"So you're saying you are Coulson's daughter?"

"Yes."

"He adopted you?"

"Yeah."

"Out of the goodness of his heart?"

"Fitz! You can't ask something like that. I'm sorry, we generally don't allow him to talk to other people," Simmons said, looking embarrassed and curious at the same time.

"That's okay. Yeah well, that and because it's biologically impossible for two men to have a child together."

"Coulson's gay?"

"Is that a problem, Agent Ward?"

"NO. No. Of course not. I'm Skye by the way. We don't usually let Ward interact with people either, he's socially challenged. What? It's true. But, what Grant meant was…we thought…um...assumed...I mean, we uh, may have met this woman and…"

"Oh yeah, Dad told me he met an ex-flame of his who tried to kill all of you. Story of his life. Dad, my other, uh, dad, he was laughing his ass off, after he had sworn to go after her and make her regret everything she had done, of course."

"I'm a little confused. I'm sorry if it seems impolite, but you must be around 22-23, yes?"

"Yes."

"And you were adopted a few months after you were born by Agent Coulson and his partner, you said. Is that correct?"

"Yup…where are you going with this, Simmons?"

"Actually, the woman whom we met said that she had um… met Agent Coulson around 10 years ago."

"Okay? So?

"So…"

"Oh. OH. No. No. Dad would never cheat on Dad. Nope. Never. Dad would kill him. Actually, Aunt Nat would probably get there first. Dad's partner whom he , uh adopted me with went rogue when I was 5. Dad met Dad around…15 years ago, give or take, but they got together much after that. And they got married only after gay marriage was legalized in New York. So, no. There's no way either way either of them would cheat, you haven't been there in the room with them both. I feel the sudden need to visit my dentist every time, you know, um, after."

"Because you have bad teeth? What? Why are all of you looking at me like that?"

"Fitz, I really regret letting you out of the room. Even Agent Ward understood what she was saying."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what she meant Ward. And what Neha meant was that AC and his husband are tooth-rotting sweet."

"Basically."

"You know, this whole thing about you being adopted by AC explains a lot, actually."

"Hmm?"

"The first time I saw you, all I could think was that, 'Damn, her poker face reminds me of Coulson,' It is so perfectly blank. How do you guys do that? I would never be able to do that. Even Ward hasn't perfected that face."

"Ohhh…I've been practicing, since I was a kid. It was surprisingly difficult getting that perfectly blank look. You know, I could teach you if you like?"

"You would do that? Thanks so much! But when? Cauz between flying everywhere and training with tall-blank and handsome here, doesn't really leave much time."

"We'll figure something out."

"Is Agent Coulson scary at home as well? I mean, because he is quite the legend in S.H.I.E.L.D. What? This was a perfectly polite question and Simmons, you can't exactly deny that Agent Coulson is scarily-badass."

"Dad, no way, he is mostly embarrassing and over-protective. My god, the stuff I've had to face. Did you know my existence was classified till I became a Field Agent for S.H.I.E.L.D? Even while I was in training! And he can say anything and I mean anything without flinching or blushing or something. I've been so mortified sometimes. That's what made start practicing the poker face actually."

"Like?"

"You really wanna know?"

"Hey, you do that one eyebrow thing as well! And yeah...definitely."

"Okay, you can all stop nodding now. So this one time…."

*

"…I mean, what teenage girl wouldn't take advantage of the fact that her father isn't present at home when she has a boyfriend? Anyway, there I was with Josh…you've really got to stop laughing, damn it I'm gonna start off again. That story wasn't even that funny, this one's better. I was with Josh and things were getting kind of hot and heavy…"

"Ward, don't blush, she is just telling a story about Coulson, not her exploits and conquests."

"I am NOT BLUSHING. And shut up and listen. Why is that so funny? Please continue, Skye has just become a little light-headed."

"Hey!"

"What? It's not like-"

"If you both are done bickering, I actually want to hear this and Fitz pass me another beer, please."

"Please tell me you're not another Agent Coulson fan girl- you know those people who spread rumors like 'Agent Coulson took out 10 people with a pen', which is absolute rubbish by the way, there were only 5 people and Dad also had his tie."

