Chapter 1
Concern.
Uncertainty.
Anxiety.
Complicated words indeed, especially when it comes to feeling them... in that specific moment he felt that, and much more… even though all these words flew quickly, ricocheting like a bullet through his thoughts, he could not use them even less give a good definition to all that he felt and tried to express in that precise moment.
He fixed his eyes on the stone floor for a few moments trying in vain to keep calm, however, as he finally looked up slowly, with caution, he felt the world crumbling down. The weight that those brown eyes filled with such skeptical look crushed his poor shoulders.
He knew well that look…he had encountered it in multiple dreams, or thinking back…could those have been nightmares? At the same time he would have preferred it be a nightmare in which once again he encountered that terrifying look but he could wake up and not feel the consequences of his words, words that hadn't left his mouth just yet. Words that could be equally murderous or full of new hopes…sadly the effect of these words on his life from then on couldn't possibly be decided by him.
But he never knew what it could have been of those words… because anyhow they were never spoken. And now, sitting besides the window he could see his own face reflected on the glass; and even though he tried to drive his mind away from the painful thoughts as he read them in the reflection of his own blue eyes everything was worse…
He couldn't believe he was suffering of such a common illness; he could even call it a cliché, a terribly odious cliché, which however, made you feel like you had a strong belt tied around your heart and guts, which when you notice the presence of certain person would loosen suddenly making you feel like your insides would come out flying through your mouth…this illness has a name that we all know very well and that many have felt.
Suddenly, the sound of a raindrop tapping against the window brought him back to the real world, after taking a moment, he managed to focus on the windowpane and notice it was starting to rain. He stood up slowly, curious to see more clearly the castle grounds, when suddenly that familiar sensation stunned him again as he discovered the silhouette of that same person who instants ago had filled his thoughts standing under the rain; however, as he looked at her confused from the top she started to walk seeking shelter inside the castle. He just stood there, looking until her silhouette disappeared from his sight.
The cold Autumn wind stroke her cheeks softly, but this didn't drag her out of her thoughts. She was comfortably leaning against one of the solid walls of the castle and even though she had noticed the menacing grey clouds in the horizon she didn´t hesitate on going to one of her favorite spots to read.
However, being very concentrated and with her eyes fixed on the book didn't prevent the words and whole paragraphs to escape her mind softly like sand through her fingers… it took her some time to finally accept that defensive spell were definitely not on her mind right now and they wouldn´t be even if she tried to force herself.
She then remembered that piercing look from yesterday's afternoon, when they were in the common room, he had tried to say something….something important…but somehow, that stupid skepticism of hers got in the way, he noticed and it prevented him from speaking. They were then silent for only a few moments and just as she was about to encourage him to speak again…when she was about to hear those words which she only dared to imagine in her dreams…right then, half of the quidditch team bursted into the common room and left them with all those words cut in half.
She had tried to convince herself that it was all a misunderstanding… those words weren't possibly going to come out of his mouth, otherwise, it would be too painfull…she had to swallow those feelings again, let them sleep inside of her even if it was just for a little while until she sorted out what to do with them.
A raindrop fell suddenly on her shoulder bringing her back to the present with a start. As she pulled her eyes apart from her book, she saw the figures dressed in black running towards the castle. She then looked up and saw the same gray cloud she had spotted before, only this time they were right on top of her, she stared at them and kept staring like waiting for a confirmation and as she wished, a second drop fell on her cheek, just like a tear sliding slowly making way through her face and the fog that her thoughts had become. She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand laughing with bitterness.
Not willing to wait any longer, she closed her book and stood up just as she started to feel in her head and shoulder how it started to rain harder. She ran through the grass quickly but just as she reached the stone tiles she looked down and stopped, the way the raindrops bounced again the tiles making lots of noise and little circles had caught her eye for a moment. And then, as she kept staring at her black shoes she felt a strange sting in the back of her neck, as if someone was watching her from, however she didn´t dare to look; and still staring at the floor she started walking again towards the castle doors.
