Not a dream after all
Lara's eyes snapped open.
The deafening noise of the sirens and people shouting over each other was still fresh in her mind but now absent from reality ...she could hear nothing but silence. What had happened? Whatever it was, it couldn't have been that bad; everything seemed to have calmed down and the pain had vanished.
Not entirely sure where she was, she sat up slowly and looked around.
White.
Just white.
She found herself sitting on a small, plain bed with pure white sheets and a pillow which had obviously never been slept on. So calm and peaceful, yet so bizarre – no walls, no ceiling, just white – where on earth could she be?
"Lara?"
As she heard her name being spoken in soft Yorkshire tones, Lara closed her eyes again, all too aware of who the voice belonged to. By the time she had composed herself to open them again he was standing beside the bed, smiling and positively glowing with life.
She smiled back. This was no unfamiliar ground after all; it was her dream world. Night after night she would come here to be with Patrick in a place where he was alive and happy. They would stay together all night, talking, or more often simply gazing at each other with love until morning came and once again they would be parted. She longed to hold him again so much it hurt, but every time she had reached for him she awoke to find herself sitting up in her bed with one arm outstretched towards nothing. She had learned that to stay with him through the night, no matter how much it tore her apart she must not throw her arms around him, rest her head on his shoulder, even touch his cheek...
"My love," she whispered.
Patrick smiled but Lara could see that there was torment in his eyes. That had never happened before; being with him in her dreams was always perfect at the time, even if she felt sad on waking up afterwards.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "I'm here."
"I know," he replied, his voice almost cracking. "That's what's wrong."
Lara sat up further. It had never, ever been like this.
"I don't understand."
"I'm not quite sure how to put this," Patrick confessed, looking awkward. Lara had certainly not seen him look awkward many times while he was alive, that wasn't the sort of person he was.
"I don't want to scare you," he added, apologetically.
Lara thought rationally. In a dream there are only so many things that can happen and none of them can hurt you; therefore whatever he had to say couldn't be that bad. Unless ... maybe these dreams were only temporary and she wouldn't see him any more. That could be it.
"Come on, you can tell me," Lara urged softly, doing her best to smile. "You have a way with words, Dr Spiller, I'm sure you can manage it."
Patrick took a deep breath. "Okay. Though I'd rather show you than say the words." He slowly extended his arm towards her and beckoned for her to take his hand.
"No, Patrick," said Lara quickly. "You know I always wake up when I try to touch you."
For the first time she could see moisture in his eyes and it frightened her.
"No," he muttered. "You ... you won't."
"How can you be...?" Lara started but cut off sharply as a tableau flashed through her mind. A scream of brakes, glass smashing, an incredible bang and a stabbing pain...
She took a shaky breath. Where had that come from?
"Patrick...?"
"Do you remember going to sleep?" he asked gently.
No. She usually did, but the last thing she remembered it had been late afternoon, just finishing her shift and pulling out of the car park.
The Lorry. She had seen him, the driver, letting go of the wheel as he panicked, struggling for breath, almost certainly having a heart attack. Funny the things that go through your mind in a split second ... before ...
"Patrick," Lara uttered, feeling tears sting the backs of her eyes. "Am I ... am I ... dead?"
"Not yet," he answered quietly as a tear ran silently down his face. "They're doing their best, but ... I wouldn't be here if ..."
Lara couldn't think. She felt dizzy and confused ... so this wasn't a dream? Not a dream after all? She had never been religious; never really gone for the idea of a God or heaven ... so what was this? White ... pure ... peaceful ... and the man she had always loved and always would. But what could possibly be scary about that?
"There's nothing to be scared of," she whispered breathily. "Is there?"
"Nothing," Patrick shook his head, smiling sadly.
Lara knew what it meant. Without saying a word she jumped down lightly from the bed and stood before Patrick, so close she could feel him breathing. Slowly and tenderly he reached up and brushed his fingers across her cheek, the way she had craved he would for so long. Then her arms were around his neck; his wrapped around her back, her fingers running through his hair; their bodies pressed together so tightly that not even the smallest gust of air could have come between them.
"Heaven," Lara whispered, barely holding back her tears as she held her soulmate for the first time in what seemed like hundreds of years.
Patrick cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.
"Yes," he murmured.
Something inside Lara gave a sudden jolt and made her jump.
"What was that!?"
Patrick shuddered slightly. "They're ... trying to ... bring you back. Like they did with me, even though they know, really ..."
"They're not going to, are they?"
"No. I'm sorry, love ... I didn't want this. I mean, of course I wanted you back, but I'd never have wished for ..." Patrick choked back a strangled sob. "They're trying so hard; they don't want to lose you."
"I wouldn't have chosen this either," said Lara, wiping away a tear of her own. "But then I didn't know that ... that you'd be here, that this is real ...if I'd known, I probably would have chosen it a long time ago."