"What, wait, NO! No, I just really love Agent Coulson's one-liners, and I quote , 'I don't sweat, I glisten'."

"Wait, you are shitting me right me? He said that? No way! He actually said that? I am so telling Dad this. Anyway, back to the story-"

"He took out 5 people with a pen and tie?"

"Shhhh."

"Yeah, so are we done? Stop laughing. So uhhh- yeah. So Josh and I were getting a little handsy and his shirt comes off and then the door opens and Dad walks in. I mean, there was no way he didn't know what we were doing in there, right? Yeah, and he tells to get decent and come downstairs. And Josh was like, terrified of Dad, as in Coulson-Dad. He was convinced that Dad was actually some sort of secret agent-"

"Your dad is a secret agent."

"But Josh didn't know that. We had told him that Dad was an accountant or… something. Then Josh wears his shirt and we fix ourselves and go downstairs and Dad is just sitting there with an absolutely calm face and all I can think is 'my god , this is like the calm before the storm' and he just sits us down. We were facing him, absolutely terrified and then he proceeds to give the 'talk'. To both of us."

"Noooo!"

"Unfortunately."

"The 'talk' as in…birds and bees? And such?"

"Yup, only more explicit."

"Oh fuck."

"You said it, Ward, you said it. I'm so sorry for you."

"Your condolences would be more believable if you weren't laughing so hard. And then, and then Josh tries to make his excuses and leave but Dad sort of just silences him with a look. Simmons! Are you alright? Did she just fall-"

"Fall off the chair because she was laughing so hard? Yup."

"So then what happened?"

"What do you think happened? He broke up with me two days later. I was heart-broken that my first boyfriend had left me because of my father."

"Your boyfriend was an asshole."

"Hi to you too, Dad. And I didn't know that at the time, I only realized that after he tried to spread the rumor that I had slept with him."

"I did not know that."

"You don't need to get hassled, it was years ago and I'm sooo over that."

"Are you drunk? How many beers did you have? Four? Clint is actually disappointed in you sometimes, his daughter, Neha Barton-Coulson, the light-weight."

"My father, the Captain America fan-boy."

"I'm not a fan-boy. I simply admired what the Captain stood for and still stands for."

"I watched you while you were sleeping. Don't deny it, Dad told me. You sound like Edward Cullen."

"Edward-who?"

"You know, the sparkly glitter-fairy vampire played by that guy from Harry- never mind. But my point is you are a fan-boy."

"No."

"Forgiven Uncle Nick for the cards yet? Didn't think so. See, fan-boy."

"Neha, I think it's time we headed back home. Go on to the car, I need to talk to my team. I'm going to say this once. Not a word of what you heard today should be repeated to someone else or discussed. Or else I will be forced to administer the forgetfulness serum on each of you. Are we clear?"

"But, there is no such this as a forgetfulness serum."

"Isn't there, Agent Ward? Any other questions?"

"Not even the Captain America part?"

"No Agent Fitz, especially not the Captain America part. If that's all? Goodnight agents."

*

"Hmm.."

"Hmm? What is it, Ward?"

"Skye, did Agent Coulson say Clint and then called Neha, Neha Barton Coulson?"

"Yeah, I think so, why?"

"I just realized that Agent Clint Barton is her other father and Agent Coulson's husband."

"Oh. My. God."

"What? What is it? Even Skye didn't understand this time, so it's not just me this time. Simmons. Tell me."

"Agent Clint Barton was recruited by Agent Coulson himself, 15 years ago, possibly among the best S.H.I.E.L.D. has ever seen. He in turn, recruited Agent Romanov aka the Black Widow."

"So Coulson is a BAMF married to a BAMF who recruited another BAMF. What's your point, Ward?"

"My point is that Agent Barton is part of the Avengers Initiative ; codename is Hawk-Eye."

"Oh fuck."

"Wow."

"Exactly."

***

Just for clarification:

Neha is 22. Indian origin, thus the name.

Coulson's ex who went rogue was found out and killed by Fury himself.

Fury is Neha's godfather.

Clint and Phil got together 6 years after they met, 1 year after Phil's affair with Camilla Reyes.