought by my own impotence. I hate my brother for abandoning me. Brother, why do I hate you? Because you look like me? Yes, that must be it. But then, if I hate you for the way you look, then I must hate myself. I must hate myself because we are the same. We are twins, though we are opposites. I embraced my Demon side, while you embraced your Human side. You are fire, while I am ice. I am cold. Freezing cold. I am so cold, I cannot feel. Encased within a numb reality, I cannot feel anything. I am the semblance of hatred. I am not your Brother. The brother you search for is non-existant. All that remains is a shell of emptiness. You hate me because I cannot feel. I hate you, because you feel everything. A bond, brother, is what we share. Proof that blood is thicker than water. A temperance of this sibling rivalry. Proof that there is no conflict without hatred.

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It has been years. Years that I cannot calculate, and years that I cannot remember. What I do remember, however, stays locked away. Down into the very depths of my core. I have closed myself off from both those memories and feelings. I have built a tomb of ice around my heart. By doing so..I have also built a layer of ice around myself. Frigid, from the inside out. So cold...it even feels as poison to my veins. Just the way I want it. I want to be cold..colder than death. I have both my own reasons and motives for the way I am...the way I have become. I have risen over my years...and I am now a man. Not a 'boy' unlike my 'other half'. Not only am I cursed between a 'double' existence...but even my OWN existence is 'doubled' with another. I am only one half of the blood. My brother is the other. However, while I am indeed the other half..I am also more wiser. I am the oldest. Intelligent..honorable. And most importantly. Powerful. I am the strongest.

Ever since we were children, Dante always chose the easy way out. More than anything..he would cry. I was always there to scold him. To tell him "'Stop crying. Stop crying Dante! Stop crying, Brother.." There was a problem. There was always a problem. Because..for as long as I could remember..I never did anything right. I was the older brother, and I was merely trying to take care of my younger half, my twin. We held a special bond. One that was possibly uncompared to any other. I always loved my brother...and yet...theyalways loved him more. Was it jealousy..? Of Dante? ..Or perhaps jealousy of them? ...Or was it fear? Fear that they might take my brother away from me..eventhough I was the child to them as well.

Though as they say, the future weaves a cruel fate. Children are always the first to suffer...and though me and my brother grew very close during our younger years: things change. I am only moments older than my brother...though that much more mature. When did I become so cold? Was it because I lost my brother?... I am inward with all things. I simply find no point to speak of them, for they are my concern and mine alone. No. It was not because I lost my brother. My brother is weak. He is weak because he always cried. ..Always lead and controlled by his emotions. ..Those 'human' emotions. While we are both cursed with the same essence, the same body, we do not share the same mind.

My life took a dramatic turn once my Father left. Unbeknown to me..it would only continue down that spiral of loss when my mother was killed. I was also unaware that what happened to afflict me, also inflicted my brother. Though I have forbid such memories from ever rising from those concealed depths ever again, they do plague me on the inside. I would never express it openly, especially before my brother. He has no understanding. Even now he believes what I do is wrong. And it all started because of what happened on that very day...

She was an angel. My mother. An angel with golden hair... Flowing silky locks that could rival even the brightness of sunrise... And eyes of blue deeper then that of any waters. She was so kind, caring..and yet..sad. I never understood. My father however, was a noble man. A man that Dante hated...and still does. Still, I never understood..and because I could not understand.. I turned it into something else to satisfy, and comfort myself. Eventually..that turned into hate. The moment our father had seemingly 'vanished' from our side, my mother appeared as if she were incomplete. ..However, isn't that the natural 'reaction' from losing a part of yourself?.. Still. I did not understand. And I refused. She was sad..depressed..and in pain. I was young, yes, however I was not stupid. I did not approve of it back then, but I do now.

I remember the screams over everything else. My brother... Dante? Where was my brother? I knew he was hiding somewhere. Hiding from the demons that had trespassed into our very home. Hiding from the demons who now took my mother's life.. both thrusting and tearing scythes through her delicate body. I could hear both her screams, and his. Dante was watching from hiding. How...how could he?! Brother! You are such a coward! While he refused to do something..I tried anything I could. I was desperate. I was young. I was vulnerable. Even as her body twitched against the weapons..I began to gather her blood. In the attempt to 'put it back in her body'...I was covered in the crimson liquid. She couldn't be saved. Even so..I still tried. In a frantic effort to save my dying mother, I took up one of the weapons my father had left behind. My keepsake from him. They were meant to be passed down after we matured. Obviously, there was no time for that now. My weapon was both noble and honorable. A beautiful japanese Katana, the Yamato. It was said the blade itself had been forged in the Underworld..the very blade itself carried a dark aura around it. That, along with the amulet that was also given to me, was soon all I would have left.

I attempted. And I failed. Even so..my revenge would not go unanswered. I cut down as many demons as I could..out of spite. Those screams however, could not satisfy. They could never compare to the screams of my mother...or my brother. As I said. It was not enough. My mother watched the entire time. She was still alive...barely hanging onto whatever ounce of life she had left. ..Her blood was all over me. Her blood..my blood..my brother's blood. Father. Where were you when we needed you? He left to 'serve' the humans. And that decision alone was the beginning. My mother was frightened. She was frightened because she saw the monster within me. Even as I attempted to strike down the demons, one after another in my blinded adolecent rage..I was still merely ten years old. But I was a monster. And she knew it. She knew what I would grow to be...and she was afraid of it. Afraid of me. During her last moments..she had outreached for me. However..I did not go to her. Instead I was carried away.

Separated. From my family. I could have sworn they killed my brother as well. The screaming never stopped... Not even as they carried me away by force. And even now, to this day I still hear that screaming. Within my own solitude. During my last moments my brother had removed himself from hiding. It was too late... My mother..no.. 'Eva', had already died. That hand she held out for me suddenly fell, limp to her side..trails of blood dripping from her digits. It ran like a river...fast and fierce..pooling around her body..while other portions had been splattered across the walls just prior. She died..with her eyes on me. And that is what scares me the most. I saw the way Dante looked at me. He believed I did it. He thought I killed her..my own mother. And yes..I did kill her. ..I killed her with my icy heart... With my cold-hearted nature. "Remember the amulets, Dante.." I had told him..even as I was taken away. "The amulets will remind us..of who we are!" Those were my last words. I was taken from my brother. Dante made a single attempt to go for me...to save me. I refused. I let them take me. I let them because I was not strong enough. I wanted it. I wanted to be stronger. Though I would never tell him..he believes I joined them of my own will... And if ever asked..I would tell him I did.