Conscience

I had to write this to understand why Henri Leclair left Agnes the way he did.

(The dialogue should of course be in French, but I dare not.)

Valerie Maurel turned around in bed and looked at the man at her side. His gaze was fixed at some spot in the ceiling and his mind seemed far away. On the ash-tray at his bedside table the rest of a cigarette was crushed.

"Henri, you look so pensive, even sad. You have been like this for several days. What is the matter? Aren't you happy about your new job? Don't you like working here with me? Or do you have bad conscience about leaving your friend Mr. Selfridge?"

Henri turned to look at Valerie and gave her one of his gentle smiles, the one that many women could die for.

"Yes, I have a bad conscience, but not towards Harry. He shouldn't oppose to my making a career. No, it's Agnes, the way a told her."

Finally having decided to unburden his conscience to Valerie, he propped himself up on one elbow and looked steadily at Valerie.

"I shouldn't have told her like that, in public, I should have done it in private, outside or at home. But I didn't dare to, I didn't know if she would start to cry. And I wanted all our private time together to be good and tender. It is true she passed the invisible border between us when she kissed me for the first time, but I sure had been sending her invitations. She was so innocent, so sweet and so trustful when she gave herself to me, without hesitation. And now she must think that I played with her."

Valerie looked at Henri, thoughtful.

"But she was fully aware of what she did, wasn't she? She did this even though she could put her reputation at stake. Didn't anybody know?"

"Yes, her boss, Miss Ravillious. She didn't like at all that Agnes worked with me or that we had an 'improper relation' as she called it. If Agnes was to have a career, or perhaps just be allowed to stay, she should break this up. So when I had this offer I thought I made Agnes a favor. I don't think any of us could have worked at the same place if we had broken up."

"So you told her in public, and she didn't cry?"

"She didn't ask about my job or the firm, only if I would be working with you. She said that she understood my feelings for you and that I should follow my heart. She almost broke my heart, saying so. And yes, there were tears running down her cheeks. And I didn't comfort her, I just stood there, feeling stupid. I said something like 'It's been a privilege knowing you'. It could have been a cliché, but I really meant it. Then she just looked at me at said 'Goodbye, Henri' and went away. Just like that. I didn't do anything more. A clean cut would be the best, I thought. Then Harry sent me away that same day, and I didn't see her anymore."

Henri broke out in a full smile.

"I don't know if they have got a replacement yet. She could do the job, you know, she was good at it. That would be a raise in her career. "

There was a wrinkle between Valerie's eyebrows and her voice was a little harsh when she said

"So you didn't really come for me, you left her."

here...