From Tumblr: Thorin and Bilbo made love for the first time. The day after Thorin sees that Bilbo is in pain and he is worried. They talk and we discover that it was Bilbo's first time. Thorin is speechless. He didn't ask, he didn't pay attention. Bilbo is happy and he didn't tell that because it didn't matter, he wanted Thorin, and it was beautiful. Then: Bilbo wants to have sex, Thorin fabricates excuses because he doesn't want to hurt him. Bilbo thinks that he didn't like it.
It was the most important day of his life, the day when Bilbo got married to his one true love. He got married to Thorin, son of Thráin, son of Thror, the last King Under the Mountain. Everything was perfect on that day. The ceremony was beautiful, the wows Thorin said to him were music to his ears and the celebration after the wedding was loud and cheerful. The whole mountain came to celebrate their union and even though Bilbo didn't believe it at first even the elves were invited to join them.
The celebration was held long into the night but Thorin and Bilbo didn't stay for long with the company. The retired to their bedchambers quite early that night. But there wasn't much sleeping done that night. This was their wedding night and that meant that certain activities were on the agenda. Thorin knew that the hobbit was already his, but if there was another way to show the hobbit that he belong to him Thorin would definitely do it. That night Bilbo Baggins belonged to him and he belonged to Bilbo. Now they were bound together and not even time will break them apart.
:::
Bilbo never felt happier than he felt that morning when he woke up next to Thorin after the whole night of lovemaking. Thorin showed him stars and so much more. He just couldn't believe he was so lucky to be married and to receive love from someone like Thorin. He would never understand how the mightiest of the dwarf lords fell in love with a simple hobbit from the Shire, but he wasn't going to complain.
"Good morning, my Hobbit," he heard Thorin greet him in the morning when he woke up.
Bilbo smiled and stretched on the bed before opening his eyes to look at Thorin who was staring at him lovingly. "Good morning, my King."
"Did you sleep well?"
"Mhmmm," mumbled Bilbo and accepted Thorin's kiss. "I like this bed. I feel like it's already mine," he added.
"It's ours," corrected Thorin before kissing his hobbit again. "I expected you to be up before me."
Bilbo once again snuggled into the pillows. "Well you managed to tire me out very well last night, Your Majesty."
"Will you ever stop with the teasing," asked Thorin playfully.
"I just can't wrap the idea in my head that I got married to a king," defended Bilbo. "A dwarf king. I was prepared to spend my life alone." He looked Thorin in the eyes. "Until I met you. Now I can't imagine my life any different."
"I love you, my hobbit."
"And I love you, my King."
Thorin kissed him again and Bilbo couldn't help but to bury his fingers in Thorin's hair and pull him closer. The dwarf moaned loudly before deepening the kiss. It didn't take long before they were having a passionate make out session that would probably lead to another round of lovemaking if Thorin wouldn't notice Bilbo hiss in pain.
"Is everything alright?" He immediately asked, panic could be sensed in his voice. "Are you in pain?"
"No," answered Bilbo quickly, too quickly. "I'm just a little sore from last night, that's all," he explained when he noticed that Thorin didn't quite believe him.
"Was I too rough with you?"
"No love, you were perfect," quickly said Bilbo to calm Thorin down.
"Because if I was, you must tell me. I want you to feel comfortable. Last night you said you were ready that's why I continued. You shouldn't feel any discomfort today if you were ready."
"I was ready," said Bilbo before trying to pull Thorin down for another kiss to distract him.
But Thorin knew something wasn't right so he immediately pulled back. He was hovering above Bilbo, looking him directly in the eyes. "What are you not telling me?"
"Nothing," lied Bilbo. "Thorin please, you are ruining the mood with all this talking." But Thorin didn't move and continued to stare at Bilbo waiting for him to answer his question. Bilbo bit his lower lip and then looked away.
"Bilbo," warned Thorin, "This is serious. What are you not telling me?"
"I can hardly take you seriously when you are lying naked on top of me," muttered Bilbo. Thorin immediately rolled off of him. "No Thorin, come back," whined Bilbo when Thorin sat back on the bed.
Thorin crossed his arms over his chest before looking at Bilbo like at a child who did something wrong. "Start explaining."
"It's nothing," tried Bilbo once again but sadly Thorin didn't buy it. Bilbo looked annoyed at Thorin. "It doesn't matter if I tell you now. It's not even important anymore."
"What's not important?" Asked Thorin calmly. Bilbo took a deep breath before he muttered something so quickly that Thorin didn't understand a word he just said. "What?"
