Authors note: This is my first Twilight fan fic. I love Emmet so I wrote it in his point of view. It's really funny so I hope you like it. Also if you haven't read my other story please consider. Well my other stories about Squidward so if you don't watch SpongeBob you probably wouldn't like it but if you do that stories also really funny so please check it out.

Damn I'm so bored, I can't believe they went hunting without me. Me of all people can you believe it? I sure can't, I mean I thought they loved me. Who doesn't love me, I'm awesome. What was I suppose to do now, I guess I could bother Bella but then I might get stuck with the wolf, though there is a new dog park that just opened up, maybe we could play fetch, that would be fun.

Just as I was thinking this my phone rang. Who could it be? Was it my family saying they were sorry they left me behind? Was it a magic talking dog? No wait those weren't real. Hum, wait Jacob could talk and he was a dog, maybe they were real. Did that mean Jacob was calling me? Or could it be someone from school, Mike Newton. I bet it was Mike Newton. Wait why the Hell would Mike Newton be calling me? Maybe he needed help with his homework. Wait, no it's spring vacation, there's no homework during spring vacation. Maybe he wanted me to help him with a new training program so he could be as ripped as me. That might be it though I hope it's not cause if it is then he might get bigger then me….he might beat me up. There was no way I could let Mike Newton beat me up. I answered the phone.

"Hello Mike, I'm not training you and there is no way your ever going to beat me up so just forget about it!!!!"

"Excuse me?" Since when dose Mike sound like Bella, ha Mike sounds like a girl. Wait maybe it was Bella. Maybe he's got her trapped in his basement and she called me to save her. "Don't worry Bella, I'll get you out of that basement."

"Emmet what the hell are you talking about?"

"Wait, aren't you trapped in Mike's basement and you called me for help?"

"No! How did you come to that conclusion?" I swear, wait you were there, you reading this right wasn't Mike trapping Bella in the basement? Hum maybe I just came to that conclusion my self, never mind.

"So, what's up Bells?"

"Um nothing really, I was just wondering if Edward was back yet."

"No, he's still out hunting, can you believe they went without consulting me?" "Um...oh yah Edward told me about that." Wait a sec, the human knew before me, what is this world coming to? Oh God, does that mean the worlds coming to an end, the world can't end yet, there are so many things I didn't get to do!!!!!

"No, the world can't come to an end!!"

"Emmet, what the hell is wrong with you today, did you forget to take your medication?" Wait, I take medication? Since when? Huh, why doesn't any ever tell me anything. Hum, oh I get it, it was a joke.

"Hah ha, funny Bella." I laughed. Well not exactly a laugh, more of an attempt to bring my self back into sanity. Wait, I'm never sane, what was I saying. Oh no, I was going insane without anyone home, I had to talk to someone and now. Hum….who to talk to? Oh yah, Bella was still on the phone.

"So you busy today Bells?"

"Um…well if Edward wasn't back I was planning on visiting Jacob."

"Nooo!!! I'm going insane I need someone to talk to, you must come over!!!" "Why?"

"I just told you why, and besides we could do lots of fun stuff….like play barbies, did I tell you I brought barbies that look like the whole family, yesterday I started playing with them, it was so fun."

"Emmet, are you ok?"

"Yah, I'm fine, but you must come over, I have other stuff we could do too, like listen to music, I just got the Fame CD, Lady Gaga rules", I said as I started singing a couple lines of poker face. "P P P P P poker face." I yell/ sang into the phone. No one was answering. I must have stunned Bella with my wonderful singing. Or maybe she died it was so beautiful. If that happened Eddie would kill me. Ha Eddie, he always hates when I call him that, I wonder if he could hear me from where he was. I should test it out. "Hey Eddie, you suck for leaving me hear, stupid weirdo, by the way, I think I'm going to go rape Bella now, see you later little bro, and I don't just mean that age wise, or muscularity ha, loser."

Just then there was a beeping noise on my phone. Oh no, did that mean it was going to blow up, was it a bomb? And to think all this time I was talking into a bomb. Wait then how was I talking to Bella? Was she inside the bomb? Or did she record her voice and set the bomb in my house to kill me, is that why I was all alone? Did my family want me to die? Those bastards and to think all those years I spent with Rose, I could have gone for anyone but no, I spent my time with her, I can't believe she would betray me like this. And to think Bella put this hear, it's always the quite ones. I should have known.

