It's does not just occur. The process is rather subtle and over-drawn, if one were to think heavily on the facts. Change never just occurs. First, was the change in name. Without noticing, he went from Tsuna and Tsuna-nii, to Tsuna-sama, to Boss. Since Chrome always called him that, he didn't think it strange that Takeshi, Hayato, Lambo and Ryohei start calling him Boss. Nor does he notice the tensing shoulders when he addresses them so casually. When I-Pin starts calling him Sawada-san, he takes vague note of it, but is too busy to insist otherwise. When he realises this change, only Bianchi, Basil and Fuuta, of his direct Famiglia, address him without formalities.
Next comes inconsistencies in schedules. Weekly hang out became bi-weekly, then tri, until suddenly it's been months since he's seen the outside world, too busy with paper work and treaties for much else.
So he dismisses the nagging sensation that something is wrong when Lambo opts to train instead of going to get ice cream with him. Because although the Vongola intuition is impeccable as ever, when one wishes not to see something, they won't see it. So he doesn't see the rising tension in his Famiglia as they slowly drifted further and further apart.
Third, comes the intimacy regulations.
Though born into the reserved Japanese customs, Italy influenced Tsuna greatly and in their prime time together, he could freely hug and kiss all of his Famiglia. Provided the kiss was on the cheek, with consent and the hugs never too long or too 'glomp-ish' as Lambo dubbed Lussuria's rather intimate embraces. But, somewhere along the way, the cheek-kisses they exchanged before a dangerous mission stop. Not instantly, rather, Tsuna became too distracted and by the time he was to kiss them, they had already left. Then, came the touching boundaries. It's only when Tsuna is overthinking that he notices this particular boundary.
Chrome is the first to make the boundary, if he is overthinking, a habit he's adopted since realisation dawned.
She was the first to shy away from a hug, not that she refused it out right, but Tsuna remembers her cringe and step-back when he went forward arms open. Taking the hint, he walked away with a smile, thinking perhaps he smelt bad to cause such a reaction. With him allowing that, suddenly Ryohei's 'extreme embraces' came less and less, as did Takeshi's warm welcome hugs and Hayato's rare yet emotional hugs. Lambo demands being treated like an adult, which means no hugs and I-Pin is Lambo's equal, so she gets equal rights. He relents and even Mukuro's creepy, yet re-assuring hugs stop.
But, Tsuna doesn't notice this.
At nine-teen, he doesn't see the guardians moping for having no time for friends or families or the freedom to bite anyone to death. Nor at twenty when he's glaring at his desk or more accurately, his paperwork, that needed reading and re-reading and touch ups before he could sign them, forgetting about his guardians plan for dinner. Not at twenty-one when he only gets half-hearted Merry Christmas from everyone. Or twenty-two, when his birthday presents are received with surprise and cold-shoulders. He is twenty-three when he notices how different everything's become.
At twenty-four, he accepts this change, this wall, with a heavy heart. He decides to move on with life and help his Famiglia, despite this burdensome loneliness. Effort, pleasantries and yearning for affection, get put to wiser use. Put into strategies, charity visits and purifying the filth of the Mafia. With bloody hands and a heavy heart, Tsunayoshi pushes his Famiglia away, in hopes of building a better future for his famiglia. People call it contradictory, Tsuna calls it strategy.
It's not in anyway easy, nights pass with him near tears as he reminisces of distant, happier memories. Days pass when he nearly slips, when frustration nearly wins and he yearns to scream. To ask why they ignore him so, why they hurt him, yet he bottles it in, because in reality, he hurt them first. He ignored them first, he caused the rift. The change. Even at twenty-four, he is still Dame-Tsuna.
Dios, it hurts. Kami-sama it hurts, but he's needed. He's their Boss, the accepting Sky and he accepts the change, no matter how much it hurt. No matter how lonely he feels.
By day he is the firm yet gentle Vongola Decimo. By night he is a scarred young man, who has seen and done too much evil to ignore. By day he is confident and happy, by night he is a wreck. This is his life, his bloody, changed life.
One more year passes, they grow further and further apart. Another year. Then two. Three. Five.
People die. Shamal. Daisy. Basil. Romario. So many more.
Children are born. Dino's daughter, Angelique. I-Pin's twins Yao and Jin. Colonnello's tribe of five. Sebastian, Ellianna, Marco, Jenevive, Lucille. Romario's grandchildren, Bianca, Matteo, Nico and Elice.
Even his parents give birth to another child, his beautiful Jin-otouto. Who reaffirms his resolve to make a pathway to a better future. In which Jin will rule over a new, hope filled Mafia and keep his promises to his guardians, in ways his Dame-Aniki could never manage.
Life is different. But, things don't ever change back.
