Now I must warn you beforehand that this story is completely against Kagome. She is a total brat in this story so be prepared... Also, there are crude jokes, a hyper girl and the mentioning of three hobos: Bob, Joe and Frank...don't ask. This chapter is also pretty short, but don't hold that against me....
Chapter 1:
It was just another day in the life of Kagome, jump down a well and meet up with her crush, InuYasha. Now, InuYasha wasn't in the best of moods today so this would mean hell for Kagome. She acted real sweet, though after she jumped through a well leading to the feudal place that he lived in, and met up with him.
"Hi InuYasha!" she smiled sweetly.
InuYasha grunted. He didn't feel like talking.
"What's wrong?" Kagome asked comfortingly. InuYasha, being in this bad mood, gave Kagome a dark look, clearly suggesting her to back off. Kagome, being as clueless as they come, ignored the stare and asked again.
"C'mon InuYasha." Kagome coaxed. "What's wrong? You can tell me!" she smiled. InuYasha glanced at her again. "Go away. I don't want to talk about it." He muttered in his usual annoyed voice. Kagome, highly offended as usual, took this statement the wrong way. "What?! I just wanted to know what was wrong and you blow it in my face! You are so insensitive! I don't know why I bother!"
InuYasha sighed, this always happened. She always yelled at him if he said one thing wrong "I don't why you bother either!" InuYasha snapped back at her. Kagome had it. "You know, you are always so mean! ... SIT!" she yelled. Immediately, InuYasha found himself embedded five feet into the ground. Oh my God, why me? He thought as Kagome walked off. "Bitch" he muttered under his breath. "SIT!" she called again.
Meanwhile, back in Kagome's time, foreign exchange student, Kat was just on her way to school eating a huge chunk of pizza. Hmm, I wonder where that girl Kagome is? She's the only one I sort of know, besides her idiot friends so far and I haven't seen her in ages. She thought as she took another huge bite of her pizza. Aww, who cares she was mean anyway...she confirmed. "The only friend I have is this pizza, isn't that right Mr. Pepperoni?" she said to her pizza happily. Then she bit into her slice again, her mouth bulging from all the food packed in there. Just then, a girl named Yuka, one of Kagome's friends, turned the corner towards Kat. "Oh great..." Kat said under breath, her mouth still stuffed with food. Yuka had a grudge against Kat because she was foreign, God forbid. She approached Kat and as she walked pass her, she snatched up the slice of pepperoni from Kats hands. Kat whirled around. "HEY! THAT'S MINE!" she yelled, bits of food flying out of her mouth. Yuka smirked then started to run with Kat's pizza. Kat was overcome with anger. NOBODY steals her food and gets away with it! She sprinted after Yuka. It was hard to run with her heavy backpack, (she was getting back from school, of course.). Yuka ran, she kept running until she approached a certain well. (how ironic) She stood by the well and dangled the pizza over it. Kat stopped when she saw Yuka. She edged slowly towards her. "Now, let's talk about this Yuka..." She said calmly, worry dripping off her voice.
Yuka smirked. "Don't take another step, or the pizza gets the drop." Kat strained her eyes, concentrating on getting the pizza back. "You know what? I think I'll give it the drop anyway," Kat's eyes widened. Yuka's fingers loosened and the pizza slipped from her hands, falling into the well. Kat screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" she yelled, miraculously keeping all the food still crammed in her mouth, as she launched herself after the pizza, plummeting into the well herself.
InuYasha was still in his little pit of twelve feet; he stood up, the walls of the hole towering over him. He thought, how the hell am I getting out of here? He stood in silence for several minutes when he heard something of a plop. He jerked his head up and listened. Silence. Then a kind of muffled noise came from outside of his pit. He was determined to get out of that hole then. He dug his fingers into the dirt walls and heaved himself up until he reached the top. He jumped out, expecting Kagome to be there. Instead, was a girl with brown hair, sitting on the grass, tears spilling from her eyes, cheeks bulging, a dark backpack slung over her shoulder. Upon realizing that this average looking girl was crying, InuYasha turned into a complete wimp. The girl was completely oblivious he was there, so he dared himself to ask her what was going on.
