We kissed the hole morning. He dominated kissing and our hunger seemed to be endless. His lips were very soft. I enjoyed his warmth on me. We changed postition, I lay on my back and he was on me. Our lips never disconnected from the other. His tongue not only danced with mine. It used to be nibbling at my ear, sucking my nipples and licking my body all over. We undressed each other. He kissed the inner sides of my legs. I felt his erection even before I took off his trousers. I was so turned on to feel his big dick through his clothing. Feeling his full dick anyhow, was great. I couldn't wait to suck it off. He knelt on bed so I could suck that thick dick of him. We moaned and he interrupted just in time to fuck me. I really just let all that happen. Many weeks passed by since I was in hospital and I hadn't any sexual intercourse since Ryuuzaki. And I was still injured and my right wrist won't move. So I thought it is okay to have a gently partner for sex today. We were so close. It felt so very different from all my other sex partners. The sex didn't bore at all. As normally I am the one who leads in the intercourse, even though I am the submissive part...but I just let him do. I've dropped me into him. It felt so good, also without any pain. I felt so much passion in his thrusts. Seconds parted our climax. Seeing his heated and excited face made me smile. I always wanted to see his face while having sex, and it hell looks amazingly cute. There were no bondage, my hands were free touching him. There were no beating, no biting, no kicking. Just two bodies making love to each other. And that's the point...

When I realised that with hearing him barely audible say: "Boss, I love you...".

I...I panicked. It was like all the passion we had the last few hours hasn't existed. I pulled him away. I looked into a blanc, scared face, as if he had known that he said something wrong. I kicked him out with saying to never come back again. He pleaded not to send him away from me. He cried and shivered...

Like me now. I am lying on the floor. Huddled like an embryo. Not understanding. It's evening already.

Why can't I let it be?

Where's he now? I am asking myself. Looking like a doll on my switched off phone. He wouldn't call anyway. But I guess there could be calls from work. Should I call him? What should I tell him? Just hearing his voice...imagining him cry. It does not excite me at all. On the contrary, it fucking hurts. I was so rude with him. But didn't I tell him I couldn't have a romantic relationship? How am I supposed to blame him, I just played cat and mouse with him. To be honest I hadn't really a clue that he might feel this way. I am downright blind when it comes to that.

Why me, the hell? Why me? I just whimper his name through my sobs on the floor. How could he love a person like me?

Once I only loved Kageyama. But this feelings cast away from me. Like he represent a storm. Blewing away all my sorrow. Doumeki.

It is kind of strange that I lost my admiration for Kage. I realised that we will never fit with each other. He just pity me, always. Ever. I felt love, 'cause he was the only one caring about me. No one ever cared about me, not my mother, no teacher, none...just my stepdad with raping me all day. And than one day he stand there with the band aids for me. Even though it was only to satisfy his urge. Kage is not so very different from me but he is naive, so Doumeki is. But he...he...

He just accept the way I am? My weeps fell silent. I got lost in thoughts and fell asleep. Me...I'm falling.

It's so cold. Not only outside. I opened my eyes and felt empty. I just thought for the spur of a moment it might has been all a nightmere. It wasn't. The doorbell rang, five, ten, twenty times. It doesn't stopp. Is it him? Impossible. I got up. My body hurt...my heart hurts. Maybe it is someone who wants to kill me? A thought bubble popped up. The death with the doorbell. My interior may has just died.

I went to the door and looked through the spyhole. I am hearing a voice. It seems to be upset and talking to someone. While listen to the voice for a bit I realised it must be Nanahara. So I decided to open my door. A cold winter breeze went through me. I cold see my breath disappear like smoke in the wind. There must had been a blizzard through the night. I just took a few seconds for perceiving the winter,'cause I immediately took attention of Nanahara, who's screaming wildly.

"Boss, what the hell has happend?"

"What's with you? Why is he sitting here in the cold?"

"He doesn't respond...how long does he sit there?"

"Oi Doumeki...Oi! Can you hear me? Oi!"

Nanahara was blabbering without any pause. He was so agitated. And I?

I looked for my phone and called Kageyama. I just had a short view in Doumeki's face. He's heavily breathing. His face is still as blanc as twenty four hours before. I was in shock. He had stayed. He hasn't gone from my side. Doumeki. You stupid idiot.

Kage told me to warm him up until he will come by to treat him. Nanahara and I managed to get him in. I had kicked him out with only wearing his suit. It's a miracale he's still kicking with outside temperatures far below the freezing point. Kage also said we need to cool his head with wet wipes. So Nanahara prepared a bowl of cool water and wipes. I took off his shoes, belt and jacket. He is lying in my bed again. The bed where we just loved us yet yesterday. I gave him two blankets to warm him up. I just worked and didn't thought too much. In occiput I already know it. It happend again.

The one who feel love with me will end up dying. I have decided to let nobody come near me again after the one yakuza and I were beaten half to death. He lost everything and even though we weren't in love or something like that, that man treated me respectfully with loving care. The same care he gave his woman. The first one who wasn't desperatly thrusting into me with aversion. Even though his sympathy wanted me to through up sometimes, I haven't forgotten.

And now? There lies Doumeki. My stupid attendant and bodyguard. With his nice eyes and good posture. With his usually limp dick and greenness. With his skill to read through me like a book sometimes and with his dumbness for not getting the obvious. I am scared of losing him. He hasn't regained consciousness. How must he has been feeling, when I was shoot?

I send Nanahara away for taking up my buissness. I explained him that we had a controversy and chased him out. He was truly aware of what has happend without telling him the whole story. So Nanahara is. When Kageyama arrived he just gave him medicine, told be to take good care of him and to follow his advices. When I see him off he said I shouldn't be scared and he will make it. I never saw Kage ever concerned like that about me. He really knew how I felt and comforted me with saying that. He may isn't such a bad doctor I thought.

Back in my bedroom, I lay down beside him.

"Boss...",he whispered silently.

I was terrified and looked immediately at him. His eyes were closed and his cheeks very hot. He is still feverish. I changed the cold wipes. I could even manage it with only one arm in function. Then I just was lying besides him, cuddle at his side, caress him, crying besides him.

Not loudly. Just a few tears running down my face. I really do not want to lose him.

So I made a decision. When he was healthy enough again I spoke with him in bed.

"Doumeki...!"

"Yes...?"

"Stay by my side..."

He just looked at me confused.

"Will you stay beside me?"

"As long as you want me to, boss..."

"Then...", I hesitated.

"...stay as long as you love me..."

He pressed my body closer and put my chin near his lips.

"Then...", he said.

"I'll stay forever."

Yeah, I thought, while he kissed me. I want you by my side. Forever.

This descision may be selfish. I know there's a lots of danger waiting, but let's see what future brings.

END