Disclaimer: I so do not own Star Trek or anything related, nor do I own the song.
Warnings: Slash, Possibale Offending words (No offence meant), Implied abuse.
A/N: This is part of a challenge I am doing with LoveWithoutLimits. We both put our iPods on shuffle and chose the first 5 songs it came up with. This is my song (cringes at the fact i actually have this in my playlist, its my mums I swear) Don't Believe In Love by Dido
A/N2: Unbeta'd
A/N3: Switches POV twice.
Italic - Lyrics
BoldUnderlinedItalicyStuff - Flashback type thing
Dido – Don't Believe In Love
I wanna go to bed
With arms around me
But wake up on my own
Pretend
That I'm still sleeping
Til' you go home
As much as he hated to admit it, Captain James T Kirk loved to sleep in someone's arms. But not just anyone's arms, only one person's arms. The only problem was, he did not like waking up in those arms. Whilst they made him feel safe, they reminded him of everything that was 'wrong' with him. It had taken a while, but the owner of those arms had slowly started to realise that Jim would pretend to be asleep until he was alone in his room in the morning.
Oh
I can't look at you
This morning
I should probably have a sign
That says
'Leave right now or quicker'
You've overstayed your time
It annoyed him to no end that Jim was so...insufferable! Yet, he could not help but love the stupid idiot. He could not get his mind off the man, his Captain, his superior in everything but bed. Honestly, the man had serious issues, and not for the first time did he consider asking for a psychologist ("We are not having a Shrink on this ship!") for the crew, mainly the Captain. He could not make it any more obvious that The-Morning-After was never to happen. It hurt, it did, but he would never risk the times he has to watch His man sleep.
If I don't believe in love
Nothing will last for me
If I don't believe in love
Nothing is safe for me
When I don't believe in love
You're too close to me
And that's why
You have to leave
On your shoulder
Your arm warm around my side
But it's different now
It's morning
And I can't face your smile
He loved the comfort he got out of sleeping with that someone, he was nice to curl up to and he was comfy to sleep on. But he hated the smile that he got when they passed in the halls, it was full of love and understanding and he did not deserve that, it had been made quite clear to him when he was a kid that anything he touched he tainted.
The second that I feel
Your safe hands
Reaching out for mine
I slip away and out of sight
You've over stayed your time
As much as he wanted to Jim just could not allow himself to trust his lover. Whenever they lay together afterwards all he could think of was the words of his stepfather. He never wanted to hurt his lover, but...Bones deserved more then to be tainted by him, to fall into the freakish world of Fag Freaks.
If I don't believe in love
Nothing is good for me
If I don't believe in love
Nothing will last for me
When I don't believe in love
Nothing is new for me
Nothing is wrong for me
And nothing is real for me
If he did not love Bones, his CMO would never be hurt, would never leave him, would never be hurt by him. Moreover, he, as always, would just be sex.
When I don't believe in love
Why do you care for me?
When I don't believe in love
Nothing is real for me
If I don't believe in love
You're getting too close to me
And that's why you have to leave
And that's why you have to leave
Love was just a stupid emotion, it was not real it was a compound of chemicals firing in the brain sending signals. So why did Bones still care? Care enough to sit with him and stroke his hair whilst he slept, or whimpered as the case many times had been. Why did he care enough to look after the tainted freak that deserved every scar his body held and hid? Jim just could not understand it
If I don't believe in love
If I don't believe in love
If I don't believe in love
Nothing is left for me
If I don't believe in love
You're too good for me
"BOY! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT YOUR QUEER WAYS!" The impact with the wall hurt more than the punch to his face and then his gut. "YOU ARE NEVER TO EVEN LOOK AT ANOTHER MALE! YOU WILL BE NORMAL AND YOU WILL FUCK GIRLS! AND EVERYONE OF THEM WILL BE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THEN YOU! TAINTED QUEER FARIY FAG! NOW GET TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE!"
"Jim?" James jumped and looked up at the worried Bones; the Bridge was empty except for the two of them. "Spock came to get me, said you were not 'with it'. What's wrong?" James blinked before smiling
"Just thinking about you in bed last night, you're great you know that?" Bones swallowed "But...I've moved on to someone better" Bones felt his world swim and swirl as he realised what Jim was saying.
"I...have to go" he rushed out and missed the tear filled blue eyes.
"You're too good for me"
BuHDaHBiNg BuHDuHBooM!