A/N: This is around School's Out Forever. Or maybe a little bit after SOF. No Dylan. No Maya. No apocalypse yet. All in all this is about as normal as life can be for the flock, with the wings. Typical teenage drama. FAX. Max may seem OOC, but that's how she will act when she's not in denial, at least in my opinion :D English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on tiny error
I nearly left the real me on the shelf
I was eating my perfectly fine lunch when Lissa decide to barge in my group. And me, being myself, just continue my current activity, thinking nothing about her sudden embark, when she plop herself beside Fang and stop Nudge's rambling about this movie we should watch together.
"Hey, I see you guys want to watch Thor together?" Lissa asks louder than it should be.
So, that's the movie Nudge has been talking about, cool stuff I guess. While I'm completely fine with Lissa, the other seems to question her appearance, based on the fact that Iggy is looking at her funny and Nudge is not saying anything at the moment and she has this kind of expression that makes me want to laugh. I mean, what's wrong with Lissa come in here, so what if someone suddenly feel to have lunch with us, it's not like the whole world gonna explode. Finally, after one minute of awkward silence, Ella opens her mouth but still not answering her question.
"Um, Lissa, what are you doing here?" She really does look confused.
"Nothing in particular," Lissa says, take a glance at Fang. Fang just sit there, no word what so ever. "I just think that movie is awesome." She sends a bright smile.
"I know, right? Have you watched it?" Looks like Nudge already make bestfriend now.
"No, but I do plan on watching it soon."
"Yeah, I mean, I'm like super exited with all the action, suspense, drama…"
"Nudge, I don't think it has drama. It's a God-like war alright, but drama? I don't think so." Iggy interrupt and smirk at her.
"Yes it has, dumbass, and you will know it as soon as we watch it."
"Well, technically…" I stop when Nudge glare at me, making me have this weird hands motion and in proceed causing my hand to brush against Fang's arm. And I drop it as quick as I can, fighting a blush that I hope didn't occurred.
"So, Saturday?" Nudge continue, seemingly oblivious to some-kinda-not-really-scene that just happened.
A chorus of 'yeah, okay' is heard, then: "Well, how about you Lissa? Wanna join?" Iggy asks.
"Me? Oh, I think you guys were… Of course, Saturday's great." She's smiling and she start looking at Fang. And looking. And looking. And still looking. Then maybe Fang feel her gaze and look up to her. And they have this some sort of look, I don't know what that is, but I don't like it. Actually, Ella and Nudge have been talking this whole time, but I can't seem to raise my voice. The look that Lissa has been giving to Fang, I really don't like it.
"I'm gonna go. Um, bathroom." I don't wait their response, I just want to get out from there. Pushing the door open, my feet feels weak and I have to use my hands to support my weights. I look at myself at the mirror, my face pale, my eyes confused, my breathing raged. And I ask my reflection "What the hell is wrong with you?"
No no no no
Don't lose it all in the blur of the star
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
"Max, are you alright?" asked Ella.
"Of course. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Eventhough we both know I lied, I just don't want to talk about it. I was hoping Ella can see that, but I guess she's doesn't know me very well, or maybe she's just stubborn.
"Because you know, Fang…"
I start looking around the kitchen at high speed, thankfully no one's there. By the sound of it they're all upstairs. "Ella! Keep your voice down." I whispered. "And by the way, there's nothing going on between me and Fang." I said bitterly.
"Max…"
"So please, stop talk about that, or anything close to that. I just. Please. There's nothing."
I get up suddenly and go to the fridge. I search for food, go through stuff, get my hands busy, anything so I can't think about Fang. Can't say it's working.
"You know, he's jogging. He got up very early. It was still dark when he went out. It wasn't even morning yet. I was very sleepy, but I'm pretty sure he looked like shit. Said he's gonna come back before anybody wakes up, that he just need time to think, and to not tell anybody." Ella say from behind me.
I'm frozen. "Yeah, well, he likes to think."
"Maybe you should be jogging too. Smell the fresh air. Look around the neighborhood. Exercising. Maybe add a little talk with someone. You got nothing to do here anyway, right?"
