Disclaimer: I hereby claim that Inuyasha does not belong to me.
Author's Note: This is a one-shot, REVISED, that I wrote while thinking about the relationship between Kagome and Inuyasha, and wondering what his past was like. It's the first of its kind that I've ever attempted. I don't think that I quite got it right, though. However, please enjoy and review. Any constructive comments and suggestions for improvements are most definitely welcome.
Alone
An Inuyasha fan-fiction
Emptiness.
Silence.
Only the echoes of the past remained, eerily sifting through the dark, bottomless, endless void. That was loneliness.
That was being alone.
How long had he been sifting through that void, the void that he had hated, that he had despised, but was forced to stay in? He couldn't count. There, it seemed like a second had lasted an eternity, where the shadows of faces had passed him, where not a single face was familiar and kind. It was there that his face was just a shadow, sliding, slithering past, casting darkness on where it landed but never making a mark.
Did he want to remain in that void? Did he want to carry on as the way he did in that void, where insignificance was his last name and loneliness his first?
That was an easy question to answer, of course. He never wanted to. He would never want to.
The memory of that loneliness, of that feeling of insignificance, was still a thorn in his heart. Never a day passed when he stopped dreading that the same void would be presented in front of him again.
He used to think that to remain in that void was his destiny. He was a hanyou, a half-demon, an off-spring of the mating of a demon and a human, trapped between two completely different worlds. Feared by humans, mocked by demons, he would never be able to co-exist with anyone anywhere.
Until the day she had died, his mother had been his source of strength, the one place where he could find a smile of warmth, of vibrance, a special smile, the smile that shone with brimless love. She was the one who had given him light when all was dark, shelter when it snowed, love when all despised him.
But she had died. And with her death, he had spiraled into that void.
He hardly spoke of his mother's death. It mattered to few, and the grief and pain of losing the one person he cared for was too great, something which he was not ready to share with just anyone yet. Fifty years had passed, but the wound would not close completely. It was a scar, an old scar which had never healed completely, which bled anew when provoked.
Much as he wanted to, he couldn't put the blame on his mother. No, he couldn't even blame just anyone. Even if her death was the reason that he was left alone, with hardly anyone to care whether he was dead or alive, he just couldn't blame her.
He tried to escape from that void, but it was as easy as climbing over a wall that was smooth and slippery. With each fall, he fell deeper, as the bottom grew deeper, as the walls grew higher. To get attention, to survive, he committed crimes – oh, how meaningless they were! Empty actions, they were!
He believed the rumours that reached him of the Shikon no Tama, the Sacred Jewel, an artifact of power that could grant the wish of its owner. It held unimaginable power, power that few could discern. And he wanted it, because he knew that it could grant the deepest, most secret desire of his heart, for all the barriers he had struck up around his heart – to place him somewhere where he would never be alone again.
And he met her. Kikyou, the miko who guarded the Shikon no Tama. No, a woman who was misunderstood, who was feared and held in awe by all. A woman who could truly understand him, because she too, despite being surrounded by many, was alone. She treated him like a real person, a person who held significance in the world. She gave him a purpose that was greater than his desire of the Shikon no Tama.
He found something in her that he had never experienced before. It was a feeling of peace, a feeling that he truly belonged, that he could actually belong somewhere.
But it was then when he realized that things could never go right for him. No, of course they would not. A freak of nature, he was. That feeling of betrayal coursed through his veins as he saw those three arrows, those familiar looking arrows, aimed straight at him. Just when he thought that he had finally jumped over the top of the void after hovering near it for so long, he had fallen back down, down to the bottomless bottom, where the walls seemed ever so high, and broken his bone.
Cheated of all the things he had worked so hard for, the friendship, the love, the trust, he had attacked the village in a fit of anger. The frustration had clouded his mind, all as he howled at the pain of his broken bone, as he screamed in anger that he had ended up back where he didn't want to be.
And that arrow had ended it all.
That was the last sensation he had felt – the terrible loneliness, the void around him, all as he saw her face, the face of the one whom he had loved, whom he would die for. All lost. And darkness… Falling down deep into it… The chasm yawned in front of him… And falling… And bottomless it remained, as he fell…
Only her face remained… Her face…
That was the last thing and yet the first thing he saw…
Her face.
Unsealed, he was. Free. Broken with the memories of what was, what had, what could have been. Had he a choice, he would have chosen death. He found himself back, back in that void, that void where he belonged no where, where he sifted emptily into the darkness, trapped within the tall, tall walls…
"….Inuyasha?"
Startled, his eyes snapped open. For a moment he blinked, peering around a tad bit confusedly, ears twitching slightly, disoriented by his own thoughts. Ah. There she was.
Kagome.
"KEH! Is there even anything that says I can't think?"
His Kagome.
She stared at him, wide brown eyes, full of warmth yet concern, peering out of that familiar face. That face.
Kagome, reincarnation of Kikyou. In his mind, he could picture the many smiles she had given which had brightened his day, adding the black and white picture he had painted by himself with shades of bright pink, dark red, sky blue, calm green.
"Huh? Inuyasha, what's wrong?"
He could remember the concern she had shown for him. All the hugs, all the tears, all for him. That solemn promise, that beautiful yet sad day, when she swore to stay by his side forever.
"…NOTHING!"
He felt at ease with her. The walls he had shielded himself with had collapsed, the darkness lifted, as night slowly stretched into day. She had pulled her hand into the darkness, lifted him to greet the light again, a world of peace.
He jumped down from his perch on the Goshinboku, turned directly to face her. His light. The light which Kikyou could never be…
"Let's go, Kagome!"
He felt her hand slide into his.
Her hand.
No, he had proven himself wrong. That prediction that he had made, years ago, was wrong...
He wasn't alone.
Not anymore…