Summer Coming to an End
His shadow casted on the ground from the orange glow of the light looked too big, too monstrous from the small body that it was attached to. Creaking from the swing broke the silence of the night as the boy swung haphazardly and slowly. Moonlight shone on the rest of the park, catching in small glimmers on the metal objects, and caught in tiny drops on the wet glass, making it shimmer. Naruto sat here, alone, with no purpose and no motive. His small, but rather lanky frame was hidden under a baggy hoodie and jeans. His headphones popped in his ears blocked the sound of that the swing was making, and continued to pound music into his head. Back and forth, and back and forth he went on the swing, slowly and without much force. His black sneakers dragged on the dirt below him, and his arms were in his hoodie pocket rather than on the chains. If anyone had been looking, that would notice that he had been here for quite a few hours, swinging or walking around the in the grass for most parts. At some points, he would sit on top of the monkey bars, but would eventually return back to the swing.
The end of summer was coming, and the nightly cold winds was a sign. Naruto dreaded the end of summer more than anything. For the most part, he hated the thought of going back to school, and being around all his peers. Summertime for Naruto was spent alone doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He had no friends, nor parents, and his only "family figure" was busy with work in the summer to care what Naruto was doing. Jiraiya had spent the better half of the past four months in some European countryside to work on a new book that would be releasing soon. This left Naruto to the house and his own freedom at his disposal. Since this was his last summer of high school, Naruto had decided not to work these past months and had spent the last year saving up money for college beforehand. This allowed him to spend the three months of summer break doing everything he loved. A couple of these things included a solo trip to the beach for two weeks, where he lived on the beach or in his car and enjoyed himself as a faux beach bum. Naruto had also gone on a few lake trips to fish and hike, whichever he wanted to do more, since there was a large National Park only an hour away. The remainder of the summer had been spent lounging around, and going around town or the big city nearby whenever he felt the need.
Naruto had enjoyed every second of these months of heat and independence. No one was around to look at him, or talk to him. But now, Naruto had to deal with the dread that school was bringing to his attention, and his body manifested the stress and anxiety into insomnia and racing thoughts. Late night trips to the park near his apartment were becoming more frequent, and other noticeable signs of stress and the anxiety disorder he had were present. Naruto's thoughts were as blank as they could be right now, with the music pounding in his ears, and he composed himself to be calm enough to head home, before dawn would crack. Five more days of this freedom, before I go back into hell, he thought to himself as he stood up stiffly. His hands dug around in his pockets as he pulled out a lighter and a cigarette. Naruto had been smoking since he turned sixteen. Jiraiya-sama hadn't cared much, since this wasn't the only bad habit the boy had, and would buy him his cartons when given money. The lit cigarette hung out of his mouth and pushed out past the hoodie that Naruto had thrown over his head before he began trekking home. Naruto smoked two cigarettes as he walked the four blocks to get home.
He was tired now, or at least he felt tired, whether he would sleep or not tonight would be seen. Naruto's body ached, from lack of sleep and stress, and as he peeled off his clothes, he felt the pulling tension of each muscle that was stiff. Staring a shower for himself, Naruto glanced in the mirror. His golden hair was shaggier than ever, his big blue eyes gleamed in the light, but looked faded, and his skin was a deep tan. The whiskered scars on each of his cheeks were a soft white, standing stark against his skin. Naruto averted his eyes quickly when making eye contact with the blemish, turning to enter the warm, steam that was billowing out of the shower. The bags under my eyes are looking worse than ever, he noted to himself as he stepped under the water. Hot water poured onto his body, as he lathered his hair with shampoo. His thick blonde locks didn't take a lot of work to manage, and the boy did nothing to tame its shaggy appearance except the occasional haircut. His body wash was a soft blue, and called Ocean, but as he lathered himself over, Naruto couldn't help but to think that this smelled nothing like the real deal. Steam covered the walls, and mirror as he stepped out onto the plush rug. The cold wind in the apartment nipped at him, despite the heat that the steam was bringing. An orange towel wrapped around his slim waist threatened to fall at any time as Naruto walked to his bedroom. Morning light poured through two large windows, casting soft light onto the small room, hitting Naruto as he stood looking out of them from the other side of the room. Should I just stay up now since it's too late to try to sleep, he questioned himself as he went to the tall wardrobe along the wall. A large sigh fell from his lips, the first noise coming out of his mouth in the past twelve hours. He slipped into jeans that were too big for his narrow waist, making him slip on a dark brown leather belt in an attempt to hold them up. The mirror to his right, off in the corner, caught his attention. He looked at his body. Ribs were visible, abdominal muscles were defined, shoulder bones protruded from the skin, as well as collarbones, and his hips shot out past his thing waist. Another scar adorned his stomach. This one was more faded, and had an interesting spiral shape. Naruto placed his hand over his naval covering a vast majority of the scar, and Naruto noticed how long and slender his fingers were getting, connected to large, bony knuckles. He had lost a significant amount of weight, part of it due to depression, and most of it due to all the activities he had partaken in over the summer. No more baby fat clung to his body, and it was unsettling to him how fast the change had occurred. He quickly turned to throw on a baggy tee shirt to cover up in, shivering in the morning light.
