A/N: Erm…so, don't ask me where this came from; I have no idea. I was in a bit of mood when I wrote it and instead of biting off the head of every single person I came across at work (my boss would have been none too happy), I wrote this. Also, don't ask me who the narrator is, because I honestly don't know that, either. I switched back and forth so much while writing this that it could be either of the pups. Let's call this a 'perspective' piece, yeah? ;-) Also, thanks to Eldritcher for another wonderful beta job!
Crack My World
Break you.
I want to pull you until you break. I want to push you until you shatter. I want to crush you until you collapse.
Down and down you spiral at my hands. Because of my hands; for my hands. I want to hear you beg, hear you plead, hear you cry. I want you in a puddle at my feet with nothing left except your slowly beating heart so that I can see my name carved on the outside. But is it my name? Has it ever been my name?
I wasn't like this before you (this cruel; this merciless). Before you sank your dark claws into my mind, my heart, my soul and made me your equal. But are they claws? When do caressing fingers turn into jagged claws? Then again, what's the difference between that and a quick, sharp, razor-edged tongue? You made me into a monster with little more than a few internal scars and harsh words. You made me you.
You've shoved and you've forced so much that now all I dream of doing is watching you fall. That's all I want. Down and down and down you'll go until you hit rock bottom and climb your way back up. Then I'll laugh as I watch you do it all over again because it truly will be the best form of entertainment, par none. I'll laugh until I go mad and my mind cracks and every single bit of anything I have seeps out until I'm left with nothing but an empty head and too heavy heart.
The heart's the key, you know. That's what everyone says. They're all liars. The heart's the crutch of every single human being that walks on this foul, disgraceful planet. It weakens and hinders until there's nothing left of the human race but misery, suffering, and wickedness. Is that what happened to you? Did you let your heart out too much; allow it to be stolen and frozen and then crammed back in?
I sometimes find myself wondering if you were always like this; this cold, cunning, unyielding, and manipulative. I remember the early days; those first glorious weeks when all I did was watch you from the opposite end of that long table in that giant hall. You were something special; something to be savoured and cherished. Even at such a tender age I knew the truth. I saw the way your hands moved like pale spiders, dancing over the cutlery, plates, and goblets. I remember your soft eyes; gentle, like a puppy. They haunt my every moment because all I see when I look at them now is ice. Cold, hard, empty.
Do you remember the time you got so angry you couldn't even breathe? I do. You grabbed me (bruises on my arms, my chest, my sides, my neck, my legs; impossible to hide; impossible to look away from; fascinating), ripped my clothes off and threw me on the bed. Then you fucked me until I bled and screamed. You listened to me as I pleaded for more even while I begged you to stop. There was hunger in your eyes (the only emotion anyone had seen for over a year). You smiled when you finished (cruel; wicked) and walked away, leaving me in my pain and my misery and my blood, a horrible, unnamable ache travelling deeper than the dull throbbing coursing through my entire body. Was that when a fuck just became a fuck and stopped being anything more? I want to do the same to you. I want to walk away from your pain and your blood with a mocking smile hanging from my lips while you stare after me, thoroughly unsatisfied and hurting.
I want you to understand my anger. I want to see the realisation flash over your face and your skin pale to match the colour of the white moon we used to watch together so often. I want your eyes to dance with fear and your chest to heave from pain. I want to hurt you; cause you pain in every possible way I can imagine. Why did you make me into this monster? What did you gain? Was that your goal from the beginning? I want to hear you scream to the watching, winking stars and cry to the dirty earth beneath your feet. I want you to be dirty, not this pure, golden light I still see every time I look at you, even now. I want you to bleed black and breathe brown and cry red. I want your body to smother and suffocate within itself while I laugh.
One day I will break you (shake you and take you and break you down). One day I'll see that name carved on your heart and it won't be mine but yours because I know now that you love yourself more than you ever loved me. But I'll slice and I'll dice and I'll make it mine, all mine. And finally, we'll see who the winner of this constant dance is, champion takes nothing and loser takes all.
One day I'll show you my scratched and sliced heart. And maybe then you'll understand.