A/N Hey guys. This is our first story. Please please please R&R. Constructive criticism welcome. We hope you like it!
Also, we don't own anything but the 'plot'.
Title: The first day in a long time that I've been happy
What's bad about being happy? Nothing, nothing at all. Unless... you've been sad all your life and now, somehow you're actually looking forward to the next day of your short and predetermined life. Knowing you're not going to live as long as others is something you can get over. But constantly going to doctor visits and fighting a civil war, that can get tiring. Some days I just want to give up, give into the force that wants me to surrender so badly. But not now. Not today. Because I'm actually happy. I've found hope and love in my life. I'm in love, I'm happy.
But, why? Why the sudden change in feelings? You're in love, that's why. But love feels good, like a drug that's keeping you going. I have found the will to live. Maybe everything was worth it after all...but you know better. In the back of your mind, you know that this is only temporary. But it feels soo good. So you just keep going. Keep letting the happiness effect of love seep into your veins. It's warm and comforting, maybe you can lead a normal life. You're with him anyways. He'll take care of you for the rest of your short life. But the love effect is too strong for you to back out now. You're stuck, but you don't mind, and neither does he. You've finally found the missing piece to your puzzle that you never thought you'd find. You're complete, that's what you are. Under love's welcoming arms, where you wish to stay. There is nothing bad about being happy right? No, nothing bad at all.
Title: He let me down
Why, why, why. Why has life treated me this way. Why have I had myself thrown around by the hands of life. Everything was going well, I was happy for Godsake! But look at me now, a wreck. Life tested me and I failed. I failed at proving that I'm strong, for I've been flung this-way and that. I cannot take this anymore! The hole in my heart is too big for me to go on. I'm done. I'm done with my life being twisted up in agonizing ways. I've had enough. Is there something bad about being happy? Oh yes, yes indeed. The feeling of love is so sweet, you can't even imagine. But the aftermath of it, the effect, is so traumatic and harrowing that the human mind can never imagine.
When he left me I couldn't go on. I couldn't bring myself to believe that life was worth it. Now I realize that if I leave now, what would he think of me? Would he think that I'm weak? Would he think that I'm a quitter? Would he welcome me with open arms when I stepped through the door? Or would he just shake his head in shame when he found that he was the reason why. He left. And now I'm messed up. Before him, my life was dull, but bearable. When he was in my life I was living in an illusion of euphoria. But then, as quickly as it came, the illusion faded away and left me stranded in a desert. It was as if he walked out of the room and locked it behind him but left the key. He's testing me. The world's testing me. I'm testing me.
Title: Maybe I should just give up
The worst thing about grieving is it feels like the person you mourn will show up the next day, or the next but never does. You also feel like maybe if you did something different they would still be here, but then the crushing guilt comes when you realize you can't change what happened, and never will. You also start... forgetting. I first forgot his voice. Then I forgot his face. As hard as I tried I couldn't remember his face. His eyes, his noes, his lips, his hair, were all blurry shapes in my memory. The only thing I did today was sit in my room with the lights off. Happy memories escaped my body in the form of tears from my eyes. My energy draining to a dangerously low level as the day dragged on. Mom brought in lunch and dinner but I didn't eat; how could I eat? He's gone. I couldn't stop think that I should be at least able to remember his eyes but... I couldn't remember them. His eyes, they were probably the most memorable thing about him. Why, why couldn't I remember anything about him? It felt like the more I thought about him, the faster the already blurry memories slipped away from behind my eyes, and into the void of forgotten.
Maybe I could go there too, into the void of forgotten. Maybe I'll remember him. Maybe I can join him, but what would my parents do? I can't just leave everything behind, could I? But he was my everything. He was the one who made my life worth it. He was the one who made me think everything was going to be alright. But worst of all, he gave me hope. Gave me hope for the impossible, hope for something that can never happen. Hope for a normal life. When he left this earth, it seemed like everything in my life had gone with him. My happy memories, my joy, my hope. All my values had been supported by him. Now that he's gone, I feel like pieces of myself had been stripped away, joining him. All those things had been sucked into the void of nothingness. What am I without him? I am nothing. Maybe I deserve to be thrown into the void of nothingness too.
Agustus Waters, my love, my hope, my life; is dead
He is never coming back, and neither am I