"You were stronger than that, though," said Patrick, gently. "They couldn't have coped with losing both of us at once, could they? God knows, they're doing their damnedest now. But they will be all right. Don't worry about them, they'll be fine in a while. They won't forget you, Lara. You're unforgettable, trust me. But I know this isn't ...what anyone would have wanted ..."
Lara took him in her arms again as another jolt reverberated through her. It didn't hurt; nothing hurt, it was the way she'd always imagined touching a small electric fence would be like, but without the pain.
"Shh," she whispered, stroking his hair. "I know. But I'm here now. With you. And if I'm right, nothing's ever going to part us again. Is that right?"
Patrick took a deep breath and brushed a tear off his cheek before thinking for a moment and finally turning back to Lara.
"That's right. Can't get rid of you wherever I go, can I?" he commented, the beginnings of a smile playing on his lips. Lara's face broke out in a huge grin and she laughed as reality sunk in. Her and him, forever.
Another jolt.
"Are you ready?" Patrick asked, seriously again.
"Where are we going?" Lara asked. Her voice held no trace of fear; more the tone of an excited child who had just been told she was going on a magical mystery trip. Wherever it was, she was going to be with him, and that was all that mattered now.
"To Eternity," Patrick whispered, in a voice so sweet it almost seemed to come from another world.
He kissed her softly, then took her hand. She looked at him, gave a cheeky grin, then finally nodded.
They began to walk slowly away, but after a few feet, Patrick stopped and narrowed his eyes mischievously. "Race you!" he blurted out. Lara laughed out loud as Patrick sped off ahead of her, glancing backwards to stick his tongue out to tease her.
"Cheat!" she shouted, then sprinted after him, still laughing. It wasn't long before she caught him up and seized his hand, knowing he was hers forever. And together they ran on, laughing, joking and loving into the white light which had no ending.
Outside Holby AE, a man was sitting on a bench, alone. His face was wet with tears, his eyes wide open and almost zombie-like as he shivered in the cool night air. His body was numb, his mind in tatters as he struggled to take in the events of the last hour.
It wasn't a dream. Not a dream after all.
Something made him look up at the sky. Two stars which seemed brighter than the others appeared to be moving closer to each other, the way satellites do. Then, in the split second that they met, they suddenly burst apart in opposite directions, streaking in mirroring arcs across the sky until they joined into one again and were gone, into eternity.
And even though Harry Harper was not usually a man to read between the lines successfully or take hints very well, he understood. He stood up, took a long, shuddering breath, and knew that everything had not been in vain after all. She was happy. And that was all he had ever wanted, he realised, as he shakily uttered two last words to his love.
"Goodbye, Lara."
Lara's eyes snapped open.
The deafening noise of the sirens and people shouting over each other was still fresh in her mind but now absent from reality ...she could hear nothing but silence. What had happened? Whatever it was, it couldn't have been that bad; everything seemed to have calmed down and the pain had vanished.
Not entirely sure where she was, she sat up slowly and looked around.
White.
Just white.
She found herself sitting on a small, plain bed with pure white sheets and a pillow which had obviously never been slept on. So calm and peaceful, yet so bizarre – no walls, no ceiling, just white – where on earth could she be?
"Lara?"
As she heard her name being spoken in soft Yorkshire tones, Lara closed her eyes again, all too aware of who the voice belonged to. By the time she had composed herself to open them again he was standing beside the bed, smiling and positively glowing with life.
She smiled back. This was no unfamiliar ground after all; it was her dream world. Night after night she would come here to be with Patrick in a place where he was alive and happy. They would stay together all night, talking, or more often simply gazing at each other with love until morning came and once again they would be parted. She longed to hold him again so much it hurt, but every time she had reached for him she awoke to find herself sitting up in her bed with one arm outstretched towards nothing. She had learned that to stay with him through the night, no matter how much it tore her apart she must not throw her arms around him, rest her head on his shoulder, even touch his cheek...
"My love," she whispered.
Patrick smiled but Lara could see that there was torment in his eyes. That had never happened before; being with him in her dreams was always perfect at the time, even if she felt sad on waking up afterwards.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "I'm here."
"I know," he replied, his voice almost cracking. "That's what's wrong."
Lara sat up further. It had never, ever been like this.
"I don't understand."
"I'm not quite sure how to put this," Patrick confessed, looking awkward. Lara had certainly not seen him look awkward many times while he was alive, that wasn't the sort of person he was.
"I don't want to scare you," he added, apologetically.
Lara thought rationally. In a dream there are only so many things that can happen and none of them can hurt you; therefore whatever he had to say couldn't be that bad. Unless ... maybe these dreams were only temporary and she wouldn't see him any more. That could be it.
"Come on, you can tell me," Lara urged softly, doing her best to smile. "You have a way with words, Dr Spiller, I'm sure you can manage it."
Patrick took a deep breath. "Okay. Though I'd rather show you than say the words." He slowly extended his arm towards her and beckoned for her to take his hand.
"No, Patrick," said Lara quickly. "You know I always wake up when I try to touch you."
For the first time she could see moisture in his eyes and it frightened her.
