"Rumplestiltskin walked into his pink Victorian house with Belle holding their son at his side.
"You know, I'm so proud of you, Rumple," Belle said softly, as Rumplestiltskin closed the door behind them, and they sat in the kitchen in the chairs next to each other. "But there's so much we need to talk about before we start over. Since Gideon is sleeping now, do you think we could talk here, right now?" She set Gideon down in his basket, took her husband's hands in hers to squeeze them gently.
"We can talk as long as you like, sweetheart," Rumplestiltskin said quietly, as he squeezed her hands back softly between his. Then, a flash of fear ran through him. "But you might not like everything you hear."
"Rumple," Belle said trying to clear the lump forming in her throat, lightly brushing the tears from the corners of his fearful brown eyes, her own growing suspiciously wet in the face of the pain that she had caused him by going back-and-forth to him so many times over in their relationship, "I promise that I won't leave, no matter how painful the truth may be to hear. I'm with you this time. I know that I haven't always proven that very well to you, but I mean it truly. I promise. Would it help if I asked you questions first?"
Rumplestiltskin nodded, pulling Belle into a tight embrace, and kissing the top of her head. "I'd like that," he whispered against the top of her head.
"Okay, what's the secret behind the haircut?" Belle asked hesitantly, lightly carding her fingers through her husband's shorn locks. "It's not bad, but it's not really you Rumple. In all the time I've known you, you've always kept it long. Why the sudden change?"
"I've always worn it long, even before we met, too," Rumplestiltskin said quietly, his voice trembling with tears as he looked down at his shaky hands to avoid Belle's gaze.
"Then, why?" Belle asked a bit more forcefully, as she put a finger underneath Rumplestiltskin's chin gently to lift his face up to her level. "Please, Rumple. I promise I won't be angry with you, or feel ashamed of you. Tell me. Why did you cut it?"
"It was truly pathetic," Rumplestiltskin said, trying to hold himself back from outright sobbing as the tears spilled over his cheeks. "It was supposed to be a cry for help. I thought you'd see it, see that I wanted to be better, and come back to me again. I said that you'd need me, but the truth is that I needed you. I didn't know how to tell you that anymore, though, and I was too afraid to try at the time."
"Oh, Rumple," Belle said gently, as she wiped the tears away from his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I should have known. I should have asked. But is that why you were with the Evil Queen? Had I truly broken you so thoroughly that you didn't want me anymore?"
"No, no," Rumplestiltskin reassured Belle, gently squeezing her hands, hugging her close, and shuddering with disgust and terror at the memories of the kisses he shared with the Evil Queen, as he hung his head in shame. "That was something else entirely. It wasn't about love, companionship, desire, or a wish to move on, though."
"That wasn't how Zelena described it," Belle said a bit enviously as unbidden tears filled her blue eyes, and spilled over her cheeks.
"Belle, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Rumplestiltskin asked gently, as he brushed away her tears with the pads of his thumbs gently. "Please, tell me why you're crying? I promise you all I did was willingly kiss the Evil Queen twice, and led her on to believe it could be something more than what I intended to give, so that I could get the shears, protect you and our son from her, and get her to kill Zelena. What exactly did Zelena tell you I did with the Evil Queen?"
"She made it sound like you two were having sex," Belle said brokenly as more tears filled her eyes, and she felt her voice breaking with sobs. "It's just that I thought I had lost you to the Evil Queen when Zelena told me that you two were together. Even if you had slept with, I wouldn't have held it against you for being involved with someone else because I had no claim on your heart at the time, and I kissed Will for a few times when we were separated, so it's only fair, but when I said I didn't care about how you two were together before, that wasn't really true. I-I actually was rather jealous. If you say that you didn't lay with the Evil Queen, then I believe you. The way Zelena described it made it sound like she had caught you two about to in the act. Were you planning to sleep with her? Did you want to? Did you enjoy what you were doing with her? I promise that I won't get angry and walk away, if you did. I loved you, I still love you, I'll always love you, and I know that I had no claim on your heart at the time. You were entitled to do as you pleased with whomever you liked at the time, but, please, I need to know. Is that darkness really what you wanted in a woman? Is that really what you craved?"
"Belle, sweetheart, no," Rumplestiltskin said reassuringly with eyes full of regret as he cupped her cheeks gently, and brought her face close to his, so he could kiss her tenderly. He felt infinitely grateful when she immediately returned it with equal fervor. "Of course not. That wasn't about love, companionship, or desire. That was about power play. I know I didn't give you much reason to trust me, I know I was being irrational, but you must know that the only woman I could ever love is you. You're my light Belle. You're my true love. You and Gideon are my whole whole world. I never slept with the Evil Queen, and I was never going to be with her, even if she had killed Zelena for me first. You know how I can toy with words, so I made her believe I was willing to give her genuine affection. Do you truly think that I could ever betray our true love, betray you, and betray my own heart by sleeping with half a woman who meant nothing to me when you were still living in the same town and carrying our child? I just wanted her to give me the shears, I didn't want her to hurt you or our son, and I wanted Zelena dead because she could hurt me, she hurt you, she killed Bae, and she turned you against me. I know that I've given you no reason to trust me these past few days, but you must believe me when I tell you that the Evil Queen meant nothing to me. You, though, Belle, you mean everything to me, and I could never have lay with another when my heart has always belonged to you."
"Oh, Rumple," Belle said happily as she hugged him. Then, when she pulled back, still holding his hands in hers, she noticed how Rumplestiltskin's eyes looked suspiciously wet with unshed tears. She noticed how his lower lip seemed to tremble, and she noticed how he kept looking down, fiddling with their intertwined hands. It was like he still was struggling to hide something from her about his whole deal with the Evil Queen that made him feel too uncomfortable to share with Belle because he thought it would make her feel ashamed of him.
