My second Hellsing fic, but my first lemon. Be kind! I did my best...!

Life Was Good

Alexander Anderson had been retired from Iscariot. He had too many injuries and his regenerative abilities, while still impressive, were now outdated and practically antique. He had been given a small parsonage for his time, and now sent his days giving mass and listening to confessions.

He also gave Integra information on the Vatican.

Their relationship was interesting, to say the least. She had gone to welcome the new priest, as it was the polite thing to do, and had found Alexander Anderson planting roses outside his little cottage.

She had stood stock-still. He had, of course, known someone was there. He stood up, brushed the dirt off his hands, and asked her in for some tea.

"Ah cannae complain aboot the people," he said, as he poured her some tea while she was sitting at his table. "They're a' good, hardworking citizens. Nice fowk. Ayeways bringin' me food an' sich."

Integra took a sip of her tea. "So then, if I may ask, why are you not at the Vatican still doing their work?'

Anderson frowned. "Ach, them. Buncha daft fools is whit they are. They made a breakthrough in ae new kind o' regeneratives, an' meself an' ae few others got sent oot. Fired, ye might say."

Integra cocked her eyebrow and helped herself to one of the cookies sitting on a plate. "I see. So what are you doing now? You don't like being a priest?"

"No, it isnna tha'. The problem is tha' Ah've spent years exterminatin' yon monsters, e'er since Ah wis a young lad. An' yet they send me off wi' nothing 'cept this cottage an' a church. Noo, there's nothin' wrong with ma bein' a priest, but that isnae a' Ah am. Ah'm a fighter too, an' not letting me fa' in battle is a shameful thing tae do tae me, tae a' us first-generation regenerators. We're fighters we are, an' battle is in oor blood." He sighed and swept a hand through his shaggy blond hair. "Ah'm findin' it hard tae get used tae it, ye ken?"

Integra grinned. "Indeed."

...

It took several more social calls and a good deal of words to convince him to do so, but Anderson finally agreed to give out nominal information in exchange for a few… outings. All of which went beautifully. He eliminated the vampires as wonderfully as Alucard, if not as quickly. But he was quieter and cleaner than the vampire, so Integra was happy with it anyway.

At first, Integra was concerned with letting Anderson get so close to her vampires, but she discovered that her fears were unfounded. She saw Anderson and Seras having deep conversations about things, and he and Alucard loved nothing more than to spar with each other.

Integra and Anderson enjoyed debating.

"Ye daft woman, everyone kens tha' if yer goin' tae shoot something, ye have tae aim like this!" Alexander proceeded to take the rifle from Integra and aim it a certain way at the target. He pulled the trigger, and the dummy's head blew off into the air. Integra wasted no time and pulled a pistol out of her jacket. She shot the head three times while it was still in the air, and then put the gun away with a smirk when it landed.

"You were saying, Vatican Dog?"

Alexander growled at her. "Protestant Wench."

"Catholic scum."

"Unholy witch."

"Boot-licker."

"Ach, go play wi' yer monster pets."

Then they would proceed to the sword fights.

This pattern continued for several months, and Anderson became such a common sight at Hellsing that pretty soon everyone was calling him by his first name. Integra became used to Anderson 

just walking into her office like Alucard did, and trying to annoy her just for laughs. Sometimes Alucard and Anderson would come in at the same time, and fought with each other just to bother her. She usually had the throw Anderson out herself, or she ordered the two of them to take it outside. They would obey her by tossing each other out her window and shattering the glass in a great display of destruction. The bills were enough to give any accountant a headache.

Integra almost wished for the days when it was just her and Alucard. Then she remembered what the vampire would to her when he was bored, which was always, and she didn't mind so much. Plus the information Anderson gave her was excellent, and they had bested the Vatican several times. All in all, it was a very good year.

Life was good.

Christmas rolled around, as Christmas was wont to do in winter. The snow was falling and pretty much every night she would hear Seras singing Christmas Carols outside while making snowmen. Then the singing would turn to angry yells as Alucard would proceed to destroy Seras's creations.

As the twenty fifth drew ever nearer, a sense of anticipation began to grow. Staff members and troops would spend their off-hours buying presents, Alucard began making plans for where he would take Seras to train, and Seras and Walter spent most of their days decorating.

Integra did paperwork.

Anderson worked at his church, overseeing preparations for the big day. It seemed as though everything was going along smoothly. Then one day Anderson walked into Integra's office looking utterly miserable.

Integra lit up a new cigar. "For the last time, there will be no missions until something comes up, Anderson. You'll just have to wait until a vampire pokes his head up somewhere."