"No," he muttered. "You ... you won't."
"How can you be...?" Lara started but cut off sharply as a tableau flashed through her mind. A scream of brakes, glass smashing, an incredible bang and a stabbing pain...
She took a shaky breath. Where had that come from?
"Patrick...?"
"Do you remember going to sleep?" he asked gently.
No. She usually did, but the last thing she remembered it had been late afternoon, just finishing her shift and pulling out of the car park.
The Lorry. She had seen him, the driver, letting go of the wheel as he panicked, struggling for breath, almost certainly having a heart attack. Funny the things that go through your mind in a split second ... before ...
"Patrick," Lara uttered, feeling tears sting the backs of her eyes. "Am I ... am I ... dead?"
"Not yet," he answered quietly as a tear ran silently down his face. "They're doing their best, but ... I wouldn't be here if ..."
Lara couldn't think. She felt dizzy and confused ... so this wasn't a dream? Not a dream after all? She had never been religious; never really gone for the idea of a God or heaven ... so what was this? White ... pure ... peaceful ... and the man she had always loved and always would. But what could possibly be scary about that?
"There's nothing to be scared of," she whispered breathily. "Is there?"
"Nothing," Patrick shook his head, smiling sadly.
Lara knew what it meant. Without saying a word she jumped down lightly from the bed and stood before Patrick, so close she could feel him breathing. Slowly and tenderly he reached up and brushed his fingers across her cheek, the way she had craved he would for so long. Then her arms were around his neck; his wrapped around her back, her fingers running through his hair; their bodies pressed together so tightly that not even the smallest gust of air could have come between them.
"Heaven," Lara whispered, barely holding back her tears as she held her soulmate for the first time in what seemed like hundreds of years.
Patrick cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.
"Yes," he murmured.
Something inside Lara gave a sudden jolt and made her jump.
"What was that!?"
Patrick shuddered slightly. "They're ... trying to ... bring you back. Like they did with me, even though they know, really ..."
"They're not going to, are they?"
"No. I'm sorry, love ... I didn't want this. I mean, of course I wanted you back, but I'd never have wished for ..." Patrick choked back a strangled sob. "They're trying so hard; they don't want to lose you."
"I wouldn't have chosen this either," said Lara, wiping away a tear of her own. "But then I didn't know that ... that you'd be here, that this is real ...if I'd known, I probably would have chosen it a long time ago."
"You were stronger than that, though," said Patrick, gently. "They couldn't have coped with losing both of us at once, could they? God knows, they're doing their damnedest now. But they will be all right. Don't worry about them, they'll be fine in a while. They won't forget you, Lara. You're unforgettable, trust me. But I know this isn't ...what anyone would have wanted ..."
Lara took him in her arms again as another jolt reverberated through her. It didn't hurt; nothing hurt, it was the way she'd always imagined touching a small electric fence would be like, but without the pain.
"Shh," she whispered, stroking his hair. "I know. But I'm here now. With you. And if I'm right, nothing's ever going to part us again. Is that right?"
Patrick took a deep breath and brushed a tear off his cheek before thinking for a moment and finally turning back to Lara.
"That's right. Can't get rid of you wherever I go, can I?" he commented, the beginnings of a smile playing on his lips. Lara's face broke out in a huge grin and she laughed as reality sunk in. Her and him, forever.
Another jolt.
"Are you ready?" Patrick asked, seriously again.
"Where are we going?" Lara asked. Her voice held no trace of fear; more the tone of an excited child who had just been told she was going on a magical mystery trip. Wherever it was, she was going to be with him, and that was all that mattered now.
"To Eternity," Patrick whispered, in a voice so sweet it almost seemed to come from another world.
He kissed her softly, then took her hand. She looked at him, gave a cheeky grin, then finally nodded.
They began to walk slowly away, but after a few feet, Patrick stopped and narrowed his eyes mischievously. "Race you!" he blurted out. Lara laughed out loud as Patrick sped off ahead of her, glancing backwards to stick his tongue out to tease her.
"Cheat!" she shouted, then sprinted after him, still laughing. It wasn't long before she caught him up and seized his hand, knowing he was hers forever. And together they ran on, laughing, joking and loving into the white light which had no ending.
Outside Holby AE, a man was sitting on a bench, alone. His face was wet with tears, his eyes wide open and almost zombie-like as he shivered in the cool night air. His body was numb, his mind in tatters as he struggled to take in the events of the last hour.
It wasn't a dream. Not a dream after all.
Something made him look up at the sky. Two stars which seemed brighter than the others appeared to be moving closer to each other, the way satellites do. Then, in the split second that they met, they suddenly burst apart in opposite directions, streaking in mirroring arcs across the sky until they joined into one again and were gone, into eternity.
And even though Harry Harper was not usually a man to read between the lines successfully or take hints very well, he understood. He stood up, took a long, shuddering breath, and knew that everything had not been in vain after all. She was happy. And that was all he had ever wanted, he realised, as he shakily uttered two last words to his love.
"Goodbye, Lara."