"I believe you, Rumple," Belle said softly as she gently brought her hand to his cheek to comfort him by stroking it. "There's something more that happened between you and the Evil Queen that you're not telling me because you're afraid I'll be ashamed of you. The expression is written all over your face, but you don't have to worry about me leaving or getting angry, Rumple. I could never truly be ashamed of you because I love you, I know that you were scared, too, I know that you were hurt, too, and I know that I've abandoned you, judged you, and walked away from you when you've needed me most too many times now. Not anymore, not ever again. You're my husband, my true love, and my best friend. It's time I started acting like it again, so you can tell me anything, Rumple. I promise I won't think any less of you, or walk away."
"She-she kissed me twice without my consent, touched me, and invaded my personal space without asking permission..." Rumplestiltskin stammered quietly, looking down at his hands as he nervously twisted his hands together. "After what Zelena did to me by caging me, controlling me, and touching me, I-I froze up because the Evil Queen's advances reminded me of her the first two times she kissed me without my consent. I wanted to protect you and our son from her. She was always there, threatening mass destruction, and touching me, even after she gave me the shears, so I-I led her on in the hopes of keeping you and our son safe, and getting rid of her and Zelena. But I never intended to actually lay with her. I-I know that my decisions weren't wise, sweetheart, but I never was with the Evil Queen to hurt you. I wasn't with her because I wanted to be at all. She-she made me feel terrified by cornering me, though…And Zelena…How she can still be breathing, and get acceptance from everyone so easily, after what she did to us, it just makes me feel so-so angry. I don't-don't care about the fact that most of the town hates me. I don't need them, so long as I've got you and Gideon, but for Emma to act like Bae never mattered to her by forgiving his murderer so easily, and for Zelena to use you as a pawn to hurt me…Belle, it just felt like no one ever truly cared about the ones I love. They'd let you get hurt, they'd sell you out for their own gain, they didn't care about Bae, and they didn't care about you or our son. I know I haven't proven myself much better to you, but you must know that I never meant to harm you, or our son. I only ever wanted to protect you and our son from myself, I suppose, but I went about it in horrible ways."
Belle noticed that Rumplestiltskin started hyperventilating when he talked about the Evil Queen invading his personal space by kissing him, and her heart broke for him. She remembered how Zelena caged him, sexually abused him, and made him feel trapped. He was being assaulted by the Evil Queen, too. How dare that woman! But most of all, Belle felt angry with herself for never even bothering to ask Rumplestiltskin. Her true love couldn't even depend on her, and Belle hated herself for making Rumplestiltskin feel that way. How could Belle have been so blind?
Rumplestiltskin continued to look down at the ground, as he tried to regain control of his breathing, and Belle gently tilted his chin, so that he would look up at her.
"Hey, shh…It's alright, Rumple, just breathe, and I promise that you'll be safe from now on, so just breathe," Belle cooed softly, gently lifting his chin up, so that he could look at her, and softly stroking his hair to calm him in that way she knew he loved. "Just look at me and breathe, darling."
When his breathing calmed down, Belle pulled Rumplestiltskin close in a tight embrace, while he buried his face into her hair, so that he could weep softly against it as his shoulders shook with quiet sobs.
Belle felt her own eyes tearing up as she felt Rumplestiltskin's quiet tears wetting her neck. If only she had pushed her husband a little more to talk to her! If only she had listened to him when he had tried to reach out to her, instead of running away! Rumplestiltskin had felt abandoned in his darkness and despair, the Evil Queen had approached him first, she had assaulted him, and she had made him feel trapped and frightened again just as Zelena had. While Belle could never excuse her husband's bad choices or his plans to use the shears by using Regina's dark half as a pawn, she was also beginning to understand why Rumplestiltskin would turn to blindly self-destructive behavior and go mad without any of her love and support when she knew that she was the only other person in Storybrooke who he thought he could trust enough to listen to his suffering, and understand him. Yet, she had failed him. She had treated him just like everyone else in this town, a monster to be feared and loathed for months now more and more from the moment she'd started abusing that dagger, even when he'd done nothing to deserve such treatment from her, and only ever treated her with tenderness, warmth, love, gentleness, and affection with the exception of these recent past days when they'd been pushing each over the edge in selfish desperation in their feat over losing their son.
"My Gods, Rumple!" Belle exclaimed sadly, her voice breaking through her own tears as he looked up at her, and she leaned her forehead against his own gently. "I'm so sorry! I should have let you just talk to me. I should have listened to you when you tried to reach out to me in the shop instead of running away. But you should have just told me that the Evil Queen made you feel scared and uncomfortable outright. I could have helped you. I would have helped you, and if worse came to worse I would have let you use the shears on our son as a last resort after he was born."
"I didn't want you to see me as weak," Rumplestiltskin said softly through his own tears, as he pulled back a bit. "I didn't want you to feel ashamed of me for working with her because I felt it was the only way I could to use the shears, I felt it was the only thing that I could do to protect you and our son, and I felt it was the only way to way to kill Zelena. It wasn't love, desire, or even companionship that I had with the Evil Queen. I didn't even want that much from her. She was using me just as much as I was using her, but she wouldn't leave me alone, even after she gave me the shears. She just kept touching me, and I felt trapped. I was so afraid she would have hurt you and our child, if I didn't offer her what she wanted, and I wanted Zelena gone. But I never actually intended to sleep with the Evil Queen in the end, either way. I was just trying to keep her away from you for as long as I possibly could to protect you and our son, and get rid of the woman, who has been ruining my life ever since the day I was resurrected."
