Almost

He wasn't even really mine to begin with.

We were just... together but not.

We send messages to each other. He would hold my hand in public and wink at me at times. He would steal kisses on the cheeks. He'd give me a back hug or two. He'd buy me ice cream just because he thought I wanted one; and I want one. He'd wait for me just so we could go home together. He'd carry my bag. He'd always stare at my green eyes and tell me how pretty they were.

And I'd have felt special... especially if he would sit beside me, close enough for people to think that we're actually together.

But... are we together?

No. No, we're not.

I get hurt every time someone asks me that because I don't know what to say. Did he court me? Did he say he loves me?

I have no proof and nothing to hold onto, saying he's mine."There's no courtship. No friendship stage. He just likes me, and I like him. But the question is: until when will that last?

And then I just woke up, everything changed.

Gone were the days when he was sweet. He won't come and fetch me anymore. He won't meet my eyes; and whenever he would, he'll break contact immediately and act as if nothing happened. His smiles were not directed to me anymore.
And I started to wonder why.

Did I do anything wrong?

Is there anything wrong with me?

And so I asked him that.

"I thought we were okay?"

But he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"We are, aren't we?" he said moments later.

"What happened to us?"

"Why, are we together?"

At that moment, I could feel the tears I haven't felt for a long time. I don't usually cry. And I won't cry in front of him.

"Did I court you? Did you answer me? No, right?"

I felt my heart breaking. It hurts. It hurts because it's true. What am I even holding onto? I have no right. I have no title.

We were together, yet we were not.

What started with "nothing...", ended with nothing.

What am I to him, really?

"Almost," I whispered. "Almost, Koko. If only you stayed."

He stared at me, and I him. I gave him a smile before turning around and briskly walking away.

Never again, Sumire Shouda. Never again.