Fly Away with Me
In the middle of the latest planning session of Dumbledore's Army, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger let loose on each other yet again. Harry Potter's chief lieutenant snorted, "Pay attention to my ideas, and not how I hold my wand!" "I utterly despise the obvious implication in that statement," shrieked his female counterpart. "How can you hear what I said like that, when I am always literal with you. The last thing I want to do is use double meanings when I'm trying to ward off your inanity," replied Ron with utmost ferocity. With exasperation, Hermione sighed, "Well! Until you stop blaming my ears for your mouth, there's nothing more for us to discuss." She then looked at her pet cat and said primly, "Come along, Crookshanks."
It took about twenty minutes for Harry to finally squelch all the laughter, shouting and vulgar comments reverberating through the Room of Requirement. Once order was restored, Harry looked at Ron and said snidely, "Well, old boy, you're now in charge of this lot," then walked out to pursue Hermione, followed by his pet owl Hedwig. He hopped on his broom, pointed out to his right and said to the snow-white creature, "You look for her out in that direction, and I'll look over this way," jerking his head toward the left. The owl began her aerial flamboyance as her owner took off as well.
When he spotted his friend, he gave a loud whistle to recall Hedwig, then landed. Not wanting to speak to him in that moment, Hermione stared into a pond pretending not to notice Harry. Standing behind her right shoulder with his arms crossed, he matter-of-factly said, "You know these meetings are vital, and we can't waste time with such petulant episodes. And I mean that for both of you." "What am I supposed to do?" she asked turning and showing her frustration. Slightly annoyed, Harry answered, "I don't know what you're supposed to do, but I think the two of you should remember you're on the same side, although I don't know how to make that happen."
As the conversation continued, Hedwig simply sat on a branch of a nearby tree, and Crookshanks divided his time between scratching at the ground and rolling around on it. The owl flew over to the cat and whispered, "You look as bored as I am." "I certainly am. Maybe if I understood the noises those humans make, I might find it interesting, but I can't, so I may as well look for a snack." "Have you ever tried a pygmy puff?" The feline's head darted up, and with a disgusted look on his face, he exclaimed, "Yuck!" With surprise, Hedwig asked, "What's wrong with them?" "They smell like my human. She has one and gives it much more attention than she does me. That's obviously because it smells like her." The owl chuckled and said, "I think you might have that backwards. There are plenty of them who live out here, so let's go hunt for one and I'll show you."
With this suggestion, the bird once again took off. Crookshanks tried to run after her but quickly saw it would be hopeless. In desperation, he hissed, "Where are you going? I can't fly like you can!" Realizing her error, she flew back and said, "Sorry. I forgot, cats are stuck on the ground." "So how do I go with you?" Looking around as she thought, she headed over near Harry and stealthily grabbed his broom. Dropping it next to Crookshanks, she said, "Here, jump on this." "What does this thing do?" "It will take you in the air. I've seen my human use it dozens of times."
He climbed on the bristles and just sat there. He scowled at Hedwig and smirked, "Well?" "Well, first of all, you need to straddle the skinny part. Once you do that, talk to it or something until it works." Sarcastically, the cat retorted, "Yeah, that makes sense." "It's either that or wait here." The cat sighed heavily and began meowing at the broom. Suddenly, he found himself in the air doing his damnedest to keep his balance. After several seconds of desperately wrapping his paws and tail around the stick, he levelled off and was able to control his flight. He relaxed, resting his hind quarters on the bristles while keeping his front paws up toward the top. He glanced to his left and saw Hedwig right alongside.
They covered quite a few miles before Hedwig said, "I've spotted a target. Just hover here while I get it." With that, she dove almost straight down. Crookshanks watched as she spread her talons and grabbed a pygmy puff without losing speed. The two companions then found an open area where they could land. The cat hesitated a moment, then noticed that the tiny ball of fur had its own unique aroma, which he found enticing. He and Hedwig took turns nibbling on their prey with utmost delight.
Sated and purring, Crookshanks looked at the edge of the field and said to Hedwig, "Now there's a tree I would love to climb. Why don't you climb up with me and we'll each find a branch and hang out?" The owl, doing her utmost to stifle her desire to be a know-it-all and correct him, said, "That sounds great." Crookshanks wound up on a branch on the left side of the tree about eight feet off the ground, and Hedwig flew onto a slightly higher branch on the right side. The cat, showing annoyance, began, "You know, I don't know why I stay with my human. She's always snapping at me like I'm doing something wrong, which is never the case, and I either run off or just hiss at her, and I'm always cooped up in some room or other. The only time I'm outside is when she yells at that other human and storms out, like she did tonight." Hedwig dreamily chimed in, "I wish I could be out here all the time, too. My human usually lets me stay in the owlery, and it's nice to gossip with the others over birdseed, but out here is so spectacular." Crookshanks sat up resolutely and said, "Why do we have to stay with our humans? They're nowhere to be found and they're too busy talking to each other to look for us. They obviously won't miss us and we can go wherever we want to. We can fly around, climb as we wish and find food when we're hungry." The owl smiled and replied, "I agree wholeheartedly! Let's do just that!" The cat worked his way back down the tree and retrieved the broom as Hedwig waited on her branch. Once Crookshanks flew beside her, they both headed off.