"Bella I can't believe you set a bomb in my house." Still no answer. Maybe she was dead, serves her right for putting a bomb in my house. Wait a second now that I think about it, didn't it mean someone was on the other line if the phone was beeping?

So it's not a bomb. But who could it be now? Oh God I hoped it wasn't Mike Newton, why did he keep calling me? Oh wait it wasn't even him the first time. Well might as well see who it is.

"Hello?"

"You retard of course I can hear you, just because I'm a couple of miles way doesn't mean I can't read your mind and what took you so long to answer? You're a vampire, you have lighting speed, I mean I know you're a little slow but two minutes that was ridiculous.

"Mike, how do you know about my secret identity and how can you read my mind? Are you a secret agent from the government trying to hunt me down? I knew you were strange from the moment I met you."

"I'm your brother retard."

"Since when am I related to you Mike Newton, or now I guess I should say Mike Cullen. God no one ever tells me anything around hear!

"I'm not Mike, it's Edward." "Mike, when did you change your name to Edward, is it so you can get Bella? Did you get a makeover to look like him too?"

"This is in no way, shape or form Mike Newton, this is Edward Cullen now get it strait or I'll beat it into you."

"Oh, it is you Edward, thank God, I thought you were Mike, did you know he changed his name to Edward to get Bella."

"No he didn't…that was me talking to you."

"Wait, I'm confused, so is your name Mike now, wait is this Mike or Edward?"

Before I could get my answer I found out that my phone was disconnected. What ever, stupid Mike/Edward or whoever it really was, it's not like I really cared. Anyway back to Bella, if that really was Bella, I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

"Bella….are you still there, I'm sorry about the whole accusing you of putting a bomb in my house, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." I said apologizing. Wait I was apologizing and she was the one who put a bomb in my house? No, she didn't do that but she did stop talking to me and that was just as bad. Well maybe not just as bad….but still bad enough.

"Oh sorry Emmet…..your singing-"

"Made so happy you were speechless….that's ok."

"Yah…that's right…speechless…good word." Hum still a little speechless, was this good or bad? Maybe I should start singing again.

"P-"

"Emmet please no….I heard enough last time." Whatever, her lose.

"So, are you going to come over?" I asked patiently.

"Um…I don't know, what else can we do besides listen to music and play with your Barbies?" Bella asked. Since when was there a person in this world who doesn't like music and Barbies? Wait that was it, 'this world'. Maybe I was on a different planet, maybe I was on the moon. Wait how the hell did I get on the moon? And how was Bella there too? Unless Bella had an evil twin. Maybe her twin was married to the man in the moon. Did that make her the women in the moon? I don't know but more importantly was this evil twin hotter? Maybe if she was I could trade Rose for the man in the moons hot Bella twin. I wondered what this girls name was. Well if she was the evil twin maybe it was just Bella's name backwards. What did that make? Alleb, that didn't sound like such a hot name.

"Emmet…are you still there?"

"Yah, I'm hear Alleb, so tell me what is it like being married to a moon man?"

"Alleb? What the hell are you talking about now, what man in the moon, there's no such thing as a man in the moon."

"Hey, if there are wolfs and vampires there has to be a man in the moon."

"Why are you even thinking about this?"

"Because were on the moon duh Alleb."

"Ok first of all it's Bella, and second were not on the moon."

"Not on the moon, oh I get it, so I'm dreaming I'm on the moon, this makes much more sense, I knew my family would never leave me." I'm so glad I figured this out…what was I thinking, my family leaving me, I knew that wasn't possible. But wait I'm a vampire, I can't sleep!!! This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

"Alleb, how am I asleep?"

"Emmet, listen to me carefully….you are awake…this is not a dream….vampires can not sleep…..I am Bella, I have never been and never plan to be anyone named Alleb…..I am not married to the man in the moon…..there is no man in the moon!!!!" "So are you saying that I am awake….and my family did leave me alone?"

"Yes."

"But why?" I asked sadly.

"I don't know, maybe it's because your so annoying." She said hanging up.

Gasp, I dare her call me annoying. What was her problem?