"Oh, Rumple!" Belle said brokenly, pulling Rumplestiltskin's head up to face her, so that he could look at her directly in the eyes, and so she could wipe away the tears with her thumbs. "I'm so sorry! I was wrong to not listen to you when you tried to reach out, and I was wrong to ever put you down as 'too weak to be good.' That was cruel of me, and I'm sorry. You're not weak. You're the most brave, loving, and selfless man I've ever met. Your capacity for good is so strong, and I'm sorry that I ever lost sight of that."
"Even at your worst, you only meant to protect our son and me from the darkness," Belle said gently as she stroked Rumplestiltskin's cheek. "But you should have just told me that the Evil Queen made you feel afraid. You should have told me that she assaulted you, frightened you, and made you feel uncomfortable. If you had told me outright that the Evil Queen was assaulting you, and making you feel trapped and afraid, then I would have forgotten all about the plans you had with the shears, and I never would have gone to Zelena for help. Instead, I would have strangled the Evil Queen's neck with my bare hands to keep you safe from her, heard you out, and helped you overcome your fears. I would have helped you find an alternative to the shears, and I would have tried to work with you to understand why our son seemed to hate you in a dream before you'd even done anything wrong."
"Well, I appreciate that my darling wife is just as feisty as ever," Rumplestiltskin chuckled softly with a smirk as he began stroking Belle's cheek gently in response to her telling him that she would have strangled the Evil Queen with her bare hands to protect him from her. Then, his expression turned solemn. "But Belle, I didn't give you much reason to trust me. I'm sorry, too, and sweetheart, going to Zelena for help wasn't your fault, I behaved rashly. I overreacted. I was behaving like a mad man. Don't blame yourself for that, you had every right -" Rumplestiltskin started to say.
"No, Rumple," Belle interrupted him abruptly. "You're not the only one to blame for all our problems. Please, don't take all the blame when I was equally at fault for them, too, and I owe you an apology for doing and saying a lot of needlessly cruel and controlling things that hurt you, too, which go a lot farther back than just a few days in our relationship since we reunited in Storybrooke. You've always said that you're the 'difficult one to love,' but so am I. Yet you never gave up hope on me, even in your darkest moments. I'm so sorry, Rumple! You say that you don't always understand how I could ever love you, but how could you still ever love me after how terribly I've mistreated you these past few months?"
"Belle, how could I ever stop loving you?" Rumplestiltskin asked gently as he wrapped Belle in a tight embrace as he rubbed her back when he felt her shoulders start to shake with quiet sobs, and he felt the wetness of her tears against his neck. "You didn't do anything that I didn't start by not being honest with you first, so don't blame yourself for breaking me when I broke you first because I was a coward. Besides, you're the most amazing, brave, loving, selfless, and heroic-" Rumplestiltskin was cut off by Belle before he could finish.
"No, no, Rumple, stop it!" Belle sobbed harshly, interrupting him again abruptly as she put a finger to his lips to silence him, and pulling away from him to curl in on herself. "I haven't been truly brave, heroic, or selfless for months now! I haven't been supportive, or loving of you for months now! I've been afraid, proud, hypocritical, childish, impatient, petty, selfish, unfair, controlling, demanding, unreasonable, unsupportive, and needlesdly cruel to you so many times over in my fear to love you, even when you did really try to reach out to me for understanding with unconditional love, honesty, gentleness, patience, and support from the moment I started abusing that dagger, and even when you didn't do anything that bad! Stop praising me! I don't deserve it from you anymore because you deserved so much better from me. I failed myself by turning my back on my own personal values to pit myself against you by framing you as the villain with Emma, Hook, Regina, and Zelena, even though I wasn't any better. I constantly preached to you about self-respect, bravery, heroism, and free will, and never practiced those things when they mattered most whenever I felt it suited me to vilify you, rather than facing our problems together as equals with you by my side. I failed you when you reached out whenever things got tough, and so I just can't bear to hear how I'm the light of your life, brave, or heroic when that hasn't been true of me for so long when it mattered the most."
"Belle, sweetheart, it's alright," Rumplestiltskin said tenderly, pulling Belle close to him in a tight embrace, and rubbing his hands against her back soothingly as she continued to weep into his chest. He pulled her back slightly to look at her in the eyes, so that he could try to wipe the tears from her face with the pads of his thumbs. "There's nothing to forgive. I love you, I always have, and I always will, no matter what you do or say."
"But it's not alright," Belle said, sobbing as she put a gentle hand against Rumplestiltskin's cheek. "I've-I've done and said awful things to you that most people would never think to forgive, and you've always forgiven me so easily. It's almost like it's second nature for you, really, and I've never understood it or appreciated it when I never even apologized to you or took full responsibility for my bad choices after banishing you! I'm sorry for ever using the dagger to control you! I'm sorry that I sent you to your knees before me, and used the dagger to banish you with nothing across the town line! That was wrong. I'm sorry that I refused to listen to you or hear you out like a petty child whenever I was angry with you or didn't like what you had to say. I'm sorry that I refused to let you get a word in edgewise whenever I didn't like what you had to say. I'm sorry that I refused to let you make a choice or have a say in so many things that I should have treated as rightfully yours, including your own freedom, and the chance to name our son, even when you did try to reach out to me with love and honesty so many times, anyway. I'm sorry that I tried to kidnap our unborn child with Zelena's help when I should have just been considerate of the fact that she hurt you, hurt Bae, and ruined our lives so many times. She's a remorseless and wicked witch."