I know this is it. Fight or flight. I can stay here and act like the usual till Fang get home. Or I can go, find Fang, and have some time alone. Just the two of us. I don't know what I will say. I don't even know how I will feel. But Ella's right. We need to talk. He's my bestfriend. My wing man. I'm supposed to trust him, to be able to tell him everything. I can't keep this to myself and be miserable and not knowing what to do. At least if I chicken out I can act like it's just jogging. His presence only can bring me comfort. Some comfort can't hurt right now. "You're right. Tell the kids I'll be back soon." I can see Ella smiling before I close the door and open my wings.
The wind help to clear my mind a bit actually. The sun is also beautiful. The park is approaching, I start looking below me for the tall, black hair young man that I know my whole life. I spotted him right away. He's jogging, yes, but he's not alone. There's someone beside him. A girl. They're talking. I can see a blur of red hair. And a tear falls down on my cheek.
Sometime it's hard to follow your heart
But tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are
Who you are who you are who you are
All day I've been distant. After escaping from the park as fast as I could, I came right to my door and locked myself inside it. I cried. I don't even know why I cried. It was very stupid. Very girly. But I couldn't help myself. The tears kept coming. My heart ache. And then Fang came home. I brushed my tears, went downstairs, acted like nothing happen. All day I felt like a robot. Keeping my face and my voice normal was such a hard work when Fang was right there, the usual Fang, the Fang that maybe just broke my heart. So here I am, in my room, just close my eyes and think about the whole day.
"Hey." The voice that I would know anywhere.
"Shit fang. I don't hear you coming." I keep my eyes close.
He doesn't say anything. I feel his weight in my bed. My body freeze. I exhale. "What are you doing here?"
"What's wrong Max?"
I open my eyes. He's looking at me. His eyes mesmerizing. And it's breaking my heart. He can see through my act. He knows me. He's my soulmate. Yet he doesn't know my feeling.
"The usual. Worry for the kids." Typical answer. True in anyway, but wrong for this moment.
His eyes piercing to mine, straight to me. "Anything else? Max, you can talk to me." He's reaching to my hand, soothing me.
I drop my head, feeling out of place. "It's a girl thing Fang."
"You're a girl?"
"Har. Har." I know it's a joke. But I still feel a little hurt, like he never really realized that I am a girl. That even I have a feminine side.
"Is it Sam?"
"No." I'm not even talk to the guy for months. Why does his name keep coming up?
"Oh."
"Yeah, so…"
"Your period?"
"God, no Fang! Are you really asking me that!"
"You don't really tell me anything Max! I don't know what's going on in your brain! I'm not a mind reader!"
"Well, then just stop asking! I have a secret, you have a secret, everybody has a secret. I can't tell you everything Fang!" My voice break in the last word. I know it's bad when Fang start yelling at me, but I'm not really in the mood to fix things.
"Fine." Then he get up and leave my room without even glancing back.
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mold
The more I try the less is working
Cause everything inside me, scream no no no no
"You should wear this Max." Nudge showing me a cute pink t-shirt. The color of it can blind your eyes. I'm not lying. That's Nudge for you.
"Um, how about no. I'm just gonna wear my typical clothes."
"But Max, this will be super awesome! We're all gonna go watch movies! How cool is that! This is amazing! Aren't you exited?" Sadly, part of it is true. Bird kids go to the movies? It can be called a survive after all this time is pretty incredible itself, but being able to do what normal human being usually do is, like Nudge says, amazing.
"Yes, I am Nudge. But I'm still not gonna wear that. It's pink. Urgh."
"Hmm. Point taken. You always look great so it doesn't really matter. How about your hair? Make up?"
"How about you think about how your hair and I'll be thinking mine? You can come to my room when you're done. But no make up, okay?"
"Okay! Bye max! See you in 10 minutes!"
After I hear Nudge's footsteps running through the hall, I sigh. Today's gonna be tough. I can't say that I'm happy Lissa coming with us, but the other seems okay with that. Nudge is particularly happy about that. I think they want to associate with normal people. Like normal teenager. I'm happy for them too, really. I just don't want to hang around with Lissa. I don't want her to be near Fang. Lissa is pretty. Red hair, soft feature, girly dress, nice smile, who can refuse that? Something catches my eyes. It's a comb. Nudge must have used it before. Involuntarily my fingers start reaching for it. Maybe I can be pretty too, if I try. I comb my hair. I can't really tell what my hair color is, it's like a mixture of blonde and brown. Nothing exceptional. But it can be pretty if you look at it in a certain angle, I think.