Anderson protested. "It isnna tha'!"

"Then what is it?"

"Ah've been asked tae let the ol' former priest give the sermon. An' Ah wis a' done writing the blasted thing oot."

"The sermon?"

"Aye. Took me three days too."

"I'm sorry," Integra said, trying to hide a grin.

Anderson noticed. "No yer no'! Protestant Wench, making fun o' me in ma sorrows!"

"Oh, stop whining and go bother Alucard. Have some fun with him."

Anderson sniffed indignantly and went off to find the vampire, muttering in Gaelic as he went. Moments later, Integra heard gunshots go off, and muffled shouts coming from the basement. After about half an hour, she looked outside to see Anderson bleeding and holding his arm which appeared to be bleeding more that the rest of his injuries combined. He was grinning. Alucard was following him in clothes so shredded he might as well have been dressed in ribbons. A demented grin was plastered on his face.

Integra sniffed. "Men."

...

It was Christmas Eve, and all was quiet. Very quiet. Much quieter than normal. Alucard had departed with Seras to train her in some secluded area in Romania, Walter was off visiting relatives, and the troops were either having parties down below in the basement, or at home with their families. And Integra was alone. She didn't mind the solitude so much as she minded the time of the year. Christmas was universally a time for family to come together, a time to contemplate the past and the future. And yet she was alone. The closest thing she had to family was an old butler and two vampires.

That was nothing short of pathetic.

So Integra celebrated the way she normally did. After she finished up her work, she walked to her quarters, which consisted of a living room, a bathroom, and a bedroom. She got into a pair of warm flannel pajama pants, put on an Oxford College sweatshirt and put in a pair of pink fuzzy slippers. She 

got out her secret stash of extra large chocolate chunk cookies and hot chocolate, and turned on the Christmas movies, and piled blankets on herself.

She had finished Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman, and was about to put on the Grinch when a knock came at the door. Integra frowned. She thought everyone was at their parties. "Who is it?"

"Ah… weel… It's me. D'ye mind if Ah come in?"

"Anderson?!"

"Yeah…"

"What are you doing here?"

"Weel, Ah've got no one to spend Christmas Eve wi' and Ah knew ye didn't either so… Ah wis wonderin' if Ah could possibly, mebey…"

Integra sighed. "Do you like the Grinch?"

"The wha'?"

"Come in." The door opened and Anderson walked in. He wasn't wearing his usual priest outfit. Instead he was wearing a pair of blue jeans and boots, and when he took of his jacket Integra saw that he was wearing a plaid shirt underneath. "Plaid," Integra rolled her eyes. "How typical."

"Ah bleed the plaid, wench," Anderson replied as he helped himself to her cookies. She slapped his hand away. "Those are mine, priest."

"But Ah'm doing ye a favor. It'll a' go tae yer hips if ye eat them."

"My hips are none of your business, thank you very much. Stop eating my cookies!"

"Ye've got at least a hundred here! Share!"

"No! When it comes to cookies, I'm the Grinch!"

"Again, the wha'?"

"Watch the movie, Anderson."

Thirty minutes later, Anderson had kicked off his boots and had stolen several of Integra's blankets, along with some of her hot chocolate and more cookies. "Aw, he gets to cut the roast beast!"

"Stop the commentaries, please."

"Scrooge. Actually, Ah wanna watch that next. Have ye got A Christmas Carol?"

"Yes, actually, I do."

"At least ye have the sense for tha'! Ah'll put it in."

"Don't break anything, Vatican Dog."

"Jist fer tha', Ah'm goin' tae steal yer guid silver an' sell it fer ma retirement fund."

"Good luck finding it. I have no earthly clue where Walter put the blasted things."

"Meybe he stole them fer his retirement fund."

Interga glared at Anderson. "We pay him well enough without his having to go steal my silver."

"Ah'm tellin' ye, it's the butler wha' does it. Jist remember tha' when ye wake up one morning and find a' yer valuables missing.

"I'll do that. Put the movie in."

Integra didn't know Anderson could sing. Anderson didn't know Integra could sing. They both discovered this when they each stared to sing along with the song 'Father Christmas'. They both proceeded to sing all the songs through the movie together, and they poked fun whenever the other couldn't sing the song correctly.

"Ye're singing way off pitch, ye cackling hen!"

"At least I don't try and sing notes that are far beyond my range. Honestly, you sounded like a pre-pubescent boy during that last song!"

"Why ye…! Ah'll show you!" Anderson jumped up from the couch and took the platter of cookies with him.

"Give me back my cookies!"

"No!"