"I'm sorry that I ever went to Zelena for that stupid sleeping curse to try and stop the clock to give you enough time to stop Hades, then put myself under it without asking for your say on the matter first, and got us into this whole mess with Morpheus, the Black Fairy manipulating Gideon by working to turn us against each other, and our son getting kidnapped by your mother because I was too afraid and too angry to trust you," Belle continued on with tears choking her voice. "I'm sorry that I lashed out at you in the Underworld, and controlled you with the dagger. I'm sorry I gave you false hope at the well and in the Underworld, and rejected you both times. I'm sorry I blamed you for the fact that I had darkened my heart to save you from Gaston. I don't regret it, I never have, but I was being proud, childish, and insecure. It was my fault that everything had gone south with Hades in the Underworld because I wouldn't listen to you, and let you push Gaston into the River of Souls to save our family. I'm sorry that I was so cruel to you in the Underworld because I was afraid to let myself love you again, and then risk losing you to the darkness again, even though I saw that you were trying so hard to be more honest and open with me, giving me more love and patience than I ever deserved in return there. I'm sorry, it's no excuse, but I was just scared, Rumple. The last time I had seen you with the curse, you had passed out in front of me, and the darkness had almost consumed your heart. I didn't want you to use dark magic for dark deeds, no matter how necessary they might have been, and no matter howwell-intended I know they always have been in regards to Baelfire, Gideon, and me. I didn't want to risk losing you to the darkness again. I'm so sorry Rumple. I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't want to hurt you, I never have, but in the heat of the moment, in my blind and impulsive anger, fear, and desire to do what was right and whatever this awful town deems to be truly heroic, so long as you're their enemy, I abandoned my own bravery and ignored your pain and suffering because I was so scared that I wasn't good enough for you, for my mother, for our son, and for myself. I was blindly insecure, proud, and selfish in my pain, and I unfairly took it out on you, my true love, and the only one, who's ever truly loved and respected me for being me, or ever truly considered me a hero since my mother died. That's still no excuse for how I treated you, though, especially because I know what Zelena did to hurt you by controlling you with that dagger, and I, your true love, and last true friend and ally in this godforsaken town, hurt you by treating you as someone so beneath me, too. I should have known better than to ever control you with the the dagger! I should have known better than to refuse to hear you out, or allow you to get a say in anything, like a petty child, even when you did try to reach out to me with honesty and love so many times! I'm not saying that you went about things between us the right way, either, but the way I behaved was just as bad, if not worse. I triggered your breaking point by refusing to hear you out, by leading you on with false hope every time you did try, using the dagger to control you, and by going to Zelena to try and kidnap our child from you. It wasn't my intention to hurt you by going to her, or even because I wanted to take Gideon away from you, but I was scared. I was angry with you, and she was the only other person in Storybrooke, who could open a portal, besides you."
"I lashed out at you without ever asking what was wrong or trying to be patient and understanding, even when you did try to reach out to me," Belle said remorsefully, stroking Rumplestiltskin's cheek. "I'm sorry. I was wrong, Rumple, but it took everything in me not to rush to your side and hold you to make sure you were alright when I saw Zelena hurt you. I was so shocked. Then, when the anger wore down, I started to understand why you would want her dead. She hurt you, she hurt me, and she killed Bae. Yet, no one ever seems to remember how awful she was to you, they sided with her, and they all condemned you, including me, your true love. I'm so sorry, Rumple. I know that she's ruined your life, ruined our lives, but I was scared. I'm sorry that I just stood there, and watched as she hurt you. I'm sorry that I ever said that I was anything like her. I didn't mean any of that. I've never wanted to hurt you, but I was angry, scared, and selfish. I was scared that you had completely abandoned the light. I was scared that you believed that I wasn't dark enough for you, and I was scared that you would hurt me and our son-"
"Belle, sweetheart, I'm sorry, too. My Gods, I'm more sorry than I can ever tell you for ever giving you reason to fear me again," Rumplestiltskin interrupted brokenly, cutting her off, his voice cracking as his own eyes started filling up with agonized tears, and he gently cupped her cheeks between his palms, so that he could pull her close to softly rest his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry that I trapped you on the pirate's ship. I'm sorry that I put that cuff on your wrist to stop you from running away. Most of all, I'm so sorry that I panicked, terrorized you, and threatened to speed up your pregnancy. I know I have no excuse for the bad choices I made, but you must know that I never intended to harm you or our child. I never meant to make you feel frightened, worthless or trapped. I just wanted to protect you both from my enemies, and myself. But, instead, I got lost in the darkness, and became the threat myself in the process, anyway. I went about it in awful ways, I was a fool, I know that now, and I'm sorry. I was scared and selfish. I didn't know how else to get through to you, but I never would have sped up your pregnancy. I never actually intended to. I just didn't want to lose you or another child, sweetheart, and I-I needed to talk to you. I wanted for you to hear me out, and I didn't know how else to get you to listen to me. I know my behavior and my plans were inexcusable, selfish, and wrong. I know that I have no excuse. I know that I drove you away, but you must know that I never meant to frighten you, or hurt you, or our child. But I-I was such a monster to you, Belle! I've I'm so sorry! I've-I've never felt more disgusted with myself and my behavior than I have these past few days...My Gods, after what I've put you through, you should despise me for the rest of your days! I swore to protect you when I first found you in Storybrooke, I swore to never hurt you, and yet I did...I may not have meant it intentionally, but it's still no excuse. If it had been anyone else in my shoes doing and saying those horrid things to you that I did and said to you a few days ago, I would have wanted them killed by my own hand for ever daring to harm you or scare you in less than a second! A few days ago, though, I was hardly any better than anyone else who's ever hurt you, though. If anything, I was far worse because I was supposed to be your protector, your savior, your best friend, your equal, and your husband...I was supposed to always take care of you. Instead, I became your enemy, your jailer, and your terrorizer! I-I don't know how you will ever be able to get past that... I-I don't know how I'll ever be able to get past what I did to you myself. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Belle. I love you, I always have, and I always will. There's nothing you could ever do or say that could ever change how I feel about you, and I want to be able to promise that I will never ever give you reason to fear me ever again. But maybe-maybe, it's for the best if you do just leave me forever, Belle. Sooner or later, I always destroy everything I love. First Bae, then you, and potentially our son. What if these past few months were a sign that I'm just not meant to be loved?"
