End Roll

mou modorenai yo
donna ni natsukashiku omotte mo
ano koro tashika ni tanoshikatta kedo
sore wa ima ja nai

soshite aruite iku
hitori aruite miru kara
kimi no inaku natta michi demo
hikari terashite ikeru you ni

soshite aruite iku
kimi mo aruite'ku n da ne
futari betsubetsu no michi demo
hikari terashite ikeru you ni

- End Roll by Ayumi Hamasaki

OooooO

When Sakura was eight, she fell in love. She fell in love with a boy who had fair skin and hair the color of the darkest night. She fell in love with a boy whose eyes could turn to the color of blood. She fell in love with a boy who had lost his clan. She fell in love with a boy who was a genius. She fell in love with a boy who sought revenge. She fell in love with Uchiha Sasuke.

Sakura had always been picked on for her overly large forehead when she was a child. At times, she couldn't remember what had prompted her to become a shinobi when she was younger. She had come from a prominent civilian clan, the Haruno clan. Unfortunately, that name meant nothing amongst shinobi. To the mysterious warriors of Konoha, every civilian was the same. Weak and ignorant. Sakura often supposed that, due to her analytical mind, she knew that there was much more for her out there, so had decided to become a kunoichi, a career which could take her all across the world and into the other great countries. It was because of Sakura joining the Academy that the other civilian girls picked on her, not her large forehead. While that part of her face was still a sensitive subject, Sakura had learned over the years that those girls had felt inferior to Sakura, who was learning to be faster, stronger, and smarter than them. Sakura, the spoilt girl who would become greater than any civilian and possibly become a renowned shinobi.

Due to the fact that she was often picked on, Sakura withdrew into herself, and often thought of quitting the Ninja Academy. Why try to be strong to protect the village when she couldn't protect herself? Who would want Sakura to be on their team when all she had was brains and no talent? She was weak. It was something that had been thoroughly drilled into her since she was young. Perhaps that was when she had begun to fall in love with Sasuke. A strong, perfect ninja. A genius. He always hit the targets. He always won in the mock fights they held. Never mind that the only person who could possibly beat him was too lazy to. The only thing he didn't come in first for was the theory stuff. That was Sakura's forte. But Sasuke never noticed, and Sakura was content with that. She was content to admire the boy who was brilliant, smart, and strong. The dark, mysterious atmosphere that surrounded him made him all the more appealing. She was content with watching from the sidelines, the boy who was willing to strike out on his own and be a leader, not a follower. It was something Sakura had wanted to be able to do all her life. She finally got her chance when Yamanaka Ino approached her and took her under her wing. There, Sakura learned to fend for herself and teach the civilian girls she was not someone to be toyed with.

It was when Sakura learned to be bold that she decided to loudly profess her undying love for Sasuke. She was greeted with sighs and eye rolls, and the ending of what would have been a long friendship. Sakura had decided that her then shallow love for Sasuke was more important than her friendship with Ino. It was something she would regret for the rest of her life. Even if they had made amends later on, it was something that would always haunt Sakura, the years they had lost. But at the time, it didn't matter. What mattered was Sasuke, the boy who inspired Sakura.

When Sakura was twelve, she was placed on the same team as Sasuke and Naruto. She was elated to be teamed up with her crush and disappointed she was with the dead last. She had the laziest and most perverted jounin teacher of all. However, she could deal with it. If it meant being by Sasuke's side, then she would go through anything. Apparently, he didn't feel the same way. Sakura constantly asked him out on dates, whether under the guise of training or just going out to eat. Each time, she was cruelly rejected, but she didn't let it deter her. She was in love, and nothing would stop her. In fact, she often fancied herself as the matron of the Uchiha clan, looking after all her children, watching them growing them grow up and spoiling her grandchildren.

