Stupid Kiba. STUUUUPID KIBAAA!! Naruto may have been impulsive, but he could at least reign it in when he was in the home of a kage.
"Naruto, I really need to use your bathroom," he said. "Naruto, I REALLY NEED YOUR BATHROOM," he said.
"Sure," said Naruto, being the kind soul that he was.
Naruto was an idiot. He realized this now because Kiba was going to die at the hands of the Hokage.
"Use the bathroom upstairs," Naruto had directed. "The one downstairs belongs to my parents and-"
"NO TIME," Kiba had yelled.
"-and my mom got back from a mission and is probably bathing," Naruto didn't finish.
There was a resounding 'whump' from the hallway leading to the bathroom. Naruto was terribly aware that it was the sound of someone falling backward on their ass onto the bathroom floor. Naruto was sure it wasn't Kiba. He was at the door of the bathroom the same time his dad arrived.
Kiba was going to die.
His mom was wearing panties, thank god, but nothing else. She was on her ass, legs spread, elbows keeping her from cracking her head on the floor; And Kiba- WAS GOING TO DIE – had his head smashed against her breasts, his desperate need for the bathroom dissipated from shock.
Naruto could feel his own testicles retreat in sympathy as his dad's killer intent filled the room full force.
Everyone in the room froze.
Naruto's mom looked down at Kiba in confusion. She blinked and opened her mouth. Naruto was not prepared for what came out.
"Um… are you okay? I realize your impact was cushioned, but it was quite a fall."
Naruto watched as Kiba pulled his head back and scampered up and away, trying to escape the Hokage's immediate line of vision. His dad's jaw clenched and ground. The fact that the Hokage's fury was not demeaned by the fact that he was only in boxers put Naruto in awe.
"I-I'm fine! I'm really sorry! I'm soo sorry," Kiba's eyes flicked to her uncovered breasts and back to her face. The Hokages killer intent pulsed- it was so strong Naruto was afraid he might actually be sick.
Naruto wasn't sure who to sympathize with: Kiba, because he'd never seen the Hokage this angry at anyone, or his dad, because Kiba could not stop his eyes from wandering.
"Well, good." His mother stood up and made no effort to cover herself; Naruto realized that nudity wasn't a big deal in her culture, but if she was as concerned for Kiba as she claimed she would get a fucking towel and SPARE HIM THE WRATH OF THE HOKAGE. "I wouldn't want you-" She was cut off as the Hokage stepped forward, bent down, pressed his shoulder into her stomach, and flipped her over it so he could carry her off.
Apparently not covering herself had been the last straw for the Hokage.
"Minato, what are you doing?!" His mother flailed as she tried to find some balance; she shouldn't have worried. Minato had her fast against his shoulder. If only he could do something to cover her breasts, Naruto thought.
"I've had enough of this," was his only reply. He marched her down the hallway that led past the kitchen and front door.
Naruto looked at his watch. He felt ill.
The front door slammed open. There were Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto cursed their punctuality.
As they viewed the scene in front of them, the mostly-naked Hokage with his mostly-naked lover thrown over his shoulder like so many spoils, their reaction was uniform. Their eyes bugged out, their jaws dropped and all the blood left their faces.
Naruto was pretty sure he knew where that blood was going. His parents were attractive. He knew that. Gorgeous even. Intellectually he knew this, but the point was driven home by the trio of adolescent nose bleeds in his home.
The Hokage turned his sights and killer intent to Naruto's teammates. They visibly flinched.
"Get out." His voice was low and angry. Naruto could understand why the shinobi in every other country lived in constant fear of him.
The Hokage turned to Naruto. Naruto stumbled back in the hallway, straight into Kiba- THAT FUCKER WAS STILL STARING!
"NARUTO," the Hokage barked, "TAKE YOUR FRIENDS AND GET OUT." The tone was clipped and upset; the usual kind of upset, thank god. Naruto wasn't sure he wouldn't have pissed himself if the tone had been the same one used on Sakura and Sasuke- WHO WERE STILL FROZEN IN THE DOOR!
Naruto nodded and looked to his mom, who was looking at him with a thoughtful look on her face.
"There are left overs in the fridge; get those before you-"
"KUSHINA, SHUT UP." The Hokage's tone was angry again. He looked to Sakura and Sasuke, still frozen in the door. "OUT." He looked to Kiba and Naruto again. "OUT!"
The Hokage continued down the hallway, paused to open their bedroom door, and went in.
As they entered, Kushina yelled back to Naruto, "Just stay at Sasuke's house tonight, okay?" before the door slammed shut.
Naruto stood frozen in place, trying to process the situation. His parents just got caught in their underwear by his teammates and Kiba. Oh, shit.
The house was very still for a time, everyone listening to the muffled arguing coming through the bedroom wall. This went on for a few short minutes, and then the timbre of the Hokage's voice became lower. Kushina's words became softer, more teasing. Naruto felt himself flush all the way to his toes.
"Okay!! Let's get some ramen!!" Naruto desperately herded his frozen peers out of his house. He could hear his mother's soft cries as he closed the front door. He couldn't get away fast enough.
He tried to stay positive as he fled straight past Ichiraku's to the training field farthest from his home. At least he didn't have to worry about them separating.