Integra hurled herself at the delicacies and knocked the plate out of Anderson's hand. The both stared at the pile of broken cookies on the floor for a moment before the snarled at each other.

"Look what you've done!"

"Look what AH'VE done?! Look what YE'VE done!"

"You stole my cookies!"

"Ah wis playing!"

"I had them flown in from France!"

"Ah could have baked them meself!"

"You are so irritating!"

"Oh really? Ah guess no one e'er worked up the courage tae tell ye that!"

Integra gave an irritated shriek and pointed at the door. "You ruined my Christmas Gift to myself! Go away!"

"Ah am." Anderson grabbed his coat and headed for the door. He opened it up, looked at her and said "Tha' sweatshirt makes ye look fat." Then he was gone. Integra launched herself after him, and yelled at him as he walked down the hallway to the stairs.

"Your accent is stupid!"

He called back "At least Ah don't act like Ah have no gender!"

Integra stood stock still for a moment and then ran after him angrily. "You bastard!" She caught up with him, pulled him around so that he was facing her, and tried to slap him. He caught her hand in his. The stood there glaring at each other. Then Anderson bent his head down and kissed her. Integra was surprised to find that she was kissing him back quite passionately.

She opened her mouth and his tongue entered and began to meld with hers. They stood like this for a minute before he picked her up. She twined her legs around his waist and he began to walk back to her room, still kissing her hungrily. Integra stopped kissing him long enough to gasp out "Ridiculous fool."

Anderson responded by kissing her senseless and saying huskily "Impossible woman."

He leaned against the doorframe and gasped out "An' ye're clothes look bad on ye."

Integra slammed the door behind them as they stumbled back into her chambers. "Stop bothering me!"

Anderson glanced around to see where the bedroom was. He strode into it and tossed Integra onto the bed. He looked at her for a moment and enjoyed the way that her limbs and hair were splayed all over the bed. He crawled onto the bed and was about to kiss her again when she put her hand up and said "Wait!"

She took her glasses of carefully and put them on the bedside table and did the same for his. She looked back at him. "Well? Keep going."

Anderson laughed and kissed her again. Their tongues met and Integra arched up into his chest. Anderson put his hands on the edge of her sweatshirt and pulled it over head leaving her torso bare. He gently took her left nipple in his mouth and was happy to hear her gasp. Integra grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head to. They looked at each other and started laughing. Anderson kissed her gently and began to knead her breasts. She purred underneath him and squirmed. Her nails left marks on his back. She moaned out as he began to move his mouth back down to her breasts, and his hands began to move downwards as well.

He looked into her eyes and began to slide her pants down. She took a shaky breath.

"Alex," she whispered.

He nuzzled her neck. "It's a'right."

"At least let me take yours off too."

Anderson laughed again. "Yer mind isnna gone yet. Ah'll have to fix tha'." He pulled her pants off all the way and took her underwear off as well. He moved a hand in between her legs and spread them apart a bit. Integra gave a little cry as he began to move his fingers in a circular motion around her center.

"Tha's better," Anderson whispered.

Integra wasn't really paying attention to what Anderson was saying anymore. Her senses were too overcome with pleasure. Wave after wave of sensations kept her mind from full functionality. She felt his every caress and felt herself drowning in ecstasy. She ran her ands all over his chest, his back, licking his skin, kissing his body, and listening to his moans.

He slipped his finger inside her and she gave a little scream of surprise. He began to stroke her smoothly, and soon another finger joined the first. They went deeper and deeper until they found her pleasure spot. With a grin, Anderson began to caress that one area.

Integra felt the pressure build up inside her like a volcano, building up until she couldn't take it anymore. She felt her entire body shudder, her senses overloaded, and she came. Her entire body seemed to melt like wax, and Integra lay there completely sated.

But he wasn't done yet. She heard the sound of clothes rustling, and then she felt his fingers move inside her again.

She gasped and her eyes shot open. "Stop… stop teasing… me!"

Anderson only chuckled, and began to whisper in her ear as she spread her legs apart more. He was speaking Gaelic and she couldn't understand a thing he was saying, but she didn't really care.

As Anderson whispered loving words into her ears, he began to position himself above her. "Ye sure, darlin'?" he said stopping to look into her eyes. "Ah'll stop if ye aren't ready."

Integra could barely speak coherently, but she nodded. "Yes, yes, yes!"

He began to push himself into her, slowly and carefully so that she could adjust. Her eyes widened and her hands went to his hips and her nails dug into his skin. He moved deeper and deeper into her, leaving her trembling and panting. It hurt for a moment, but it was soon over, and he was inside her completely. They lay like that for a minute while she got used to his size. Integra moved her hips a little bit trying to get into a good position.