And so their genin days went by, the three of them completing missions together, and soon it became not her Sasuke but her boys, because somehow, Naruto managed to grow on her too. There was always a warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest when she looked at him, often accompanied by annoyance when he did something stupid. Sakura had come to regard Naruto as an annoying little brother that she beat up on but still felt affection for, because that's the way older-younger sibling relationships worked. As for Sasuke, her love for him could only grow, as she learned about the person and not the image, and she subconsciously knew that she would do absolutely anything for him, because that's the way love was. Kakashi had grown on her as well, becoming someone who was reliable, not for arriving on time, but for knowledge and comfort and wisdom and guidance, and somehow, Kakashi had become Sakura's father, because Sakura's biological father was never there and there are some things that just should never be told to a civilian because they wouldn't understand. Sakura wonders when she had stared to think of civilians and ninja as two separate kinds of people, and she hopes she never thinks of civilians as inferior, because civilians have a certain something that ninja don't have. Sanity. Because everyone knows that the elite ninja are all eccentric and strange. Kakashi, who reads porn. Jiraiya, who writes porn. Tsunade, who gambles and drinks. Asuma, who smokes. Kurenai hasn't been elite long enough to gain any eccentricities, but Sakura is sure it will lie with make up and pretending to be someone she's not. Gai, who's obsessed with youthfulness and is just plain weird. And for those elite shinobi who don't have a release…well, the Uchiha Massacre is enough to show everyone that even prodigies can crack, because certainly Uchiha Itachi did not kill his entire clan save his little brother on a whim.

It is during the Chuunin Exams that things are set into motion, that everything begins to spiral out of control. If only that snake man hadn't bitten Sasuke, if only Sakura had been strong enough to resist his gaze and protect her love, maybe things wouldn't have happened the way they did. But wishing and if only's wouldn't change the present. The only thing Sakura could do was try to keep Sasuke with her, because what that strange man had said in the Forest of Death wasn't true, because Sasuke would stay in Konoha, would stay with Team Seven, would stay with her for forever.

Things became different after that. Sasuke often flew into rage, with strange, black marks spreading across his body. For the first time in her life, Sakura was completely terrified and helpless as she watched a Naruto with blood red eyes and a Sasuke covered with a curse seal and Sharingan eyes charge at each other with the intent to kill. The two who were rivals and best friends, but don't say that, because they were supposed to hate each other, were trying to kill the other. And it was completely wrong, because her boys weren't supposed to be trying to kill each other; they were supposed to out do the other. It was all wrong, and Sakura knew then that things would never be the same again.

When Sakura was thirteen, Sasuke left Konoha behind. He left his team behind. He left her behind. He left on a cold stone bench in the middle of the night with only the confusing yet simple words, "Thank you". After she had told him that she would go with him, that she would do anything to stay by his side, that she loved him, he still left her. All for revenge. Revenge that wouldn't make nobody happy.

Naruto and a team of genin left Konoha to chase after Sasuke. Before he left, he made a promise of a lifetime. No matter what, he would bring back Sasuke. Whether he came back peacefully or with a broken body didn't matter as long he was back. And all Sakura could do was smile and hope while tears burned the backs of her eyes. But Sakura was tired of watching and smiling and hoping and staying on the sidelines. She was tired of watching the backs of her boys as they left her behind. So when Sakura was thirteen, she got down on her knees and begged the Hokage to teach her. And the great medical ninja Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage, taught her. She taught Sakura to split the earth in two. She taught Sakura to heal gaping wounds. She taught Sakura to viciously tear muscles without breaking her opponent's skin. She taught Sakura how to be strong.

When Naruto came back from his mission to retrieve Sasuke, Sakura was devastated to find that it had failed. But she had her training now, and in a few months, Jiraiya, Tsunade's former teammate and the great Toad Hermit would be teaching Naruto, so that one day, together, Sakura and Naruto could retrieve their wayward teammate and friend. And so, with happiness, hope, and sorrow in her heart, Sakura watched Naruto leave Konoha behind. She watched as her last teammate left her behind as well. But Sakura would be ready when he came back. She wouldn't be weak anymore. She was the Hokage's apprentice now.

When Sakura was fifteen, Naruto came back home. Together, they were able to take on their old jounin teacher Kakashi and win. Being apart for two years hadn't deteriorated their teamwork, but rather, increased it. Naruto was impressed with Sakura's newfound strength. Sakura was impressed with Naruto's new smarts and knowledge. They had both grown up a little more, had both gotten stronger, and their hopes for bringing Sasuke home were higher than ever.