When she reached shelter, she moved her tangled brown hair from her face and then she suddenly felt exhausted, overwhelmed again by so many memories and feelings that she felt as if a furious tornado was smashing around bottled up in her head. She decided to go up to her room, try and clear her mind, get some rest and get ready for dinner with the time she had left. The only thing she wished was not to run into him on the way.
She went up the stone stairs with tired steps and when she arrived in front of the portrait she stood still, standing in front of it for a moment… It was very likely that he would be in there. "No – she thought – he's probably practicing Quidditch with Harry, they must be still out, that gives me the time to go in quickly and rush up the stairs"
She made up her mind and as the portrait moved silently away, she could feel the heat coming from the big group of people that had sheltered there because of the rain. She made her way between the people receiving a few nudges as she walked on, finally she arrived at the bottom of the staircase and unconsciously looking out of the corner of her eye she noticed something on her left. Was that… red hair?! Her face changed color abruptly as blood rushed to her cheeks; She gathered her energy quickly and started up the stairs as fast as she could, opened the door to the girls dormitory and rushed in.
She leaned against the closed door and let her body slide slowly until she reached the ground; feeling the old wooden door against her back she suddenly realized she was alone inside the dark room… "Where's everyone?" She wondered as she stayed on the floor for a little while, she had lost all strength on her legs. Leaning her forehead on the palm of her hand her lips curved again in a half smile… he always had the power of getting her out of balance, of making her feel like she just lost her knees.
"Thank god –she thought – yesterday afternoon I was sitting down"
The tap of the raindrops against the window interrupted her thoughts, in-between all that confusion she had forgotten it was raining. Helping herself up with her arms, she lifted her body form the cold floor and walked up to the window, she leaned on the windowsill and looked up. The same grey clouds that she had spotted a few moments ago so far away now seemed friendlier than the crowded common room which was only a few steps away.
She leaned her head against the window and stared at the empty room, sooner or later she'd have to come down to have dinner with everyone…everyone indeed. She had been avoiding him since yesterday and now she didn't know what to do… Ginny had already grown bored of bringing food for her to the bedroom or the library. She let out a lengthy sigh and turned around to look out the window, watching the Hogwarts grounds she felt cold so she decided to lie down on bed for a while, as the back o her head touched the pillow she let her thoughts guide her slowly.
When he saw the figure of that person disappear from the window, he turned to look at the common room just to notice that, thanks to the rain many people started coming in hurriedly interrupting his solitary pondering.
In a few minutes, the empty room was packed with people, at first his eyes looked around anxiously, Maybe she was there? However, he changed his mind when he remembered the day before, what a stupid idea… of course she wouldn't have accepted him, but overall that damn cowardice which now invaded him again.
Even though the room was growing full of many distractions, he preferred to stay sitting next to the window… he didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Suddenly, he saw a bunch of tangled, brown hair pass quickly next to him and that overwhelming cowardice crashed him in seconds, even before he was able to turn and look.
"Hi mate… what's wrong?, you look as if you'd just seen a ghost… well…that's not really something around here anyways" Harry greeted cheerfully "Hey! Ron! Can you hear me?"
"Huh?" Ron mumbled still distracted.
"Nevermind" His friend answered amused by his reaction.
Harry didn't know anything about that, and Ron hadn't had the courage to tell him… not yet, it was too embarrassing!
"Actually…I came here to talk to you about something important that you apparently forgot about" Harry continued.
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"Well …remember we had Quidditch practice?"
At that moment, Ron notice Harry's soaked red and yellow Quidditch robe, once again, his face was drained of all color.
"I-I, Well…you know… the thing is…"
"Blimey! How could I forget about that?!"