"You were my first!" Almost yelled Bilbo in his annoyance.
Thorin's jaw dropped at Bilbo's words. He had absolutely no idea his husband was never with anyone else before him. A part of him was very happy to hear that, knowing that Bilbo was only his. The other part of him felt ashamed. He didn't know Bilbo never did this before, Mahal, last night he didn't even show it. But what plagued him the most was the fact that he didn't even bother to ask. He just assumed that Bilbo has done this before and that he knew how things work. When he asked Bilbo if he was ready the hobbit just nodded so he continued. Thinking about it now made him realize that he should have paid more attention to Bilbo. He swore to protect him from any harm, but now he was the one who caused him pain. If he would have asked this wouldn't have happened.
"Thorin," called Bilbo softly. "Love please, don't stare at me like that. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I thought it wasn't important."
"How can you-" Thorin wanted to yell but he quickly calmed down. "I'm sorry, this is all my fault. If I would have asked-"
"No Thorin," interrupted Bilbo. "It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. Please don't blame yourself. We are married. Sooner or later we would have done this."
"That's not why I'm…" Thorin once again raised his voice before he trailed off. "I'll get us some breakfast," he said more calmly before placing a kiss on top of Bilbo's head and leaving the room.
Bilbo was left alone in the bed after Thorin closed the doors behind him.
:::
Bilbo expected that Thorin will bring breakfast in their room and that they will be able to share it together but he was never more wrong in his life. Yes, Thorin did come back a few minutes later only to inform him that breakfast will be served in the dining room and that the company will be joining them. Bilbo didn't mind the company but he was still hoping to get to spend some time with his husband before he would have to return to his duties. As far as he understood Thorin he arranged that he would be free for the next three days so it was really a surprise when Thorin started to dress as if he was about to go to a council meeting.
"Are we going out?" asked Bilbo. Maybe it would be good to get some fresh air. Take a walk with his husband and enjoy his company in peace.
"No," plainly stated Thorin and continued to dress.
A few minutes later they were both dressed and they joined the company in the dining room. Bilbo was very relieved to find a soft pillow on his chair. At least sitting would be comfortable if he would have to endure all the smirks from his friends. Everyone knew what he and Thorin did the previous night.
After breakfast Thorin left. "I'll see you later," was all that he said before he left with Balin, leaving Bilbo alone in their chambers. Needless to say the hobbit got bored rather quickly. He thought that Thorin had something urgent to do and that he will return shortly, he could understand that. But Thorin didn't come back until late in the evening. Bilbo wanted to wait for him so that they would at least have dinner together but when Thorin didn't return and he was getting hungrier by the minute and the food was getting cold he decided to eat by himself. That certainly wasn't how he imagined his first day being married.
When Thorin finally returned Bilbo was really happy to see him. For a moment he thought that Thorin won't even come back. "Hello, stranger," he greeted and helped Thorin out of his coat. "I missed you."
Thorin reached in his pocket and gave something to Bilbo. "Óin gave it to me," he explained while Bilbo stared at the salve in his hand. "It should help with the pain."
Bilbo's ears turned red. He couldn't believe Thorin talked to Óin about this. "You told him?!"
"He is a healer," answered Thorin calmly. "One of the best in this mountain. He knows about this stuff."
Bilbo didn't like the idea that Óin knew, but he appreciated Thorin's gesture. "Thank you," he said and helped Thorin remove his clothes. "How about a bath together?" He asked when he noticed how tired his husband was.
"Not tonight."
Bilbo frowned. Did Thorin just reject him? Was he angry at him? He didn't like him anymore? "I can help you wash your hair," Bilbo offered.
"I said: not tonight." Thorin sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired," he said before he walked into the bathroom.
Bilbo reached after him but immediately retracted his hand as if touching Thorin would burn him. He didn't understand why his husband's behavior changed so much. Gone was the loving Thorin he knew. This knew Thorin was cold and distant as if he was disappointed in him, as if he didn't like what he got the previous night. Bilbo fought very hard to hold back his tears as he climbed under the covers. He didn't even bother to wait for Thorin to join him as he cried himself to sleep.
:::
The next morning Thorin noticed his husband's eyes. He knew he was crying, but he just could be around him to console him. He was selfish and cruel. He just wanted to get his release while his hobbit was probably in pain the whole time. Guilt was eating Thorin alive and the best way to ease his conscience was to avoid Bilbo. The truth was that he didn't even deserve him. If there was a competition for the worst husband ever he would already win.