Rumplestiltskin started crying then. His shoulders shook with the force of the sobs that wracked his frame. He kept swearing to never hurt Belle or any of his loved ones, yet even though he never meant to do it, somehow it kept happening, anyway. He pulled away from Belle, trying to keep his face averted downwards from her gaze, and covered his face with his hands. He was feeling ashamed of himself, but she wouldn't have it.
"Shh, it's okay," Belle said, feeling her own eyes well up with tears all over again as she pulled him close, so that she could shush him, while he rest his face against her hair and wept again. Then, she pulled his face up to her level, and cupped his cheeks between her warm hands, so that she could look at him. "You listen to me Rumple. You were a good father to Neal. He loved you. You froze up, and you made a mistake by letting him go because you were afraid. But he knew how sorry you were. He knew how desperate you were to find him for centuries to apologize and make things right. His death was not your fault. It was Zelena's. You didn't fail Neal. You were a great father who made mistakes. You still are. Besides Rumple, look at me, darling, do I look like I've been destroyed by your love for me? Does Gideon?"
"No," Rumplestiltskin whimpered helplessly. "Belle, I've hurt you emotionally, though. I could have hurt Gideon. You should just leave me. Both of you should. You're bound to be scarred by what I did and said to you in your heart, Belle. What if it happens again? Oh, sweetheart, I-I just can't bear either of you getting endangered or hurt by me on my conscience again...I just can't."
"And your heart's not been scarred by all of the horrible things I did and said?" Belle asked knowingly, taking Rumplestiltskin's hands in hers, and squeezing them gently. "You're not the only one to blame for our problems. I know I hurt you very badly, too, Rumple. Don't try to pretend otherwise."
"Of course, you have," Rumplestiltskin murmured against the top of Belle's head reluctantly. "I hurt you first, though, so I deserved it."
"No, you didn't deserve any of it, Rumple," Belle whispered brokenly, stroking his hair, and feeling her own voice break with tears again. "If I had truly been as brave as either of us claimed I was these past months, then I never would have been cruel to you, or pushed you away, even when you did try to reach out for my understanding, Rumple. If I were truly as brave as either of us claimed I was these past months, then I never would have abused the dagger, or banished you with nothing. If I were truly as brave as either of us claimed I was these past months, then I never would have stayed on Hook's ship when I knew he was only being nice to me and 'apologizing' to piss you off because I was too angry and afraid to go and talk to you to subtlet that apartment for me above the library. If I were truly as brave as either of us claimed I was these past few months, then I never would have tried to run away with our unborn child with Zelena's help across another realm when I knew she only agreed to it because it would hurt you, simply because you locked the shop door, even though I could have easily taken the ten seconds to call you on your cellphone or knocked on the damned door of your shop to demand you let me in, so that we could have talked. If I had truly been as brave as either of us claimed I was these past few months, then I never would have hurt you by giving you false hope for our relationship, or treated your love for me as a convenience to hold over your head to get what I wanted, only to drop you right afterwards again because I was too afraid to love you, even when you did try, and do as I asked of you after losing the curse, and doing whatever it took to wake me up from the sleeping curse. If I were truly as brave as either of us claimed that I was these past few months, then I would have asked you whether you actually did speed up my pregnancy before giving our child to your mother in disguise after you backed off in the library, rather than just assuming the worst of you, and Gideon never would have been kidnapped or corrupted. If I were truly as brave as either of us claimed to be, then I never would have treated you as so beneath me, I never would have tried to run away from our problems with our child without talking to you first."
"Belle, sweetheart, I drove you to those lengths by shutting you out first," Rumplestiltskin said remorsefully, squeezing her hands gently between his.
"Partly," Belle amended regretfully, looking up at Rumplestiltskin with beautiful cerulean blue eyes, which still never failed to take his breath away, even if it hurt to see them glittering with anguished tears now as she stroked his cheek with her hand, "but it was also because I let myself be blinded by my self-righteous anger and pride by trying to 'fit in' with Emma, the Charmings, Regina, Hook, and everyone else by being a 'hero' through treating you as filth beneath my feet, Rumple! So no, I'm not excused for all of the awful, cruel, cowardly, and inconsiderate things I did and said to you either, even when you didn't do anything wrong, even when you did try to be better, and even when you did try to reach out to me honestly for emotional support and understanding these past few months. I'm not going to lie, and say that you haven't done and said some awful things that haven't frightened me, hurt me, or angered me, which I can't excuse, but I have too. It doesn't matter who messed up first anymore. It doesn't matter who was worse. We've both scarred each other's hearts, but scars fade with time. Can't you see that Rumple? We both were being idiots, Rumple. We've both been inexcusably horrible to each other by overreacting, shutting each other out, and running away. I've done and said atrocious things to hurt you, too, and I've made you feel trapped too. I've hurt you and frightened you, too. We both deserved better from each other, but it doesn't mean that either of us are unworthy of love. I've acted like a monster who I didn't recongnize in the mirror towards you, too these past few months. I've felt disgusted with myself these past few months for treating you so poorly, too. I'm sorry, too. I should have just talked to you when you tried to reach out to me. I'm not excusing your bad choices, either, but mine were very bad, too. I'm sorry that I ever lost sight of the good in you, and I'm sorry that I ever called you 'too weak to be good.' I was wrong, Rumple. You're the strongest person I've ever met, and there's so much good in you. Your heart is just overflowing with so much true love, it always has been, and I'm sorry that I ever lost sight of that. I know that you would never intentionally harm me or our child, though, Rumple, and I know that you'll make a perfect father to our son, and husband to me now."