At Twenty-nine Tsuna has nearly completed purifying the Vongola family. There are still a few misbehaving Mafioso, who stand against him. But the amount that stand with him outweigh the amount against him. He is revered as Vongola Decimo, the pure. The sky who accepts.
To his guardians, he is a stranger. Not a friend, only an ally. After so many years spent resenting their Boss, for distancing himself. For tearing them away from family. For crushing their hopes of new families. For lying and disregarding them. He becomes little more than a nuisance. If only they looked in the mirror, if only they could see that they follow exactly what he does to a 'T'.
Lightning, Cloud, Storm, Sun, Rain and Mist were not the accepting type though. Only the sky accepted so easily and so they did the one thing that hurt them the least. They ignore, suppressed, forgot. Weather causes change, the Sky never changes its position, it's always high above. It only changes colours, light to dim. Innocence to darkness. Like their counterparts, the Vongola guardians don't accept, don't regret. They move on, while the Sky stays lonely.
Tsuna, after investing his life into Vongola, has no one. Sure, there are the loyal workers and caretakers at the mansion. Enma never misses a visit, nor does Dino and Byakuran and Yuni have a habit of popping up out of nowhere. But they have their weathers, no matter how incomplete, Romario and Daisy are gone, but Dino has Lyra, Melchiore and all the other men and women of the Chiavarone famiglia. Byakuran has Yuni, Bluebell and all his other guardians. They have lovers and family.
Tsuna's parents just don't count, because a parents love is always different and Jin is proving to be problematic. The ten-year-old is picking fights with teachers and dreaming about attending delinquent schools like Ishiyama. Sometime he wonders if they're really blood relate, those thoughts are pushed aside when he watches the Tsundere-esque manner Jin cares for his friends.
Bianchi and Fuuta try and help him. Try and love him in ways that all three know are wrong. Because Tsuna is always their brother and they hate seeing him hurt, but they can't offer the love he thrives for. Fuuta is still chasing the ghost of Basil and Bianchi is trying to forget the look Lancia gave her when he rejected her, calling her too pure for him, whose hands are tainted.
Thirty-two years marks the amount of years Tsuna lived. Thirteen, the years Jin knew his epic Aniki. One hundred and seventy-five, the amount of three-ply paper tissues his Mother used the day of the funeral. Five, the amount of Mafioso in the Vongola alliance, happy with the death of their soft leader. Thirty five, the amount of stitches Iemitsu gets when he breaks his glass door in blind rage. Ten, the people killed by one very upset Kateikyoushi, all cocky, muderous rule breakers who appeared at the wrong time on the wrong day. Five thousand, eight hundred and ninety-seven tears, cried by six regret-filled guardians, four of which came from Hibari and two from Mukuro. Nine, the months it took until I-Pin finally cried.
Four, the tattoos of his fallen loved ones, the newest one on Dino's spine, to represent his little brother, his backbone. Eight, the training poles destroyed by Enma before Adelaide calmed him down and got him healed. Fourty-eight, the percentage of alcohol in the empty bottle next to the passed out Yuni. Three, number of times Byakuran and Bianchi screwed each other the night Tsuna was pronounced dead. Seven-hundred and fifty-three, the number of days Fuuta lived on the run, before Irie convinced him to go home, to the Vongola.
One, the life Tsuna saved. Two, the number of months it took for that young girl, to get out of depression and decide to change the world for the better. Six, the years Gianini, Shouichi and Spanner put in to helping this intelligent, idealistic girl, for their past Boss and friend. One point six eight two million, the casualties avoided when she made the danger bracelets, which helped predict unexpected peril, like random gunshots killing brave, handsome, foreign men at the coffee shop in Florence, when they jump before baristas' and take the bullet in steed of a younger teen age girl
Change happens without consent. Without notice, without want or need. Something done is set in stone, the past cannot be re-written, but it can be a pathway to redemption. People, emotions, they change. They cause reactions and consequences. Change is eternal. Change never just occurs. It is subtle and deceptive. Change is life.
Thank you for reading this, it is my take on the rather common Tsuna's guardians 'abandon' him theme, except instead of abandoning him physically, they do it emotionally. Which, he inadvertently caused, because I think they're too loyal and too smart to do it baselessly or over murder, which most everyone uses when regarding the abandonment issues.
It's not a story per-se, as much as it is a rather overdone thought, drawn out and expanded into hopefully one legible sequence. I just wanted a fic where there is no redemption by anyone, because... Because I wanted it, so I wrote it and yeah. In regards to the ending, the death part ending, I feel like Tsuna should sacrifice himself for someone who will change the world, so I plonked a random, genius teen who's working at a coffee shop that was attacked and watched Tsuna die.
Sawada Jin? It's the name of a delinquent leader on Gokusen live-action series. Sure Sawada is a common name, but I thought eh, use it. Even though Sawada Jin, as accord to the Gokusen timeline is just as old, if not older than Tsuna.
Kay, thanks, bye.