When Sakura was fifteen, she saw Sasuke again. He had changed, perhaps more so than Naruto or herself. He no longer wore the head band that proclaimed him to be a Leaf Shinobi. He belonged to Sound now. But it wasn't just his clothes that had changed. His personality was more vicious than ever, and he had the abilities to help him become a better killer. Sakura was disheartened to find that Sasuke would rather kill them than return home where he belonged. All he wanted was revenge, to kill his older brother who had stolen his clan away from him in one night. Sasuke wanted nothing to do with Sakura or Naruto or Kakashi or Konoha. And still, Sakura loved him. She didn't know why. By all rights, she should hate him. He didn't care for her or Naruto anymore; Sakura wondered if he ever did. He had even tried to kill them. But still, Sakura loved him. So with a heavy heart and failure on her mind, Sakura returned to Konoha to train and grow stronger.

But that wasn't the only thing that had changed when Sakura was fifteen. She had gained a new teammate, Sai. The boy from ANBU who had had his emotions beat out of him until he was nothing more than a robot. He reminded Sakura so painfully of Sasuke that she hated him. Hated him and his likeness to her teammate who had left her behind. It was almost like Sai was trying to replace Sasuke and that would not do, because no one could ever take Sasuke's place, not on her team and not in her heart. But Sai was different. Sai called her Hag; until it was an affectionate nickname and Sakura only playfully shoved him instead of throwing him through several walls at once. Sai slowly came to learn about emotions again, and Sakura found she had gained another brother, this time one who was a bit confused, a bit lost, a bit childlike, but more of a killer than she was. It was agreed upon that when it came to killing or fighting, while Sai didn't have the same flashy moves as Naruto or Sakura, he was certainly better at it than them, but when it came to social situations, he depended on his new teammates to guide him. Because a book could never teach him what a person could.

Sakura found that while Sai didn't replace Sasuke, he was certainly one of her boys, and she wouldn't let anything ever happen to him. Sai was another brother, someone she could cry on when she needed to break down, someone she could tease, someone she could punch when she was angry, someone who would support her. And Sakura would need all the support she could get, as long as Sasuke was gone.

When Sakura was seventeen, she had sex for the first time. Just like she had always dreamed of, it was with Sasuke. Unlike how she had always dreamed of, it was in a cheap hotel where the walls were thin and the mattress lumpy. It was purely on accident that they had found each other, and both were alone. Sakura had managed to convince Sasuke that she had something only she could give him, because she was female and he was male and it was natural, and because she had promised she would do anything for him. So for three nights, Sakura held Sasuke close to her breast and imagined that she would have him there for forever.

During the day, Sasuke followed her around in that little village Sakura was spending her time healing from the plague. He would sit with her in one of the few little food stands that were left open and quietly eat before her. When Sakura was younger, she would have been elated. Now, she was puzzled, but glad he was spending time with her. And Sasuke asked her a question that made Sakura realize why he had slept with her.

"Sakura…what's love?"

Sasuke, who had lost his entire clan when he was eight, was deprived of love and affection. The love that Sakura had given so freely was like a drink of cool water to a man lost in the desert. Over time, Sasuke had come to believe love was a physical thing.

"Love is…love is feeling all your emotions at once. Love is wanting to see that one special person happy no matter what. Love is happiness. Love is…is about giving and taking," Sakura had said. Sasuke tilted his head in a curious manner, but remained silent, chewing his rice thoughtfully before her.

"I…see," Sakura smiled wryly to his response. She could tell by his hesitation he was confused. But she dropped the subject and went on to tell him how Konoha was doing, how Naruto had created a new Rasengan, how Tsunade was beginning to tell the council that it might be a good idea to let Naruto be the Sixth Hokage. She told him about how Kurenai was raising her and Asuma's child, that Asuma had died fighting the Akatsuki three years ago. She told him how all the genin of their year had improved, that Hyuuga Neji was a jounin and that she was preparing to take her jounin exams. She told him that Tsunade was preparing to teach her to summon Katsuyu, the slug queen, and to teach her Tsunade's ultimate technique, Ninpou: Souzou Saisei. Sasuke merely listened, grunting every now and then, acting completely uninterested.

And then came the time for them to part. The four days and three nights they had spent together had seemed to last for an eternity, and Sakura didn't want them to part. They had been able to act for all the world like a couple, the boyfriend quietly listening to his girlfriend's chatter and cuddling each other during the night beneath thin sheets that did nothing to break the cold draft that came through the walls of the hotel. And as Sasuke prepared to leave the small village in the opposite direction Sakura was going, she dashed to him and hugged him as tight as possible, burying her head in his chest, begging him not to go. She repeated the words she had said so long ago, when she was thirteen. Sasuke had shoved her away, almost roughly, and Sakura stumbled back, watching him with misty eyes. He gazed at her with those dark onyx eyes of his that could turn into the crimson Sharingan at any moment, and an almost soft look crossed his face. But it hardened once again and Sasuke turned his body slightly in preparation to leave.