"Belle, you don't have to apologize-" Rumplestiltsikin started to say again, taking his hands between hers.
"Yes, I do, Rumple," Belle interrupted, squeezing Rumplestiltskin's hands gently between hers, and then reaching up one to put her hand gently against his cheek. "Why don't we both call it even on having been the worst to each other at this point these past few months? If we can forgive each other, shouldn't we also learn to forgive ourselves? You aren't the horrid or unlovable villain you pretended to be, or that the rest of the town unfairly framed you as, including me, your true love, and I'm sorry, I know I was supposed to be different. Likewise, I'm not the purehearted hero I pretended to be either, or that you often keep trying to pretend that I am. Maybe, we should stop using this awful town's definition of what 'good' and 'evil' is when we've all committed our share of awful deeds whenever it has suited us, even though you're the only one who's ever punished, shunned, or condemned for them. Why don't we start doing what feels right for ourselves and each other as Rumple and Belle, not the arbitrary 'heroes' or 'villains' the rest of this godawful town boxes us all into?"
"We used to know how to be heroic by resisting the temptation to take the easy way out in the heat of the moment," Belle continued gently as she stroked Rumplestiltskin's cheek softly with her hand. "It seems we've all lost ourselves since Neal died by pretending to be okay since Neal's loss, even though we were all drowning inside our fears, desperation, and insecurities deep inside. You, me, Emma, Snow, David, and even Henry. We've all forgotten who we were, taken the easy way out, and pretended to be something we're not to try and ease the pain and loneliness in the quickest way possible. But we can come back, Rumple, and we did. We both failed each other countless times these past few months, but we caught each other again before it was too late, and saved our son. No more heroes and villains, at least not in the way that this town defines them these days. We are just Rumple and Belle, and we love each other. We love our son. We were just two broken people, who kept trying to pretend we were okay to protect what we loved and what we believed in all the wrong ways, but we both meant well. We didn't do it to be cruel on purpose. That's why we can move forward, Rumple. Don't you see that? We both did and said horrible things to each other, and while we will never forget, time heals and fades all the wounds and scars. We can start fresh now, Rumple. We can learn to forgive not just each other, but ourselves. We will go and get counseling for help, and we can rebuild trust. This time, I will also be the best mother to our son and the best wife to you that I possibly can be. I promise that I won't just walk away again when things get rough. I promise you that I will be here by your side to listen to you and support you every step of the way, so long as you promise to be totally honest with me, and try your best. But from now on, no more talks of being a hero or a villain in the way that this goddamned town of hypocrites arbitrarily defines those terms. We are just going to be Rumple and Belle, two people who love each other dearly, two people who did and said horrible things to each other in their blind desperation to do what they felt was best in all the wrong ways by pretending that they were okay through shutting each other out, even when they needed each other more than anything, and two people who are willing to now pick up the pieces and make things right this time by letting each other in."
"From where did you learn such wise sentiments, my brilliant wife?" Rumplestiltskin asked tenderly with a smile on his face, twirling his fingers through Belle's hair.
"Well, see, I married a very complex, mysterious, layered, loving, and morally gray man who often says to me that the world isn't black and white, even though he still often refers to himself as an 'unlovable' man and often treats me as a 'blameless' hero because he's far too kind to me and far too hard on himself," Belle said, giggling lightly as she leaned in to kiss Rumplestiltskin, and he kissed her back.
"Oh, Belle, sweetheart, I love you, I love you so much, and you've given me far more love and patience than I could ever deserve," Rumplestiltskin told Belle between their kisses, holding her to him closely like she was his lifeline as he tried to stop the silent tears from flowing down his cheeks, and he buried his face against her neck. "I promise to be honest with you, and I want to be able to promise you that I'll always try my best. But I can't bear the prospect of ever failing you and our son again. I can't bear the idea of ever losing you again, but you know that old habits die hard for me, Belle. I'm afraid that I might mess up again. Do you still have any desire to travel the world?"
"Rumple, all I want is a life with you and our son," Belle said, as she leaned up to kiss the tears away from those beautiful warm brown eyes of his. " I'd love to travel the world with my wonderful husband and our son. Besides, don't you see? The fact that you realize your mistakes, and feel guilty about them means that you've learned from them."
"I want to believe that," Rumplestiltskin said, pulling away a bit to catch a chestnut strand of her soft hair that fell across her eyes to twirl it between his fingers. "But, Belle, sweetheart, I've been thinking for some time, and Storybrooke's not a good place for us to stay. We only ever seem to get into trouble here, and we keep making the same mistakes over and over again because this town is toxic."
"Rumplestiltskin, I couldn't agree with you more," Belle said with a smile, leaning in to kiss him again, and cupping his cheeks. "I've spent too much time in this town pretending that all of these people are my friends, and avoiding you. But I know that you're the only one in this town, who has ever truly loved and respected me for being me, rather than for what I can give you. The others only ever want me when they can use me for their own personal gain, and they often do it to hurt you. I've realized that over the past few weeks, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize that. I love you, I love you so much, and I'm with you forever. I promise. No more running back-and-forth to you this time. I promise to stay by your side, even when things get tough between us. But where would we go? Without your magic, won't your curse consume you outside of a realm with magic? I'm never going to force you to choose power over me, Rumple, but I can't lose you to the darkness again. I won't lose you to the darkness again."
"That's just the thing, Belle, I've been thinking that I've held the burden of this curse for too long," Rumplestiltskin said with a slow smile, as he squeezed her hands gently between his. "I don't ever want to hurt you again, or our son, and I feel like the temptation of magic living in Storybrooke will always be too difficult for me to escape because there will always be enemies and threats that I'll feel that I need to protect you from, but if you break my curse with true love's kiss, then we could leave Storybrooke together with Gideon in the land without magic."
