A/N: If I were JE I would be too busy with Ranger and the MM to write... Song is from Richie Sambora. Go listen to it!
IF I CAN´T HAVE YOUR LOVE
I can´t believe it´s already three months since my Babe sung Morelli out of her apartment and out of her life.
I stumbled across this song yesterday in the house of a skip. Ethan Sunderburgh was arrested for voluntary manslaughter of his wife and her lover.
As usual we checked out the last known address of the FTA. When we arrived we could already hear some sappy love ballad blaring.
In our usual MO we announced ourselves and when we received no reaction we stormed the house. Sunderburgh sat in a loveseat, dead.
Cold fingers still holding onto a photograph of a beautiful young bride looking into the eyes of her groom. While we were waiting for the police and the ME the lyrics of the Song seeped into my consciousness. And now I am sitting in my dark office listening to the same Song again and again.
`I didn´t have nothing but a cold bed to come to at night`
Of cause during the first thirty-three years of my life women warmed my bed for a night or two, but never my soul mate. I was even married once.
Rachel is a wonderful woman and the mother of my daughter Julie, but like my Babe she is strong and independent. She only reluctantly agreed to marry me; I practically had to beg her on my knees to fulfill my responsibility.
She told me in no uncertain terms: yes we shared a night of drunken passion, yes it resulted in the creation of a new life, no said life is not a reason to marry – only love is, no she didn´t get knocked up in prospect of the benefits for a soldiers wife and she will only stay married to me until the baby was born.
She held strong against me and her parents; told us flat out, that she is very capable of caring for a child by herself, thank you very much.
But she was also adamant regarding Julies relationship to me. She told me Julie had the right to know who her father is. Even after she married Ron and I gave up my parental rights she sends me photos and pressured me to talk to her. Saying this is the only way she would accept alimony and everything else.
I´m sitting here in my dark apartment and letting the past thirty three years of my life pass before my eyes. My love filled but poor childhood, my running around with the Gangs in my early teenage years, my juvie time, my being banned to my abuela in Miami to straighten me out, my coming back and the brief stint at Rutgers college, my enlisting in the army, my going to Ranger school, the missions with the Rangers, my trying out for Delta, my missions with Delta, becoming the best of the best, me starting RangeMan, expanding RangeMan, doing Black ops, the ones that never have taken place, me meeting my Babe….
I made up my mind. I got my phone out and made several phone calls. I got up from my seat and went to the safe in my closet. I grabbed my keys out of the dish on the sideboard and went down in garage. I drove to her apartment. Letting myself in and kissing her awake.
"What…." She slowly opened her eyes. "Ranger what happened? Are you hurt? Is someone else hurt?" she talked a mile a minute. "It´s 3 freaking am in the freaking morning. Say something and don´t stand there looking good."
I laugh. Out loud. I couldn´t help it she is so cute.
"Babe. I would if you let me get a word in."
"Hmph"
"Come on, Babe up you get." I turned to her closet grabbing a pair of jeans and one the shirts I have "forgotten" here. Call me a pervert but I love to see her in my clothes. I love to see her in her clothes. I love to see her in no clothes at all. I love to see her period.
"Why Ranger?" she whined, trying to hide under the covers.
"Because," I jerked the covers away. "I have a surprise for you."
Fifteen minutes and a lot of questions and grumbling about my no answers later we were on our way to the Newark Airport. In true Babe fashion she fell asleep not five minutes after we left her parking lot and slept thru half the flight to Puerto Rico.
Amazing. Here I am one of the most dangerous and lethal man of the world and she falls asleep, trusting me with her life.
I evaded her one million and one question by making love to her in our house with a private beach until it was time.
When she came out of the bathroom she was a vision. A goddess in a flowing ivory dress. Barefoot with her luscious curls falling down her back. She took my breath away. I wanted to sink on my knees and worship the ground she walks on.
"Amante" I whispered and kissed her softly. "You are beautiful."
"You don´t look half bad yourself" she said. Letting her eyes wander over me and taking me in. I too was barefoot clad black slacks and a black dress-shirt; sleeves rolled up and the first three buttons undone.
"Trust me" I asked and tied a white silk scarf around her eyes. Gathering her in my arms bridal style I carried her out to the beach.
I sat her down again and undid the blindfold.
She grasped when she took in the scene in front of her.
A white piano was sitting on the beach surrounded by blood-red rose petals; the sun was slowly setting on the horizon.
I took a seat at the piano and began to play.
It's hard to remember a time
When I didn't have you,
when I didn't have nothing but a cold bed to come to at
night
That was all I knew, until there was you
And then you took my world and turned it all around
I couldn't leave without you now
~~~~00000~~~~~
Baby, if I can't have your love
If I can't feel your touch
I got nothing
Baby, if I can't taste your kiss then I don't exist
I got nothing
No I can't imagine living life without you
I can't imagine living life without your love
~~~~00000~~~~~
I wake up with you by my side
`Cause I Can't let go,
`Cause I can't even bear the thought of you in another man's eyes
I would lose control, I would die
'Cause now you're in my heart and I can't let you out
I gotta keep you here somehow
~~~~00000~~~~~
Baby, if I can't have your love
If I can't feel your touch
I got nothing
Baby, if I can't taste your kiss then I don't exist
I got nothing
If I can't be your man,
I wouldn't know who I am
I got nothing
I got nothing
~~~~00000~~~~~
No, I can't imagine living life without you
I can't imagine living life without your love
'Cause I can't imagine living life without you
Can't imagine living life without your love
~~~~00000~~~~~
Believe me baby I don't mean to doubt you
But if you ever leave,
that would be the end of me, baby
~~~~00000~~~~~
Baby, if I can't feel your touch
I got nothing
Baby, if I can't taste your kiss then I don't exist
I got nothing
I got nothing
If I can't be your man,
I wouldn't know who I am
I'd be nothing
Baby, if I can't have your love
If I can't feel your touch
I got nothing
No, I can't imagine living life without you
~~~~~00000~~~~~
I went down on one knee, taking her small hand in mine.
"Marry me, Babe."