"Go home, Sakura," He said. And Sakura could do nothing but fall to her knees and scream out his name, because again, she had given him everything, her love, her body, her life, her everything, and again, he was leaving her behind and she was watching his back again. She watched with tears streaming down her face as his form disappeared into the horizon, watched as he left her life again, watched as he broke her heart again. And she wept.

When Sakura was eighteen, she went on her first, official date. With Hyuuga Neji. The genius of the Hyuuga clan, the caged bird who was constantly, furiously beating his wings against the bars that confined him. It was a simple dinner date followed by walking in the moonlight and talking about nothing and everything and carefully avoiding the subject of Sasuke, because everyone knew that was the quickest way to get Sakura angry and sad all at once. Neji had been nothing but sweet and kind, and Sakura was devastated to find that she was interested at all. And when he walked her to her apartment, he gave her a chaste kiss on the lips that was nothing like the fierce, rough kisses Sasuke had given her a year ago in a cold room in a cheap hotel. But Sakura didn't tell Neji that. All she did was smile sadly and tell him that it wouldn't work. Neji stared down at Sakura, a bit of longing in his eyes, but knew that Sakura only had eyes for Sasuke. Sakura told Neji she wouldn't let him love her, not as long as she loved another, and they both knew what she meant, and Neji smiled and said he understood. And as Sakura watched Neji walk away into the night, she felt regret, because if Sasuke didn't exist, if Sakura didn't love Sasuke, then she would have been able to love Neji, and she would have been able to have an uncomplicated life with children and a loving husband. But it wasn't to be.

And so, Sakura walked into the apartment she shared with Naruto and Sai and they both watched her with sad eyes as she sat at the table and put her head down and cried, because there would never be room in her heart for anyone other than Sasuke, and she wanted so badly to let go, but she couldn't. Together, the three mourned for the teammate who wouldn't come home, who continued to break Sakura's heart even when he wasn't there, who continued to search for his revenge.

When Sakura was twenty-two, Naruto, Sai, Yamato, Kakashi, and she managed to subdue Sasuke and bring him back to Konoha. All of them were bruised and bloody, and Sakura carefully healed them all, before watching Sasuke get thrown into a cell as the council began his trial. Everyone congratulated Team-whatever-they-were-called-now-that-didn't-really-matter-because-it-was-still-her-boys-and-herself for bringing back Sasuke, for completing Team Seven.

All of Konoha Eleven looked on anxiously as Sasuke's trial progressed. The only thing that was looking good for him was the fact that he had never actually killed anyone from Konoha and there was never any evidence he had planned to. There was still a possibility of being charged with treason, though Tsunade was fighting hard to say that it was only Orochimaru's influence through the curse seal that he had left.

Everything fell apart the night Sasuke escaped from his prison cell. As long as Itachi lived, he would not remain in Konoha. He had a brother to kill, revenge to fulfill, a clan to put to peace. He stopped by Sakura's place, who was living in her parent's home until she could sell it, because they had both died a long time ago. Their kunai clashed for a few moments until Sakura realized who it was inside her house and she stopped in shock. The weapon slipped through her fingers as she stared at Sasuke. He stepped forward, closer and closer, until her nose was brushing the fabric of his shirt. He bent down and whispered softly in her ear.

"Sakura…love me, just one more time…" His onyx eyes stared down at her, and all Sakura could do was nod. That night was spent in her old bedroom in her old bed. When Sasuke and Sakura were spent, Sakura prepared herself for Sasuke's departure. But he remained there, by her side, bringing her body closer and snuggling into her. Sakura smiled softly to herself. She had never imagined Sasuke to be one to cuddle after sex. Still, she didn't give up her opportunity to hold him close again like she had done five years ago, and she pressed herself tightly to him. Sakura fell asleep within Sasuke's embrace, just like she had dreamed of doing when she was younger. She was awoken when he shifted with the coming dawn, the sky turning teal with the rising sun. She watched with sorrow in her eyes as Sasuke got out of her bed and dressed.