Anderson kissed her forehead gently. "A'right?" he asked.

"F-fine." Integra panted. She closed her eyes and then opened them again. "Go on."

"Demandin' wench." But Anderson did just as she asked, pulling himself out before thrusting back in. He went slowly at first, but then he started to gain speed. Integra began to move her hips in tome to his thrust, and they came in unison. She could feel herself drawing close to the brink and she could tell that he was too. With one final thrust she felt her body fall over the edge and she felt his warmth fill her.

...

The alarm clock went off at five a.m. as usual. At first there was no movement in the darkness, and then a giant fist came smashing down on it. It stopped beeping but it also stopped working.

There was a sound of rustling blankets. A tired but still prim voice spoke. "You owe me a new alarm clock, priest."

Another more groggy voice joined the first. "It's Christmas mornin'. Nae single person gets up a' five in the mornin' on Christmas, woman."

"I forgot to reset it. And you still owe me a new alarm clock."

"Ah'll buy ye one later."

"Hmmm." Integra snuggled back into the blankets and she felt Anderson wrap his arm around her and pull her closer to his chest. She turned so that she was facing him and she buried her face in his chest.

They lay like that for a moment before Anderson said "Wha' would ye do if Ah told ye I wis thinkin' aboot quitin' the church?"

Integra didn't move. "Why?"

"Ah think it's aboot time Ah did somethin' else. My gettin' tossed oot of Iscariot wis probably God's way o' tellin' me it wis time tae move on."

"To what?"

"Well… I wis thinkin'…"

"Thinking what?"

"Gettin' married."

There was complete silence for a bit. "To whom?" Integra asked in a very calm and cool voice. She felt Anderson sit up in the dark.

"There is this one woman Ah know… Tough, strong, fierce, but a' soft an' sweet when ye get close enough tae see it."

"Is she attractive?"

"Very. Long, blond hair, blue eyes, graceful… Comes off as untouchable, but she's very touchable if ye get ma drift."

Integra slapped his arm. "And when would you propose to this woman?"

"Meybe when we'd be sittin' around doin' nothin', calm and peaceful. Then Ah'd ask."

"And would you have a ring?"

"Actually, yes, Ah would."

"I see."

"Whit de ye thing she'd say?"

Integra grinned. "I don't know… would it have a large stone?"

"Whit's the stone got tae do with it?" Anderson asked huffily.

"Integra chuckled. "Nothing. But I think she'd say yes."

There was no sound in the room, and then Integra found herself being held by Anderson again. He kissed her and then he started to roll on top of her. Integra stopped him by speaking in a sharp voice.

"Alexander Anderson!"

He froze. "Yes?"

Her voice lowered until it came out as a tentative, almost nervous question. "Do you love me?"

He laughed. "Do Ah need tae answer tha'? Yes, yes, yes, Ah love ye. God help me, 'cause Ah'm in love with the most stubborn, ornery, wonderful woman in the world."

And then Integra kissed him softly on the mouth and said "I love you too, Vatican Dog."

He began to move his hands over her skin again. "Protestant wench."

And then they began the whole wonderful process all over again.

...

The clock said 10:21 on it. Integra and Anderson were sitting on the couch again. Anderson was wearing only his pants and glasses, and Integra was wearing only his large plaid shirt. And her glasses. They were watching A White Christmas and eating chocolate from Integra's secret stash.

"Tha' lassie is ae foolish child," Anderson said, pointing to the screen at Betty, the older sister.

"I think Bob is silly not to tell her he loves her," Integra said, taking a bite of chocolate.

"If she thinks he's plannin' ae great big party tha'll embarrass the general, she's isnae gonna reciprocate the feelin's."

"Hmmmm…" Integra took another bite of chocolate.

Anderson glanced over to her. "Integra."

She looked back at him. "Alex."

He pulled a little black box out of his right pocket and tossed it to her. She put down her chocolate bar and picked it up off her lap. She opened it. There was a simple gold band inside, adorned with a ruby, a sapphire, an emerald, and a diamond. Integra looked at it and then looked back at Anderson. She had this ridiculously happy smile on her face and he had one on his face too.

"Would ye want tae marry me?" Integra opened her mouth to reply, but he continued. "Ah realize Ah wouldn't be bringin' much intae the marriage, but Ah'd do ma best fer ye, and Ah'd try tae make ye happy. O' course, Ah'd get ae new job seein' as how Ah'd have tae quit ma current post as a priest, but-"

"Yes, I'll marry you. You don't have to bring anything but you, we'll make each other happy, and you'll work here. We'll share it together. And you'd better stop being a priest, because we're getting married in a protestant church."