"Max?" I jumped. Iggy's standing at the door. "Are you… combing your hair?" He look at me funny. I mean, you're blind, how can you know ? This is so embarrassing. I'm Max. I'm not supposed to do this kind of things. The comb is still in my hand, being a horrific reminder of what I've just done. I'm terrified. Where is the old Max?
"I'm not."
"Okay then." I know he doesn't believe me. "There's pancake downstairs, just so you know."
"Thanks Ig." And then I bury my evidence. The comb.
Don't lose it all in the blur of the star
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometime it's hard to follow your heart
But tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
There's nothing wrong with who you are
"You're so cute, sweetheart." Angel's spinning with her new shiny shoes.
"I know." She smile up at me, but then frown. "Come here Max. Fang's been blocking me. But I have a feeling he's mad at you. Please don't be mad at each other," whispered Angel. My heart stop.
"I'm not mad, sweetheart. Neither do Fang. We're just having argument about stupid things. Like what to wear today. Very stupid, right?"
"Really? Well, Fang always think you look beautiful the way you are. So just wear your usual clothes Max." She's beaming now. And my heart really stop now. Really? Can I hope?
Yes, no's, egos, fake shows like boom
Just go and leave me alone
Real talk, real life, Good luck, good night
With a smile, that's my home
That's my home
The movies was fine. Everything goes smoothly. No eraser. No Fang-Lissa-moment. Everybody's happy. All in all I feel pretty fantastic. Lissa's dad picked her up earlier. So now the flock is walking down the street, just because we feel like it.
"Ig, me and Max gonna buy some stuff first. You guys go ahead. We'll be home soon." Fang grabbed my hand. I stared at him like he's some sort of psycho.
"What!"
"Come on Max. This way." He lead me the other way and soon enough we're separated from the flock.
"What the hell Fang!" I scream to his face.
"We need to talk." He said calmly. How can he stay calm like this?
"Shoot."
"I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
"I don't know. I hate it when we don't talk. So you're mad at me. Fine. I'm sorry."
"It doesn't sound like an apology, don't you think?" I laugh. Because he's Fang, and I can't stay mad at him. He doesn't say anything. "You didn't do anything wrong. I was stupid. I acted like an idiot. I'm sorry Fang. It is unfair for me to mad at you for my problems. But I can blame the hormones." I said to him smiling. There's his signature half smile. We're back to our normal self.
"So it is your period." I punch him in the gut. "Damn it Fang. I'm not, okay? I just have a lot on my mind."
"You know you can tell me everything Max."
"I know." We're staring at each other. This is it. I can tell him. But I'm scared. I have to force my wings not to fly. The adrenaline rush to my whole body. It's terrifying. I step away from him, take a deep breath. He's waiting me to talk. The moon is shining in the sky. It gives me a familiar feeling, like the peaceful minutes before I saw him with Lissa in the park, minutes before my heart broke. I am brave. I can do it. I'm Max for God's sake. I really need to get it out of my chest. "How long have you been jogging?"
"Huh? Last month? I can't remember. Why?'
"No reason."
"Max."
"I saw you." He's silent. "Actually I saw you and Lissa. Jogging." Silent again.
"That was one time only. She found me. It's accidental. I always jogging alone. I'm not interested in her." He grab my shoulders. "Don't hit me Max. There's strong possibility that my conclusion is wrong, but I have to ask, Max, are you jealous?" Usually in this situation I will deny it with all I had. But right know I'm tired of lying to myself. Lying to him. I nod.
"Do you have feeling for me? Not in a platonic way?" I'm sure at this point I'm shaking like crazy. But I stay. But I also can't find my voice. So I nod again. When I look at him, he is smiling, and not just his usual half smirk, this is a big, fat smile, with the teeth. His whole face light up. I only have one second to memorize his expression before he's hugging me, hard. At that time, I'm still in shock.
"Finally."
"What?" I start hugging him back. I can feel his warmth in the middle of the night. I'm smiling to his chest, because that's how good it feels.
"I love you Max. Always have. Always will. You're just too stubborn to realize. But you're my max." I can't believe this is happening. It feels real. It's too good to be true, but this is real. It's magical.
"And you are my fang."
We laugh. "You're making jokes now?"
And then he kiss me.
Don't lose it all in the blur of the star
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometime it's hard to follow your heart
But tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are
A/N: The song is Who You Are by Jessie J
Maybe it's finished, or maybe I'll post another chapter. Tell me what you think. I'll be very happy if you review. :D