"What's wrong?" he asked, realizing that Kagome had said the exact same thing ten minutes before. Kat looked up. Apparently not noticing the light hair, dog-ears, and unusual outfit, she held up her pizza, which was now covered in grass and dirt. "It's grassy!" she wailed bits of the pizza that was still in her mouth flying on InuYasha's face. InuYasha sighed and wiped his hand over his face to remove the food that the girl had spit on him. Why did he bother? That was the most pathetic thing he'd ever seen.
"Who are you?" he asked, gaining his pride again. Kat looked up a second time, finally noticing his ears. "FUZZY!" she yelled happily, forgetting her pizza and throwing it back in the well. She jumped on his back and pulled his ears. "FUZZY, FUZZY FUZZY...!" InuYasha flailed his arms in an attempt to get her off. She stopped a minute. "Wait a minute. You're a guy, but you have doggy ears." She jumped off, and pinched herself. "OW!" she finally realized what was happening was for real. She grabbed her hair and started pulling on it. "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" she ran around in circles.
InuYasha got some amusement out of all this. One question remained in his mind: Who was this psycho?
"Wait a minute!" Kat stopped. "Is this my HAPPY PLACE?! Have I finally completed my life's journey to find my place of happiness?" InuYasha was confused. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I AM KAT...THE ALMIGHTY! I AM THE LITTLE FOOD EATERS CONTEST WINNER FIVE YEARS IN A ROW! BOW BEFORE ME!!!!!" Kat said in a booming, powerful voice. "What's your name, my fine, fuzzy friend?" she asked lowering her voice to normal.
"InuYasha...and don't call me 'friend'? I don't know what you're doing here, but you can leave."
"Oh, nonsense! Why leave now, when I have discovered my Happy Place?" she walked over to InuYasha. "I forgot your name already, so I will call you Mr. Fuzzums (dun dun daaah) and you will be my...what are you exactly?" InuYasha grimaced. He didn't need to talk to this psycho, especially if she was going to call him Mr. Fuzzums. "I am a hanyou...I half dog demon, half-human, not that you need to know..." Kat grabbed InuYasha's head and put him in a headlock. "Of course I need to know...can't be friends if we don't know anything about each other!!! I'm a human. I know it's boring but oh well, tough luck. Now C'mon, let's go explore!" Kat dragged him to the edge of a forest; InuYasha was struggling to get his head free. "You know what? I love dogs, especially hot dogs, hmmm, I could go for one of those right about now...no offense, I don't mean hot actual dogs, I mean the meat ones, topped with mustard and stuff, mmmm, my friend Julie, from where I come from, once told me peanuts goes well with hot dogs, she was right, but that makes you thirsty, I could also use a soda too...what do you think?" InuYasha struggled even more. Geez, she's strong for a human...Kat stopped suddenly, still gripping InuYasha's head. She sniffed the air. "I smell...CHEESE!"
"What?!" InuYasha more like yelled than asked.
"I said...I smell CHEESE! That will make up for my pizza, that stupid Kagome's friend, Yuka, stole from me!"
InuYasha thrust his head out of Kat's grip and staggered back until he was upright. "Did you just say Kagome? How do you know Kagome???" he demanded.