Bilbo wasn't doing any better. Thorin rejection hurt him and he wasn't happy when he discovered that Thorin returned to his duties the very next morning. He was sure that Thorin's rejection had something to do with him. Maybe he did something that put Thorin off their future lovemaking, but he was determined not to let it go. If anything, all Hobbits love all the pleasures a life can offer and Bilbo enjoyed his time with Thorin. He didn't know what went wrong. Maybe it was something that he did or said during it, but he would have never imagined that Thorin would start avoiding him so much. He thought that they would be able to talk about it, but this has proven to be a very difficult thing to do since Thorin did his best to avoid him.
Bilbo decided to swallow his hurt and pretend as if nothing has ever happened. He waited for Thorin to return and then helped him get ready for bed. Thorin didn't kiss him once, he didn't even touch him, as if Bilbo sick. No matter how hard it was for hobbit to accept the fact that Thorin didn't like him he pretended that everything was okay between them. But after hearing Thorin reject him day after day for three weeks even Bilbo had enough. Thorin didn't allow him to brush his hair or to help him get dressed. Bilbo was now sure that Thorin's behavior had something to do with him so he did the only thing he could.
That night Thorin returned to an empty room. Bilbo, his hobbit, his beautiful hobbit was gone. He knew he was a little too cold toward his for the last few days but it was for the best. If he would allow Bilbo to join him in the bath or do anything like that he knew that he couldn't hold back. He would want to touch his hobbit, his beautiful hobbit and he knew that he would cause him pain. And that was the last thing Thorin Oakenshield wanted to do.
Still, he just couldn't leave things as they were. He needed to make sure Bilbo was alright. After the guards gave him directions Thorin quickly found himself in front of Bilbo's new bedchambers. He knocked and waited for Bilbo to open the doors.
Bilbo who didn't expect to see Thorin lost his ability to speak when he opened the doors. "Tho- Your Majesty," he greeted and invited the dwarf in. It was a polite thing to do.
Thorin stepped in and took a look around. It wasn't a big room but it looked comfortable. At least Bilbo would be comfortable here. "Are you comfortable here?" He finally asked.
It took almost a minute for Bilbo to answer. "Yes. Thank you."
"It's close to Bofur and Ori. At least you won't be alone."
"They are living almost next to me," answered Bilbo and when Thorin looked at him he saw that his eyes were already filling with tears. The last thing he wanted was to cause him pain, but that was all he managed to achieve by visiting him. Thorin just nodded before he walked toward the door, ready to leave. "What have I done that you hate me so much?" cried Bilbo just before Thorin left. He couldn't hold back his tears. Not anymore. He couldn't be strong anymore when it hurt so much. "Was it really so horrible that you can't even look at me anymore without that look in your eyes? If I had known things between us would be like this I would have never agreed to marry you in the first place."
Thorin didn't like hearing that. "Don't you ever say anything like that ever again," he said as he took a step closer. "I love you and I could never live without you by my side."
"How can you lie to me like that?" exploded Bilbo. "You say that you love me but you haven't kissed me since the wedding! You don't even look at me anymore!"
"It's hard for me too!"
"Yes, being in the same room with me!" cried Bilbo.
"I can't be in the same room with you because when I'm with you all I can think of is how I want to have you!" explained Thorin.
"Then why don't you?! Have I ever done anything that would indicate that I don't desire you? I want you, but it's you who is avoiding me."
"It just can't happen again," cut Thorin.
"Why not?!"
"Because I hurt you, that's why!" Thorin took a deep breath to calm himself. "I didn't pay enough attention and I hurt you. I simply cannot allow this to happen again. I just can't."
"Thorin," said Bilbo softly and closed the gap between them. "You didn't hurt me. You are hurting me now by rejecting me. If there is anyone to blame that should be me. I didn't want to tell you that you are my first because I thought it wouldn't matter. We made love that night and it was beautiful. The things I felt that night can't be described with words. I felt so loved that night… You didn't hurt me. I was just a little sore because I've never done this before. Please don't blame yourself for this."
Thorin slowly leaned down and brushed his lips against Bilbo's. It felt amazing to kiss him again after so much time. He could taste Bilbo's tears as he kissed him. Bilbo immediately wrapped his hands around Thorin's neck, preventing him to move away even if he would want to.
"Mahal, I love you so much," said Thorin between kisses as they got more passionate.
"I love you, too."
"I'm sorry for everything," Thorin apologized.
"It's already behind us," said Bilbo before kissing his husband again. "Will you now please show me how much you love me?" Thorin just smirked before allowing Bilbo to pull him toward the bed.
-THE END-
Author's notes:
All mistakes are mine.