In the kitchen, Naruto poured a small bowl of cereal and sat down at the small table. His phone was going to die soon, but he ignored that and opened up the app called Talk!, which opened up his profile. He noticed he had no new notifications, which wasn't unusual, but he did have a message. Jiraiya had sent him a picture of some quaint town, the houses looked unusual and painted in bright colors, and the flora was unlike anything Naruto had seen. Below the picture was a quick message from the old man: Good morning Naruto! Enjoying my time here before I head home, can't wait to see you, enjoyed the pictures from the beach. We should go together soon! Naruto smiled softly at the old man's words. Despite him being busy, the man had been a saving grace and father-figure in Naruto's bleak life. Naruto typed a quick message of endearment back, and backed out to his profile. This app allowed people to post for others to see, and Naruto scrolled through peers and townspeople's posts, which were an array of paragraphs talking about something or pictures of some event. Nothing too interesting appeared as he scrolled, barely skimming over what he saw, as he finished the bowl of cereal. Naruto washed the bowl and set it to dry on the counter before heading back to his bedroom.
He had five days to prepare for classes again, and as he sat down at the desk he felt the weight of that realization washing over him. Unfortunately for Naruto, old man had sent him to a pretty prestigious high school, since the he had talked about aspirations of going to college. This being said, the classes were tough, the competition tougher, and Naruto had to get everything ready by himself this year. Naruto plugged his phone in before propping open his laptop. His school set up a website to contain all the information for every class and extracurricular for the students to access. Senior year meant hard classes, and supplies needed were expected to be met, since the students were now considered adults. Pulling out a small journal, Naruto opened to a blank page, and started a list for supplies he would need to pick up. He had eight classes this year: organic chemistry, honors biology, honor literature and writing, honors statistics, anatomy and physiology II, advanced art II, advanced music I, and world culture. Naruto's dread was becoming unbearable has he looked over his schedule, and watching the list of items he needed for each grow. The school, Konoha Academy, aimed to create well-rounded, and intelligent students, and Naruto had to be molded into one of them. Once the list was complete, Naruto looked over it, double-checking that he hadn't missed anything. Most of the list Naruto had, since he usually bought too much the year before, so he took inventory of his desk. Both drawers on the right side contained a bulk of what he needed: notebooks, stationary, binders, highlighters, and many more common supplies. Beside his desk was a small bin containing all of his art supplies, including an extra pastels and pencils. Naruto took inventory of what his small room contained, crossing off what was already met on the list, and writing down quantities of items he didn't think he had enough of. This task took him about two hours to complete, mainly in part because Naruto kept checking his phone for a message from Jiraiya. By now it was pushing eight in the morning, and despite being up for the entire night Naruto felt restless and energized rather than tired.
I should head to the store before it gets too hot out, and before too many people start going out, he thought as he stood up from his desk. He closed his laptop, and checked his phone percentage, before ripping out the pages from the journal he needed. He folded the sheets into neat squares before shoving it into his front pocket. He left his wallet, smokes and lighter on his dresser before he had got a shower and walked over to grab them, once again seeing his reflection in the mirror, which was on his left. He could hardly see the outline of his legs in the pants, his bony feet sticking from out from the bottom that bunched up. Naruto frowned at the sight, grabbing his things, and leaving the image behind him as he doubled back across his room to grab his phone off the charger. Naruto grabbed socks out from the bottom of the wardrobe before closing the door to his bedroom. No one was here to enter the room, but the habit of closing it behind him was a hard one to break. He slipped the black socks on, and then slipped on the black tennis shoes that were covered in remnants of dirt from last night. By the door was a table with the car keys in a dish, and had a notepad that hadn't been wrote on in quite some time. When the old man left, he would leave a note behind for Naruto, and even as he glanced at it out of habit, the blank page looked eerie. Naruto frowned, he missed the small notes and the old man's curly writing. He left with that thought, closing and locking the wooden door behind him.