"Rumple, sweetheart, are you certain about this?" Belle asked him, softly, as she cupped his cheeks in her hands, and brought his face closer to hers, so that her lips were lightly brushing against his. "You don't have to do this, if you aren't ready. I promise that this time, if you ever struggle with the curse, I'll be there to listen and help you every step of the way, so long as you keep working on being honest with me, and promise to try. I was wrong to always walk away before, and never listen, even when you did try to reach out to me. I always say to do the brave thing, and bravery will follow. But I haven't been very brave, lately."
"Oh, Belle," Rumplestiltskin said softly against her lips, as he nodded his head gently. "Yes, I'm certain, love. I want this. And even if you haven't always been perfect because you're human, you are still very brave. The bravest thing you've ever done was agree to live with an ugly man to save your people, and show him that true love and hope were still possible when he thought those things were no longer possible."
"Hey, now," Belle said disapprovingly, pulling away from him, so that she could gently stroke his cheek. "Rumple, don't put yourself down like that. You're brave, intelligent, caring, funny, protective, passionate, romantic, and you love more deeply and purely than anyone I've ever met." Then, she tugged him towards her gently by his tie, so that she could flirtatiously whisper against his lips, "If you must know, I have always found my husband to be quite handsome, too. But before we do this, could I ask you to use magic for me one last time to show me something?"
"Belle, thank you. I don't deserve any of those compliments from you, but thank you so much," Rumplestiltskin said gratefully, as a faint blush colored his cheeks at Belle's flirtatiousness when she pulled him closer to her by his tie. Then, he reluctantly pulled away when Belle asked him to use magic for her one last time. "Of course, sweetheart. Anything that you wish for me to give you is my command. What is it that you want?"
"Could I see your heart?" Belle asked him hesitantly, as she brushed her hand against his cheek softly. "Don't worry, I promise I won't crush it."
"Belle," Rumplestiltskin said gently, as he cupped her face in his hands. "If there's anyone in the world, who I could ever trust to hold my heart in their hands it's you. But why?"
"Just trust me," Belle said softly, as she stroked his cheek with light fingers. "I want to tell you something important, and I want to be able to explain something to you that will be much easier for me to tell you with the physical weight of it in my hands."
"O-okay," Rumplestiltskin said nervously, as he thrust his hand into his chest to pull out his heart from his chest, and placed it into Belle's cupped hands.
"This is mine," Belle said, as she laid gentle kisses to Rumplestiltskin's heart that he could feel in his very soul." Just look at how beautiful it is. It's not perfect, but it's pure nonetheless."
"If I had actually gotten what I deserved, then there would be nothing left of my heart, but darkness, and I would be dead," Rumplestiltskin said self-deprecatingly.
"Hey, don't ever say that again," Belle scolded lightly, as she gently stroked Rumplestiltskin's cheek. "You're a good man with a pure heart, Rumple, and I'd never wish you dead. You deserved this second chance. You fought for our love, and for our son's."
"But I'm not a good man, Belle, and I still should have fought harder," Rumplestiltskin said with a sad sigh, as he covered his face with both of his hands. "Besides, I've done so many awful things, and I didn't lose the curse because I chose to give it up at the time. It was removed from me by force, then I took it back because I was weak, and I thought I had nothing left. Not every dark deed I've ever committed was pure and well-intended to protect the ones I love, as you think. I killed my first wife by crushing her heart because I was angry that she had abandoned Bae, and I wanted her to suffer for it at the time. I-I attempted to kill Henry, Bae's son, my grandson, just because I wanted to save my own skin. I killed Gaston by turning him into a rose, simply because I was jealous and petty of your former attachment to him, and I didn't even think much of it."
"Rumple, you-" Belle tried to reach out to comfort him, but Rumplestiltskin raised his hand to silence her.
"Please, sweetheart, let me finish," Rumplestiltskin said to her, his voice cracking with more tears, as he continued on. "Even the well-intended bad choices I've made still don't justify the means I've used. I was inconsiderate, scared, and selfish. My god, Belle, I was such a blind and heedless fool in my desire to keep you and our child safe from myself when nothing bad had even happened yet that I actually threatened to do something to you that I swore that I would never do! I was never going to actually speed up your pregnancy, I just wanted to talk to you, I was selfish, I was scared, and I didn't know how else to get through to you anymore. But I still cornered you in an elevator with the threat of it before your eyes, and terrified you! I promised myself that I would never give you reason to fear me ever again when I threw you out of my castle over thirty years ago back in the Enchanted Forest, if you ever came back to me, and I did, anyway, because I was afraid and selfish. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."
"Hey, it's alright. I forgive you. I never wanted you to be perfect, Rumple," Belle said softly, as she leaned in to kiss away the tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry that I ever made you feel like you had to be. You've made bad choices and mistakes, but so have I. So has everyone. Besides, I know you truly regret doing most of those things. I know there's darkness in you, but there's so much true love and genuine remorse in you, too. That's what I mean when I say your heart is true, Rumple. Regina, Zelena, and Hook have never felt so much genuine guilt over their crimes, but you, Rumple, you do because you have a conscience. You would never intentionally harm the ones you truly love for your own personal gain, like Baelfire, Gideon, or me, and you feel genuine remorse for most of your crimes, whether they were well-intended or not. You'll sacrifice your own happiness and made dark decisions by taking the weight of the world on your shoulders, so that your loved ones don't have to. You've made selfish choices, but even then, there's generally also been some sense of nobility, purity, love, and selflessness mixed within most of those, too. That's what I mean when I say that your heart is true, Rumple. Besides, look at how much goodness has been sprouting in your heart since the curse was removed, and you took it back."
