Hey! This is my first prompt from my challenge list (link on my profile, please check it out and join in!). It's number 19 (I'm doing them in a random order :P) and it's 'Child'. Enjoy!
Child.
Sometimes she wonders if she would still be with him if not for their daughter.
When she thinks back she can't really remember a time when she loved him unconditionally. It was a relationship built on lust and stolen kisses – a relationship that probably wouldn't have survived if not for that one thing that 'bought them closer together' (although really it just made excuses that could be used in times of need).
Caitlyn knew that Shane only had two options – leave her or stay with her. There was no in between. He couldn't see their child on weekends or school holidays – if he left, he left for good.
She never really understood why he stayed. She guessed it was his family and their religious beliefs (which Shane pretty much destroyed that night in his car, but Caitlyn figured they guessed what had happened when she showed up at their house with a huge stomach and tears running down her cheeks). She thought up a lot of reasons, but not one of them involved his love for her.
They didn't love each other. She knew that, he knew that and one day so would their daughter. It was pure irony that on the day Caitlyn had gone to break up with Shane she'd ended up pressed into his car seat and losing the only thing she had left.
When she found out she was pregnant things got a little too 'Juno' for her and she'd gone straight to the abortion clinic without second thoughts. She'd sat there patiently on the horrible seats and was perfectly content (sort of) until Mitchie turned up (to her horror/surprise/disappointment/relief/all of the above). To this day, Caitlyn still has no idea how her friend knew where she was and what had happened. Caitlyn had never asked, nor did she really want to know.
What hurt Caitlyn the most was not the pain of it all, but the people and their lack of surprise. When she told her parents and her friends they acted surprised but their actions and the way they all shared looks with each other ... it was like they'd expected it.
This hurt Caitlyn more than telling Shane about the baby, living with the thing (for it only became a baby after the fifth month) in her stomach and even giving birth. But it still felt good to scream and shout and cry when nine months was up and the drugs they gave her barely took the edge off and she could crush Shane's hand ("that's what you get for having sex with me in the back of your car without protection, you bastard").
She had told herself that she was going to break up with him on that night, but when he kissed her and pulled her into the back of that car she felt like maybe, just maybe, something would go right. And when he pushed her down into the seat and kissed her body the tingling she wanted to be there might just have existed (or maybe it was her imagination). And when he slid her top off she didn't say no because he was whispering sweet words to her that really meant nothing at all. And when he shouted her name like that and his eyes filled with love (lust) her judgement was clouded.
And she blames herself, she really does, but she can't do anything about it. Not when she has to take care of a three year old and a man who doesn't love her like he should.
But sometimes, when she's shouting his name and holding onto his hair, or throwing things at him and wishing they never met, she wonders what life would be like if he never stayed.
And maybe, just maybe, it's a good thing he did.
Please review (:
A little more 'intimate' than usual, but it was fun to write all the angstish stuff and the Shaitlyn. Please check out the forum/prompts/challenge list (link on my profile) and join in!
Thanks for reading!