It was Wednesday, and the small town was quiet as the adults who worked had already left in the earlier morning, and it was too early for most of the younger children to be out playing in the yards. Naruto glanced up at the pale blue sky that was gleaming with soft light from the morning sun. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight, and the birds were enjoying this as they flew and chirped against the silence. Naruto walked out along the path to the sidewalk, his dark blue Mitsubishi sat in front of the house, and he got in slowly. Naruto had saved up to buy this two years back, even though Jiraiya said he had plenty of time to save up and buy something newer or bigger. Naruto had figured this little car was good enough, and liked it, so he bought it through hard work. He plugged his phone into an auxiliary cord has be started the car, flipping onto a random song and turning up the stereo. Even though his small town had a decent amount of shops to go to for the things he needed, Naruto decided he would enjoy the day and head into the city. Driving was peaceful to him, he enjoyed the soft wind coming from the open window that blew his golden locks around, and liked the control that being on the road gave him. This trip only took about thirty minutes, but it was liberating and freeing, and felt long and enjoyable as the boy entered the cityscape. Konoha was a large and booming city in Japan, that noticeably was getting larger as the economy kept on improving. Traffic wasn't heavy, as the morning hours were still looming on, and as Naruto drove through the streets noticed not very many people were and about. At least, no one he knew or cared to note was on the streets. With that being noticed the boy relaxed. Pulling into the garage, Naruto put change into the machine, giving him four hours to shop and enjoy himself before he would have to venture back home.
Since the sun was shining, the cold air was battling against the heat that it was trying to produce onto the city. This made the weather perfect, in Naruto's opinion, has he strolled along the city streets making his way to the shopping district. Naruto stretched his legs in each long stride he took, noting the new height he gained over the year, as his legs were longer than ever before. Naruto felt like he towered as he now was five feet and eight inches, since before he had always been one of the smallest boys in his class. This new height took him by surprise, and left him a bit clumsy and awkward. It had taken him longer than he would ever admit to anyone to get his newly found stride right. Naruto absentmindedly walked, the directions were already ingrained into his mind due to his countless trips here, and he found himself opening the door to the store before he even noticed where he was. Konoha Art and Office was like any typical office supply and art depot, with the only difference of them being put together into one large open area. This was one of Naruto's favorite stores, as he frequented here for his art supplies constantly and all year round. Grabbing a basket, Naruto made his way through the maze of aisles grabbing things on his list, and admiring much supplies he wanted. His to buy list shrank with each aisle he went in, and the boy treated himself to a few items that he wanted out of sheer pleasure. A giant pack of multi-color gel pens, some new charcoal pencils, and a more than cool orange pencil bag were thrown into the basket as wants rather than needs. An hour passed as the boy wandered through the store, even though he had finished his shopping within twenty-five minutes, he casually walked around looking at everything else just for fun. As he finished each aisle, he ended up at the front of the store, ready to pay for the basket of goods. Anxiety flushed over the boy, the woman at the register was waving him over, and each step felt heavier than the last.
"Did you find everything you needed today, sir" her voice was calm but assertive, this was a line she said constantly.
"Y-yea…yes" Naruto stumbled for words, his deepened voice sounded too foreign in his own ears.
The cashier just smiled and nodded as she took the basket to ring each individual item. While she did, Naruto looked down, avoiding eye contacts, fumbling in his wallet for his debit card. He recalled Jiraiya mentioning that he would buy the school supplies this year as a reward for Naruto being so mature, but he was too embarrassed to think of that before using his own card and quickly taking the bags from the lady. Naruto mumbled a quick thank you before turning away, never making eye contact with the lady. That could have gone better, the blonde ridiculed himself as he left feeling agonizingly awkward with each long stride he took.