Anderson countered "Ah'll marry ye in ae Methodist Church, but tha's as fer as Ah'll go."

"Deal." Integra reached over to shake Anderson's hand, but instead of shaking it, he took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger. It fit perfectly.

The both sat there looking at it and smiling. Then they looked at each other and kept smiling. Then they went back to watching the movie, still smiling.

...

The clock said 11:03. There was a knock on the door. Integra glanced over at Anderson, who shrugged and went back to watching the television. Integra called out "Come in."

Instead of walking through the door, a very proud Seras Victoria phased through it, and stood there grinning in front of them. Her grin got bigger when she saw their state of clothing.

"Sir Integra, is there any particular reason you're wearing Father Anderson's shirt?"

Anderson tried to look around Seras. "Move it, Babylon, Ah cannae see the telly."

"Rabid mutt," Seras countered.

"Why is it tha' everyone insults me wi' dog insults? Cannae they come up wi' somethin' else?"

"I feel for you, dear," Integra said, smirking at Seras. "I'll tell you why I'm wearing Alex's shirt if you tell me why you're wearing only Alucard's jacket and a pair of shorts, Seras."

The draculina's face turned beet red, but she had a happy, albeit sheepish grin. "Well, we ah, we, ah… we… talked… during our training trip."

Integra nodded. "Well that's what we did last night. We talked."

"An' this mornin'," Anderson added. "Twice."

Sera's face turned an even deeper shade of red. But she still smiled at Integra. "Well, I'm happy for you, sir, really- What's on your finger?"

Integra held up her hand. Her ears began ringing when Seras began to squeal excitedly. "Ooooh! Integra, when, when , when?! Can I be a bridesmaid? Oh, I know you get to pick that, but would you consider me? Oh, this is so exciting!"

Integra pulled her hand back. "Merry Christmas, Seras. You get to be the Maid of Honor."

Seras's already impossibly high pitched shrieks got even higher. Anderson looked at the crystal vase sitting on a table next to window, expecting it to shatter any second.

Alucard floated through the floor. "Seras Victoria, would you please- Why, hello, Master." His trademark demented grin appeared on his face.

"Slave," Integra nodded at him.

Alucard looked at Anderson. Anderson looked back at Alucard. Alucard said "If you tell me your details, I'll tell you our details."

"Master!" Seras gasped.

"We can exchange notes," Alucard continued, eyeing his fledgling in a somewhat predatory way.

Anderson stretched on the couch. Integra looked at Seras. "Was it good, Seras?"

The poor girl looked like she was about to faint. "I-I-I beg your pardon, Sir?"

"Did Alucard bring you a lot of pleasure?"

Seras stared solidly at the floor until Integra was sure she was struggling to get her heartbeat under control. Finally she gave a little squeak of "Very, very much."

Integra grinned. "Fine then. You can talk to him, Alex, if you want."

Anderson rolled his eyes. Alucard chuckled.

"So when are we opening presents?" Seras asked.

Alucard snapped his fingers for effect, and a huge mountain of presents popped out of a portal he had conjured up. Seras immediately set to sorting out whose was whose, and Alucard helped by saying things like "The one that smells like manure goes to the priest."

As the vampires sorted out the gifts, Anderson and Integra scooted closer to each other until they were cuddling. "Merry Christmas, Alex," Integra said, sighing contentedly as she leaned against his chest.

"Merry Christmas, Integra," Anderson replied as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I guess a church wedding is out of the question if your Best Man and my Maid of Honor are vampires."

"How 'bout ae June weddin'? Ootside?"

"Sounds lovely. At night, right?"

"Wha'? Dinnae be daft. Early afternoon is best."

"Whose being daft? Vampires can't be out during the day."

"They can so. Whit kinda self-respectin' vampire cannae go oot durin' the day?"

"Seras, fool!"

"Wench."

"Dandy."

"Ach, ae new one! Prancin' poinsettia!"

"What kind of insult is that?!"

"Ae better one then yer's!"

And so they opened presents, bickered and had sword fights. Then they made up and did it again.

Life was good.

There wasn't any real story that I was trying to make with this, but I am relativly happy with the way it turned out. It's pretty fluffy for me. Of course, I wouldn't know because I wrote it. And that's why I need the excellent reviews from readers like you! In addition to making the greatest person in the world (a.k.a. me) happy, you will also get karma points that you can spend chocolate and iPods! It's a win-win situation!