Rumplestiltskin examined his heart. Since the apprentice had removed the curse from Rumplestiltskin's heart and cleansed it of the darkness, and then he'd taken it back again, it had changed. It was still mostly a blinding white, he still sometimes felt empty and blank, but amidst several slivers of reemerging darkness, there were also several bright pink spots that were forming too.
"I love all of you, Rumplestiltskin, the light, the dark, and the in-between. I always have and I always will. I'm sorry that I ever lost sight of that," Belle said, as she placed several light kisses to his heart in both the light places and the dark places, and then gently held it out for him cupped in between her hands in an offer to take it back. "Now, here, take this this back, remember why your heart is worthy of love, and remember that it is mine. Before we break your curse, though, I do have to ask if Zelena will still be able to hurt your heart?"
"No, she won't have any power over me anymore, sweetheart. That deal we made for that potion which my heart from blackening further only applies, if I try to hurt her as the Dark One, but Belle, thank you. I…" Rumplestiltskin trailed off, as he squeezed her hands gently between his own. He really wanted to tell his darling Belle how much he appreciated her faith in him, how much he appreciated being given a second chance that he never felt deserving of, but the tears forming in his eyes and the lump forming in his throat at the beauty of her words were making it feel difficult to speak. He took his proffered heart from her hands, and gasped slightly, as he placed his heart back into his own chest. Then, he tried to tell her just how much her acceptance meant to him again, as he took her hands in his. "Belle, I-I…" Rumplestiltskin trailed off, as the tears started streaming down his face, and he felt his shoulders shaking with sobs, even though there was a ridiculously wide grin spreading on his face that made his cheeks start to feel sore through it all. He was so damn happy and emotional today that he just couldn't seem to get through most of it without crying.
"Shh, I know you're grateful, but it's true. Besides, you don't need to be talking for what I'm about to do next," Belle said teasingly pulling Rumplestiltskin close to her by his tie again, wiping away his tears, and melding her lips against his, softly.
As soon as Rumplestiltskin felt Belle's lips meet his own, he was fervently kissing her back, licking the seam between her lips with his tongue, seeking entrance into her mouth, and she was opening her mouth to welcome him. Suddenly, he felt the warmth of magic flowing through him, and the darkness of the curse in his heart felt a bit lighter. True love's kiss was working. Belle pulled back to look at him for a bit, but then he brought his lips back to her mouth, and whispered the words "Kiss me again, it's working."
"Really? Oh, Rumple, I love you. I love you so much!" Belle said excitedly, as she leaned back in to kiss him again with happy tears filling her cerulean eyes.
Rumplestiltskin continued to kiss Belle back passionately, as he felt the rest of the curse being lifted away from his heart. Then, he stumbled a bit, as he felt his limp returning, but he didn't care. He had his true love and their child by his side. He felt happier than he had in a long time, and he actually felt hopeful.
"Are you alright, Rumple?" Belle asked, as she grabbed his arm to keep him steady, so that he wouldn't fall over, and pulled him close to hug him. "It worked! How do you feel?"
"I'm more than alright, sweetheart," Rumplestiltskin said softly, resting his head against Belle's forehead, as a wide smile spread across his face. "I feel happy. Happier than I have felt in a long time."
"Here," Belle said, leading Rumplestiltskin by the hand to sit in a chair at the kitchen table. "Sit here for a moment, while I go and fetch your cane for you from the living room. Then, we can go upstairs to put Gideon in his nursery, and go to our room to sleep together."
"Our room? Sleep together?" Rumplestiltskin asked softly. "Oh, Belle, are you sure you want me back?"
"Rumplestiltskin," Belle said, sitting down in his lap, being careful to avoid his bad leg, cupping his cheeks gently between her hands, and wrapping her hands around the back of his head to bring him close to her, so that she kiss him deeply. "We just shared true love's kiss. We've been together countless times before, and I've never regretted being with you. We have a child. Besides, I've missed my husband. I want to feel what it's like to be yours again, I I want to feel what it's like to have you inside me…Unless, that is, you don't want me…"
"Don't want you? Belle, sweetheart, I'll always want you, and I've missed being with my little wife in bed" Rumplestiltskin said, pulling her close, smiling, as he leaned in to kiss her, seeking entrance to her mouth with his tongue against her lips again.
Belle melted into Rumplestiltskin's kiss, opening her mouth to give his tongue entrance to her mouth, exploring the caverns of his mouth with her own, and getting lost in the combined sounds of their low moans of pleasure. Then, Rumplestiltskin pulled back from the kiss, as Belle tilted her head to the side to expose the creamy expanse of her neck for him to kiss, and pulled his head down to her neck, so that he could kiss her there. Rumplestiltskin wasted no time in hesitating from what his sweet wife was silently requesting of him, nipping tender kisses up the side of her neck with his teeth and tongue, and then sucking on that spot just below her earlobe that he knew drove Belle wild, long enough to leave a mark.
"Oh, Rumple! Oh, Rumple!" Belle said breathlessly, holding him close, but then she remembered that they had a newborn baby, who they still had to put in his nursery, and she pulled him back to look up at her. "That feels so wonderful, darling! I've missed my husband, and we shall continue this in our bedroom upstairs, I promise. But we should put Gideon to bed first."
As Belle went to grab his cane, Rumplestiltskin peered down at Gideon in his basket. He was breathing deeply, fast asleep, and Rumplestiltskin leaned down to kiss him softly on the forehead. He was so lucky to have his true love and his son back, and he never thought that he would get the chance.
"Here you go," Belle said, as she handed him his cane. "Now, let's go upstairs, put Gideon to bed, and then go and have some fun together."
"Sweetheart, I'd love nothing more," Rumplestiltskin said with a smile, as he grabbed the basket with Gideon in it with his free hand, and he and Belle walked upstairs together.
~Finis~