Outside the store, the blonde was met with a warm breeze across his face and exposed arms. It wasn't hot yet, but the sun was still hidden behind some of the tall towers within the city, the large windows reflecting its orange glow. Naruto made his way down the sidewalk, he kept his hands in his jean pockets as the bags bounced off his hips with each step, swinging from his thin forearms. The last thing Naruto had to do was go pick up his uniform. He felt ashamed that he had to get a new one, not because the other one was ruined, but due to his growth it looked ridiculous on him, and to his dismay it was too large. Jiraiya had to keep telling Naruto that it was fine that he needed a new one, and that it was not a big deal, but Naruto was raised very frugally and couldn't believe that they had to pay so much for a new one. Uniforms are expensive for Konoha Academy, especially since they are hand-tailored for each person. Naruto insisted for months that he could just find black plants and a grey blazer that looked identical, but Jiraiya laughed and called the shop anyways. Jiraiya refused to tell the boy how much it cost, and refused Naruto when he handed him several hundred in cash, and to his dismay the old man had paid over the phone before Naruto had even gone in to get his measurements for the new uniform. The old tailors shop looked out of place amongst all the new shops. It was a small building, shorter than all the rest, and looked more like a two-story home than a business, other than the sign outside hanging that said Open, Please Come In. Naruto pushed open the small door, and entered into the tiny business. The door had a chime that dinged, scaring the boy a bit, as he shut the door behind him slowly.
"I'll be right out, please sit down and make yourself comfortable," the old man's voice bellowed out from somewhere in the back. Naruto sat in one of the plush chairs, trying to sit straight but be comfy at the same time. He laced his hands in front of him, before dipping into his back pocket to grab his phone. He opened it, and saw no new notifications. He locked it and fumbled with it in his hands, shifting it and flipping it to ease his discomfort. The shop had a homey feeling to it, but anxiety took over Naruto, and he couldn't enjoy it, despite the noticeable effort that was put into the main room to create that atmosphere. Naruto heard the old man shuffling towards the front room, and went to stand up, but remembered he told him to sit, and that it was alright to sit.
"Ah Naruto, it's you! How's Jiraiya doing overseas? I just finished up your new uniform a few days ago, it's pressed and ready to go for the new year," the old man was smiling as he spoke to the boy, his voice was deep and gravely with age.
"He's doing alright. We haven't, um, talked too much, with the cost and all." Naruto replied quietly, he was looking at the man, but trying to avoid eye contact without being rude. The old man chuckled throwing the tape measurer that was around his neck into his pocket.
"Still shy, are we? That doesn't match your new look young man. Well come on back, you know where the dressing room is, I'll hang your uniform up," for being an old man he swiftly turned and sauntered away quickly to grab his masterpiece. Naruto stood up, following the old man into the back, turning left in the hallway and entering a small room that had a curtain blocking out the hallway. Before Naruto had fully entered inside the cubicle of a space, the old man bounded behind him with several hangars containing each part of the new uniform. Naruto watched the hands of the man as he hung up the garments on the hooks along the wall. They were old and weathered, the knuckles were various sizes due to the strain of the work he did, and had a few small patches of discoloring that came with age. The fingers were short, but slender showing signs of work, and worked quickly and deftly while separating the hangers in a certain order. Naruto didn't realize he was staring until the old man turned around, a small smile on his face.
"Alright, everything is here, when you're ready come out to the front and step up onto the platform. You know the drill," the old man chuckled again, watching Naruto. Naruto averted his eyes and nodded, allowing the old man to walk out and swing the curtain shut. Naruto still had his phone in his hands, so he set that down onto the small bench first, before he stripped off the layers of clothes. He faced his back to the mirror, not wanting to be reminded at how small his frame is now. The uniform for the high school was strict, but a common one for private schools. Since Naruto had been in the care of Jiraiya he had attended private schools, although he didn't understand why. The old man had mentioned something about how he was proud of Naruto and wanted him to have the best, but Naruto would've enjoyed anything given to him by the man he considered a father. Each piece of the uniform was put on quickly, as Naruto was no stranger to it, the tailor had even included a new belt, despite Naruto's insisting that the one he had was good enough. Naruto didn't turn to face the floor length mirror until he was completely dressed. The black pants made Naruto's legs look even more longer and slender than they really were, and since they fit perfect to his height, he couldn't hide the height behind bagginess. Even the grey blazer made Naruto's torso look too slender and longer than what it normally looked like. He left it unbuttoned and saw that the white polo underneath fit too tight in his opinion. Despite it having some slack to it, and folding naturally along his mid waist and around where he had to tuck it into his pants, Naruto felt too thin looking. Naruto took in the image despairingly, too thin, much too thin, was the only thought he had. Pulling back the heavy black curtain Naruto stepped softly out to the front room. The old tailor had been sipping on a cup of tea, sitting in one of the many comfortable chairs around the room.