"You can't keep missing practice just like that you know?" Harry stated a little irritated "You've been all weird lately…though I think I know why" he said looking at the staircase which lead to the girls' dormitory "The others are getting annoyed…We can't practice well without our keeper you know?"
At that moment the whole Quidditch team with their uniforms and faces covered with mud came out from between the people…and they didn't look very happy.
"Wh-What's up everyone?" Ron said getting paler by the second, trying to hide it with less than any success behind a nervous smile.
Ginny came up to him wearing a dangerous look…a very dangerous look "Just make sure you don't miss again"
"Y-Yes!" Ron answered stammering.
"Make sure of it!"
At that moment, however the spirits of the team lightened up as they tried their best not to laugh at the sight of such scene. He was saved! He thought as he let out a relieved sigh.
"Well then, I'll go change, see you downstairs" Harry said as he turned around heading to the stairs.
"Umm…yeah" Ron answered going back to his pondering.
She would be there…sitting quite close probably, what should he do? He couldn't suppress these feelings any more, It was nerve wrecking! Maybe he should try and tell her…However he remembered her look from last afternoon and that gave him a horrible hole in his stomach. The people inside the common room started to disperse slowly and the awkward heat left gradually after they were gone. There were a few left but this gave Ron some space to think about what he should do next, he decided to go out and start his way towards the great hall.
Without noticing, he had started going around in circles weighing the advantages and disadvantages of the decision he would make, suddenly he stopped walking…What if she rejected him?! What would become of them if that happened?! One way or another, He would still have to see her every day.
"Arghhh!" He let out as he took his hands to his forehead "This is such a headache"
"What is?" His best friends' voice sounded at his back startling him.
"It's…nothing; it's just that I… ate a spoiled chocolate frog! Yeah…that's it" He answered with a nervous smile. Harry lifted up a skeptical eyebrow.
"Well then, let's go and have something to eat!" Ron said quickly, however he had already made a choice… He would tell her after dinner!
He walked on with determination up to the Gryffindor table and sat down to eat as natural as he could, but he couldn't but notice she wasn't there, he spent the whole time looking anxiously at the door when the question he wouldn't dare ask was asked by someone else…just across the table.
"Where's Hermione?" Ginny asked.
"I don't know… now that I think about it, I haven't seen her since this morning" Fred answered appearing suddenly between Harry and Ron.
"Well I saw her a while ago, when we were coming back from practice she was going inside" said George stuffing his mouth with a piece of bread "Becouf of fe fain I gueff"
"I wonder where she's hiding now…" Ginny whispered.
"What was that?" Fred asked getting closer to her.
"Nothing! I said that I was wondering if she got wet"
Soon, they finished eating and got up to head for the common room, Ron stayed behind, where could she be? Did it have anything to do with him? Could she be upset? As they went into the common room everyone went straight to the stairs, they were tired after training and wanted to get some sleep.
Ron, however let himself drop down on a comfortable sofa in front of the fire; lucky for him, nobody noticed him; he needed to think about what he should do next.
Why was it so dark? She had just opened her eyes due to her stomach's furious protests, she was so hungry! Sitting up, she noticed someone had put a blanket over her. She lift up her wrist forcing her eyes to read the clock, it sure was late… What would she do now? She was so hungry…
She looked around noticing her classmates' figures breathing softly in the dark, looking at the window she saw the moon, it was so bright it surprised her. She then decided she had to go get some food, fast! Anyways, they always left something lying around in the common room and this was an emergency!
She got off her bed carefully so she wouldn't make a lot of noise, walked slowly towards the door and started looking for the doorknob, finally she found it feeling the cold metal against her skin; She grabbed hold of it and turned it slowly feeling the light click as the door opened. She came out of her room and started going down the stairs carefully.
What she saw next surprised her, there was… light in the common room? And at this time of night? However she didn't give it much thought but when she got to the bottom of the stairs she regretted not having done it for that person who she had been avoiding this whole time, the same one who weakened her joints was there, sitting in front of the fire.