The first time she held Shinji Ikari's hand she felt nothing.
She wasn't supposed too. Even if they both had similar genetic makeups, even if they both resembled a certain women. They were nothing alike.
The second time was a little sickening.
She felt a strange sensation fill her being. Like nothing she ever felt before. That was what disturbed her. She was not supposed to "feel".
The third time felt warm.
Something in her heart quivered. She thought perhaps this is what a child feels like when they are hugged by their mother? She had hoped she would feel that feeling again. And she was glad she met Ikari.
The forth time made her happy.
She liked the feeling she felt when Ikari held her hand. It was, to her, the best feeling in the world. She and Ikari were very much alike. Even though the boy, Kaworu Nagisa who shared her physique, said that thought they looked alike, they were nothing alike. She believed in that with all her soul, and so she asked Shinji Ikari--
"Could I hold your hand one more time?"
Later after she had sacrificed herself for him, he asked no one "What did you feel the fifth time, Ayanami?"