"Wow, just look at how old and mature you look, my boy. I remember how little and young you were the first time you ever stepped in here. Boy, you were hiding behind Jiraiya, but now I think you're even taller than him!" the old man chuckled rising out of his chair, he had a soft sincere smile. Naruto smiled sheepishly, feeling his cheeks get hot under his tanned complexion. He stepped up to the platform, facing away from the mirrors and facing out towards the front room. The old man walked over admiring the boy's new uniform, tugging on some parts and touching other parts. Naruto didn't enjoy being touched, and he tried his best to remain calm. Although it only took the old man a few minutes to examine the fit of the pieces, it felt like hours to the blonde, and he was growing more anxious as time went on.
"Alright, my boy, everything looks perfect. I am so glad you came to get a new uniform; these pants will be great for when you go off to university. Since you come here anyways, just come back here for a new blazer for when you start job hunting okay? I will set you up with marvelous pieces, and I am more than happy to give good deals to long-term customers," the old man was beaming as he offered Naruto help off the high platform. Naruto nodded and put a small smile on his face before exiting the room. He undressed quickly, putting the uniform neatly back onto the hangers. He needed to put back on his clothes, and feel comfortable again. He needed to hide his slender body. Baggy clothes felt much better on his body, even if his belt was tight against his hips, because no one could see that under the shirt. Naruto grabbed the hangers, and headed back out to the front room. The tailor had made his way to another side of the room, grabbing a garment bag, as Naruto walked in. The old man turned around smiling, as always, before taking the hangars out of Naruto's hands. The clothes disappeared into the large black bag, zipped up and packaged neatly to ensure that it would stay in highest of qualities. The man sent the boy out with a sincere goodbye, and asked him to wish Jiraiya his regards while waving the boy out of the door. Naruto told him he would, and left, waving to the man as well, with all his bags, and now his new uniform in hand.
Naruto walked back to the garage, toting his large haul with him. The heat was setting in, but wasn't uncomfortable, even though Naruto was in blue jeans. The streets were busier, despite it being a week day, and more people were bustling in and out of stores. Naruto was glad to be done with his shopping for the day, since the bustle of the city always intimidated him. Six blocks later, the concrete garage came into view and Naruto was glad, he was starting to get hot and sweaty from the heaviness of this load. He loaded up the car, checking his phone one more time to still see now new notifications, and checked the meter. He still had an hour left. I'm not hungry yet, but a cold drink sounds pretty good, I guess I deserve it for finishing up pretty early, he pondered what to do as he finished organizing his purchases so nothing got ruined and so the garments were lain flat to keep them nice. There was a small coffee shop, which could be considered a hole-in-the-wall, since it was not a brand name, nor did it look like a shop. It was two blocks ahead, and would only take ten minutes to get there. Naruto rechecked the meter, confirming the time, he had fifty-five minutes to kill, and there was no point in wasting money. He stuck his hands back into his jean pockets after locking the car, walking to the shop lazily.