They stopped in one of the deepest and darkest parts of the Forbidden Forest, at which point Crookshanks yowled, "Ah, freedom!" Hedwig concurred, then congratulated the feline, "I am most impressed that you can see in this darkness." "Obviously, you don't realize that cats have very strong eyesight and we only need a little bit of light to see. This is such a great spot. It's so quiet, and I've heard humans aren't allowed to come in here."
As Crookshanks started to purr, they began hearing shrieking and howling. He sat up quickly and his ears moved around wildly. "Are those dogs? They sound ferocious!" "The howling is wolfhounds, but I don't know what's making that other horrible noise. Either way, it doesn't matter. They're nowhere near us." Astonished, the cat glared at Hedwig and said, "How can you be so calm? Whatever's out there sounds terrifying!" "Don't be such a scaredy cat. They are truly far away, and even if they weren't, they can't see us. Remember?" With reluctance, Crookshanks said, "Alright, fine," then laid back down but did not continue making his joyful noise. After a while, the echoing cacophony subsided and both pets relaxed.
A couple of hours later, Crookshanks raised his head and said to the owl, "I'm getting a bit hungry, what about you?" "Yes, I could eat something. Shall I get us some worms?" "What are worms?" Hedwig sighed in exasperation and replied, "Do you know nothing? I've been eating them since I was a baby." "Well, you talked me into trying pygmy puffs, so I'll try these worm things." The owl spotted some just a few feet away. She grabbed one with her beak and ate it. She then pulled up another and threw it at the cat. He took one sniff and said harshly, "Is this some kind of joke? You know, when I was a kitten, my mother taught me to catch and eat birds…and you're a bird. Perhaps you can be my meal instead of these slimy things."
Furiously Hedwig responded, "I'd love to see you try! I've eaten things bigger than you. And if you kill me, how are you getting out of here?" "I have this thing," Crookshanks retorted pawing at the broom. "Yes, but how would you know where you're going? You might fly straight into those wolfhounds." The cat dropped his head, yet growled, "Okay, you win…this time. Aren't there at least some mice around?" "Not here. We'll have to look elsewhere." "So then both of us can fly into the wolfhounds." The owl scoffed, "Excuse me, Sunshine, but I got us here safely and I know how to get us out safely."
With that, the pair took off, not looking at each other, but surveying the ground. Just beyond the edge of the forest, Crookshanks sent his broom into a nosedive, then landed on the ground. He jumped off and began crawling with his tail flittering in all directions. He then lunged at a brown mouse and pinned its tail with his right front paw. For what seemed like an eternity, Hedwig watched his furry companion play with his prey as it tried in futility to escape. Finally, the cat put it out of its misery, then proceeded to eat it.
The owl quickly landed and said indignantly, "You didn't save any for me? I got food for you twice, and this is the thanks I get?" "You only got me food once, and even then, I only got half of it." "Even still, I made the effort for both of us. I also didn't know you don't have the taste for worms." Crookshanks sighed and groused, "Very well," and added sarcastically, "By the way, I thought you knew everything." He then hunted down another mouse and left it for Hedwig, who nodded in mock gratitude, then devoured the small creature. The cat smirked and asked, "Satisfied?" "Hardly, but it will do for the time being." "Until we have to go through this hunting nonsense yet again." "You're the one who was ecstatic about FREEDOM! Why don't you go back to being coddled by your human if you're going to act this way?"
Crookshanks flew into a rage and screamed, "I'm coddled? You can eat all the birdseed you want back at the owlery without needing to ask anyone. I have to pester my human until she finally pours a tiny bit of stale kibble in my bowl!" Just as angrily, Hedwig shot back, "How dare you! Do you know how many times I butt heads with another owl to get food?" The cat stared coldly at the owl and hissed, "Maybe I should stop your suffering with all that," then tried to attack her. Naturally, she flew up and got herself in position to retaliate. Crookshanks rolled away from the talons, then made a dash for the broom. Having reached it, he went airborne himself, and the two of them engaged in a spectacular dogfight.
Walking about two hundred yards away, Harry and Hermione heard loud screeching, but didn't know what it was until they got closer. Hermione gasped and exclaimed, "What in the name of Merlin's Hat are they doing up there?" Just as stunned, Harry answered, "It looks like they're playing quidditch without a ball. And how did your cat get my broom?" "Perhaps we should try to stop them rather than cracking jokes or asking stupid questions." At that, they started calling Hedwig's and Crookshanks' names simultaneously. Hearing the shouts, the two pets broke off their battle and returned to their respective owners. When the cat landed, he jumped on Hermione's shoulder and Harry picked up his broom. Not wanting to think about what had happened, the four of them returned back to Hogwarts in silence.