"Chill out, Mr. Fuzzums. She goes to my school. But there are more important matters that we need to attend to, like the CHEESE! It lies northeast of here. Let's go Mr. Fuzzums!" Kat hopped on InuYasha's back and tugged his ears. "Giddyup, Mr. Fuzzums! We have some cheese to find." InuYasha just stood there. It wasn't so much that she was heavy, it was more like, she was a complete idiot who randomly jumped on his back, expecting him to go. He didn't smell anything, there was no way she could have either...after all, he was half dog-demon and he knew that they had sensitive noses. "I'm not going anywhere." He said darkly. Kat pulled his ears. "Yes you are! By the way, how do YOU know Kagome?" InuYasha sighed. He'd have to go or she'd pull his ears again. At least she didn't discover the word 'sit' quite yet. He started to run. As he did so he told her about how he met Kagome. Kat was actually quite interested, that this wasn't just her, "Happy Place" and urged him on to go find the "cheese." Kat told him that Kagome might be where the "cheese" was, and that anything was possible; despite the many times InuYasha disagreed. As far as he was concerned, Kat was a complete and total imbecile and had probably been dropped on her head multiple times from a lofty height.
Many minutes later they came to a run down shed. "Stop I say! Stop, Mr. Fuzzums!"
InuYasha smacked his head with his hand. "PLEASE don't call me that!"
Kat ignored him and threw open the shed. Inside lay layers upon layers of...that's right (drumroll)...CHEESE! InuYasha was stunned. "H-How...what? I've been all over these parts and I've never seen this shack full of cheese! How did that get here?!"
"The high and mighty writer of this story included it in...which reminds me, Kagome should be coming soon. The high and mighty writer of this story didn't want her in the first part with me."
"Wh-What? What story? What are you talking about?" InuYasha asked in complete bewilderment.
"Nevermind." Kat said and turned to the golden, sparkly (yes, sparkly...don't ask...it's nice cheese) cheese and said in a colossal, but explanatory voice, "So, the Farmer had cows and he saw that the cows were good, so he made the cows give milk, the farmer saw that the milk was good and decided to make cheese out of the milk, the farmer saw this was good and so did the girl Kat, so Kat deprived the farmer of all his cheese and was satisfied for a full afternoon." And with that, she began to chow down.
Soon after, just as Kat had predicted, Kagome revealed herself from the forest with Miroku. "Hey InuYasha!" she said, not noticing the ravenous chomping noises coming from the shed.
InuYasha, who felt like he was going to go insane with confusion, just muttered, "Hey."
"Miroku looked in the shed, because, unlike Kagome, he apparently had good hearing. Upon seeing the average looking girl, Miroku's face smirked with a cocky expression. "Hey InuYasha. Who's this?" Kagome looked in, before InuYasha could say anything. "KAT?!" Kagome asked astonished. Kat turned around, her cheeks now bulging with the cheese, it was almost as if she wouldn't be able to live if she didn't have food packed in her mouth. Kagome turned as confused as InuYasha, then and was overcome by speechlessness (if that's a word). Miroku however, thought ot himself, hmmm...I bit on the average side, but I'll try... "Why hello..." he said in his usual mischievous voice.
"Hi," Kat said quickly in-between bites. She stopped for a moment, swallowed and stood up. Apparently she figured she'd make a new friend...(wow, what an idiot). She waved her hand and smiled a cheesy (both literally and un-literally) smile. Miroku smirked. He eyed her carefully, then made his usual lecture of woe. "I must tell you I'm a lonely man, and you're so beautiful, I must ask..." here we go, Kagome and InuYasha thought as they looked on.
"...if you'd bare my child." Kat's face scrunched up. "No thanks Mr. I don't know you...I don't do that thanks...I also don't like perverts." Miroku stepped towards her. "Don't touch me!" Kat said, getting serious. "Oh Come on now..." Miroku coaxed. He went to stroke her shoulder. Big mistake. Kat booted him and yelled. "EWWW! GET AWAY YOU PERVERT!" she ran out of the shed and into the woods. Miroku's eyes started to water, pain seared through him (yes, physical pain...all of you should know what booting is...it's very handy). He crouched down in the fetal position. That never had happened to him, he was used to getting just slapped.
"Dear Lord that must've hurt," InuYasha said to himself. Kagome agreed. They weren't going to mess around with that maniac. But they needed to find her before she caused any more trouble.