Inside the coffee shop was dimly lit, and had an array of seating from tables, to booths, to right up on the coffee bar. There was even a bar of seats facing the wall that gave off a vibe of catering to those who do not like crowds. Naruto smiled to himself as he walked in, his anxiety at bay, even as he ordered to a sweet, younger girl. He sat himself off into the corner looking away from the door, enjoying the iced coffee he had ordered. It's such a nice day, and not even noon yet. I should get out and enjoy it while I can, Naruto thought smiling. He pulled out his phone and opened up the social media app, scrolling peacefully. He would stop at a classmate's post, wondering how they were. Some posted their vacation posts, while others posted group photos tagging everyone in them, and other fun posts. Naruto smiled sadly as he looked through them. None of them even pretend I exist, do they? I mean why would they, I haven't been there long enough for them to care, Naruto's thoughts grew darker and darker as he looked at the countless people who never dreamt of including him. Naruto looked at the time, he had spent thirty minutes in the quaint coffee shop, and decided to leave before he could look at more posts online. The girl behind the counter waved and said goodbye, and Naruto waved back. He took his time walking back to his car, letting the somber feeling wash over him. Nobody likes you. Nobody wants to be your friend. No one will ever include you, no matter how hard you try, Naruto let the buzz of thoughts race through his head as he kept a straight face walking through the crowd. If anyone looked at him, they would see a normal young man walking confidently down the street without a care in the world, but beneath the cool, calm composure was a broken soul and mind, hidden by smiles and soft words. No one would ever know this side of Naruto, and no one needed to.
The car ride home felt like an eternity, and wasn't as pleasant as the ride into the city. Naruto's mind was clouded with dark thoughts, and he put on loud music to try and drown them out, but it came as no avail. Pulling into his parking spot on the street, Naruto turned the car off and put his face into the steering wheel. He didn't notice he had been crying until the cold leather pushed the dampness all over his face. Naruto was broken and alone, tormented by thoughts and feelings he couldn't fix. But worst of all, he was alone in dealing with this. He sat like that for a long time, before he could even muster the thought of going inside. Children's laughter hit his ears as he entered into the heat. He looked up and saw the yards filled with playing children, and noticed the sun was directly overhead, blazing its heat full strength. Grabbing his phone, and unloading the car, Naruto walked into the house in a daze. He kicked his shoes off, threw the keys on the end table, and walked straight to his room. His mind was racing with thoughts, but he pushed to hang the uniform up neatly, still inside the garment bag, and placed the other bags carefully onto the floor near his desk. Naruto felt the sweat beading on him, mixing with his tears, that were still streaming down over the whiskered scars. His heart was slow but beating hard, as though it were breaking out of his breast plate. Whether it was from crying or the thoughts, Naruto's body was shaking, rattling every bone in his body violently. He slid onto the floor hard, cradling his legs into his chest, and smashing his face into his knees. Sobbing, he was pleading with himself to stop crying, just stop crying.
Naruto didn't move from this position for quite some time, and long enough to where moving any part of his body caused aching pain. Despite the stiffness, Naruto moved, slowly but strongly. His eyes were red, and still wet with tears, as he stumbled his way to the bathroom. He reached under the sink, and grabbed a box of bandages. Opening it revealed a shiny, small object that fit into Naruto's large hands. He stripped his baggy clothes, despite the comforts that they brought him and stood naked. Along his outer hips and thighs were hundreds of strips of scars; some were still pink and fresh, while many others were white, faded and shrunken with time. Naruto unclenched his fist, raising the razor blade to his face, not noticing he had accidentally cut into the palm of his hand while grasping it. His slender fingers grasped onto it deftly and calmly, as he pressed the sharp edge into his flesh once, twice, too many times to count. Both sides of his legs trickled with blood as he stood straight, no longer shaking or crying. He ran water over the blade, before wiping it and returning it into the box, and placing that back into the hidden section under the sink. Turning on the cold water, Naruto slid his body into the freezing droplets. He let the water hit him right in the face, with his eyes closed, and let the water slide to the rest of his body. He never watched the blood drip down his legs, pouring like a waterfall, and he never stopped shivering even long after the water was shut off, and the tub clean from any remains of what had just occurred. Not a single droplet of blood existed, and if it did, the red plush carpet hid it well. Naruto hated the color red, but for once it served its purpose for him. He walked out of the bathroom without a towel on. His flesh on his thighs and hips screamed in pain as the pink swollen lines threatened to open up and bleed again. Naruto wrapped a red towel he kept hidden in his dresser drawer around his waist, hissing as the fabric touched the cuts. He waited until he was dry before he carefully laid down into his bed. His eyes looked up at the ceiling, keeping the blank look upon his face. I don't feel anything. This is good. This is safe. Numb…numb…numb, he repeated that word until the ceiling faded to black behind his closed lids. Outside the weather was warm, sunny, and happy, but inside Naruto's room the world was cold, black and numb.