"Sasuke-kun…why?" Sakura asked mournfully. Sasuke looked down at her, and a familiar smirk curled his lips.

"Love is…giving and taking…" and with that, Sasuke disappeared once again. Sakura could not bring herself to cry, only feel the unrelenting ache that came with emptiness in her heart. Sasuke had left her again, after she had brought him back into her life.

When Sakura was twenty-three, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. When she had discovered she was pregnant, she had understood Sasuke's words to her that she had told him what felt like an eternity ago. As long as Itachi lived, Sasuke could never devote himself to a woman. Sasuke would never rest until he was sure his older brother was cold in his grave. Sasuke could never let himself love Sakura. Sasuke could never give himself to Sakura. So, he had given her the next best thing. Sasuke had given Sakura his child. He trusted Sakura to raise his child and resurrect his clan while he completed his revenge.

As Sakura held her baby boy in her arms, she smiled, and the ache that Sasuke left in her chest was filled just a little. In her arms, she held a piece of Sasuke, a piece of herself, and she held Sasuke's other ambition. His goal of restoring his once mighty clan. Sakura kissed her son's forehead. The Uchiha clan was known for their will of fire. Their heir, their last hope, would be thusly named such.

"Kaji…my little Kaji…" Sakura murmured.

When Sakura was twenty-nine, she realized she had given birth to a genius. At six years old, Kaji was preparing to graduate from Ninja Academy. She gave her son all he wanted, within reason. He was a quiet, polite boy, which caused Sakura to be uneasy. Supposedly, Itachi had been the same way before he slaughtered his clan. But Sakura clung to the hope that her son wasn't like that, because his father was an avenger. Accordingly, her son would be a protector, someone who protected his precious people so he wouldn't become an avenger.

Sakura hadn't seen Sasuke at all since the night he had escaped from Konoha once more, and she wanted so badly to see him, if only to show him his brilliant son. But watching her son, she figured it was best to wait until Kaji was older. The story between Sakura and Sasuke was a complicated one, and she was afraid he wouldn't understand.

Looking at her son, she saw in him what she had seen in Sasuke years ago back at the Academy. The perfect shinobi, someone to admire, someone to love. Sakura hoped he would have as good of friends as Sasuke had had. Friends like Naruto and Sakura had been. The kind of friends who wouldn't care about him being a genius, who wouldn't care that he was one of the last of the Uchiha, the kind who would chase him to the ends of the earth if he ever left his village. Sakura smiled. It was time to stop thinking about herself, and start thinking about her son.

When Sakura was thirty-five, she finally realized that the path Sasuke and she walked were different. Sasuke walked the path of revenge, retribution, and death. Sakura had been determined to follow him down that road, but she saw now that Sasuke didn't want that for her. Sasuke had cared for Sakura by leaving her behind, where she would definitely be safe. Sakura had shown Sasuke over the years that she would love him no matter what, that she would always be waiting for him. And he was counting on that. Sakura couldn't abandon Sasuke now, not when he needed her, far away as he was. Sasuke and Sakura had never walked the same path, not since Itachi had killed the clan. It was inevitable that Sasuke would leave some day, to find him and kill him. Orochimaru had only hastened the process.

The times Sakura had shared with Sasuke as a genin had definitely been fun. They had been filled with laughter and smiles. And the nights she had spent with Sasuke were ones to be cherished. Out of all the women in the world, Sasuke had chosen her, and that proved to Sakura that he felt something for her. But that was then and this is now. Sakura and Sasuke no longer shared their days or nights together. They didn't laugh together, smile together, did nothing together. Countless miles separated them, and the only thing that connected them anymore was their memories, their broken team, and their son. Their paths were different, and would remain so until Sasuke completed his revenge. When he did, perhaps he would join Sakura on her path like she had wanted him to all those years ago. But for now, all Sakura could do now was hope Sasuke the best, hope that luck would shine down on him and allow him to fulfill his revenge. He wouldn't come home until he did. Until that day, the path Sasuke and Sakura walked would always be different. Until then, this was their end roll.

I can't go back
no matter how much I miss it.
That time was definitely fun, but
that was then and this is now.

And I walk on.
I'll walk alone and see for myself,
with light shining on the path
you've abandoned.

So I walk on.
You'll go too, won't you?
With light shining
on our two separate paths.

- End Roll by Ayumi Hamasaki